Isn't it great when Sam HILARIOUSLY mispronounces the name as "Shy-uh Lay-booof" 938 times in one show? Glad to see he's writing the second volume of "Aggravating Mediocrity: Opie's Guide to Fffawkin Haters" along with

a) never allow your utter ignorance of a topic prevent you from talking out of your ass about it for hours

b) never have interests that aren't milquetoast mainstream because how are you going to reach a broad audience if you don't talk about broad topics and broads' topics

c) when in doubt, use all the filler language, rhetorical questions, and empty blathering to eat up time

d) whenever an uninteresting, unfunny ballwasher calls in (aka "regulars"), ALWAYS take their call and let them blather on for 5 minutes

e) ignore your wife and children, they secretly want extreme athletes as alpha figures instead of your fag bodied/brained self