Unemployed welfare recipient and Times Square celebrity impersonator Brother Joe's LinkedIn profile is one of the most entertaining things I've read in a while.

37  2017-03-20 by RamonFrunkis

48 comments

For the five users who have jobs/network I would open incognito mode or your backup browser so you can glean choice phrases like:

"Leadership and organizational skills are my strong points. I run every job (or show) as close to military operation standards as possible, which in this business, makes me somewhat of an anomaly."

There are no fewer than a dozen jokes I could make on that alone.

Wasn't he just an army janitor?

Dont knock BJ Cumia's contribution to Troop morale.

In the dark days of Dont Ask Dont Tell. Bro Joe was the only selfless patriot who personally saw to it that, the needs of "queerer" servicemen got attended to in the shady backalleys & outhouses on base.

What needs? Professional audio/visual production?

"Come on down to The BJ DV/DA Shack! Port Jefferson Station's #1 destination for all your media needs. That's Bro Joe's DV/DA shack for all your Digital Video / Digital Audio needs! 123 Moochum Boulevard in the heart of Port Jefferson Station, New York!"

At best he was an Army Corporal after serving only four years. The closest he probably came to actual military planning was getting coffee for his Second Lieutenant.

I bet you could bounce a quarter off the bed Anthony bought Joe.

I didn't realize playing other people's music required such an in depth organizational structure

Joe is such perfect a white trash caricature

Make one.

My shows are executed flawlessly and have more blow black than the Gulf of Tonkin.

Civilians are prone to panic and lose control of any given situation. My military education taught my invaluable life skills like being disciplined, patient, calm, and to only post publicly, racially, and endlessly.

Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill your career with every booker you meet.

Secretary General Joe "Fag Dog" Fattass

'n'sheeeet

Eh.

There is nothing even resembling a joke there...

What do you expect, I'm a ffawking civilian. Okay?! I leave the heavy lifting to those with a United States Military education.

Screencap it for us, brotherman. Think of all the sweet karma. You'd probably get 10-15 points, easy.

Those endorsed skills are great. "Talentless", "Nothing", "Childhood Bets".

This is such an insight into his most crippling delusions.

I guess peeling potatoes and cleaning out the latrines taught him military leadership skills.

Omg. He's good at "schooling libtards"

Thank you for this, holy shit this is great. He is an anomaly alright...

He ends his smooth operator bullshit success fantasy with

No job too big or small

Always be closing

I like how he's trying to court ad agencies, wonderfully unaware any decent shop does about 90% in-house. I also enjoy those 5 lines / 1 sentence basically reads as I will work anywhere with anyone for any purpose so long as it's under the table because Anth still claims me as a dependent.

ALWAYS Be Closing

This shit reads like a teenager looking for their firs job.

he uses numerals instead of spelling out numbers. He has the education of a third grader.

3rd* grader, Libtard.

He is his own way really competes with tranthony on cringe worthy shit. Is there anyway to blast this thing with honest reviews???

I heard he can make pretty sweet midi show intro themes, If this true?

Wait, Joe made that shitty intro for Anthony's show?

I always wondered why it wasn't a rock guitar riff since his brother plays, but figured it must've been a placeholder they were too lazy to update.

The original Cumia show theme was a Joe guitar riff, but it was incredibly dull and generic rock.

you're a butthurt minority with a vendetta cause this dude hurt your feelings. Sorry but it's not trolling or comedy when it comes from a place of asshurt. Same reason most anti-Trump jokes are so unfunny.

Butthurt, minority, vendetta, hurt my feelings, not trolling, not comedy, retaliatory, asshurt.

0 for 8. Keep going though, a blind squirrel is bound to eventually break a clock twice a day!

I don't think that's how the saying goes, sir.

pics or I'm going to peg you as an insecure shitskin

He's so retarded and delusional I always feel bad for laughing at him. Then I remember what a child-spit-guzzling leech he is.

IM FUCKIN ADDING DENNY TO MY NETWORK

"Somewhat of an anomaly" Yes you are Joe, yes you are.

As much as I don't want to defend him, have you ever been in a bar band?

Wow brother joe entertainment has been in existence for 17 years

Education: US Army

So a couple of sandspooks fly a plane into a building and suddenly everybody starts pretending that the army isn't full of retards to the point that fuckwits like Joe actually think that saying this kind of shit makes him look good... I don't like this timeline, it's fucking stupid.

He doesn't live in a flyover state so he's one of the "smart ones" as he calls even his fellow men in arms. Sad. #FakeVeteran

I've had to explain to young, under 30 people, how before 9/11 military members were mocked as wayward people with no other options. Now all of a sudden everyone's a hero.

I'm twenty one and I can't imagine an America without all soldier sniffing. I've always thought that it's always been like this, with the exception of the Vietnam War.

The 80s and 90s was pretty much apathy towards the military. No one openly talked shit like Vietnam era, but there wasn't this praise for no reason either. We all knew the types that joined. Mostly the weirdos in high school who wore camouflage pants and army boots to school.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone will want to network with some loser who looks like Skinny Pete from Breaking Bad.

Sole experience:

President
Brother Joe Entertainment Inc.
January 2000 – Present (17 years 3 months)
I'm not sure what's sadder, that this 65 year old father is completely and totally unskilled or that he is oblivious enough to publicly announce this.

Some top notch skills the bottom.

Do you guys think Brother Joe, Inc. is actually incorporated anywhere?

Is the "state of the art home studio" he runs the one in Anthony's basement?

where we at with the linkedin? Is it necessary to get a job or does it really depend on the industry?

I'm available for freelance work either in my own state of the art recording / production facility

Does Ant know BroJoe is sneaking in at night?

The fact that he referred to himself as an "anomaly" makes me want to kick his teeth.

That endorsement from Billy Staples is quite the feather in his cap.

My shows are executed flawlessly and have more blow black than the Gulf of Tonkin.

Civilians are prone to panic and lose control of any given situation. My military education taught my invaluable life skills like being disciplined, patient, calm, and to only post publicly, racially, and endlessly.

Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill your career with every booker you meet.

Secretary General Joe "Fag Dog" Fattass

'n'sheeeet

he uses numerals instead of spelling out numbers. He has the education of a third grader.