Gang, too long since our last feel good thread. How's about we submit uplifting anecdotes? Whatsay you? Or not. Its a free country. Or is it? Know what I mean folks?

4  2017-05-20 by ffffantomas

I'm just yanking your chains

29 comments

n/a  HitEmWTheHeinnn 2017-05-20

Fucking retarded anecdotes are for faggots like Sarah Palin. I hate that cunt almost as I hate my retarded daughters. Fucking shit eating faggots.

n/a  ffffantomas 2017-05-20

Who is Sarah Palin?

n/a  HitEmWTheHeinnn 2017-05-20

A fucking retarded cunt that has a retarded granddaughter. Hopefully that faggot retard gets raped by some niggers.

n/a  ffffantomas 2017-05-20

Bill Wyman?

n/a  eastriverdriveII 2017-05-20

Graham Techler touched my winky.

n/a  harrisongooch 2017-05-20

He's a serial penis toucher.

n/a  JoeCumiasCockBreath 2017-05-20

I once smashed a homeless man's cake for no reason.

n/a  ElectricHellKnight 2017-05-20

That's one of the funniest things you've ever done in 30+ years of broadcasting.

n/a  emende21 2017-05-20

I saw Sean Spicer driving a Podium into fake news. It was great

n/a  deanthecleanmachine 2017-05-20

I was just at walmart and in line for self checkout and this fat hispanic lady in a scooter wanted to go ahead of me. I wasnt letting her so she started speaking really quickly in that difficult language and Im assuming she was cursing me out. Walmart employee looked at me in disgust because I wasnt being a "gentleman" (fuck her) so she told the El Nascar driver to go to the next register. I watched her stand up and start checking out her items so I walked by and said, "oh you can walk? why do you need that scooter?" she kept speaking spanish so I realized the only thing to do was finish ringing my items and politely tell her to fuck off. Not an interesting story but its something about my day. She really grinded my gears

n/a  ffffantomas 2017-05-20

Not that the vibe I was going for pal but thanks for sharing

n/a  Opesterino 2017-05-20

people in general are such fucking pigs. I avoid leaving my house at times because I refuse to interact with slobs. everytime I go check out or buy gas you have these fucking people trying to cut lines with 10+ items and I just want to get 10 on pump 5. or the fucking lottery assholes.

I suggest a wooden baseball back to accompany you in your vehicle of choice. http://www.slugger.com/en-us/baseball/wood/prime/mlb-prime-ash-i13-longoria-gm-baseball-bat

aluminum is good, very high strength to weight ratio but it can bend. id rather my bat just snap so i can then have a puncture weapon.

n/a  deanthecleanmachine 2017-05-20

I have my ex gfs field hockey stick. Shit hurts like a muuuuuug

n/a  Doc_McCoy79 2017-05-20

In the 3rd grade 'summer olympics,' I was in a potato sack race out on the soccer field in front of the entire 3rd grade student body. I had the flu & was feeling nauseous all day; in the middle of the field, in full view of everyone, I puked. There was a moment of stunned silence; once I got my wits about me, I loudly proclaimed "Welp, they don't call me Luke Puke for nothin!" (Which was my nickname)

The entire class laughed and cheered. I'd saved the day. I went home sick, and my uncle fucked my mouth and ass while we watched "Dallas."

(ONE part of this story wasn't true; I'll leave it up to you to guess)

n/a  ffffantomas 2017-05-20

nah. the vomit part is true. you're a positive guy. thanks buddy

n/a  holodog 2017-05-20

You watched Falcon Crest

n/a  UnfunnyFaggott 2017-05-20

I hope the cells that make up your mother's decrepit, desiccated uterus turn malignant.

n/a  ffffantomas 2017-05-20

My mom has a tumour right now. In real life. So that was a weird one to hear. I get that this is OnA but that one hurt a little

n/a  UnfunnyFaggott 2017-05-20

Oh Jesus Christ. Sorry, man. I'm just fuckin with you. I hope she's okay.

n/a  ffffantomas 2017-05-20

its fine. its the internet. ur comment didnt cause the tumor

n/a  UnfunnyFaggott 2017-05-20

What kind of tumor? And where?

n/a  dahnk_u_muhnk 2017-05-20

User name checks out...

n/a  checks_out_bot 2017-05-20

It's funny because UnfunnyFaggott's username is very applicable to their comment.
beep bop if you hate me, reply with "stop". If you just got smart, reply with "start".

n/a  PepperTheCentaur 2017-05-20

Funny enough I just came across this and thought it would fit the bill https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/6cat0p/service_dog_calms_down_his_owner_during_an/

n/a  PepperTheCentaur 2017-05-20

http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/05/us/aspergers-woman-killed/

n/a  ffffantomas 2017-05-20

Take all my karma good sir

n/a  Jokkijokk 2017-05-20

Once i wrote "once i wrote"

n/a  JohnQNo1 2017-05-20

I dropped out of university a couple of years ago. I wanted to become a scientist. I realised i was too stupid to pursue my dream and ended up leavinga and out of desperation took an apprenticeship as an fridge mechanic. Never found love or fun or any other reason to look forward to the day and its as though my birth were the resolution and lifr thereon where a perpetual denoument.

Now i watch all my peers advancing in their lives, finding love, experiencing all life has to offer and i sit on my computer all day. It's my only friend and anchor. All my ambitions came to nothing and sowing the seeds of youtful desires and hopes yielded a dead harvest. The horizon seems endlessly barren and the only solace i can ever attain is the reassuring sense of oblivion i get when i look up at the stars in the night sky.

n/a  52017 2017-05-20

lol

n/a  Billyassman 2017-05-20

I would love to yank the lever, on the scaffolding.

n/a  ElectricHellKnight 2017-05-20

That's one of the funniest things you've ever done in 30+ years of broadcasting.