"Nyquil, who's got the time? I took it, I had a cold. I woke up, I had a beard! Never take Nyquil and go miniature golfing. For 2 hours I thought I was king of that little town. "Hello, Putt-Putt People!"".
You can have your Norms and Burrs; gimme Vitamin D any day of the week, and twice on Sunday!
So not true man. Parallel thinking. Every comedian knows this joke. It's a retelling of an old one. It's different enough. Her delivery sets it apart. They're totally different jokes
True, his is a good bit, hers stinks and ends up being about her pussy. It's just amazing that she would even come close to stealing jokes or lines like this on another special after how badly she was called out last time, especially from such a known and revered tv performance.
She takes his time traveller line to set up an awkward rape joke about a stranger eating her out during college. I couldn't figure out how to get the netflix video, but thanks to the handy transcript:
"Has anyone ever blacked out and been awake when they've come out of it?
-[woman] Yes! -Thank you! Thank you, sister!
It's cool 'cause it's like you're a time traveler. You're just, like, back in your body, like... "What are people wearing now?" And you just kind of keep moving. I, one time, in college-- thank you--"
The Japanese re-purposed her during the war as the great battleship Yamato. They even had to build a special dry-dock to work on her - the largest dry-dock in the world at that time. However because of the Allied Powers' aerial raids, she remained moored at Truk for most of the war, and only saw brief combat, during which she was sunk.
It's really bad. She's piggy sized in a tight leather dress and she has zero confidence in her shitty jokes. It's kind of sad. Two good laughs early on then that stinker of a dirty pussy story and I couldn't watch anymore.
I'm saying there is no possible way she stole this, I just can't believe someone that was accused of so much stealing would just put out a special without running it through people, I mean is she just addicted to stealing
and getting caught? Is that what this is? this special will get killed in 1 star ratings on netflix and her movie will flop and that will be the start of the downfall.
She got away with it, why would she stop? Yeah, it was pointed out, but nobody got as angry as they did over the Beyonce thing and Hollywood gave her another movie.
Good point--she's turned her back on standup in some ways, and is cutting her losses with the Hollywood crowd and her 12 million dollar penthouse while she can.
I listen to Normand and List's podcast, and the way Mark describes touring with her, while respectful, really says a lot. She doesn't seem to enjoy performing, even in front of arenas for $60 a ticket she got called out for doing 40 minute shows like she's Ja Rule In '02 or GnR in '90; she never drops in on clubs while on the road or in NYC or LA--we revere respectable comics who have "crossed over" into stardom but still work on their standup in clubs, like Chris Rock, Ray Romano, Chappelle, Seinfeld, etc. She doesn't seem interested, and spends her time on the road getting high with room service while the other comics all hang out and do spots or fuck.
My impression of this "special" is that she didn't use writers--that this is her return to her own voice, and it just really sucks. Others have pointed out that Jeselnek clearly wrote many of her best jokes 5 or 6 years ago, then she got a team of writers, including Kurt who is a funny motherfucker, but this is her. She lied about playing a bimbo, sex-obsessed cunt, it's actually her.
I'm starting to think that someone like her who brags about shoplifting felony amounts of merchandise might be addicted to the rush that comes after taking something that doesn't belong to her. After so many years of thievery, this maniac's conscious has been utterly vaporized.
I know your question was rhetorical but Amy actually was a kleptomaniac growing up. Stealing shit from clothes stores mostly. She talks about it in her interview on WTF with Marc Maron
Ugh what are guys you doing? Keep this shit off of the sub so that we can keep doing the same retarded gags about Rich Vos dates and Bob Kelly being a whale.
Man that whole Attel special is great. I remember seeing that for the first time when I was like 13 and thinking it was hilarious. Holds up well over time too. Attel rules.
"You ever have too many "things"? Then you need a bigger house, for more "things". I need a place to put my "things". That's the whole meaning of life, where to put your "things"."
"The big yellow one, that's the star we call the sun."
"I really don't care. I don't. (sings) "I really don't care!""
"You don't get credit for things you have to do. "Oh, I take care of my children" Bitch, you have to do that."
This is just an elaborate marketing gimmick to trick us into watching Mencia with tits. Netflix can accurately track the number of people who viewed her special.
71 comments
n/a HitEmWTheHeinnn 2017-03-08
Fucking cunt! That's one of my favorite standup specials of all time. The balls on this pig...
n/a aaron91325 2017-03-08
I hate how CC made him change retarded to dim.
n/a joomommyhappy 2017-03-08
and acid to Nyquil, with his miniature golf bit
"Nyquil, who's got the time? I took it, I had a cold. I woke up, I had a beard! Never take Nyquil and go miniature golfing. For 2 hours I thought I was king of that little town. "Hello, Putt-Putt People!"".
You can have your Norms and Burrs; gimme Vitamin D any day of the week, and twice on Sunday!
n/a breadmoccasin 2017-03-08
I always thought that actually made that joke funnier because "Them titties ain't dim" sounds silly.
n/a crookedmile 2017-03-08
But those titties ain't retarded!
n/a ChurchOfBaldOpie 2017-03-08
So not true man. Parallel thinking. Every comedian knows this joke. It's a retelling of an old one. It's different enough. Her delivery sets it apart. They're totally different jokes
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
True, his is a good bit, hers stinks and ends up being about her pussy. It's just amazing that she would even come close to stealing jokes or lines like this on another special after how badly she was called out last time, especially from such a known and revered tv performance.
n/a bonniesretardsister 2017-03-08
She thinks Dave owes her for being in Trainwreck.
n/a PharoahFaucet 2017-03-08
ding ding ding diggy ding ding...
ding ding ding dingy ding ding...
they're totally different
n/a TheGhostOfAbeVigoda 2017-03-08
The Vanilla Ice defense. Tried and true.
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
She takes his time traveller line to set up an awkward rape joke about a stranger eating her out during college. I couldn't figure out how to get the netflix video, but thanks to the handy transcript:
"Has anyone ever blacked out and been awake when they've come out of it? -[woman] Yes! -Thank you! Thank you, sister! It's cool 'cause it's like you're a time traveler. You're just, like, back in your body, like... "What are people wearing now?" And you just kind of keep moving. I, one time, in college-- thank you--"
n/a DanisRibs 2017-03-08
Fuck the title of this post.
Statement statement statement. Adjective. Sad. Pathetic!
Go back to the_donald with this Trump speak you fucking cunt.
And fuck Amy Schumer too.
n/a darklydreamingdayln 2017-03-08
I think that was the point, dipshit.
n/a DanisRibs 2017-03-08
Eat a dick
n/a darklydreamingdayln 2017-03-08
Buried me.
n/a BoardroomBimmy 2017-03-08
He'll say anything!
n/a DeafandMutePenguin 2017-03-08
Wow, with the number of downvotes you're getting maybe you should go to another sub.
n/a DanisRibs 2017-03-08
I'd consider it if I was big enough of a homo to care about internet points, like yourself. Faggot
n/a DeafandMutePenguin 2017-03-08
DanisRibs doesn't care about internet points... yet cares enough to tell people what subreddit to post into.
Go fuck yourself loser.
n/a DanisRibs 2017-03-08
Go post another Avengers video for your son, whose dick you probably suck
n/a THEPOOPSOFVICTORY 2017-03-08
I eat ass on Tuesdays.
n/a Spokker 2017-03-08
Good recovery.
n/a DeafandMutePenguin 2017-03-08
OOOHHH Guy who doesn't care about "fake internet points" trolls through post history to try to find a comeback.
Notice I didn't need to do that to burn you? It's because you're that big of a loser I didn't need to.
n/a panasonictooth 2017-03-08
This title read like a tweet from Donald Trump. Bad (or sick) guy!
n/a BabyDinosaurHead 2017-03-08
BE CAREFUL!
n/a MedicatedHead 2017-03-08
The 3 ingredients that make a great comedy special:
1) I shit in front of my boyfriend and have a stinky pussy.
2) 2 girls got murdered at my show.
3) I'm fat and brave and girls that are skinny aren't brave.
n/a rsplatpc 2017-03-08
4) Wear something too tight and comment on how you should not have worn it
n/a fish_flower 2017-03-08
yay! I've been waiting for these to be found
n/a heslaotian 2017-03-08
Not watching her special. I've seen Elephant in the Room.
n/a rsplatpc 2017-03-08
It's a real TRAINshesfat
n/a BPWhalen 2017-03-08
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZqo4OZ0Pqs
n/a Dannyprecise 2017-03-08
Have you seen the documentary about her skydiving? It's called Operation: Dumbo Drop.
n/a Patricki 2017-03-08
The Japanese re-purposed her during the war as the great battleship Yamato. They even had to build a special dry-dock to work on her - the largest dry-dock in the world at that time. However because of the Allied Powers' aerial raids, she remained moored at Truk for most of the war, and only saw brief combat, during which she was sunk.
n/a Clivepwnens 2017-03-08
I've seen Cunt on a Stage Yapping before.
n/a realister 2017-03-08
joke thief
n/a iHaveHobbies 2017-03-08
Anyone have a clip of her telling the joke?
n/a Phantas_Magorical 2017-03-08
I don't think there is any video evidence of Amy Schumer being funny
n/a rahtin 2017-03-08
It's really bad. She's piggy sized in a tight leather dress and she has zero confidence in her shitty jokes. It's kind of sad. Two good laughs early on then that stinker of a dirty pussy story and I couldn't watch anymore.
n/a RamonFrunkis 2017-03-08
Sorry for the poor quality.
n/a Leonard_Betts 2017-03-08
the whole special she kept doing this awkward jig dance exactly like ashley simpson on snl when she got caught lip syncing.
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
It was uncomfortable for everyone involved. So much flesh flapping around. The lame voices and rehashed pandering. Just a debacle.
n/a dankfranklin 2017-03-08
and an ob tampon y'all, hello
n/a helobious1 2017-03-08
That's her "dassabesso" moment
n/a TrackSuitVos 2017-03-08
Wooooooo!
n/a Ona75 2017-03-08
I'm saying there is no possible way she stole this, I just can't believe someone that was accused of so much stealing would just put out a special without running it through people, I mean is she just addicted to stealing and getting caught? Is that what this is? this special will get killed in 1 star ratings on netflix and her movie will flop and that will be the start of the downfall.
n/a bonniesretardsister 2017-03-08
She got away with it, why would she stop? Yeah, it was pointed out, but nobody got as angry as they did over the Beyonce thing and Hollywood gave her another movie.
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
Good point--she's turned her back on standup in some ways, and is cutting her losses with the Hollywood crowd and her 12 million dollar penthouse while she can.
I listen to Normand and List's podcast, and the way Mark describes touring with her, while respectful, really says a lot. She doesn't seem to enjoy performing, even in front of arenas for $60 a ticket she got called out for doing 40 minute shows like she's Ja Rule In '02 or GnR in '90; she never drops in on clubs while on the road or in NYC or LA--we revere respectable comics who have "crossed over" into stardom but still work on their standup in clubs, like Chris Rock, Ray Romano, Chappelle, Seinfeld, etc. She doesn't seem interested, and spends her time on the road getting high with room service while the other comics all hang out and do spots or fuck.
My impression of this "special" is that she didn't use writers--that this is her return to her own voice, and it just really sucks. Others have pointed out that Jeselnek clearly wrote many of her best jokes 5 or 6 years ago, then she got a team of writers, including Kurt who is a funny motherfucker, but this is her. She lied about playing a bimbo, sex-obsessed cunt, it's actually her.
n/a bonniesretardsister 2017-03-08
Her set really could have been saved by a "THANKS TO THIS LAME ASS SECURITY, I'M GOING HOME (mic slam)" moment.
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
She's no Axl.
n/a ReDMeridiaN 2017-03-08
I'm starting to think that someone like her who brags about shoplifting felony amounts of merchandise might be addicted to the rush that comes after taking something that doesn't belong to her. After so many years of thievery, this maniac's conscious has been utterly vaporized.
n/a TragicColonAutopsies 2017-03-08
"conscious"?
n/a ReDMeridiaN 2017-03-08
Fuck me conscience
n/a TragicColonAutopsies 2017-03-08
I still love you and I always will.
n/a RetiredPerfectionist 2017-03-08
I know your question was rhetorical but Amy actually was a kleptomaniac growing up. Stealing shit from clothes stores mostly. She talks about it in her interview on WTF with Marc Maron
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
Only $100,000 worth, and it was from big corporations, and hell, she was young. Well, she was an adult...what's that?..she was 23/24?
n/a PassProtect15 2017-03-08
Ugh what are guys you doing? Keep this shit off of the sub so that we can keep doing the same retarded gags about Rich Vos dates and Bob Kelly being a whale.
n/a DeafandMutePenguin 2017-03-08
And stopping 2U from playing anywhere.
n/a IggysGlove 2017-03-08
The saddest thing about this is nowadays blackout drunk/time travel is a common joke non comedians make.
When attel did it the bit was fresh. Now it's hack as shit.
But she did actively steal it from attel. She probably heard a jabroni says it in everyday conversation and was inspired
n/a bornrevolution 2017-03-08
Man that whole Attel special is great. I remember seeing that for the first time when I was like 13 and thinking it was hilarious. Holds up well over time too. Attel rules.
n/a Clint0nBukowski 2017-03-08
Skanks for the memories is one of my favorite stand ups
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
It's almost 15 years old but totally timeless. Maybe the best comedy "album" of all time?
n/a DeafandMutePenguin 2017-03-08
We need a side by side to push on twitter. And get to the top of /r/videos.
n/a cardaderdention 2017-03-08
very low energy.
n/a User234524352345 2017-03-08
many such cases. sad!
n/a SkepticSloth 2017-03-08
Her next special:
"You ever have too many "things"? Then you need a bigger house, for more "things". I need a place to put my "things". That's the whole meaning of life, where to put your "things"."
"The big yellow one, that's the star we call the sun."
"I really don't care. I don't. (sings) "I really don't care!""
"You don't get credit for things you have to do. "Oh, I take care of my children" Bitch, you have to do that."
"Here's your poster."
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
"So I show up to the party with the moose."
n/a Peckas1 2017-03-08
This is just an elaborate marketing gimmick to trick us into watching Mencia with tits. Netflix can accurately track the number of people who viewed her special.
n/a bowserjrjr 2017-03-08
Nick Swardson has a similar bit on his super popular Party album too I believe.
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
In his case it was probably just parallel thinking.
n/a bowserjrjr 2017-03-08
Just pointing out how old and tired this bit already is at this point. Fuck Amy
n/a PhilipMarma 2017-03-08
Good point. It's almost "angry pirate" stale.
n/a THEPOOPSOFVICTORY 2017-03-08
Why didn't everyone go after Schumer the way they went after Garcia Mendoza?