2005, King of Queens is wrapping up, Comedians of Comedy documentary is in theaters, Patton seems like a hot up-and-coming comic star. Sure his sense of humor is awkward and self-deprecating, but he makes Michelle laugh and smile. She's happy.
2009, Ratatouille did well but didn't do much for Patton's career. He stars in "Big Fan" to go serious but it only grosses $234,000 at the box office. Still, he has standup and is cameoing on Reno 911 and Tim & Eric, still gets a lot of respect from other comedians even if the "awkward and self-deprecating" act grows tiring. But Michelle pops out a kid, and as well all know a child is the best way to make a failing relationship work.
2016, He's still king of the television cameo, or the 7th role in a comedy film. But now he's become obsessed with politics, seeing Trump's presidential campaign and becoming furious with it. Michelle has finally accepted that this is it, Hollywood had accepted Zach Galafanakis as their awkward, pudgy, self-deprecating leading man and Patton had essentially hit his ceiling back in 2009. But there's a daughter, and Michelle loves her daughter, and doesn't want to break up her family, so she goes and sees a therapist to vocalize how much she can't fucking stand Patton's wormy self-important bullshit anymore. She's spent over a decade dealing with his whiny beta nonsense, so like every hack Beverly Hills celebrity therapist, they recommend anti-depressants. She takes them, and suddenly everything becomes a fog - her husband's rants about Trump, about Star Trek, about how he's auditioning for the 9th lead in the latest Zach Galafankis film - the villain! The problem has found a solution.
She wakes up April 21st, still foggy from last night's high. Patton is up and eager to get to work, talking loudly in phone interviews discussing how he can't believe Trump is still running for President. Michelle pops another pill and drifts back to sleep. 30 minutes later, "SWEETIE WAKE UP PRINCE IS DEAD". Michelle half-opens her eyes as Patton excitedly asks what he should tweet about the event - "Do I make a Purple Rain pun?" "Do I say at least Prince doesn't have to see Trump run for President anymore?" "Do I go completely serious and solemn?" Michelle mutters the last one, but decides to take a few extra pills this time around because her first morning pill didn't override her husband. She drifts back to sleep as Patton runs out of the bedroom, eager to get his tweet about Prince out ASAP.
7 comments
n/a iWhereSchortSchorts 2017-02-20
Haha what happened to the first thread?
n/a Applesauceinmypants 2017-02-20
Patton probably had it removed and is emailing his employer right now to have him fired
n/a blackphilibuster 2017-02-20
The mods are fags and deleted it and sent me "a formal warning" not to post any more patton threads
n/a Applesauceinmypants 2017-02-20
No, he killed her because she ate the last Cinnabon.
n/a Iouisck 2017-02-20
The FBI is going to start posting tweets of obnoxious murderers on here so we could do all the work.
n/a HitEmWTheHeinnn 2017-02-20
I can see this guy's living room having a large corkboard covered in newspaper clippings and photos, with yarn strands connecting them.
n/a Spokker 2017-02-20
He has a stupid name too.
n/a streetsdont 2017-02-20
Those links are so much nicer than the stupid ones before. I am glad you cleaned it up. I know
wifekillano one is watching us.n/a blackphilibuster 2017-02-20
He's always watching, looking out for his next victim
n/a streetsdont 2017-02-20
Sorry, I was away for an hour. What did I miss? Any new leads?
n/a OkaySeriouslyBro 2017-02-20
I take Patton at face value.
2005, King of Queens is wrapping up, Comedians of Comedy documentary is in theaters, Patton seems like a hot up-and-coming comic star. Sure his sense of humor is awkward and self-deprecating, but he makes Michelle laugh and smile. She's happy.
2009, Ratatouille did well but didn't do much for Patton's career. He stars in "Big Fan" to go serious but it only grosses $234,000 at the box office. Still, he has standup and is cameoing on Reno 911 and Tim & Eric, still gets a lot of respect from other comedians even if the "awkward and self-deprecating" act grows tiring. But Michelle pops out a kid, and as well all know a child is the best way to make a failing relationship work.
2016, He's still king of the television cameo, or the 7th role in a comedy film. But now he's become obsessed with politics, seeing Trump's presidential campaign and becoming furious with it. Michelle has finally accepted that this is it, Hollywood had accepted Zach Galafanakis as their awkward, pudgy, self-deprecating leading man and Patton had essentially hit his ceiling back in 2009. But there's a daughter, and Michelle loves her daughter, and doesn't want to break up her family, so she goes and sees a therapist to vocalize how much she can't fucking stand Patton's wormy self-important bullshit anymore. She's spent over a decade dealing with his whiny beta nonsense, so like every hack Beverly Hills celebrity therapist, they recommend anti-depressants. She takes them, and suddenly everything becomes a fog - her husband's rants about Trump, about Star Trek, about how he's auditioning for the 9th lead in the latest Zach Galafankis film - the villain! The problem has found a solution.
She wakes up April 21st, still foggy from last night's high. Patton is up and eager to get to work, talking loudly in phone interviews discussing how he can't believe Trump is still running for President. Michelle pops another pill and drifts back to sleep. 30 minutes later, "SWEETIE WAKE UP PRINCE IS DEAD". Michelle half-opens her eyes as Patton excitedly asks what he should tweet about the event - "Do I make a Purple Rain pun?" "Do I say at least Prince doesn't have to see Trump run for President anymore?" "Do I go completely serious and solemn?" Michelle mutters the last one, but decides to take a few extra pills this time around because her first morning pill didn't override her husband. She drifts back to sleep as Patton runs out of the bedroom, eager to get his tweet about Prince out ASAP.