I walk to the bar down the street from my house and seek out any woman with low self-esteem. It's so easy to see in their beady little eyes that deep down they know they have no worth without a cock inside them.

Join the proud boys. But fair warning: you will get mouthfucked

The beating never stopped, did it? It's okay to cry.

I fuck home broken teens who think 20$ is a lot of money

Is your name Anthony Cumia by any chance?

He didn't mention his pool or hot tube within the first sentence... so, unlikely.

I had a massage parlor I went to every other week but they got busted 4 months ago. They got out and are re opening soon so Im waiting. fat chicks in smokey bars feen for any dick they can get, plus you dont have to spend as much, unless you feed them

Fat drunk chicks

Idk, fat chicks were the go-to untill they got all empowered. Skinny bitches with shit jobs are now hated and easy.

Man I have been out of the game to long. Decent looking bites are easy now and fatty are hard? Why couldn't I have been born 10 years later

Bumble app, they're desperate, which is why the app is great because they have to contact you first. I use it almost every weekend to meet some girl at my favorite bar. After maybe 2hrs of drinking, I go "I'm gonna go home and listen to some records, do you want to join me?". Bar is next to a liquor store which helps because "we should grab some refreshments AND chips". Bingo-bango, mouth-fuck city.

tsssss whats that?

''Listen to some records"

That is phenomenal sir, good on you for mouthfucking these whores! I would give you gold, but I am too cheap.

Seeking arrangement.

Its jim norton territory.craigslist if you are adventurous check casual encounters w4mm they have this place by scranton called cinema 309 always have ads where guys bring their fat girlfriends to watch them get fucked in this xxx movie theater and if they are gentleman they will fluff you and clean up after.ads are entertaining to see what these slobs look like.trannys also put them up too all monsters

I usually just ask your mom nicely.

It really depends on where you're located.

Drink bud light lime until I can't see anymore and fuck a pocket pussy tucked in between the box spring and the mattress while sobbing

Idk why you cry. That sounds like a good fucking time to me!

Tears of Joy

You should spice it up a bit. I prefer a soundtrack of police sirens.

How do you boys get your peters sucked? Badly & rarely

OKCupid.

Or if I'm feeling lazy, there's an Asian Massage parlor where the girls will blow you if you pay an extra 60 bucks.

Down Dating Blendr

Try Grinder first. You'll find a nice, willing mouth to explode in within minutes.

I believe he was asking about getting a woman to have oral sex with him. I checked out that Grinder and it's mostly men. They must have scared the women away a long time ago

The Ron Jeremy method

Rarely!

I go to your mom's house and wait in line with the rest of the crew.

I go to your mom's house and wait in line with the rest of the crew.

We heard you!

Literally all you have to do is pour alcohol down the throat of whatever tinder trolls you match with while being halfway witty.

I don't much since I stopped drinking.

I used to go to the strip club a lot and managed to get a few of them back to my place. I had this whole scam set up and it worked great, but I'm less interested in doing it sober. Especially since there is a good chance clear or black will be taken out of a purse before the night is over by one of these class acts.

Well? What's this scam that allowed you to bring strippers to your house?

It's probably less of a scam and more of just some techniques.

First thing,

Find a smaller club. Not a complete shithole, but a smaller club.

Also, try to find one that has a smoking patio out back. Dancers are often smokers and you need to go out there to interact.

Do not stare at them. Smoke your cigarette and pretend you're busy on your phone. Most of these girls are drunk and will make conversation with you if you don't stare.

Your appearance:

You need to have a look. However you dress now - enhance it. These women are simple minded and need to make a quick connection in their brain about who you are.

In business? Wear a sports coat and a nice shirt.

Kind of a wigger? Fine. Go with it. Wear a chain if that's your thing.

Just have some sort of look.

Personally, all I do is slick my hair back and wear this brown leather jacket. I literally only wear this jacket to the club. I immediately get comments from the dancers on the patio. "I like your look!" "You look like that one guy from that movie...Blow? Yeah, Johnny Depp. You remind me of him!"

Do I look like Johnny Depp? No, but I have the look and that's all that matters.

Next, stick to the bar at first. Again - do not stare at any of the women. Act busy on your phone, glance over at the stage a few times. Tip the bartender a dollar a drink. It's not a lot of money and it's good that the dancers see you throwing some dollars around. The bartender will also appreciate this and you want her to like you and know your name. The bartender knows most of the dancers and if you seem friendly, she will bring you into the mix while talking to the girls.

Now that you've gotten a drink and are at the bar, you will be approached soon. Do not accept the first girl that asks you for a dance. Tell her you need another drink first. She will either go onto someone else or she will hang around. Deny dances until you get one that hangs around.

Once you have a dancer at the bar hanging out with you, offer her a drink. 90% of the time they will accept. At this point the bartender may know your name, this is good. When she says your name in front of the stripper, she is making you seem trustable.

While you have your drink together,you need to make some comments about either the other patrons, or the girls. It is VERY useful to laugh at the other guys at the bar. Pick something simple. "Oh man, I what's going on with that guys shirt". If you can get a stripper to make fun of a customer with you, you're half way there.

You may also want to make a comment about another dancer. If you see a girl, say something like "Oh no".

She will ask what's wrong.

At this point you want to say something like "I got a dance from that girl last time, her hair smells really bad. Sorry, that's mean. I should stop".

Most of these girls do not like eachother and will gladly join in the criticism. Don't say anything too harsh in the off chance she is friends with her.

If you've gotten this far, it's time to move things along.

If she's a smoker, tell her you're going to go have a smoke. She will most likely join you.

When you're on the patio, she may ask more about you. It's better at this point if she's had one or two drinks.

You need to mention to her that you should probably leave. If she asks why, tell her you're thinking about going to the casino or something, and that you shouldn't even come to these clubs any more.

If she asks why, tell her "I always get in trouble at these places". Don't be specific.

At this point, she may be interested in going to the casino with you. Don't flat out ask her, just throw it out there that you're probably going to go. Keep it light.

If she's not onboard, it's okay. You can either start this process over with another girl, or ask her for a dance and keep trying.

If she tries to take you to the VIP, be very firm. "Nah, I don't do that VIP shit".

Getting a regular dance from her is fine at this point. You want to get a seat in front of the stage though. What you're going to do is have her dance one song, then be very clear and say "Thank you" then hand her the money. If she asks you if you want another, tell her you're thinking about leaving. This is where she will decide if she wants to join or not.

Another useful tip during this time - get her to tip the dancer on stage. Give her a few dollars and tell her to give it to the dancer. She will usually find this fun and do it. You're again throwing money around, but it's just a few bucks.

At this point, go to the bar. Either get a water or keep drinking. Up to you.

If the girl follows you to the bar, you got it.

One important thing though - Tell her you'll meet her out back.

Dancers are not allowed to leave with customers and you should make it clear you know how it goes and will be cool about it.

One thing that can happen at this point - and it's only happened once:

The girl may ask you to pay her house fee to leave. This is a fee she has to pay to the manager for her shift. Usually it's $35-$40 depending on location. If you believe this is really going down, you should pay it. Even with the drinks and dances, you can easily be under $100 with the house fee. It's worth it. This isn't going to be 100% free.

Now that she's dressed and you're outside, you need to have a ride planned. Either be sober enough to drive your own car, or have an Uber ready.

She may expect to go directly to the casino, but tell her you need to stop by your place and get some cash.

Make sure your place is ready. Things you want to do:

• Clean the place, of course.
  
• Have a bluetooth speaker or other stereo ready to take a headphone jack. You want to get some music going right away. Better if she picks stuff she likes off her phone.
  
• Have booze and food stocked. Booze for obvious reasons, and food because women in general like to snack and in my experience, dancers are always hungry.
  
• Just hang out for a few minutes, tell her you're looking up the casino on your phone.
  
• Offer her a drink, and food.
  
• If this is going to happen without the casino, you will know it if she accepts the food and drink offer. Once she's fed and buzzed, she will most likely get too comfortable to wanna leave.
  

One great thing to do once your both buzzed and relaxed - jokingly offer to give her a dance. Say "Here, let me dance for you". Be funny, take your shirt off half way. Keep it light.

Now, this is the point where you really know it's going to happen:

She takes out whatever drug she's currently hooked on out of her purse. All the better if she says "You mind?". This is a sign that she respects you and you basically have the power.

In my experience, the drug can range from speed, h, to pot. Whatever you do, DO NOT PARTAKE. You do not want to trust whatever it is she is ingesting. Let her do her own thing and stick to the booze.

Once she's done her thing, it's time to get down to business.

Take your shoes off and sit on your bed. Make sure the music is going. She should be relaxed now and just hanging out. If she's not already flirting with you, take out some ones and jokingly ask for a dance. Make it fun and light.

Most of these women actually enjoy dancing for some reason and usually are into this idea. You're only throwing a few bucks at her. Do not get crazy with $5 or higher. Keep it at dollar bills.

If she's dancing for you now, you need to stop the joking and make some serious compliments. "Oh my God, your legs are fucking amazing". Put your hands around her and see how she responds. If she puts her hands on yours, this is good. Make another comment "I gotta see those tits". if her shirt goes off, you're almost there.

Offer her a shot now. Tell her "This is too much. I need a shot. Your goddamn tits. Wow". Don't act desperate, act impressed.

At this point, you should know how to further things. Make sure you have a condom.

After you've done your thing, it's time for her to leave. She doesn't have to leave immediately, but you do not want her to stay over. A dancer at your home while you're asleep is a bad idea. You don't know this person and she may sober up and rob you. Another reason you don't want to take whatever drug she offers is you need to be alert enough to get her out.

Mention you have to be up in 3 hours for work. Offer her an Uber. She may even have her own ride. This women often know people who are up early/late that will pick them up.

Don't text her the next day. Don't text her ever, really. If she texts you, just respond with generic comments.

The great thing about this, is the more you do it at the same club, the more numbers you get and eventually the girls will get jealous of eachother and all want your attention.

Once you get familiar with the club, treat it like a regular bar. Go there to hang out and have a drink. Never seem desperate and always talk to all staff by their first names if you know it. The more liked you are in the club, the better it will be for you in all aspects.

A note on tipping:

As I mentioned earlier with the tipping of the bartender, you should also tip the door guy when possible and a bouncer if it's a regular guy you see there often. We are talking five or ten bucks at the most. You don't need to do this every time, but do it a few times and they will remember you.

A note on your job:

So you need to play whatever your job is up. Personally, I own a small business. Very small. Basically me and a truck. I keep it simple though, I just tell her I "Run a ____ business".

Also, if you live in a shit hole, you need to have an excuse ready while you live there.

"Yeah I just moved here from Florida and rented this place without seeing it. I had no idea the area was like this, I can't wait to move next month to_____(nice part of town)".

I bet one time you got a number, but nothing came of it so you invented this retarded play of events in your head.

Haha. I don't think I would go to the work of typing all that out just to impress you. My life is empty but not that empty.

It works man. Don't know what to tell you.

I've done it three times.

Sure ya did brown jacket Johnny Depp

Whatever works.

Thanks, mate. I appreciate the detailed post.

For the record: DO NOT DO WHAT THIS GUY DOES.

Shit is insane creepy, targeting strippers Maniac-style. Just go to a bar, understand people are there to either get fucked or get fucked up. It's that simple. If you can't hold a conversation you should be at home like Bobo talking to his mother ala Psycho.

Other good lies:
- If you work minimum wage, say you decided to back to school to finish your degree in something that sounds good.
- Say you're a broke musician. Buy a $50 guitar off Cragslist and leave it out.
- Say you grew up in a rich family and had a fall out with your parents. Tell them you left the family business to do your own thing.
- Tell them you had to get out of your former state. Say some shit went down. You'd think this would turn them off and make you seem shady, but it works wonders.

ALWAYS use a fake name. Do not use your real name and never reveal where you really work.

Here is the last one I brought home.I spent about $80 that night in drinks and tips and we hung out for about 2 hours at the club and then from 2am-7am at my place. She was 22 and really cute. Big tits, decent ass. She had a fucking kid and lived with her mom. She was into speed. Kinda sad. Another reason I don't do this any more.

She texted me a few times later in the week. I haven't replied. Just keep it light and don't try to be her boyfriend and she'll always look at you as someone to chill with.

Other important thing:

You have to do this about 2 hours before the club closes. They are not going to entertain going home with you unless it's at the end of the night. Also, do this on a slow night. NO Fridays or Saturdays. Sundays and middle of the week are best when it's slow and they basically just wanna leave any way.

Read this in a Norm McDonald voice and it's incredibly funny.

Strippers and escorts

The most hilarious part about asking a girl for head is when she rolls her eyes, sighs in disappointment yet pulls her hair back and prepares to complete an exhausting chore that doesnt even have any reward for them at the end. God bless those cocksuckers.

I met a chubby chick (she was cute af though) on Saturday night from OK Cupid and she gave me a fucking phenomenal blow job. I had to stop her twice, because I almost came. That almost never happens.

I got blown by my regular cute/fatty on Sunday night, but it wasn't nearly as good because she had smaller lips than the fatty from Saturday.

There is a significant difference in a girl that "will" suck your dick as opposed to a girl that loves sucking dick. You can tell what you're working with in about 12 seconds.

it takes you 12 seconds to figure out if a chick is fat?

I haven't gotten my cock sucked in about three years. Haven't been laid in that time either, but I'm not sure I give a shit anymore and that kinda bothers me. What I'm saying is I'm as fucking clueless as you.

Stop jacking off and watching porn and you will get the drive again.

I went to get a legitemate massage and ended up being asked by the chinese masseuse if i wanted a handy for 50 bucks. I nervously said yes as it was awesome.

I'm just me. That's how I do it. I'm gorgeous.

Mostly by force

I'd use Tinder but you need a faggot Facebook account to do so.

Give em a Cosby Cocktail. You can work their jaws and not have to explain the way you like it.

Be mean yet charming and don't be needy. That's all there is to it.

Also, get them drunk.