Let me make sure my information is correct on this Matarese fellow:

1. Marries a rich girl, a self-made one not a "daddy's millions" or "my ex-husband's alimony" one. Not that bad looking either.
2. Puts two kids in her. Want a divorce, you'll have to settle writing me monthly checks so that I keep up my standard of living.
3. Since she's the breadwinner, he becomes a "stay at home" dad.
4. "Stay at home" life becomes tiring, so develops a prescription pill addiction. The real good shit. With wife's connections in the medical industry, you pretty much have an empty RX pad.
5. You also need to be a real man with a real career, so your wife allows you to pursue stand-up comedy, much in the same way a male millionaire allows his trophy wife to pursue a career as a fashion designer or a jewelry designer.
6. However, your stand-up career comes with extra benefits. Other comics are required to earn a livable wage from gigs and other jobs in order to financially justify staying in the business, but you can plug along for 20 years with the same PG dad jokes, your big break always right around the corner.
7. You overhear some kids saying how doing a podcast made them famous? Wifey is happy to cover startup costs after your nightly cunnilingus session.
8. All those lovely little perks that Burr, Louie, Amy, Aziz, Patton, Maron, Rogan, etc get, because other people are paying them large amounts of money to tell jokes across a variety of mediums. The steak dinners, the convertible, the Xanax addiction, the luxury box seats when the Golden State Warriors come to town, the lawyer on retainer to threaten other podcasters, all of it is furnished by his wife.

Forget about how unfunny he is, or what a pathetic zilch unable to handle jokes made at his expense. Just admire his life as something to aspire to, not something to poke fun of. Any one of you fucks would kill to get the Joe Matarese Experience for 20+ years and counting.