Amy Schumer is already 35 years old.

31  2016-08-25 by andiswearrrr

Tick tock goes the maternal clock.

37 comments

She'll adopt a lil Somalian fly faced kid for feminist street cred.

Hahaha she totally will.

She will raise him alone in order to get even more. The kid will slash her with a machete during a ptsd flashback and live of roasted pig for months.

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Nah that's midwestern goy behavior.

She's going to end up being another radical psycho fatso Sally Struthers, plaguing our lives in commercials for waterbeer or poor half-human children.

She's 5 years older then me. Guy that makes it about himself

So that makes you--HOLDONHOLDON, I'M DOIN THE MATH RIGHT HERE!!!

I'm fawkin good at math... trust me I'll crunch the numbers... buuurp.

I coulda been a math teacher or a model.

How many Amys could fit into new york. You guys ever walk around and do math problems about salt water?

So where we at with the whole alien thing, Neil degrasse tyson?

6 NO, WAIT, NO... NO... 5 YEARS!! NO WAY! IS THAT RIGHT? THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT! FIVE YEARS? YEP IT'S DEFINITELY FIVE YEARS! FAAAAWK CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S 5 YEARS!!!

35 going on 350

tss she's a fawkin millyun yeers old or sumthin

Double tummy tucks!

Home run, Chippah.

350lbs maybe

That's the bit!

I bet you could drive a subway car up her cunt and it would fail to stretch her out...

There is nothing more disgusting than a white woman who has had sex with blacks as many times as she has. It is no longer a novelty with her, but a disgusting infatuation bordering on beastiality.

Gregg Hughes

She's a fat, shit for brains, talentless cunt piggy who should try her best to disprove the theory that decapitated heads can spout valueless, asinine, feminist shit.

"By the looks of ya you'd miscarry anyway"

She was on Howard saying she loves how her boyfriend loves her for who she is. Then she went on to say she likes to dress like a slob, and that she can never stop eating. Yeah sure the guy isn't using this fatso.

'she is his ''beard'', they both need eachother' according to opie's newsletter.

and: i'm not going to delete this comment!

She reminds of me of Khloe Kardashain when she was fat.

Khloe when she was thick is still hotter than fat Amy. Now Khloe is sexy as fuck. Even if Amy loses weight she's still not attractive.

You must be a colored gentleman.

Her enlarged heart is about 73 though.

Maybe she is already pregnunt but doesn't know it. She will have some bad gas and give birth to a mullato child on the toilet. I am hoping the dad is some washed up NBA no name that gets to leach hard.

Given that she is interested in gay men, it'll probably be Jason Collins.

I was surprised to hear that Leslie Jones is 48.

Black don't crack, but it does become bloated and diabetic.

And develop the nipples of Ashy Larry.

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geez I thought she was older. Thought she was over 40 at least. Shes really gonna look like shit if she already looked this rough in her early-mid 30s

She has the worn look of an aged truck stop hooker/lot lizard.

How did she live this long on that kind of diet?

Fascinating.

Flatulating

So that makes you--HOLDONHOLDON, I'M DOIN THE MATH RIGHT HERE!!!

Khloe when she was thick is still hotter than fat Amy. Now Khloe is sexy as fuck. Even if Amy loses weight she's still not attractive.