I mean didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking and eventually I started reading the VOMIT BAG? Didn't that give you some sorta CLUE like hey maybe this guys not ENJOYING IT? Ya know everything is not an anecdote. You have to DISCRIMINATE! You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting! You're a miracle! You're stories have none of that! They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY!

"Honey I'd like you to meet Gregg Opie Hughes he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out you'll thank me for it!"

I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face, and they'd say "How could you stand it?"

And I'd say I've been with Gregg Opie Hughes....I can take anything. And ya know what they'd say? They'd say "I know whatcha mean the radio guy."

It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you to have a little string on your chest that I pull out and have to snap back, except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back YOU WOULD. AHH AHH AHH AHH.

Oh and by the way when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea! Have a point. IT MAKES IT SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING FOR THE LISTENER!