[Writing Prompt] Erik "Piggy Boy" Nagel is at Sirius XM, reaching for the last donut, when the brave, stunning, and talented Amy Schumer reaches for the same one... Go!
She whispers to him "this jam donut looks like my vagina on my period" he looks at her, blank faced, as if nothing was happening behind his lifeless far-parted doll eyes, and says "pudding" she laughs to herself and thinks "Amy, i think we've found our next bit of stolen material". Skip forward 6 months, theres a half sold out comedy cellar crowd, she bursts on stage and screams "Im Amy Schumer, this is one of my favourite all time comedians, Jim Norton" then the camera pans out the window to a billboard that has her face on it with Jims in the corner, it says Amy Schumer presents Jim Norton...PUDDING.
The two wildebeests lock eyes. Then Amy softens hers.
"Go ahead and take it E-Rock, I'm actually on a diet" Amy announces.
Her personal assistant thanks her as other various Sirius XM employees start clapping and phoning their relatives to share this moment of triumph.
3 months later, the cover story on Vanity Fair is about how Amy keeps her sexy figure by saying no to donuts. An airbrushed photo of Amy adorns newsstands everywhere, with a highlighted quote from the article, something like "I understand true change comes from within".
2 weeks after that, Amy does another interview where she says she was violated by E-Rock that day, and it just proves the superiority of the straight white male in today's patriarchal society for that fat ugly pig to literally take food out of the mouth of a malnourished actress.
E-Rock is fired by SXM and hangs himself in his basement. Opie never speaks his name on the radio again.
erock bites her head off like a preying mantis and drinks the hollywood blood of his enemy and gains another 30 pounds on the spot. Due to the high; very, very high cholestrol from schumers blood, erock has a heart attack and dies before he smashes the floor. The camera fades upwards, showing the 2 pork filled bodies lying lifeless on the floor, erocks left arm resting on his chest, his right, still holding that donut....
Amy giggled and coyly told Erik to take the donut, she just ate a dozen and isn't feeling overly hungry. Erik obliges and jams the donut into his mouth. Amy watches as this giant of a man devoured the glazed delight like a giant would eat a grain of rice. She felt a twinge in her loins as Erik moaned with delight. Amy was sopping wet and ready for something hard and salty after all that sweet. She summoned Erik over, every step he took shook the building, literally. She took his sugary fingers and sucked each one individually in a seductive and sultry manner. "hmmm, sweet... You wanna know what else tastes sweet? " Amy pointed towards her visibly large and wet camel toe. Erik looked confused and ran away.
5 comments
n/a xX_prowl_Xx 2017-06-07
She whispers to him "this jam donut looks like my vagina on my period" he looks at her, blank faced, as if nothing was happening behind his lifeless far-parted doll eyes, and says "pudding" she laughs to herself and thinks "Amy, i think we've found our next bit of stolen material". Skip forward 6 months, theres a half sold out comedy cellar crowd, she bursts on stage and screams "Im Amy Schumer, this is one of my favourite all time comedians, Jim Norton" then the camera pans out the window to a billboard that has her face on it with Jims in the corner, it says Amy Schumer presents Jim Norton...PUDDING.
n/a OkaySeriouslyBro 2017-06-07
The two wildebeests lock eyes. Then Amy softens hers.
"Go ahead and take it E-Rock, I'm actually on a diet" Amy announces.
Her personal assistant thanks her as other various Sirius XM employees start clapping and phoning their relatives to share this moment of triumph.
3 months later, the cover story on Vanity Fair is about how Amy keeps her sexy figure by saying no to donuts. An airbrushed photo of Amy adorns newsstands everywhere, with a highlighted quote from the article, something like "I understand true change comes from within".
2 weeks after that, Amy does another interview where she says she was violated by E-Rock that day, and it just proves the superiority of the straight white male in today's patriarchal society for that fat ugly pig to literally take food out of the mouth of a malnourished actress.
E-Rock is fired by SXM and hangs himself in his basement. Opie never speaks his name on the radio again.
n/a deanthecleanmachine 2017-06-07
erock bites her head off like a preying mantis and drinks the hollywood blood of his enemy and gains another 30 pounds on the spot. Due to the high; very, very high cholestrol from schumers blood, erock has a heart attack and dies before he smashes the floor. The camera fades upwards, showing the 2 pork filled bodies lying lifeless on the floor, erocks left arm resting on his chest, his right, still holding that donut....
n/a decmcg 2017-06-07
Amy giggled and coyly told Erik to take the donut, she just ate a dozen and isn't feeling overly hungry. Erik obliges and jams the donut into his mouth. Amy watches as this giant of a man devoured the glazed delight like a giant would eat a grain of rice. She felt a twinge in her loins as Erik moaned with delight. Amy was sopping wet and ready for something hard and salty after all that sweet. She summoned Erik over, every step he took shook the building, literally. She took his sugary fingers and sucked each one individually in a seductive and sultry manner. "hmmm, sweet... You wanna know what else tastes sweet? " Amy pointed towards her visibly large and wet camel toe. Erik looked confused and ran away.
The end.
n/a Billyassman 2017-06-07
When pork bellies collide,shit hits the fans