r/opieandanthony: Weekly Free-For-All Thread: September 10, 2017

I dread Monday, gang. I have a coworker who is ublnmarried in her 50's, is socially awkward, and thinks she is hilarious. She always assumes that she has everything figured out about my life. "I bet you were in the MAN CAVE all weekend watching SPORTS" and then laugh like it's a fucking joke. Any effort to politely correct her goes unnoticed.

1 Anthonysnewcohost 2017-09-10

Fuck her in the mouth and pussy

1 I_Hate_Knickers_Deux 2017-09-10

And anus.

1 CIAshill18081990 2017-09-10

Stuff hay in her twat and asshole

1 Anthonysnewcohost 2017-09-10

Woah woah woah let's keep it clean pal

1 Nulltor 2017-09-10

I fucking love office humor and I get super into it. I call it "going full Dilbert". If someone asks me if I'm working hard or hardly working I will genuinely laugh out loud. No one gets that I'm laughing in their face.

1 KangolVos 2017-09-10

I've tried and I can't. The other week her hysterical tale was losing her keys. She went from person to person and as she got closer, she told the same story with the same inflection and laughed at her own story at the same spot. "And then they were UNDER THE TABLE! Hahaha!" and I just kept typing and said "ohhhh man that's crazy." I feel kind of bad because she is nice, just kind of oblivious.

1 Nulltor 2017-09-10

I used to work beside a woman and maybe 90% of all our conversations were concerned with the temperature. At least once a week she would say "Oh, your old office had good air conditioning didn't it?" and I would say "Yes. Yes it did" and she would say "Oh that must have been nice. I like air conditioning" and I would say "Yup. It was great. I too like air conditioning".

It honestly never got old.

1 KangolVos 2017-09-10

This sounds oddly satisfying.

1 Nulltor 2017-09-10

When I left the office she said "Ill miss our conversations", I concurred.

1 KangolVos 2017-09-10

This lady sounds awesome.

1 Cvnnvbiswerks 2017-09-10

It's called small talk you inept weirdo. I can't imagine their confusion the first time you laughed at such a common work place saying. They are probably thoroughly convinces you are retarded.

1 Nulltor 2017-09-10

If I ever want career or socializing advice from a guy with a pot oriented username I'll give the secret sign, which is me putting a shotgun in my mouth and pulling the trigger.

1 Cvnnvbiswerks 2017-09-10

At least the "werks" is German ya heeb.

Post actually made me laugh.

1 Nulltor 2017-09-10

Making you happy is my raison d'etre. You should try auto erotic asphyxiation while standing on a wobbly stool.

1 Cvnnvbiswerks 2017-09-10

Excuse me, I commented. You replied. I replied to that. Now leave it alone!

1 BabyDinosaurHead 2017-09-10

Sometimes I like to walk down the street eating a little hamburger like I'm Wimpy and shit.

1 UnfunnyFaggott 2017-09-10

When you're in the inner circle, things are gonna happen. Period.

1 I_Hate_Knickers_Deux 2017-09-10

Opie has bosoms.

1 EdguhMellencamp 2017-09-10

One of the myths perpetrated by Compound Media sycophants as well as ol' Soy Sauce Plugs himself is that Anthony is constantly banging hot young pieces of ass. This is at best a half-truth. Look at his recent relationships: Dani looks like something out of Silent Hill. Sue Lightning is a confused man. The broad you sometimes see in the background of Chip's Podacast is thoroughly average looking.

He used to have sex with women who were actually attractive. Stetten was pretty. Jill Nicolini was hot despite the breast implants. Ant's still charismatic, but his increasingly Nosferatu-esque visage repulses most women, so he has to settle for young ladies with damaged minds. Not that this bothers Ant. He prefers them young and boyish.

1 Nulltor 2017-09-10

Skinny and young does not necessarily equal hot. Crypt keeper hasn't worked this out.

1 KangolVos 2017-09-10

Jill was my favorite. Kinda trashy, kinda mousy, nice body.

1 majestik6 2017-09-10

I'm in my 40s and I've tried dating people that are my own age. Their sense of entitlement is fucking mind boggling. Believe me, I'm not in great shape, but neither are they. But because they own a vagina, they can get young hot men. Because let's face it, guys will throw dick at just about anyone.

So you end up with this weird dating asymmetry, where the dudes that are in their 40s can't get any dates at all, and the women in their 40s can get young dick day and night, but they have to stay on that hamster wheel, because those dudes only want to fuck them once or twice, and they sure as hell don't want a relationship.

At the same time, there are tons of twenty-something girls with daddy issues who'll go out with a 50 year old because he drives a Jag or he lives in a nice house. (Keep in mind, when you're chasing 23 year olds, they're accustomed to dating guys that still live at home.)

TLDR: It's easier to get a date with a 23yo than a 45yo these days. Older women are insanely entitled.

1 52017 2017-09-10

Shut up.

1 jakdak 2017-09-10

So you end up with this weird dating asymmetry, where the dudes that are in their 40s can't get any dates at all

Broke dudes in their 40s

1 Nulltor 2017-09-10

If history has taught us anything, it's that if you don't keep your head on a swivel then you will be fired for filming an obese Mexican man shitting.

1 Pale_Pen15 2017-09-10

I have to read 70 pages in this text book and answer a bunch of questions by tomorrow morning but I'm playing Thimbleweed Park instead

1 ManiacalChrisBenoit 2017-09-10

Text book? Dafuq? You trying to get educated? Drop out, do drugs, start a punk band and beat up everyone you see. What can go wrong?

1 TriangleDimes 2017-09-10

Stinks has his own network, anyone who reads books is a dumb homosexual and probably a minority.

1 prdctplcmnt 2017-09-10

I wonder if sam makes 100k a year from sirius. Hope not

1 Jackthejew 2017-09-10

I told someone at my office a pun and someone overheard it and decided I'm the "pun guy" at the office so everyday he says "Hey how about a pun! What's the pun of the day today?" And I want to attack him with a hammer

1 Nezlo_Nuke_Em 2017-09-10

That sounds infuriating

1 TriangleDimes 2017-09-10

Your only choice is to torpedo this with something cruel and alienate yourself completely from your colleagues.

1 myRrribz 2017-09-10

What was the original pun?

1 Jackthejew 2017-09-10

Some guy brought in a yeti cooler and said "have you seen these before" and I said "No but I heard they're very cool" and double finger pointed and the guy lost his mind like no one in history had ever told a joke in his vicinity.

1 thrillated 2017-09-10

Gags of being the pun guy, I suppose

1 Nezlo_Nuke_Em 2017-09-10

I'm waiting to hear back from the mta whether I passed my pre employment drug test. I'm sweating the fuck out of it

1 52017 2017-09-10

Pretty much sums up the people on this sub

1 Theyarnetevenpeople 2017-09-10

I just found out I have to drug test for a forklift qualification next week. I'm fucked.

1 [deleted] 2017-09-10

[removed]

1 Theyarnetevenpeople 2017-09-10

I'm watching the chargers/ broncos game. As a San Diego resident I don't know if I should root for or against the chargers.

1 NortheastPhilly 2017-09-10

Seeing Opie fade into obscurity is the 2nd greatest feeling in the world behind cumming into a vagina unprotected

1 Theyarnetevenpeople 2017-09-10

https://youtu.be/MuNrWSJlqgc

1 ManiacalChrisBenoit 2017-09-10

Married, yet want to fuck every woman I see. How does one cope?

1 Ippi_Boy 2017-09-10

Bobo is getting a show on Faction Talk

1 CommanderCock 2017-09-10

Yeah, the Jews are awful.

1 KangolVos 2017-09-10

The Simpsons, for the longest time, was my entire Jewish education.