This is probably the level of joke writing you can expect there, too. #Diversity/No whites allowed

38  2017-08-10 by Doc_McCoyXYZ

62 comments

Boo, get that little cunt off the stage and into my lap!

Shuuuuuuure I got a microphone in my pocket

Yuve gotta get comforble holding the microphone

Just suckle on the magic microphone, if you forget something you wanted to say and all my friends in the audience will continue to laugh!

Let me plug the microphone sweetheaaart...

Talk into the spittin microphone...

We need either an all hands on deck war or a nuclear holocaust. It's getting hack to say but is there any other way to end the scourge?

America is really too comfortable and due for an attack, even though it's only been 16 years since the last one. 2002 was a great year when all our hate was aligned.. We'll see that mentality again soon, someway or another.

Everyone wants things to be black and white, especially the military. But that's not how the world really works anymore. There is no good vs evil. Post-WW2 government policy and globalism killed that idea.

Nor should the US feel the need to play world police to crush every dictator that doesn't bow down to them. Just build up some excellent defensive systems and let anyone dumb enough not to engage in capitalism and western (classical) liberalism fuck up their own shit.

People want to replicate the huge growth that happened in every western country after WW2. But was it really the fact their was massive death and destruction beforehand that 'reset' things and focused the population??

I doubt it.

The US was on a big growth trajectory before they entered the war. The war merely delayed that progress for a decade or longer. Not to mention massively expanding the scope of the government, created the toxic American military industrial complex, and gave Russia a massive boost in power they wouldn't have had otherwise, thanks to the power vacuum that was left over.

The real solution is reversing all of those things: dramatically reduce the size of government, significantly reduce the size of offensive military capabilities, and stop treating Russia like some scary big adversary and let them slide back into irrelevancy by ignoring them until they get their shit together to hang out with the big kids.

If they understood what makes them think the way they think, they might be embarrassed and stop. So if you want a non-violent solution you could try teaching them about human nature. If you made them realize that in reality they're just trolling, and their motivation is the same as any other troll, there's a chance they'd see through their self-induced "I'm saving the world" delusion.

Nobody can make another person stop deluding him or herself, it needs to come from within.

Thoughts and prayers.

Start a podcast behind a paywall and complain about it for hours each day.

This is what I hope Trump's plan is with North Korea. So redpilled he's trying to start a nuclear war to just wash out hands of all this faggotry and start over.

If it was that easy we would have done it a looong time ago. But it isn't so expect the same shit, more saber rattling, more exercises on their borders helping Kim justify his bullshit, and more money wasted on stupid offensive military shit like aircraft carriers and expensive jets that will be useless in any real modern war.

The problem with the US military right now is that nobody will play with us on our own terms. Nobody’s going to engage the US Air Force in massive dogfights, fighter to fighter—but they may very well pick off those hundred-million dollar fighters with shoulder-fired SAMs that cost a few thousand. And nobody—not even China—is really going to engage in a retro Battle of Midway, one carrier fleet vs. another. But they can, and will, use some of the very cheap and effective new anti-ship missiles against those carriers, which are weapons from a time when the wet old primate brain was the only effective computer in production.

https://pando.com/2014/05/26/the-war-nerd-iran-is-building-a-fake-aircraft-carrier-how-can-you-tell/

saber rattling

I'm immediately discarding your whole comment for using this insufferable term.

Shit, deleted my comment by accident, reposted above.

And speaking of insufferable you just used 'so redpilled' in a serious sentence

When? Oh shit, are you following me across comments? I'm not prepared for this level of autism.

If it was that easy we would have done it a long time ago. But it isn't... so expect the same shit but with more saber rattling, more exercises on their borders helping Kim justify his bullshit, and more money wasted on stupid offensive military shit like aircraft carriers and expensive jets that will be useless in any real modern war. The problem with the US military right now is that nobody will play with us on our own terms. Nobody’s going to engage the US Air Force in massive dogfights, fighter to fighter—but they may very well pick off those hundred-million dollar fighters with shoulder-fired SAMs that cost a few thousand. And nobody—not even China—is really going to engage in a retro Battle of Midway, one carrier fleet vs. another. But they can, and will, use some of the very cheap and effective new anti-ship missiles against those carriers, which are weapons from a time when the wet old primate brain was the only effective computer in production. https://pando.com/2014/05/26/the-war-nerd-iran-is-building-a-fake-aircraft-carrier-how-can-you-tell/ TLDR: the US did a war game and lost 2/3rds of it's super expensive Navy to a low-budget third world country, aka Iran, who only needed a few modern missiles.

i did not write that comment to encourage an awful diatribe about serious geopolitical issues but gosh darn did you ever find a way to run with it anyway

Ah sorry I took what you said about 'redpilling' and starting a war with North Korea as a real statement because I see the same shit on /r/The_Donald all the time. It's hard to tell when you people are exaggerating and being sarcastic.

Either way Trump is still failing at military shit as bad as Obama which is obvious to anyone who knows what they are talking about. So it's still worth pointing out, even to dummies, IMO

i did not write that last comment to encourage an even longer and utterly terrible discussion about geopolitical issues but gosh darn did you ever find a way to run with it anyway

Not so bright, eh? I guess 4 sentences would seem long to you people.

what do you think about the alt right?

It stopped being a legit identity until it went mainstream in early 2016 (even before Hillary mentioned it).

It's like hipster, a bunch of people get accused of being it but no-one self-identifies as it. Besides a few extreme guys like Richard Spencer.

It used to have a much broader audience of internet savvy conservatives until it got entirely hijacked by the white supremacists and the vast majority of the smart ones broke off from it.

Yet it's still used as a generic punching bag for an imaginary massively popular adversary that is a big threat to democracy! When in reality it's only a small insignificant niche left.

The main group still exists but in more moderate form, basically the smarter/autistic conservatives who like pushing buttons of liberals and ignoring typical social boundaries because they get triggered over the easiest shit. And they see it's worth the cost of being misunderstood and misrepresented because these hardcore leftist SJWs represent one of the biggest threats to our democracy and capitalism since communism was still relevant.

you are such a fucking faggot for writing all that

nobody cares, you blithering faggot.

Not so bright, eh?

you're the one who deleted your own comment, but sure go ahead and try to take the intellectual highground.

I delete most of my comments, especially anything political. I have a reputation to uphold!

ok i like you again

wanna talk game of thrones?

it's dumb. anyway

I dont watch Game of Thrones besides the first few episodes when it first came out and what I catch half paying attention when the wifey watches it.

Besides the titties the show is an annoying over-complicated mess where all conflict gets solved with a wave of the hand using whatever fantasy bullshit the author imagines. It's the same problem with all fantasy shit.

Just throw some dragons in and whatever hopeless problem you have magically gets solved.

"I love doing comedy in LA" - "comedy"

Honestly, this bullshit is everywhere, but it seems like NYC has it way worse than us. The feminists & shit here are annoying, but in New York they seem to cause a lot more trouble and are much more militant. They'll do whatever they can to get shit shut down, people in trouble with police, etc.

For real? I did open mics in NYC for an extremely brief period of time years ago (turns out I fucking suck at stand-up); this would be around 2011. Is it really that bad? Did I dodge a bullet?

I think it's gotten much worse since 2011. Im generalizing and basing my opinion just on impressions I've gotten from social media and word of mouth, Twitter, the r/Standup subs, people here from NYC, comics talking about it on podcasts, etc. Also LA is generally lazier; it's just too nice out, and the beach is 25 minutes away at all times. Nobody really bothers to do anything. NYC, there's a lot less distraction and there's way more people in one concentrated area, so ideas spurn into action much quicker, I feel like.

You don't fucking suck at stand up. Open mics are absolute hell. They're an extremely tough and unsupportive environment to try to hone a craft in. It really is kind of like comedy boot camp; if you can get through this, you can get through anything. It's mostly there to show you what not to do or what definitely doesn't work, which is a valuable tool. But it's disheartening as fuck.

That sub sucks and you're a stupid bot.

Yeah, I haven't been around that scene in years so I have no idea. Your estimation of NY vs. LA feels pretty spot on. The only time I ever really got laughs was when I did a ton of dick jokes and self-deprecating humor, really went at myself -- hacky shit that I was never proud of but the laughs were a great ego boost, and I loved being onstage. But the silence was terrifying; it wasn't like everybody else was just being quiet, it was like the room was empty. That freaked me out a lot. I've been thinking of getting back in since I can feel myself dead-ending in general but I feel 30 is a little too old to start this particular hustle. I could be wrong.

Ah phooey! It's never too late!

is what people tell me

The silence sucks, but after enough of it, you become like the Bane speech in TDKR. You get used to/become friends with the darkness, the silence. By the time you get actual laughs, it's nothing but BLINDING!

30 is perfect. Prime time. Much more life experience and wherewithal than starting in your early 20s, much more to work with. I started at 35, that's old. Dean Delray started in his mid 40s, and within 5 years was opening for Bill Burr at theater shows. Don't let that stop you.

Jimmy Carr started at 28; Rodney Dangerfield restarted his stand-up career in his 40s.

Yes, but Dangerfield received a notoriously low amount of respect.

Fair point.

The "grind" great comedians talk about isn't the process to become funny. It's going out to perform and network with industry people. You're just a hack.

There's more Jews in NY so bullshit will be amplified, louder, and bitchier.

(((comedy)))

Could you imagine if someone started a "white male only" mic?

Ummm...you mean every comedy show ever, basically? Your privilege is showing. Get woke, will you?

You're right. I just used my Fandango app to buy tickets to the 12:30 showing of "Detroit." That should straighten me out. I be woke af after.

Oh my gooooodness can you imaginnnnnnne!

Hmmm since Salon finally realized the Women Only viewing of Wonder Woman was against Texas discrimination laws I wonder if this goes against any California discrimination laws?

Tss what kind of mistakes does Lamar's ghost make?

Jigaboos!

This is a fake thing

I want to send this to my friends but I would be embarrassed if they thought I followed "the Jim and Sam show"

Just get the "YouDoodle" free app and use white paint feature to wipe it out, then re save it.

Why is Jim complaining?

He's listed right there as being accepted, after "women".

I sent this to Andy, Nick Dip's producer, he was fucking enraged and said he'll show it to him. Im hoping Nicky spends the first break today railing on this. (Thursday)

I mean he is a person of color.

We need a ''final solution'' to the SJW problem.

The purity in which the Khmer Rouge got rid of their decadent societal elements can serve as a strong framework for what needs to be done today.

Don't listen to fat fucking Dave Carlin's gimmick history podcast about inconsequential shit, but read up on the Khmer. Pick up an encyclopedia!

Id be happy to see this.

I also suspect anyone "wearing glasses." (He was probably right 90% of the time on that one, gotta give him that much.)

POC's are welcome. So if Patrice walked up in there, they would enjoy him just completely destroying their bullshit?

Oh my god Id kill to see Patrice at the Lyric.

I don't know why I do that place, it's generally an "alt room" and very tough, if you come off the slightest bit alpha male (Im 6'2 and built like a linebacker with a NY accent) they generally want nothing to do with you. I guess I like the challenge, and that they have a mic at 3pm on Saturdays so I can start early, or at least get one under my belt before I end up drinking/swimming with my friends instead of doing more open mics.

I love how people of color are lumped in with gays, trannies and "freaks" haha

Do you have a link to This?

Didn't see it on their Instagram

No. Not sure where dude screen grabbed it from.

I also cant tell if he's being sarcastic or not, but Im fairly sure he is because he's a pretty funny guy, tells a lot of offensive (ish, for LA at least) jokes and seems pretty self aware to me.

Looking at their Instagram, this would certainly fit in, but it appears you have been hoodwinked

It's not til Aug 30th and still in the pre production phase, it's just an open mic and not a show so it's probably not nailed down just yet.

It's real. And regardless, there's about a dozen "women only" mics here a week.

They could just say "freaks."

If they were any good, they wouldn't need these ridiculously exclusionary rules.

What if I identify is a white male for the first part of the show but due to my fluidity decide to switch to female at the end?

You'd have to start a separate mic for that. That one could be on Thursdays.

Everyone wants things to be black and white, especially the military. But that's not how the world really works anymore. There is no good vs evil. Post-WW2 government policy and globalism killed that idea.

Nor should the US feel the need to play world police to crush every dictator that doesn't bow down to them. Just build up some excellent defensive systems and let anyone dumb enough not to engage in capitalism and western (classical) liberalism fuck up their own shit.

People want to replicate the huge growth that happened in every western country after WW2. But was it really the fact their was massive death and destruction beforehand that 'reset' things and focused the population??

I doubt it.

The US was on a big growth trajectory before they entered the war. The war merely delayed that progress for a decade or longer. Not to mention massively expanding the scope of the government, created the toxic American military industrial complex, and gave Russia a massive boost in power they wouldn't have had otherwise, thanks to the power vacuum that was left over.

The real solution is reversing all of those things: dramatically reduce the size of government, significantly reduce the size of offensive military capabilities, and stop treating Russia like some scary big adversary and let them slide back into irrelevancy by ignoring them until they get their shit together to hang out with the big kids.

If it was that easy we would have done it a looong time ago. But it isn't so expect the same shit, more saber rattling, more exercises on their borders helping Kim justify his bullshit, and more money wasted on stupid offensive military shit like aircraft carriers and expensive jets that will be useless in any real modern war.

The problem with the US military right now is that nobody will play with us on our own terms. Nobody’s going to engage the US Air Force in massive dogfights, fighter to fighter—but they may very well pick off those hundred-million dollar fighters with shoulder-fired SAMs that cost a few thousand. And nobody—not even China—is really going to engage in a retro Battle of Midway, one carrier fleet vs. another. But they can, and will, use some of the very cheap and effective new anti-ship missiles against those carriers, which are weapons from a time when the wet old primate brain was the only effective computer in production.

https://pando.com/2014/05/26/the-war-nerd-iran-is-building-a-fake-aircraft-carrier-how-can-you-tell/

If it was that easy we would have done it a long time ago. But it isn't... so expect the same shit but with more saber rattling, more exercises on their borders helping Kim justify his bullshit, and more money wasted on stupid offensive military shit like aircraft carriers and expensive jets that will be useless in any real modern war. The problem with the US military right now is that nobody will play with us on our own terms. Nobody’s going to engage the US Air Force in massive dogfights, fighter to fighter—but they may very well pick off those hundred-million dollar fighters with shoulder-fired SAMs that cost a few thousand. And nobody—not even China—is really going to engage in a retro Battle of Midway, one carrier fleet vs. another. But they can, and will, use some of the very cheap and effective new anti-ship missiles against those carriers, which are weapons from a time when the wet old primate brain was the only effective computer in production. https://pando.com/2014/05/26/the-war-nerd-iran-is-building-a-fake-aircraft-carrier-how-can-you-tell/ TLDR: the US did a war game and lost 2/3rds of it's super expensive Navy to a low-budget third world country, aka Iran, who only needed a few modern missiles.

what do you think about the alt right?

Not so bright, eh?