i was just thinking about this. i have stood my whole life but i have been sitting recently. it feels weird to me, but it is definitely better. i feel disgusting for the way i've been living.

Be honest, are you obese? The only time I heard of people standing to wipe are fat people.

Have you got a fat pad around your small penis?

6'2 210 here. I stand, but have my whole life. We stand together.

He will not divide us.

classic radio style shit stir.

nice work

or friends?

Liar

alt accounts?

How to you sit without getting shit all over your balls when you bring it back through? Genuinely curious.

u tell me squatting monkey

Are you a folder or a crumpler?

I shall adopt this method

This is a great technique.

I shit standing & sit down to wipe. Seriously though, I've always sat to wipe

I used to do a couple wipes then kinda squat and wipe. I've had a bidet for a couple years now so I now spray then squat.

This always blows my mind. How does squatting to wipe seem like a normal thing to you people? It's so much easier just to lean to the side while sitting on the bowl. You're a god damn savage.

Stand to wipe. Only savages with shit covered balls, raised by their mother's sit to wipe.

If you sat to wipe, you'd hit your balls? What kind of messed-up nutsack do you have?

I'll be sure to stand up wind from your shit sandwiched ass cheeks you animal

if I'm about to take a shower, I don't bother. Every other time, sitting while I lean forward and do a 3/4 reach around wipe.

WHAT?

That's what Howard Stern does

first wipe sit rest stand.

i have no fucking idea why

Standing to wipe is the equivalent to pulling your pants down to your ankles to pee.

I had the instint to do both as a child and was told not to becaus, according to my father "thats what girls do" (which makes absolutely no sense in either instance. But... Sean McDonough the announcer for Monday Night Football: He used to call RedSox games in the 90s. I was a kid and id spout off random stats to my dad and say: "Sean Mcdounough said... bla bla" and my dad would say " dont listen to him, he pees like a girl like how i told you not to". Years later I come to find out that was true: My father used to go to Hartford Whaler games and apparently met Sean McDounough there and according to all accounts, Mr. Mcdounough has/had a serious drinking problem. And my dad said he saw Sean Mcdounough pissing with his pants all the way down to his ankles about 10 feet away from the urinal, just pissing all over the floor and his own pants.

Thats all for storytime folks, well I guess heres one more u may like and can maybe pull on your own kids... My dad once woke me up early one July morning and said "what are you doing?!? Its Christmas morning come open up all of your presents!!!" Waking up from a cold sleep at 8 years old, i had no idea what was going on. I ran out to the living room and to my surprise there was no tree nor presents, just an empty room filled with what i would find out to be weed smoke. I looked at him and cried cried cried. And i have never seen him laugh as hard to this day.

How did your dad say dat ass was?

His dick said it tasted good

I thought this was going to go into the Sean McDonough is gayyyy territory. A long time rumor.

Well, it kinda makes sense with the whole he pees like a girl statement and him just going into a mens room and dropping trou fully.

I don't understand the logistics of wiping your asshole while standing

I think fat people do it.

/u/bick_bickerson, comment?

Bicks not that fat don't be mean!

Well, this sub should all vote standing then

I stand. And I don't understand the logistics of wiping while sitting.

I'm somewhere inbetween, I lift my supple cheeks a few inches above the toilet and get right in there. Do people really stand up wiping themselves?!

I discovered this one day back in high school talking to my friends. Those of us who were sitters were totally fucking shocked that people actually stand to wipe. It makes zero sense. Their cheeks smushed the shit around their assholes and made it difficult to get the TP inside because the cheeks were closed. Also it weirded us out that they would wipe and then throw a shitty piece of toilet paper into the toilet from a standing position. None of it makes sense, fucking animals the whole lot of em.

I stand when I wipe but I don't stand straight up like a psychopath. I bend over like a queer ass agape and dig in deep with the toilet paper around my finger.

Stand..... With Ant

I squirt a stream of water up my asshole with a bidet.

Sit for the majority, back to front. Give it an extra wipe or two standing, with a bit of a squat. I also sorta gauge it by feel, if it seems like it's a mess, straight to the baby wipes.

This is the best answer. Get the majority while sitting, then kinda do a stand squat to get the rest all tidied up.

Sir for all the heavy work. I stand and give a once over with a baby wipe to make sure everything is spic and span. Then I get a spring in my step like a jolly lad.

I shit like clockwork, once a day, within 30 minutes of waking up. I squat when I wipe, then jump in the shower. A clean asshole means you can scratch and sniff safely for the rest of the day.

I wish my bowel movements were on a schedule like that.

What is the point of sniffing a clean asshole?

Sat down. Ass spread widely during. When done I lean forward so i can get my hand behind my back and then 4 or 5 dry wipes. Finish off with a few wipes with some tissue i have spat on and finish off going a lil deep. Its not rocket science bros.

Wtf, you spit on the toilet paper? That's disgusting, just use water from the sink/tub/shower.

I use a hose or wait for it to rain. He doesn't much like it but the mud gets everywhere if I leave it and he often sits in his own shit.

Do you lie down to cough?

What is this, an episode of Bennington?

Next you'll be asking if a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable.

I don't wipe anymore as it has too much of a carbon footprint. I found that just spreading my asscheeks open and holding that position for about 10 minutes accomplishes much of what I need and also feels good

Name checks out.

I stand every single time I wipe. I couldnt even imagine wiping while sitting. But honestly I have an extremely hairy asshole and it creates problems for me. I often have to wipe so hard to get the poop off my hairs that I bleed. Once that happens, I break the cut back open every day and its a vicious cycle of bloody asshole surrounded by poop encrusted asshole hairs.

Seinfeld stands - I seriously asked him

Wtf? Is this really the marginally successful, sometimes funny, sidekick of Joe Rogan?

Magically successful?

bald opie is dat u

Tony Hinchcliffe is a faggot.

He'll die of aids soon enough

Not you.

Finally, a topic I can answer! When I'm all done with my peeps and poops, I call out, "Mom! Mommy! Maaaauuuuum!" and usually within a few minutes she'll waddle upstairs and into the bathroom. First she inspects the scat for size and consistency, but mostly for size. If it's on the big side I'll get a "good job! You've been a very good boy!" and that just makes my day. Then I'll turn around and present my behind to her, she'll get out the wipes and usually remind me to assume the position, which is like what you see when a nog is getting arrested: feet spread, hands out against the wall. She'll give me a good wipe, bottom to top, and usually remark on the consistency of the remnants: "oohh, dirty today! Someone's been eating their vegetables!" which is usually enough to elicit a sly grin out of me. She's always careful to start at the bottom, but does not ever intentionally touch my balls or peener, so don't get any ideas. We aren't sickos like some people out there. About 20 to 30 minutes later, I hear her declare, "clean as a whistle" (that's a little inside joke we have) and that's how I know it's time to pull up my trousers, but first I'll usually put a little napkin square or paper towel tweenst my cheeks as a little "just in case", lol, but I try to make sure mother doesn't see because that is strictly forbidden. If my movement was much bigger than normal, and she's especially proud, she'll give me 5-10 good boy points, which I can then exchange for chicken tendies, puddings, or even a pizza party (250 good boy points), but to be honest, I just end up spending most of them on puddings, anyway, lol!

Unless she isn't home when I shit, in which case I just wipe sitting down. Do people really stand up to wipe themselves? Sounds kinda gay to me, but whatever.

This was funny. Should've gotten more upvotes.

I cant even visualize wiping while sitting

Why would you stand up to wipe when your ass cheeks were just spread when you took the shit? That makes no sense and seems like it would smear shit on your cheeks and be harder to get to. I had no idea anyone other than the morbidly obese did this.

I have stood my whole life. I just recently realized that you are suppose to sit. I still haven't made the transition to sitting yet.

Sitting if I'm not a home. If I'm at home I'll get in the shower and spread my asscheeks and let the water do the job

"Never stand-up when you can sit-down"

Informative thread, guys. (Serious)

Sitting. I also get completely naked like George costanza(not joking)

I was a stander most my life and somewhere in the past year I've realized that I'm suddenly now a sitter

bidet

I like to lay on the floor and pretend that im a hostage in a bank robbery and oe of the robbers is using 100 dollar bills to fondle me in my asshole.

I lie on my back and put my feet up into the air and spread

I think the people who stand to wipe, are the same people who have their trousers and underwear pulled down around their ankles when they stand up to piss.

Standing...wtf am I? A woman? No...a man stands, with one hand on the wall in front of him when he wipes is ass.

It isn't even the first time this has been discussed here.

wtf? how do you whipe standing up? dont your ass cheeks press together and make a shit rorschach test?

This fascinated me

This is like when a friend of mine thought that you throw toilet paper in the garbage after wiping

How the fuck do ppl sit while wiping? You put your hands in the toilet bowl?

I have always stood and never even thought to sit until this sub brought it up. Now I do both.

Sitting. I am not a fatass so I can afford to be lazy when I wipe my starfish.

Standing with one foot on the bowl, asshole doesn't get much more open than that.

Motherfucka's gonna have shit on his tonsils afterward or shiznit.

sit with tp, then stand with wet wipes to really dig in there

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Fat people definitely sit to shit, as do ladies and homosexuals

I was a stander and for the first time in my life tried it sitting down. I feel like my life's changed

Ive never wiped my ass

Any other topics from this weeks LOS you want to talk about?

I shit while standing and then sit down to wipe

Bidet takes 90% off, then a nice standing wipe to dry it and take any remainder

I shall adopt this method

This is a great technique.

I wish my bowel movements were on a schedule like that.

I had the instint to do both as a child and was told not to becaus, according to my father "thats what girls do" (which makes absolutely no sense in either instance. But... Sean McDonough the announcer for Monday Night Football: He used to call RedSox games in the 90s. I was a kid and id spout off random stats to my dad and say: "Sean Mcdounough said... bla bla" and my dad would say " dont listen to him, he pees like a girl like how i told you not to". Years later I come to find out that was true: My father used to go to Hartford Whaler games and apparently met Sean McDounough there and according to all accounts, Mr. Mcdounough has/had a serious drinking problem. And my dad said he saw Sean Mcdounough pissing with his pants all the way down to his ankles about 10 feet away from the urinal, just pissing all over the floor and his own pants.

Thats all for storytime folks, well I guess heres one more u may like and can maybe pull on your own kids... My dad once woke me up early one July morning and said "what are you doing?!? Its Christmas morning come open up all of your presents!!!" Waking up from a cold sleep at 8 years old, i had no idea what was going on. I ran out to the living room and to my surprise there was no tree nor presents, just an empty room filled with what i would find out to be weed smoke. I looked at him and cried cried cried. And i have never seen him laugh as hard to this day.

What is the point of sniffing a clean asshole?