The ghost wipe.

Tapered Teflon Turd

I haven't had a shit like that since I started drinking copious amounts of alcohol nightly.

I didn't either until I started taking kratom, now my beer shits are nice and solid.

I never bothered with Kratom because I assumed it would be a illegal pretty soon and a pain in the ass to get, but that was a few years ago so maybe I should just fucking bite the bullet.

Try it out, there are plenty of places online with ozs as cheap as $5. Get a bunch of different kinds and see what works for you.

Now that your all cleaned out, I guess you can go out and find some black snake.

Good one, Opie.

You ever take a shit where it just shoots out of your asshole like a happy lil torpedo?

Not on purpose.

I celebrate "no wiping necessary" shits. They only happen 1 or 2 times a year for me. Congrats.

My poop came out this morning like a perfect ice cream cone swirlie. I was happy

it was probably wrapped in latex

I just took an Opie too

Just one of the benefits of a well oiled prostate.

I sharted at walmart the other day looking for a battery for my car. I reflected on my way out how it's somewhat easyier to walk with your cheeks lubed up

Yes, and then your biological farther ate them poo poo.

If you shave your ass hair you don't need to wipe as much and use less toilet roll.