James Altucher, Author, entrepreneur, podcaster, wall street investor
“I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic”
“You have the timing of diarrhea in the 9th inning”
“That’s an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?”
The jokes are offensive and depraved. The best comedians are truly twisted humans who have a private truth in the center of their black holes and they have the honesty and skill to share it with us.
I can’t stop laughing when I read his stuff or see him on TV or in a movie. That’s Jim Norton.
He’s been around the block awhile as a standup comedian but I first saw him (as an adult) on the HBO series “Lucky Louie” (starring my favorite comedian, Louis CK) where he was the disgusting neighbor always popping in and making gross jokes.
I couldn’t believe it when I saw him. An old man! I watched his HBO special and also his series where he’d bring on other new comedians. I then read his books “Happy Endings” and “I Hate Your Guts”.
The first time I heard him do standup-comedy was when we were in 4th grade together.
He was the new kid in school. Usually the new kids shut up and kept their head low while the rest of us “veterans” got used to them.
Maybe we would be friends with them. Maybe not.
I remember very clearly this new kid sitting about two rows from me, his head straight up, and on day one he was non-stop telling jokes and making the class laugh. I couldn’t stop laughing.
My stomach hurt from laughing so much. I thought I was going to pee in my pants. Mrs. Osborne, the teacher, even said he was a “natural comedian”. We all knew even then he was made to be a comedian.
I always think I’m funny. When I want to make people laugh with a post, I can. When I want to make people laugh when I do public speaking or I go on TV, I usually can. I always wonder, can I do this straight out – be a comedian?
But I can’t.
I look back at Jim and the raw talent. Everything he said was funny. He couldn’t help himself.
4th grade was the only time we ever really hung out. He kept trying to tell me “KISS” was the greatest band ever but for me at that time I only listened to Billy Joel, or…Barry Manilow (hey, “Copacobana” could be the best song of all time).
“Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly”
“I don’t wear rubbers cause you can’t catch it twice”
“I am so ugly, if I got a girl pregnant she would throw herself down a flight of stairs”
And yet despite the fact that all of us were constantly laughing whenever he opened his mouth I still read about all the effort, the persistence, the sheer mania, he had to go through in order to rise up in the comedy world.
How he studied the greats, emulated them, performed at the crappiest dives, rose up bit by bit despite the hardship. Nothing was easy for him. If he had ever given up, he never would’ve been the successful comedian we all took for granted he would be.
His talent was worth nothing. I was even surprised to read about a suicide attempt when he was 18. I didn’t know. I was too busy in my own fantasy world.
“I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil”
“If I was a girl, I’d have a miscarriage right now”
“Look at that little bloody thump on the floor, that was gonna be something!”
I didn’t really know him at all when we were older. I wish I had made more of an effort to make more friends in high school with the people I legitimately liked. But I kept to myself. I played chess. I rode my bicycle in my neighborhood.
I waited for the hell of suburbia to be over, so that real life could begin.
I didn’t make too many friends, thinking that one day the exact thing my parents generation worshipped: money, would be mine and I would be finally happy.
I called Jim a few years ago and he came on my podcast. He told me he only took really boring jobs so, “I would have nothing to fall back on. I had to succeed as a comedian.”
Maybe Jim tried to kill himself at 18 because he saw the joke before the rest of us did. Jim Norton was funnier by far than all of the kids I grew up with.
We were constipated with life and he had crapped it all out. But what made him a comedian was not his enormous talent, or his ability to see through the lies.
But the persistence, mania, tireless study of his peers, and the pursuance of the dream that left the rest of us behind when all we do is weep and sleep.
Can someone link me to the Jim & Sam with Jim's old friend who had become a hack sell-out comic. It was the guy who kept bombing and kissing Norton's ass.
In a way this was the ultimate peckah post because there was no peckah at the end and the author just made you read a lot of retarded drivel with absolutely no payoff. Kind of like this post.
12 comments
n/a BigDummyIsSexy 2017-01-14
If you can't read it without logging in...
James Altucher, Author, entrepreneur, podcaster, wall street investor
“I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic”
“You have the timing of diarrhea in the 9th inning”
“That’s an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?”
The jokes are offensive and depraved. The best comedians are truly twisted humans who have a private truth in the center of their black holes and they have the honesty and skill to share it with us.
I can’t stop laughing when I read his stuff or see him on TV or in a movie. That’s Jim Norton.
He’s been around the block awhile as a standup comedian but I first saw him (as an adult) on the HBO series “Lucky Louie” (starring my favorite comedian, Louis CK) where he was the disgusting neighbor always popping in and making gross jokes.
I couldn’t believe it when I saw him. An old man! I watched his HBO special and also his series where he’d bring on other new comedians. I then read his books “Happy Endings” and “I Hate Your Guts”.
The first time I heard him do standup-comedy was when we were in 4th grade together.
He was the new kid in school. Usually the new kids shut up and kept their head low while the rest of us “veterans” got used to them.
Maybe we would be friends with them. Maybe not.
I remember very clearly this new kid sitting about two rows from me, his head straight up, and on day one he was non-stop telling jokes and making the class laugh. I couldn’t stop laughing.
My stomach hurt from laughing so much. I thought I was going to pee in my pants. Mrs. Osborne, the teacher, even said he was a “natural comedian”. We all knew even then he was made to be a comedian.
I always think I’m funny. When I want to make people laugh with a post, I can. When I want to make people laugh when I do public speaking or I go on TV, I usually can. I always wonder, can I do this straight out – be a comedian?
But I can’t.
I look back at Jim and the raw talent. Everything he said was funny. He couldn’t help himself.
4th grade was the only time we ever really hung out. He kept trying to tell me “KISS” was the greatest band ever but for me at that time I only listened to Billy Joel, or…Barry Manilow (hey, “Copacobana” could be the best song of all time).
“Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly”
“I don’t wear rubbers cause you can’t catch it twice”
“I am so ugly, if I got a girl pregnant she would throw herself down a flight of stairs”
And yet despite the fact that all of us were constantly laughing whenever he opened his mouth I still read about all the effort, the persistence, the sheer mania, he had to go through in order to rise up in the comedy world.
How he studied the greats, emulated them, performed at the crappiest dives, rose up bit by bit despite the hardship. Nothing was easy for him. If he had ever given up, he never would’ve been the successful comedian we all took for granted he would be.
His talent was worth nothing. I was even surprised to read about a suicide attempt when he was 18. I didn’t know. I was too busy in my own fantasy world.
“I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil”
“If I was a girl, I’d have a miscarriage right now”
“Look at that little bloody thump on the floor, that was gonna be something!”
I didn’t really know him at all when we were older. I wish I had made more of an effort to make more friends in high school with the people I legitimately liked. But I kept to myself. I played chess. I rode my bicycle in my neighborhood.
I waited for the hell of suburbia to be over, so that real life could begin.
I didn’t make too many friends, thinking that one day the exact thing my parents generation worshipped: money, would be mine and I would be finally happy.
I called Jim a few years ago and he came on my podcast. He told me he only took really boring jobs so, “I would have nothing to fall back on. I had to succeed as a comedian.”
Maybe Jim tried to kill himself at 18 because he saw the joke before the rest of us did. Jim Norton was funnier by far than all of the kids I grew up with.
We were constipated with life and he had crapped it all out. But what made him a comedian was not his enormous talent, or his ability to see through the lies.
But the persistence, mania, tireless study of his peers, and the pursuance of the dream that left the rest of us behind when all we do is weep and sleep.
n/a YouAintGotToLieCraig 2017-01-14
Podcast interview
The blog post that answer is from
n/a Aemon12 2017-01-14
What the fuck is wrong with James altucher?
n/a yapyapyapyappayyap 2017-01-14
the godfather of goth
n/a Guinness525 2017-01-14
Can someone link me to the Jim & Sam with Jim's old friend who had become a hack sell-out comic. It was the guy who kept bombing and kissing Norton's ass.
n/a theee_tOECUTTEr 2017-01-14
Quora is commie bullshit. Ask them anything related to social justice, its a hoot
n/a NumeroOtto 2017-01-14
I was hoping it would take one of those hard right turns where someones getting ther fawkin peckah sucked
n/a BamMargeraOfficial 2017-01-14
In a way this was the ultimate peckah post because there was no peckah at the end and the author just made you read a lot of retarded drivel with absolutely no payoff. Kind of like this post.
n/a ultr4 2017-01-14
He was voted boy most likely to steal $60,000 from his stupid fans
n/a chippersan 2017-01-14
i started reading then got suspicious and skipped right to the end to see if somebody was plugging rich vos' dates
n/a Flangirlamt 2017-01-14
This stupid fuck really thinks that what he's writing is important.
n/a BamMargeraOfficial 2017-01-14
Seriously, how do you even find this queer shit?
n/a TijnTijn 2017-01-14
Dying alone and unloved?