letting a female jogger use the restroom

I thought you said this was Amy Schumer.

She's in training.

Why did you link the article as if anyone here gives a fuck that she bought a mattress?

Her mattress was custom made using only the finest Egyptian cotton, and the coil springs of a 2017 Cadillac Escalade

I thought they would have found miscarried piglets in the bowl as well.

If you want to know how white trash I am. Me and my mother went to the grand opening of a new Dollar tree in town when I was 13. My mother had colon cancer and apparently took such a big shit in the brand new bathroom that she overflowed the toilet. She came out the bathroom and made us hurry the fuck out of there.

Everything about that anecdote is hilarious.

You gotta enjoy the little things in life.

Even the cancer?

Especially the cancer.

Your mom had cancer, I think you get a pass. Opie shit on a beach because he was lazy. That's white trash.

Honestly. How the fuck do you miss the toilet that bad?

They start pulling down their pants and shit flies out. Usually fat fucks like Amy who can't control their diet and keep crammin in truck stop food.

They don't sit their ass on the toilet seat. They hover their ass 6-12 inches above because "public restrooms are gross so fuck everyone else." Self-fulfilling prophecy.

from drinking 40's of OE.

I did that once at work, barely got pants down, exploded in the act of attempting to sit.

Sprayed the bowl and wall, and left a perfect hiroshima shadow outline of the bowl on the wall from the angle of approach.

It was beyond cleaning, I had to leave. It was the only stall in the office, and people had come in afterwords, I could see their shoes.

I had to wait for a moment to run and not be seen leaving the crime scene. I did and heard everyone talking about it for days.

I just said whoever did that should be fired.

I had a similar experience on my first day of a job visiting a hospital neo-natal unit. I had to get a 5am train to arrive at a coastal town at 8 am to get picked up by a colleague I'd never met before.

I was anxious and tired and decided to have a second coffee during my 20 min wait at the station. I felt a twinge and within 20 seconds I was frantically unbuttoning my trousers in the public toilets. I got them down just in time but I had a very blousey white shirt which suddenly felt a little heavier on my back. It'd basically caught everything like a practice net at a driving range and directed it all neatly into the bowl.

I had 5 mins till my lift, so still half squatting I gently shook the excess shit off my shirt like a matador, rolled it up in tissue and tucked it in my trousers.

When I left the stall there were two guys staring at me by the sinks. I walked up to the 3rd sink and scrapped a fleck of mud off my cuff using the edge of the tap and soaked it before rolling up my sleeves and off to a 30 min car ride with 3 people I'd never met and would be working with for at least a year.

I had a similar experience. One time I had to shit real bad and couldn't make it to a toilet in time and I shot my pants.

I'm good for that about two times a year.

Dont we know it Brett

Id just take my own life.

That's a great story. Somebody must mave pointed out the libgering smell in the carride, no?

I think I got away with it, but if you just met a new colleague would you ask them why they smell like diarrhea?

People who listen to OnA, yes.

maybe it was a pajeet who only hit the toilet by accident

This is what happens when you don't eat fiber

I've been a little lax on the fibre front and still managed to get the lion's share of it in the bowl

Looks more like Lady Di's MO to me

No, no, no that's not my modus operandi

Hello this is Clive James from the Daily Mail Online. We would like to use your photo on our website, please PM your email to discuss.

Now this is a thread that i can appreciate as a big shit enthusiast myself

/r/nocontext

Pit stop: Mattress Firm clerk Sagine Lazarre says Amy was out for a jog last Thursday in Chicago when she came in and asked to use the bathroom

Did she spot a hot dog stand?

a asthetic represntation of Opie Radio

Whoever actually did that shit is dying or already dead.

Why is there a photo of Norton's act up here?

I had an incident like this once, though probably not as bad. I had eaten a fuckload of these candies that were on the market for a very brief time in the 90s that even came with a large warning of having a laxative side effect. I was trying to lose weight at the time, so I was often munching these fat free candies instead of actual food for my work lunches. I must've really overdone them this day and got hit with the critical urge to shit all at once. I was baby-stepping it to the public bathroom at work, walking mostly from the knees down. I even made it inside the stall when it hit me that the pressure of what was behind my sphincter had become stronger than its pinch control and liquishit was coming out in about 0.5 seconds regardless of where my ass was. I couldn't even try to make it the final 3 feet to the toilet. I just ripped my pants down as fast as I could and squatted. I think my belt line just barely cleared the blast zone as I started rocketing yuhoo ("that's mine! I wrote that!") from my anus. Thank fucking christ no one else happened to be in there to hear the indisputable wet slapping sounds of liquid shit falling onto porcelain.

I distinctly remember looking down as it was happening and watching more and more splatters appear between my feet, often hitting the heels of my shoes and bottoms of my pant legs. I scrambled to clean myself up as fast I as I could, including a fast wipe down of my shoes and pant legs. As I ran out of the bathroom I nearly collided with another person and figured, shit..the gig was up and I was about to be dubbed Capt. Floor Squirts at work, get fined or fired, etc. But it was a woman who turned and went into the women's bathroom. I had gotten away with it. Later, one of my coworkers came walking in and said to another, "hey, you know the bathroom down by the vending machines? Someone took a diarrhea shit... on the floor. Looks like they hadn't gone in a fucking week." I was just silently shaking with internal laughter. At the end of the day I strolled past the bathroom to find it was blocked off with an "out of order" maintenance sign. Just felt like sharing.

She's in training.