how about : hey bob your fat and I raped your wife

"Hey bro, remember the time you ate all that food? Crazy stuff, man"

Read a few chapters from a 50 shades type book and occasionally clarify that this is what the wife would rather be doing with the brother. The less funny the better.

Just listen to the Patrice O'Neal roast and steal the best lines. The Ben Bailey set in particular had some humdingers. Stealing shit from Patrice worked for Amy, it'll work for you.

Maybe OP will get a couple movies and netflix deal too

Appreciate the thought, but I weigh less than 300 pounds and am therefore a complete coward

yU heVE a SkINee bawDI...

Best fat roast joke ever:

"Take some advice from us and lose some weight alright."

It'll bring the house down.

Say that you know you promised them you wouldn't say anything but now's the perfect time to let everyone know - they're pregnant. Then ask him when he's expecting.

Bring a basket and tell them if they'd be good enough to donate what they can at the end of the speech, as you're hoping to buy his brother a neck.

Good natured yuma.

sing one of the erock jingle day songs. i suggest "you're fat as fuck".

Screen a Slideshow consisting entirely of photoshopped images of the bride taking BBC's in all orifices.

You can Schumer some of the stuff from when theronin23 died

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pouRNsBi3eE

Call his wife an ugly cunt and ethnically slur her family. Calling him fat might get a little haha but racially abusing half the room will really cause a stir.

You're so fat you're last priority during a house fire.

''first, I'd like to say praise to Allah..''

Shakespeare: bed presser, horseback-breaker, huge hill of flesh, huge bombard of sack, stuffed cloak-bag of guts, roasted manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, whoreson round man

Just speak from the heart.

Hey randy you're so fat you'll die young but now you tied a woman and possibly a family into your selfish coronary at 43 you fat fuck

Say something like "they each look like a half of a 'before and after' picture on some late night infomercial"

The crowd will be howling!

Tell him that he is a fat person and that u pity him

Finger the bride in front of everybody. They'll love it

"Your husband is gay and falls down a lot"

Best one I have heard was "The Groom said he was going to get in shape for this wedding. I just didn't expect that shape to be a circle"