I'll Pay You Money To Be My Friend

7  2017-04-10 by [deleted]

[removed]

22 comments

Anthony is that you?

ok i am willing to negotiate my fee, but i also want a guarantee the mini-fridge will have at least 1 drink and snack in it, if and when I show up.

Done & done! Now let's talk turkey ....

Will the snack be turkey?

You mean you want to eat Jimmy? (because he is a turkey)

I don't need money, just buy me a plane ticket to whatever city you live in and let me crash on your couch for a few months. And supply me with an alcoholic's amount of beer. And have food for me.

Sounds reasonable. Are you married to the idea of flying first class or will steerage coach do?

I'm not a fancy man. As long as it's not a middle seat, I don't care what part of the plane I'm at.

Alrighty then!

I'll be your friend for free LuciferMcSatan, just relax on the "visting each other in real life" nonsense.

I think an eventual meet-up all the people here would be a nice thing.

I imagine that would be room full of "men" (put in air quotes because I'm using that term loosely) staring uncomfortably at their phones so they don't have to make eye contact.

So someone can crash at your place but you only have a mini fridge?

That's all I can afford, a mini fridge.

When you rent any apartment it comes with a fridge, the implication being that you rent a room or something?

Well, that's true. But one day I was short of liquid assets. So I sold the full-size fridge. Then I just ate take-out until I was able to get a used mini-fridge from the same place I sold the full-sized one to.

Using the term "liquid assets" will not trick anyone into believing this is a normal thing that happens to normal people, especially if you sold your fridge but ended up eating from restaurants all the time.

I wouldn't call curry take-away places "restaurants".

Takeout is universally more expensive than groceries, what sort of bizarre fucking life do you lead?

Fresh groceries rot.

Not if you have a fridge.

After I sold the regular fridge, I didn't have enough spare cash for awhile to buy the used mini-fridge. So it was take-away. But don't get the idea I was eating lavish Indian & Chinese buffets. More like vegetable fried rice drowned in soy & duck sauce packets, chop suey, etc.

When you rent any apartment it comes with a fridge, the implication being that you rent a room or something?