Why don't you just buy a prozzi

Being a dead 23 year old won't help you get any girls. Girls (generally) are not attracted to suicides.

Also, let Opie die by his own suicide or breast cancer. Don't ruin it for us.

Try sucking a dick before you off yourself. You might be going about it all wrong.

the body of an 11 year old boy

Are you interested in a free iPad?

This made me laugh

You're gonna want to kill your self when you're in prison for saying this

when you're in prison

At least OP will then likely lose his virginity - repeatedly & violently!

OP is Opie you dolt.

pretty sure this is a jailtime offense

Leap, don't jump

Are you open to taking Method-of-Murder requests?!

I vote you sever his saggy, bologna breasts & suffocate him with em! Pretty pliz OP!?

I'm 23 but have the body of an 11 year old boy, am a virgin and will never get to sexually touch a girl in my life let alone actually have a girlfriend

So what's the problem? That all sounds pretty good

Why don't you just hire a hooker or hit the gym and build your confidence.

He should go on a low carb diet and make shitty jokes on the radio.

Bright side: You can wear all those trendy clothes that people with any semblance of muscle tone can't fit into.

no just kill yourself. If you kill Opie, we will have nothing to live for because not only does this sub feed off of hate, but it'll probably get shut down

Sure. Itll liven up this place

Uh....HELL YEAH!

Yes please.

Just call the Kids Helpline bro...youll be ok.

"Maybe I could kill Opie first; sort of like a 'bonus'...."

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this isn't a particularly wise idea.

for sure kill Opie before you kill yourself. You never know, choking that big tittied bitch to death might give you the satisfaction you're missing

Got to figure out a way to gain access to his studio when Sherrod and Henley are in.

Do like Norton and spend all your money and black men in wigs.

Yes, spend all of your black, wigged men as if they were currency.

I'm legally not saying you should, but Opie being alive is a blight on humanity

I'm not going to say yes because then I'd be encouraging illegal behavior, but hey, throw me in your will and go out like a loon, why not?

Just fly to NYC and kick Opie square in the nuts on tape and live the rest of your life as our king.

Listen to me, and believe me when I say this: Sex is probably the most overrated thing on earth. As someone who spent most of his teen years and early twenties seeking out pussy, I can confirm that it's always disappointing.

a virgin at 23? how shameful and embarrassing. It's not that hard to get a hole to stick. Let me raise your spirits by imparting upon you an old trick to scoring. It has never let me down. First, find a physically fit female in your community. Observe her at afar and make note of her jogging schedule. If she heads out around dusk, it is your ideal opportunity to score. Approach her with a pleasant demeanour. Strike up a conversation by asking her for the time. When she goes to check her phone, bop her in the skull with a firm fist. She will be startled at first, but you mustn't let her scream. Bop her repeatedly until she falls. It is best if you bring a rag to shove in her mouth at this point. Knee her in the ribs so she stops thrashing. Pull her knickers down and you have yourself a girlfriend. Congratulations, you're a man. If you do an exemplary job on the first one, you may even become a ladies man. You'll be the talk of the town then. As for killing Opie, I think that's heinous and vile. Being Opie is enough of a punishment. FYI, I don't think that kind of scoundrel talk impresses anyone around here. This isn't a Patton Oswalt subreddit. Grow up, OP.

this!!!

You're also going to need to condition yourself to be aroused while striking your new girlfriend. Only jerk off to the most violent porn you can find. You already have the reputation of being a skinny virgin. You'll need to prepare the right way if you don't want to also be known as the limp dicked skinny virgin.

You do realize you can pay an escort / hooker to fuck your feminine ass don't you?

take up drugs at least

Well...it would be wrong of me to say it explicitly, but I think we all know the answer here.

Just become a woman and surrender your life to some dude

Go work out you fucking faggot. Stop jerking off 3 times a day, eating like shit and playing video games.

Go work out you fucking faggot. Stop jerking off 3 times a day, eating like shit and playing video games.

Go work out you fucking weak chin faggot. Stop jerking off 3 times a day. Stop eating like shit and playing video games. Also if you kill Opie the cunts on this sub would have nothing to talk about other than holocaust denier Sam Roberts. Now excuse me while I beat it to some trap porn and eat a 2nd breakfast.

Oh shut up and go to the ER like I did last month. Talk to a doc, get some meds to balance out your thoughts. And eat some protein. You can fuck a 5-6 if you eat pussy good too.

Also feel better

Faggot

no man you shouldn't kill opie. You shouldn't go to trump towers where he lives and wait for him to get home from Sirius and kill him on his street. You shouldn't do that

buy some Kratom and say goodbye cruel world