the time he acted out uncle paul's fantasies

"..and then I put a biometric lock on that hard drive, for obvious reasons."

I don't think slugs have fingerprints

We might be at that point where that kind of thinking is necessary. Those queers over in Germany just raided 30 some people's houses over the crime of hate speech

He is the Amy Schumer of tranny jokes...

He'd probably retell the hooker taking his eye glasses story again. LOL IT WAS A BLACK GUY IN A WIG!

I would bet money that this is the story he tells.

who gives a shit who gives a fuck

Wrong sub bruh.

Man!

The store he was in ran out of low fat salads

"So this tranny was blowing me when I told him 'you're lucky it's not a shotgun'. Did you folks know I'm messed up sexually?"

Hey whore, have about some mustard

"have" about you come back here and shut up?

Hey Stanley, let's throw some hot oil on him

I WILL PAY EXTRA FOR THE LARGE SMOOTHIE JUST GIVE IT TO ME NOW! scoff Fine, ill wait to talk to a manager. Faahhkiiin scuuummmbaaggg juice bar people.

'Then I told them, I'm making a cartoon'

So I was hanging out a friends house ;) and this SCCCCUUMMMBAG bitch gives me a rum candy without telling me there's alcohol in it! I spent the next half hour forcing myself to throw it up. Of course up came the pretzels and mustard, so there goes my evening snack! By the time I get out of the washroom this cunt had already had some other guy over

It's called a bathroom you limey cocksucker.

We need forced flairs for all the brits on this sub. I hate when I get tricked into upvoting them.

You guys really are weird with that shit. My first week in the U.S., every dope I asked where the toilet was looked at me like I said a bad word. Why is it a bathroom when there is no bath?

Toilet? And people looked at you weird? What pussifed part of this country were you in? Where I live people call it a toilet, shitter, pisser, bowl, whatever.

All over, Vegas, salt lake city, new Orleans. It was a whole road trip. Yeah I thought it was pretty weird too.

Possible Canadian. Had he said 'toilet' you'd have a Brit for sure.

Monster rain or how his egg(singular) didn't have enough carrot juice on it

It'll be about that time he wasn't there for a fat titted dolt who NEEDED HIM THAT DAY.

It was about him going to a Bris. He fucking destroyed, he was the last guy up on the 2nd show, I think he was the 5th comic. I was sitting right behind B cam, no other comic made the crew guys laugh that hard. (I was specifically watching for that) "E gets it. E's laffin."

Talib Kweli showed up too, which was kind of cool because I had no idea he was coming and was listening to him on the way there. (The Tribe Called Quest Pandora station is amazing) He's not a comic of course but is a good storyteller and had a decent story, of course he had to shoehorn in 10 minutes of "race talk" that has NOTHING to do with anything. It was so aggravating. I like Talib Kweli, but...he's a fucking moron about a lot of things. (Shocker, he's a rapper)

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What did he circumcise the kid with his teeth?

no other comic made the crew guys laugh that hard. (I was specifically watching for that)

that's a bad sign, crew guys laugh at the dumbest fucking things. they are mostly low-IQ shitty types who love old Weird Al videos.

This seems really based in fact, and not something you made up out of thin air with zero evidence or experience.

This seems really based in fact, and not something you made up out of thin air with zero evidence or experience.

'based in fact' lol.. what does that even mean?

Seems? So this is about what you feel seems it could be based on your imaginative intuition. Okay.

I was a cameraman and crew member for far too many years. So much for for your feelings about things.

Well I don't know who you rolled with, but most of the crew and camera guys I know are pretty sharp, and the reason it's a compliment is because those guys have seen it all. If you can make the crew guys laugh, you're pretty funny.

the reason it's a compliment is because those guys have seen it all. If you can make the crew guys laugh, you're pretty funny.

You have mistakenly ... wow.. you heard this about waitresses at comedy clubs. NOT TV CREWS FFS

Wow, just chew on that for a while.

Whats a bris?

A jewish circumcision ceremony.

"I am uncomfortable with zis...'Jewish' ritual." (Member? Right before they're going to open the ark?)

Ah ok thanks

A less than satisfactory Uber experience

And then my friend Talid said: "OH SHIT! DIS BITCH GOT A DICK!"

5 cartoons for $60k?

I'm gonna go with his bus story. If he does a tranny story, he should retire from comedy immediately.

Ah ok thanks