You should have responded with something along the lines of this
"Hey I told the groom that you were going to be the entertainment for the party and so he looked you up in anticipation and saw the Fixing Joe Pilot and well long story short, I'm going to have to rescind my booking."
When he said $150 I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. It's the first time that's ever happened.
You're being very selfish. Take yourself out of the equation. You're doing this for the sub's satisfaction. Reply back and say you can only afford $95.
i was yelling at you in the o&a theater for saying true detective season 2 and the wire season 5 weren't spectacular, but now you've redeemed yourself.
Ok, I get this did seem a bit mean & we are nice really, but you should've asked / worked-out a crescendo for the bit. I'm MORE sad that you've ended the bit in such a lame way.
You should've watched Fixing Joe again son, maybe your testosterone would've returned.
I feel ya' dude. I reckon I might of kept the convo going as long as possible, discussed the set, making increasingly more weird requests .... how much for him to strip at the end? learn a comedy rap song?
"On second thoughts Joe - it's looking increasingly likely that we might be going in a different direction and the Comedy might be dropped. Thanks for the information and best of luck."
I'd like to point out that it's way more plausible that a comedian would have a set price for an appearance than a roofing company would have a set price for "redoing your roof". You can really tell this guy's never had an actual job.
Does anyone know how to pull off that scam where you send a bogus cashiers/travelers check for double the agreed upon offer, then say "oh shit my friend made a mistake, can you just send me the difference?" So by the time his bank figures it out, you already have his money.... C'mon gang, I know i'm not the only n'er-do-well in this sub
Yeah I thought it was funny enough til he offered to do something nice for basically no money because he thought it was a fans wedding. I guess I'm a fag now so nice knowing everyone
I'm not in the loop with what he's done besides be a cringey comic trying to get by. I feel bad that it's fucking with his life now. That being said OP should have responded with "WE HEARD YOU".
Why is everyone assuming he's doing a nice thing? Did you seriously believe his "how much I get paid sometimes" line? This idiot is probably jumping for joy in his pajamas for landing a $100+ gig.
I do, too, because this guy has been doing comedy for 30 fucking years and will jump at a chance to drive to some asshole's bachelor party for $150. Then again, the man should not be in comedy and should be a dental tech or the proprietor of a carpet store in Paramus.
I do to. Of all the people this sub shits on Joe is the one I could really see killing himself, and he's nowhere near as deserving of the hate as the others. He sucked ass on the Fixing Joe show but besides that he's just a sad, boring guy.
We all need to send him emails and double back so he has no idea what's real or not. You can't just shoot everyone down when you're desperate to find that one real gig.
Ew, he plans those shitty impersonations and crowd work in advance and discusses it? The whole point of those is to be spontaneus and surprising. Planning them is extra gross. Comics being industry and talking industry is the worst thing for their job preservation. It's already stupid when they do it in podcasts and it's even stupider when they are doing the road at their fans' places. Just imagine how disappointed an actual Joe Matarese fan would be to read this shit!
I work freelance for $480 a day (£370) and usually do 2-3 days a week working in television production. I'm booked until Christmas and know exactly where I'm going and for how much. I've only been doing my job freelance for a year and I can get my shit together. Joe has had 30 years and his entire November is free and he's happy taking an entire evening for $150. It's honestly time he quit this shit and learned a trade.
I really need to grow a pair and start doing this. I've been working from home for eleven years, but I continue to live in one of the most expensive cities in the United States because I feel like I'll lose my WFH gig the moment I relocate to somewhere cheaper.
Starting my own business would solve that, obviously, but I just haven't bothered. I even own a corporation and a web site, just haven't made the effort to actually find customers lol
I'm an EVS Operator - it means I roll replays, play stings, bumpers, EOP/BOP shit, make closers and edits and all that garbage. It's working mostly on Premier League games (Soccer) over here in faggy England. Great shit to get into if you can.
Ok dude. Get your electricians certification or something. It's time to let the dream die. I'm pretty sure I make more than this guy and most of my dignity is intact at the end of the day.
Ok here's something. I wouldn't have known his email address. Message the site yourself and when you get a reply, compare email addresses and his email signature.
$150? I feel bad for Joe, but my dad was a complete nobody who played sax anonymously in bars on the weekend for $500 a night clear. What's still motivating Joe to continue?
So if he's got a gig each week day he's making 40K. I'd also like to point out that would be $750 a week. The Hyena Club makes that in one day with the Opester. Righteous bucks!
94 comments
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
OK I've tapped. Just emailed him saying we're going another direction. I have a line and that was it.
1 cbanks420lol 2017-08-30
Well now you're going to miss out on his Tony Soprano impression and crowd work.
1 Belchides 2017-08-30
It was a verrrrrry difficult situation.
1 Arturo_Bandini_ 2017-08-30
This was the saddest part
1 sherockradio 2017-08-30
I can't believe he seriously said he could do some Tony Soprano. Like he's Neil Diamond casually playing one of the hits.
1 Belchides 2017-08-30
You should have responded with something along the lines of this
"Hey I told the groom that you were going to be the entertainment for the party and so he looked you up in anticipation and saw the Fixing Joe Pilot and well long story short, I'm going to have to rescind my booking."
My apologies, Porsalin
1 dmix 2017-08-30
Yeah this wasn't mean enough yet. The grinches heart is still too big, must get smaller.
1 Belchides 2017-08-30
Ok how about adding this to the end of the email
"PS Do you know how to get into contact with that guy on your pilot, Artie Lange for unrelated event? Thanks"
1 Toss__Pot 2017-08-30
also, if the emails continued for a while, then got so ridiculous it's on obvious joke, a good comedian would loff
1 TheNigIsUp14 2017-08-30
Why?
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
When he said $150 I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. It's the first time that's ever happened.
1 Belchides 2017-08-30
Don't worry, he's not starving. His wife pays for everything. Paying him $150 just enables him into further thinking he's a comedian.
1 TheNigIsUp14 2017-08-30
Oussy
1 PaintedPicture 2017-08-30
You're being very selfish. Take yourself out of the equation. You're doing this for the sub's satisfaction. Reply back and say you can only afford $95.
1 Strity123 2017-08-30
Don't feed bad. He's happy that someone actually wants to pay him for his comedy. Offer 95$ instead.
1 bonecrushingkisses 2017-08-30
Mods! This man has a soul and has no business here.
1 cormacMcCarthysWhore 2017-08-30
i was yelling at you in the o&a theater for saying true detective season 2 and the wire season 5 weren't spectacular, but now you've redeemed yourself.
a smile from tha chippah is yer reward. :-D
1 Toss__Pot 2017-08-30
Ok, I get this did seem a bit mean & we are nice really, but you should've asked / worked-out a crescendo for the bit. I'm MORE sad that you've ended the bit in such a lame way.
You should've watched Fixing Joe again son, maybe your testosterone would've returned.
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
Well the next step would have been paying the guy. There's some things I'll do for you peckah's but give up my Schekels?
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
Think of this as a bit of a fact-finding thing. We've all learned some things about this delicate faggot.
1 Toss__Pot 2017-08-30
I feel ya' dude. I reckon I might of kept the convo going as long as possible, discussed the set, making increasingly more weird requests .... how much for him to strip at the end? learn a comedy rap song?
1 KuukerinNelli 2017-08-30
Few hours later... "Ok, I'll do it for 80 and a sub of my choosing"
1 InHell1979 2017-08-30
POST THE CANCELATION EMAIL
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
All I said was:
"On second thoughts Joe - it's looking increasingly likely that we might be going in a different direction and the Comedy might be dropped. Thanks for the information and best of luck."
He hasn't replied.
1 InHell1979 2017-08-30
It's probably better to let him think that the people trying to book him are flakes, and not malicious trolls on the internet.
1 The-Liberace-Flu 2017-08-30
Should have said you spoke to Vos he offered to do it for $97
1 rrussom 2017-08-30
1 dmix 2017-08-30
Yay community organized fraud against a low budget comedian for the lulz. This is what the internet was made for.
1 rrussom 2017-08-30
it is
1 TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2017-08-30
I'd like to point out that it's way more plausible that a comedian would have a set price for an appearance than a roofing company would have a set price for "redoing your roof". You can really tell this guy's never had an actual job.
1 PaintedPicture 2017-08-30
Good point!
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2017-08-30
He had to learn how to DO roof work, because so many times there wasn't one left after his set.
1 bill_burrs_butthole 2017-08-30
$150? Jesus
1 carribbeanjimmy 2017-08-30
Does anyone know how to pull off that scam where you send a bogus cashiers/travelers check for double the agreed upon offer, then say "oh shit my friend made a mistake, can you just send me the difference?" So by the time his bank figures it out, you already have his money.... C'mon gang, I know i'm not the only n'er-do-well in this sub
1 TheNigIsUp14 2017-08-30
You just set up an account send the check and withdraw all the funds before it clears
1 PassProtect15 2017-08-30
LOL jesus
1 TheNigIsUp14 2017-08-30
?
1 --DC-- 2017-08-30
No, Jesus doesn't bounce checks. He bounces fools like theNig outta heaven for their silliness.
1 PassProtect15 2017-08-30
Do you not know how to execute it, or are you trying to avoid your second strike?
1 carribbeanjimmy 2017-08-30
Just looking for an accomplice I can pin it on when shit go's south
1 TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2017-08-30
Go's
1 David_Tosk 2017-08-30
Considering it's a federal crime, I think you should try it.
(I secretly love the idea, but it's here, so I have to be mean)
1 The_Weird_Ginger_Guy 2017-08-30
I feel bad for the guy
1 rickygri 2017-08-30
Yeah I thought it was funny enough til he offered to do something nice for basically no money because he thought it was a fans wedding. I guess I'm a fag now so nice knowing everyone
1 paulallens 2017-08-30
I'm not in the loop with what he's done besides be a cringey comic trying to get by. I feel bad that it's fucking with his life now. That being said OP should have responded with "WE HEARD YOU".
1 PassProtect15 2017-08-30
the sub has passed you by
1 sherockradio 2017-08-30
Why is everyone assuming he's doing a nice thing? Did you seriously believe his "how much I get paid sometimes" line? This idiot is probably jumping for joy in his pajamas for landing a $100+ gig.
1 DanceLikeTheJig 2017-08-30
Yeah, but it's not a real gig. I hope not, at least.
1 Strity123 2017-08-30
Yeah. don't fall for his bullshit. Everyone uses the "I don't normally do this but I'll make an exception for you" line
1 Strity123 2017-08-30
Yeah. don't fall for his bullshit. Everyone uses the "I don't normally do this but I'll make an exception for you" line
1 ffffantomas 2017-08-30
Dude it´s clear he´s pretending he´s doing them a favour and acting like he normally makes a lot more. The guy would take 30 bucks if he had to
1 Dennyislife 2017-08-30
Yeah I am sad now
1 RSC-Tuff 2017-08-30
I haven't felt this bad since Breaking Bobo's Heart. I thought I was immune to this feeling at this point.
1 Dennyislife 2017-08-30
that still doesn't bother me. He's a retard. This is a husband and a father who cannot get it together whilst his wife earns actual money.
1 ajcuster89 2017-08-30
You are both faggots. Fuck this depressed hack.
1 --DC-- 2017-08-30
Shut up Denny or I'll punch you in the snout.
1 SHITLORD_CUNTDICK 2017-08-30
I do, too, because this guy has been doing comedy for 30 fucking years and will jump at a chance to drive to some asshole's bachelor party for $150. Then again, the man should not be in comedy and should be a dental tech or the proprietor of a carpet store in Paramus.
1 RSC-Tuff 2017-08-30
In college, I taught kids how to yo-yo at birthday parties for the same price.
1 --DC-- 2017-08-30
It's the driving 5 hours or less requirement.... holy fuck... the hourly on that would rival my Panera pay before Anthony got me fired.
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2017-08-30
Dude, me too.
Id feel worse for him if he wasnt carried in life by his rich wife, but..to be in the biz this long and going for $150....ouch.
1 holodog 2017-08-30
What have we become.
1 Flangirlamt 2017-08-30
I do to. Of all the people this sub shits on Joe is the one I could really see killing himself, and he's nowhere near as deserving of the hate as the others. He sucked ass on the Fixing Joe show but besides that he's just a sad, boring guy.
1 Single_Action_Army 2017-08-30
We all need to send him emails and double back so he has no idea what's real or not. You can't just shoot everyone down when you're desperate to find that one real gig.
1 bonecrushingkisses 2017-08-30
This is probably very similar to Opie's current negotiations.
1 majestik6 2017-08-30
Why don't we do it to Opie then?
1 Lady_Dis_Liver 2017-08-30
He'll do the gig for $150...
I take it Mrs. Materese has decided to leave.
1 Peckahnator 2017-08-30
Ew, he plans those shitty impersonations and crowd work in advance and discusses it? The whole point of those is to be spontaneus and surprising. Planning them is extra gross. Comics being industry and talking industry is the worst thing for their job preservation. It's already stupid when they do it in podcasts and it's even stupider when they are doing the road at their fans' places. Just imagine how disappointed an actual Joe Matarese fan would be to read this shit!
1 lolercakesmcgee 2017-08-30
Wow, this got too real. What is Joe doing with himself?! He has more free time on his calendar than Vic Henley.
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
Vic does have his meat thing...
1 EvictYou 2017-08-30
Auburn Tigers kick off this weekend... Wonder if he mentioned that wherever he may be.
1 telemecanique 2017-08-30
we could have easily came up with $150 to make this worth your effort
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
Remember - that was his starting offer. Could have jewed him down easily.
1 majestik6 2017-08-30
This is depressing
Could you imagine working your whole life at something and making $150 a week on it?
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
I work freelance for $480 a day (£370) and usually do 2-3 days a week working in television production. I'm booked until Christmas and know exactly where I'm going and for how much. I've only been doing my job freelance for a year and I can get my shit together. Joe has had 30 years and his entire November is free and he's happy taking an entire evening for $150. It's honestly time he quit this shit and learned a trade.
1 majestik6 2017-08-30
I really need to grow a pair and start doing this. I've been working from home for eleven years, but I continue to live in one of the most expensive cities in the United States because I feel like I'll lose my WFH gig the moment I relocate to somewhere cheaper.
Starting my own business would solve that, obviously, but I just haven't bothered. I even own a corporation and a web site, just haven't made the effort to actually find customers lol
1 willrahmer 2017-08-30
What do you do that you make 480 a day? I fuckin stink
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
I'm an EVS Operator - it means I roll replays, play stings, bumpers, EOP/BOP shit, make closers and edits and all that garbage. It's working mostly on Premier League games (Soccer) over here in faggy England. Great shit to get into if you can.
1 Anthonysnewcohost 2017-08-30
Great work
1 opestersmammarydrip 2017-08-30
lets all chip in and get him to do a gig under the queensboro bridge.
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
wussat?
1 humanmeat 2017-08-30
Right next to the bronze sculpture of Eget's right hand is where the best work is found
1 Doc_McCoyXYZ 2017-08-30
Let's get him a gig on TOP of the Queensboro and see if we can get him to imitate Bobby from Saturday Night Fever.
1 David_Tosk 2017-08-30
Pop a few guys. $15.
1 52017 2017-08-30
Ok dude. Get your electricians certification or something. It's time to let the dream die. I'm pretty sure I make more than this guy and most of my dignity is intact at the end of the day.
1 stinksskc 2017-08-30
stand ups usually make like 20 dollars for a weekday set at a club. thats a good night for most of them
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
Guess that's why he seemed so excited by the prospect. This was a windfall for him.
1 prelbetemper 2017-08-30
cool fake email pics, this shits epic
1 prelbetemper 2017-08-30
fake
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
I could forward the emails
1 prelbetemper 2017-08-30
you could forward emails sent from a gmail account that you control, yes, and that would prove nothing
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
Ok here's something. I wouldn't have known his email address. Message the site yourself and when you get a reply, compare email addresses and his email signature.
1 prelbetemper 2017-08-30
good lord you are an unbelievable faggot
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
There really is no pleasing some people...
1 --DC-- 2017-08-30
Well, if you're up for some faggotry I'm pretty sure AsianAnalParty is up to the task.
1 porsalin 2017-08-30
Message Joe through his website and I promise you he'll respond.
1 aleon33 2017-08-30
This just made me sad. I feel like Patrice when he first learned about Terry Clifford.
1 BarryMcCaulkener 2017-08-30
You want to fuck Joe Matarese in a way that degrades him?
1 ffffantomas 2017-08-30
"Since you´re such big fans" - awwww. Poor guy. This is great though. Hope we can make the most out of it
1 alternative_faps 2017-08-30
$150? I feel bad for Joe, but my dad was a complete nobody who played sax anonymously in bars on the weekend for $500 a night clear. What's still motivating Joe to continue?
1 throwawaymanthrows 2017-08-30
This is cruel.
1 CommodorePawsey 2017-08-30
So if he's got a gig each week day he's making 40K. I'd also like to point out that would be $750 a week. The Hyena Club makes that in one day with the Opester. Righteous bucks!
1 CowsAreCurious 2017-08-30
This is delightfully evil.
1 DanceLikeTheJig 2017-08-30
Yeah, but it's not a real gig. I hope not, at least.
1 Strity123 2017-08-30
Yeah. don't fall for his bullshit. Everyone uses the "I don't normally do this but I'll make an exception for you" line
1 Strity123 2017-08-30
Yeah. don't fall for his bullshit. Everyone uses the "I don't normally do this but I'll make an exception for you" line