ring-ring

Patrice : Hello?

Opie : Hey brotherman!

Patrice : Who is this, how did you get my number?

Opie : It's me, the Opster! Can you believe what happened on The Kardash-

Patrice : goes into coma

...

MONTHS LATER IN THE HOSPITAL

...

Von : Hey baby, I brought you a new guest today! He said he would give me money for a documentree about you, he said his names is Op-

Patrice : dies

Rest in peace

100 lit bb fambb

I now believe this is historical fact

Patrice hangs up immediately and then uses the phone to order 8 buckets of Chinese food. This isn't actually bad for me, that's just more white tricks, he thinks.

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Opie "Patreeeeeeky! How's it going my man?! Listen you absolutely killed today in studio.

Patrice "Oh... well thanks man. I appreciate that"

Opie "You were Soooo good! Way better than Ant or Jimmy. Those guys kinda bombed today, right?

Patrice " Nah man, them dudes were funny as shit. That line Ant said about underage sex was fucking genius"

Opie "ahhh, I think you're exaggerating a lil bit there. I had some great lines today​ though right? ! I gotta admit that. I gotta give myself some credit cos I brought the funny today.

Patrice "hey man, I gotta go.. Thanks for calling"

Opie "No way maaaaan! You have to acknowledge that I killed today. Please just tell me. Tell me I killed, Patrice.

Patrice "Listen, my fridge is leaking and the oven is on fire. I'll call you back some time"

Opie "Why can't I just get some credit every once in a while?! I steer the ship and I create the bits and I still manage to be funny! Why does no one laugh when I'm funny?! Jim and Ant won't look me in the eye anymore and I know it's cos they're jealous of me and my awesome life. Do you wanna know how much I made last year? Hellooooo? Hellooooo? Dammit, stooooopid phone!!!"

It's too obvious. For some weird reason Patrice actually liked opie

I think Patrice was very aware of greggshells and was clever enough to know if he gave Opie any shit he'd not be welcomed back on the show. It never came across as friendliness on patrice's part, more a respect thing but I suppose we'll never truly know.

Yeah but I got the sense that that respect wasn t arbitrary for him, otherwise he would have resented it, like when he called opie the godfather several times

ME: I have tits.

Patrice: I'm dead.

It's too obvious. For some weird reason Patrice actually liked opie