First you need to vacuum the top/bottom/sides, Dyson does a good job with the attachment. If you have a big room, just run that fucker over the top and bottom. If you sweat through your sheets or see some stains (if you're an alcoholic, as most of us are, there's probably piss spots), use something like Resolve on it. Clean that up, then bust out the baking soda and sprinkle it all over the top of the mattress and let it sit there for a day. then vacuum up. It really depends on what type of lifestyle you lead. Do you sweat in bed? Take a shower an hour before you go to sleep. If you don't have that luxury, this type of deep clean is something you'll need to do.
It sure as fuck does. And the best part is, it's my go-to for getting laid with any new girl and has worked 100% of the time. While the rest of you faggots are trying at a bar or after a movie, I can ask a girl to help with doing laundry. When she comes over, break out some booze, then put the bedding on together. “My side is too short!” “No my side is!” HAHAHA! Next thing you know, cock is in mouth and soon to be cunt. Women love clean sheets.
And nobody said otherwise you dirty ass motherfucker. Y'all! This cat right here enjoys being a dirty filthy motherfucker! Keep your applause to a minimum!
I'll think about doing these things. I already wash my sheets weekly but it never occurred to me to clean the mattress or pillows. I usually throw pillows away if they look/smell weird (but that's like once every few years). I want to be gay. I try so hard to be gay.
Probably the fact that they slap on leggings to do yoga for 15 minutes then binge on genetic store bought 13 year old boy snacks that are pumped with hormones to keep them nice and skinnyfat, unhealthy, as all women should be made really. Second class citizens.
All you assholes make fun of Opie's bubs, but he has them because he's on the pill to keep his acne under control. Nice to know he's not the only one struggling with that.
49 comments
n/a UnfunnyFaggott 2017-05-27
We WUZ inventors n shit
n/a jasim18 2017-05-27
I don't understand why women have such awful skin.
n/a Bluesmoky 2017-05-27
It's the result of their emotional instability.
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
I'm a stupid man and even I know this basic shit:
Don't wear makeup to bed.
Wash your sheets/towels (bath/hand/dish etc) once a week.
Clean your mattress every other month.
n/a bill_burrs_butthole 2017-05-27
I'm a stupid nigger, how does one clean a mattress?
n/a DaveNone 2017-05-27
Well since you're one of "those people" you need to focus more on giving your bedbugs a weekly shower and shampoo and less on cleaning the mattress.
n/a SquamateSquadmate 2017-05-27
No seriously how do you clean a mattress
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
First you need to vacuum the top/bottom/sides, Dyson does a good job with the attachment. If you have a big room, just run that fucker over the top and bottom. If you sweat through your sheets or see some stains (if you're an alcoholic, as most of us are, there's probably piss spots), use something like Resolve on it. Clean that up, then bust out the baking soda and sprinkle it all over the top of the mattress and let it sit there for a day. then vacuum up. It really depends on what type of lifestyle you lead. Do you sweat in bed? Take a shower an hour before you go to sleep. If you don't have that luxury, this type of deep clean is something you'll need to do.
n/a bill_burrs_butthole 2017-05-27
Sounds a little too high faulutin. As in, gay af.
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
It sure as fuck does. And the best part is, it's my go-to for getting laid with any new girl and has worked 100% of the time. While the rest of you faggots are trying at a bar or after a movie, I can ask a girl to help with doing laundry. When she comes over, break out some booze, then put the bedding on together. “My side is too short!” “No my side is!” HAHAHA! Next thing you know, cock is in mouth and soon to be cunt. Women love clean sheets.
n/a CoyoteeBongwater 2017-05-27
I can wash a pillow? Thats allowed?
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
Look at the manufacturers tags first nigga! If it's smart foam, put it on air dry for 20 min with a nice fresh dryer sheet.
n/a mayomayomayomayomayo 2017-05-27
This thread is gay as a mug.
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
Yeah, being clean and avoiding facial lesions is for far fags. Keep doing what you're doing.
n/a TotallyNotObsi 2017-05-27
I have never gotten facial lesions from my mattress. I think you're just a greasy Italian.
n/a mayomayomayomayomayo 2017-05-27
It is actually
n/a TotallyNotObsi 2017-05-27
I haven't washed my blankets in 5 years and you think I'll vacuum and massage my mattress with baking soda?
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
Did I ask you to? If you want to be a garbage nigger, keep doing what you do.
n/a TotallyNotObsi 2017-05-27
Oh, you're the uppity kind. Literally no one, except perhaps obese people, need to vaccum their mattress every month.
n/a PaintedPicture 2017-05-27
I agree. This is some gay shit you do
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
And nobody said otherwise you dirty ass motherfucker. Y'all! This cat right here enjoys being a dirty filthy motherfucker! Keep your applause to a minimum!
n/a TotallyNotObsi 2017-05-27
Yuck
n/a ilovediscjam 2017-05-27
Iv been sober 6 days now but the alcohol sweat stains will always remain
n/a SquamateSquadmate 2017-05-27
I'll think about doing these things. I already wash my sheets weekly but it never occurred to me to clean the mattress or pillows. I usually throw pillows away if they look/smell weird (but that's like once every few years). I want to be gay. I try so hard to be gay.
n/a dahnk_u_muhnk 2017-05-27
Start with getting it off the floor.
n/a User234524352345 2017-05-27
LOL! Fuck off faggot, I sleep in my laundry.
n/a MicroPeckah 2017-05-27
It's all the makeup and chemical products they put on it. They're too fucking stupid and gullible to figure it out, though.
Kelsey is just a sweaty, oily mess, though.
n/a gnomerogan 2017-05-27
Makeup definitely does some damage but it's mostly due to female hormone imbalances, theyre more likely to suffer from imbalanced hormones than guys
n/a onemancrimespree 2017-05-27
Probably the fact that they slap on leggings to do yoga for 15 minutes then binge on genetic store bought 13 year old boy snacks that are pumped with hormones to keep them nice and skinnyfat, unhealthy, as all women should be made really. Second class citizens.
n/a TinKnockinMoroccan 2017-05-27
Suction cop attachment for dildos has to be pretty high on the list too.
n/a ElectricHellKnight 2017-05-27
Tss what is that like a police officer or sumptin'?
n/a BabyDinosaurHead 2017-05-27
Women are natural liars in EVERYTHING.
n/a RabboRibbo 2017-05-27
Check out the contour make-up before and after shots.
https://www.google.com/search?q=contour+makeup&client=opera&hs=wV8&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjtyP2an5HUAhWD14MKHYotAdIQ_AUICigB&biw=1242&bih=565
n/a gnomerogan 2017-05-27
they just look like trannies after
n/a bill_burrs_butthole 2017-05-27
Women wear makeup and perfume because they're ugly and they stink.
n/a ImTakingADumpAsIType 2017-05-27
She's not wearing makeup in either picture, you illiterate nincompoop.
n/a CallingMeALiarFrank 2017-05-27
If you play connect the dots with her acne you get a drawing of angry chip.
n/a Robert-T-Pooner 2017-05-27
All you assholes make fun of Opie's bubs, but he has them because he's on the pill to keep his acne under control. Nice to know he's not the only one struggling with that.
n/a ilikemycheetoswithcr 2017-05-27
skinstories makes me angry
n/a Superbad415 2017-05-27
Wow what a funny comedian
n/a NashuaDan 2017-05-27
Women are disgusting and nahhhht funny.
n/a [deleted] 2017-05-27
[removed]
n/a unprovoked_hate 2017-05-27
/r/makeupaddiction is a funny sub. All these insecure losers end up looking like clowns, and get praised by their clown Homies
n/a Peckahnator 2017-05-27
Thank god I'm gay.
n/a Single_Action_Army 2017-05-27
Thank god you're gay ;)
n/a ScorzeMan 2017-05-27
God hates fags.
n/a Single_Action_Army 2017-05-27
Then why'd he make you??? OOHHHHHHHHHH!!!
n/a aidspiss 2017-05-27
Even with acne she looks better than a nigger with perfect skin.
n/a Dannyprecise 2017-05-27
I would ravage that woman with my Latino dick.
n/a ilovediscjam 2017-05-27
Oh wow thats fucking funny. Tell another one kelse. Maybe about getting your period or eating lots of food because youre sad.
n/a ScorzeMan 2017-05-27
I'd still fuck her brains out.
n/a YourMomIsATroll 2017-05-27
she should be more focused on that herp on her lip
n/a crookedmile 2017-05-27
Yeah, being clean and avoiding facial lesions is for far fags. Keep doing what you're doing.