Patton Oswalt is an embarrassing, fat, estrogen-riddled homo

61  2016-09-12 by TheAmazingPearl

147 comments

"If you knew how to recognize a gravely sick woman you wouldn't be a widower now."

One of the replies.

Somebody from this sub?

Edit: Credit to -> /u/Tom_Stall

That's brutal

BRRUUUUTTTTAAAAALLLLLL... sniff

I was going to say brutal but it reminded me too much of Opie.

Not shitting on you, I should have said it myself.

If so, I'll buy them a hooker. All they have to do is fly to Thailand.

John from John & Jeff says hello.

fuckin win, I hate this pasty bastard and his ugly rotten corpse of a wife

Too soon

Goddamn I love the interwebs sometimes.

I bet it was Opie

Oh, I'm sure he'd be giving Trump this type of praise if it was discovered that he was having health problems...

"Trump has the flu? I'm supposed to trust the presidency with a guy who can get SICK? Pay no attention to the doctors propping Hillary up plz"

Trump never gets sick. Jesus blessed him with the best immune system ever. Fact.

The way that sounds almost makes it seem like sarcasm...

But no hes this dumb

This would have been gold if Colin had tweeted it tbh

thats because Colin's tweeter is all mockery and sarcasm bullshit

What do you mean? And can you rephrase it without the cussing every two seconds?

Wot?

I hate how he feels he always needs to clue us in how cool something is. Sick old ladies aren't "badass."

Nursing homes > Navy SEALS training camps.

I don't think Patton is fit to judge a woman's health.

His wife campaigned a little "too" hard.

its amazing seeing liberals try and spin how this isn't horrific

Right? The funny thing is too, she isn't campaigning hard. She took like a week and a half off and Trump gained on her significantly in every state while she sat back.

She also takes weekends off and maybe does one campaign event per weekday. Meanwhile Trump is doing multiple rallies in different states every day.

Because Trump will live to 110 and grandma might not see November if she is this seriously ill in September.

And they wanted to have Will Ferrell play Reagan retarded from Alzheimer's in a comedy. Imagine if Rebel Wilson signed on to do a comedy about Hillary playing fat feeble Hillary barely hanging on for a campaign.

"campaigning this hard"

She doesn't campaign hard. She barely makes appearances and when she does they're short. She has put in minimal effort the entire campaign.

The pneumonia shit is a farce. Why is a pneumonia-sufferer hugging children?

She never campaigned hard, even when Bernie was running she was nowhere

Even during one of the debates she disappeared from the stage for like 10 minutes.

She had to take a massive shit. Trump uncovered this.

All true. Her schedule isn't that crazy and the pneumonia thing was an attempt at damage control with all the rumors. "We have to address this thing, get out in front of it," you can picture them saying.

Even pneumonia is kind of a shitty excuse since even that can easily be fatal at her age.

And yet it is still a safer excuse than the truth

Lizard people dont get pneumonia.

I dislike him profusely.

No wonder his wife killed herself in her sleep with his hands, he is insufferable

Holy fuck Lol

She has a staff of assistants and medical people. That's how's she's getting by. She's not getting up in the morning and doing stuff like regular people. She has people do it all for her. She just has to be able to stand and talk here and there.

When has she been about to stand or talk? All I've seen is fainting and coughing.

2008 - "Jon McCain is an old man who will probably die in office which is a legitimate concern"

2016 - "How dare you say Hillary shouldn't be president because she nearly collapsed and lied about having pneumonia. You are sexist for that."

I wish his child would die too.

Jesus

What, too real for you?

Where?

but of AIDs right?

i mean the only reason this open mic comic got famous because he wished a teenage girl died of AIDs

What? Got a link or a story to it? I don't think I heard this story.

God that is a painfully douchey statement

His wife died of shame.

Is giving a kid pneumonia badass? I guess it can be.

That kid will be joining Vince Foster in a few months. Thanks Hillary.

She hugged a small child when she had pneumonia? What a fucking cunt!

Trump won today. They can't replace her on the ballot in most states.

TRUMP TRAIN!

38 or so states ballots have already expired for registration. All they can do is resign and hand over the presidency to Kaine if she wins.

It would be bending the rules to replace her - they rigged the primaries for her to win and they should have to stick with it now. She wants to the first female president even if it kills her - it just might!

it just might

Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers...

Joan Joan, suck on my bone

It really won't matter. I'll be stunned if one of the two major parties that control the system aren't allowed to field their candidate. It'd get done one way or another.

Ugh, Kaine is a shitdick who may be more annoying than Hillary.

It doesn't matter who's on the ballot because when the Electoral College meets they can vote for whomever they want. It's called a "faithless elector" but if Hillary's name is forced to remain on the ballot the elector's could then cast their votes for Biden or Bernie if the party told them that's the new nominee.

And when the party has the signatures to be on the ballot they can replace the name. The last time it was done was with Thomas Eagleton in '72. His name was replaced on the ballots despite his replacement coming after registration was closed in many states.

you do know that faithless electors are extremely rare right?

like they account for less than .04% of the vote.

to put this in perspective Rosanne Barr accounted for more of the vote.

faithless electors are basically meaning less

The DNC could convene their state parties to have their electors vote en masse for a new candidate IF it came down to it.

It's unlikely the courts would prevent a name change for the nominee since the parties control the rules for the nominee process.

There's already precedent for replacing someone on the Dem National Ticket this late in the game with Eagleton.

Trump is going to win regardless.

I can't wait for Trump to win

Isn't he just trolling on behalf of Hillary though? I have a hard time believing that a man who supported her and her husband for so long all of a sudden just does an about face. If he wins he'll just concede to her.

The real world isn't a wrestling fight, you should know that Chris

That's something Chris Benoit specifically didn't understand.

Daniel had his chance to tap. That's on that little retard.

after all the coverage on CNN, he should know by know. thats my point

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He supported the Clintons because Himself wasn't an option yet. He's not conceding to anyone. He means it, as absurd a man as he is.

I like how many down votes I got for saying I think it was odd that he did a 180 on his politics all of a sudden. I love this sub.

He was a registered Republican throughout the Bill Clinton years. If the President starts inviting you to parties you would say good things about them too. That's just the way it is.

maybe because it's a far-fetched claim.

As far as i know he's still the take no BS man who had a show that specifically showed how incompetent some famous people could be just to take them down a peg for us little guys

He was taking them down a peg to elevate himself, not for you.

Psst, Bill trashed illegals at the 1997 SOTU. But that was years before most white people left the Democratic Party.

no, that was bernie.

Because he's a smart business man? He knows making friends with powerful politicians is good for business and at the time he wasn't into politics. The political game is all about turning on people. Look at Bernie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCabT_O0YSM

That video shows clips going back to the 80's. It's cherry picked, sure, but he's banging the same drum he does today. "We're really making other people live like kings while we're not," which is about a minute in, sounds like it'd fit right in in him talking about deals with China or outsourcing to Mexico. He hints running a couple times, but says he'd rather not.

He pointed out on one of his early appearances during the presidential election of '12 that it wasn't the Republican's year in a very condescending manner and that they should accept it.

He should follow his own advice.

Even as a Republican who hates Obama I laughed at his trolling of Anthony, though.

If we had any literally almost any candidate but Trump, the election would have been sealed up as a Republican victory months ago.

Trump's way of playing the media and breaking the agreed upon rules that both parties play by isn't something any other candidate would do, he's a buffoon but they never saw him coming.

That's what I've been saying. Rubio or Kasich would be crushing right now. Hillary is a miserable candidate, but outside of Trump's base, people are afraid of him.

Rubio (gang of eight) or Kasich (Illegal immigrants "made in the image of the lord") would have the same shitty policies that Hillary has. That's why Trump beat those clowns.

Though he is gaining, slowly but surely.

Kasich is essentially Bill Clinton. Who gives a fuck if they have an R or a D by their name if they say welfare is great and we're obligated to take care of the lazy because Jesus. Fuck that gay Ohio faggot

Clinton gutted welfare in conjunction with the Republicans back when he was president. Kasich is not that moderate but he did a good job of framing himself that way in the primary. I'm not going to post any links, but just do a search for those two subjects and believe whatever you think's not cucked.

Clinton had no choice. He would have faced a rough 1996 campaign if he didn't sign welfare reform.

I don't follow him at all. How long has he been doing the fat little lib version of Ann Coulter?

Election day 2008? The day comedy died.

I never noticed him coming off as such a blatant troll before. Coulter's the master at coming straight out from under the bridge, with no detours. I thought Patton used to try to mix in a smidge of funny with the old "bet this'll really piss off the other side" gimmick.

Can we have those hours back, get it?

What a douchebag

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I like Patton a lot, but fuck he makes it hard sometimes.

Too true. His newest special was disastrously unfunny as well

I actually support Patton in murdering his wife and ruffling the feathers of right wing hayseeds; but mostly in murdering his wife and getting away with it.

They don't call him the white O.J. for nothing.

Yeah, the Clinton camp would want to keep the pneumonia a secret just in case something like today happened where they could easily blame it on her being sick. Patton CAN'T be this brainwashed.

Sure he can. He's a big ol cuck faggot.

Read his tweeting during various debates if you don't think he is that brainwashed. He was jerking off over anything Bernie said.

Moved to LA and became an insufferable pretentious Hollywood lefty who seems to think 'Ratatouille' was a high-art french masterpiece and now he gets to be among the elite artists for no reason.

Holy shit his 'take-down' Trump parody might be one the single biggest bombs in movie history. It was so bad that its a mercy on him and Depp because nobody even remembers it or barely recalls seeing him in it. Lucky for him.

I thought it was funny, and I'm not just saying that because the writer follows me on Twitter.

The wife killer strikes again!

What a complete shill he is. Fucking douche.

Holy SHIT.

This guy is as dead to me as his wife is to him

jesus

He ruined Space Cop.

Space Cop wasn't much to be ruined.

how is he a homo, he's marri... oh.

i immediately feel bad about this.

Is he trying to make people glad that his wife died? That's the only explanation.

She's so badass at campaigning hard that she's cancelled her next campaigning trip.

/u/breadmoccasin

any comments? Does this make you want to hear more of his stand up?

Well his wife is dead so lol.

Jesus Christ. I can respect a guy who stands up for whatever side he's on but that is just retarded. Fuck you Patton.

The cuck is strong with this one.

I like alot of the stuff Patton Oswald has done like the movie Big Fan but he just needs to shut the fuck up. It seems like since his wife died he's only gotten worse.

He has to be trolling. He can't really believe that line about pneumonia.

Pneumonia will always remind of little naked fez shivering in the breeze.

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This cunt doesn't have pneumonia, there is no way she would be out and about like that with fucking pneumonia. Has Dr. Steve weighed in on this yet?

Hope he does. I have a feeling we'll be hearing the word "fluid".

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How did he out ole' joe?

he outed him as a dim witted schlub

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campaigning hard? yeah, like all the press conferences she's been doing lately... and there's a rumor going around that she sleeps 18 hours a day, that's working hard!

No, he isn't.

I knew it would be twisted that way. Once the "overheated" tactic didn't work it was obvious this would be the spin.

The replies are the worst part, shudder inducing cringe.

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why doesn't he change his twitter photo already? lookin' the like judd nelson's miniature stand-in during new jack city. Campaigning so hard? why doesn't she concentrate on being secretary of state? fairly important job.

because she's not john kerry

he should still change his photo. That I'm sure of.

Maybe he just likes how the weird lady in the pink dress behind him is also looking into the camera.

good point. touche

The left and right stink. Both choices are fucked and they know it but nobody on either side will admit it.

you forget the link to the george carlin bit

That was straight from my dumb skull, I have no recollection of ever hearing that bit. It's just an obvious conclusion to come to right now. *I should have said candidates instead of choices.

Alright there, Ms. Schumer.

Dr. Jill Stein 2016 maaaaaaaaaaaan!

And you posted what he says to the Opie & Anthony Reddit page. You do realize that's not exactly a manly thing to do, right?

Patton Oswalt is great. A rare liberal who could hang with the show, and he hates the language police and scolding nanny culture almost as much as we do.

Yeah, he's shilling for a dumpster fire of a candidate. But 1) pretty much everyone is in this election, and 2) I don't give a shit about someone's politics if they entertain me, which Patton does.

Patton hates the language police when they go after him. If they go after someone who doesn't want to see Ghostbusters, he joins in. Patton IS the language police. He is a fat faggot fraud.

http://www.salon.com/2015/03/11/salons_patton_oswalt_peace_summit/

It's a long interview, but it really is great. Patton is a great spokesperson for people sick of the liberal PC police because he's a liberal himself. He's the Ayaan Hirsi Ali of SJWs.

Salon: We have made the point many times that there must be someone other than a white guy who is qualified to host a late-night show, and have pointed out dozens of amazing possibilities.

Patton: It was done in the spirit of “Just asking a question.” It was a glowing review of the show, but it still had that, “Mmm, but it’s gotta be a white guy…” Are you fucking kidding me, people?

...

Salon: I don’t remember if that was even the headline, but we’re talking about the tweet after the Academy Awards about Quvenzhané Wallis, the preteen actress from “Beast of the Southern Wilds.” They called her a cunt.

Patton: They were making fun of click-bait journalism!

...

Salon: But it’s valid to look at the big-picture of late-night TV — Fallon, Kimmel, Letterman, Conan, Meyers, Stewart, Ferguson, Colbert — and to say it’s exclusively white. Exclusively white, straight and male. I don’t think it takes anything away from the brilliance of John Oliver to point that out.

Patton: It qualifies his triumph in what he does and it makes some people stop looking at the content of what is coming out of the face. All they’re saying is, “another white male,” and they take it down a couple notches.

He's the Ayaan Hirsi Ali of SJWs.

douche chills.

I hope savages cut off Patton's clit.

again that was 1 and a half years ago, once Trump basically started saying the same shit as Patton he suddenly stopped. Patton has been "all in" on SJW bullshit since like april of last year

once Trump basically started saying the same shit as Patton

That's not even close to accurate.

A rare liberal who could hang with the show, and he hates the language police and scolding nanny culture almost as much as we do

um, this is bullshit. maybe 5 years ago he felt like this but he got into identity politics hard.

which is hilarious considering SJWs are basically fundamentalist Christians without the god or jesus part

you do know that faithless electors are extremely rare right?

like they account for less than .04% of the vote.

to put this in perspective Rosanne Barr accounted for more of the vote.

faithless electors are basically meaning less

Alright there, Ms. Schumer.

How did he out ole' joe?