Eddie Vedder- "I wanna send this one out to my friend Amy Schumer. Her dad is dying which is what we all do sometimes. The next song is called "Last Exit".

Chips mother Delores is a saint, a great woman.

A real American

Hahaha. I fuckin laughed my ass off at this.

AiC Pearl Jam says he laughed his ass off at my last remark. I think it's great that we've touched so many people around the world. This next song is called "Light Years" because I think it captures the spirit of the way other people influence us and touch our souls. "I've used hammers made out of wood". Let's start it up, Stone.

EDDIE! PLAY NO WAY NEXT!!!!!

Fuck Jay Mohr but I read this in his Eddie Vedder and laughed out loud to myself

Same. I read it as Jay doing Eddie

I go DEEP with the Pearl Jam. Where you at with the Pearl Jam, Jimmy?

I stopped listening to music after metallica's black album

St Anger made me wish I stopped after the black album.

I was thinking about this recently. Jimmy heard a lot of Pendulum covers on the show. They probably make up a sizable percentage of the songs-recorded-after-1990 that he's heard.

I love that she has to thank her fucking cousin Chuck and even make the acknowledgements political.

I love that fucking Stern is the first radio guy thanks. sniiifffffff

It's actually nice Norton was the first comic thanked- she knows where her bread is buttered.

And fucking Opie & Anthony are thanked in the same sentence as the owner of the Gotham comedy club.

And I love how she has to thank the women are comedy central EVEN MORE than the men.

She probably isn't even close to her uncle, and it's purely a political move.

She isn't, she used to say on O&A that Chuck never wanted to speak to her. I wish I could find it but ugh digging through Amy audio.

I hope Michelle Gainless is fat, and that her surname has been a source of humor for bullies such as ourselves.

And I love how she has to thank the women are comedy central EVEN MORE than the men.

As much as I hate to defend Miss Piggy, I don't think she meant anything by that, since there's a female in the group of people she thanks firstly.

I'm just Ctrl-F'ing the book for anything related to the show. Here's her talking about life after Last Comic Standing:

After the tour, I started headlining on my own for about a year, which is what doing well on a reality show will buy you. And then I went back to featuring, which is the middle spot after the emcee and before the headliner. I was on the road for years with Jim Norton and Dave Attell, two of my all-time favorite comics. And the answer is no, neither of them ever even tried anything with me. I should be insulted, but I’m not. It’s the ultimate compliment to have someone take you on the road with them. They’re saying, “I think you’re funny, and I also can stand to hang out and travel with you.” Jimmy and his bodyguard, Club Soda Kenny, and I had a blast on the road. They lived to embarrass me, shouting my name across stores and hotel lobbies, inviting stares from everyone around us—something they knew I hated when I was offstage. They loved making me blush, which I actually did a lot more of in those days. I am such a loud little sassafras onstage, but in real life I like to keep a very low profile, and those guys took every opportunity to destroy any hope I had of blending in.

Amy talks the Cellar:

There is a restaurant upstairs from the Comedy Cellar called the Olive Tree Cafe and there is a booth in the back reserved for comedians. I was hesitant to sit there for years. Once I did, I’d stay quiet. Eventually, over time, I got more and more comfortable, and now it’s the place I feel most at home in the whole world—sitting around the table with my best friends. I’m happiest when the table consists of Jimmy Norton, Keith Robinson, Colin Quinn, Rachel Feinstein, and Bobby Kelly. And sometimes we can convince Bridget Everett to stop by. We all trash each other, eat wings, and laugh. When someone dies or gets hurt we cry and laugh again. Doing stand-up and being with comics is home for me. Yes, it was completely thrilling to get my own TV show and to write and star in a movie. But getting onstage to do live comedy will always be what I chase harder than anything else.

The book is basically a rip-off of Norton's books- it's just like a series of blog posts with premises. This chapter's premise is "RIDER FOR THE FUNERAL OF AMY SCHUMER"

TALENT

The following people should speak at the funeral:

• Keith Robinson

• Rachel Feinstein (because she will trash Keith)

• Jimmy Norton

• Colin Quinn (because he will trash Norton)

• Vincent Caramele

• Cayce Dumont

• My niece

• Lena Dunham

• Mark Normand

• Allan Haldeman

• Kevin Kane to close it out

That's it for anything related to the show. No mention of her radio time at all, which makes me vurrry happy.

No mention of Patrice or any of the comics she started with or her controversial jokes about Patrice or Ryan Dunn.

No mention of the roasts except in introing her tattoo chapter.

No mention of her time on Red Eye of Fox News.

No mention of her joke thief controversy.

No mention of her relationship with Anthony Jeselnik, which was on-again-off-again for like 5 years. They broke up like 4 times.

There's no way Norton didn't try to fuck her

Norton had actually got prostitutes to fuck, he didn't need this fat 4.

Norton wishes he had a fat 4

INCHES!

• Kevin Kane to close it out

Well, duh! I mean, why else? This one needs no explanation, right? It just makes too much sense!

[deleted]

[deleted]

Huh. So that guy she hated and only kept present in the writing room because he was the wrong point of view, he gets a goddamn dedication in her book? Amy, your story has fucking holes in it the size of the one between your goddamn fat legs.

That would imply there are no holes in it. You see, she has great big fat thighs.

She's a kike. She will play every side 100times until noone will listen

O&A 4 lines below Howard Stern.

I'm satisfied.

below jim norton as well

Fuck her and her "sensible gun laws". Fucking pig.

Part 2:

https://i.redd.it/106dcisovkgx.png

Of course she has to thank Lena, her fat jew precursor.

Of course the females get a separate section- and she slut shames them. Sad!

Jennifer Lawrence in the same category as Nikki Glaser? I also feel sorry for the cucks who got thanked in that section, too- those are the guys in the writing room who are the ultra feminists who always agree with her I bet.

She thanks female comedy pioneers- including Miss Piggy. Fucking Miss Piggy is literally a thank you. Ani DiFranco?

And then she has to insult Christ and Christianity like the Judean she is.

I notice she didn't thank Tig but she thanked Tig's partner Kyle. LOL.

I also notice she didn't thank anyone from Red Eye or Fox News? Sooo weird, right?

Miss Piggy...

Then her next page is We must stop gun Violence!:

https://i.redd.it/t6xjehzlxkgx.png

Fucking Miss Piggy... she even has a list of names like fucking Joseph McCarthy.

Why didn't she just thank Frank Oz?

thanks for digging through this for us

She has no clue about gun violence. She's just jumped on the bandwagon of liberal Hollywood to try and fit in. Someone should ask her how taking guns from law abiding citizens is going to stop the thousands of illegals guns being used to kill people. Ask her about Chicago where on an average weekend dozens of people are shot with illegal guns.

Fucking cuntish kike with no clue how the real world works. I hope she eats one chicken wing too many and has a heart attack and dies. Or even better gets shot by someone with an unlicensed illegal handgun.

Such a fucking cunt. Even in her acknowledgements she has to push her agenda.

"Shout out to the culinary savior who invented the doughnut cheeseburger OM NOM NOM."

There are certain people on the right that i know are shit, (Sad!) but i support them anyway because we're on the same team and they can serve as a means to an end, but at least I know they're pieces of shit. Do these SJW's realize how shitty and fake she is and not care, or do they not see it?

But not before Howard Stern

Opie must be livid he's below Stern.

sniff Honestly, I've never met this fawkin' Amy broad. ^{What's her name Eric? Amy Schumacher?} I don't know her to be completely honest with you, I don't care if some nobody comic wants to go on Stern, it's fine. It's FIINE to be completely honest with you.

isn't honest

Not joking, I had to skim this ten x to find O and A.

What a whore cunt!

She thanked Stern before O&A when they were the ones who had her on the show more than she deserved long before she got on Stern's show. Jews stick together and that's why they run the world. We need Hitler.

This is respectable.

Yeah, even I have to admit Amy's a good egg for mentioning them at all.

Faggot she's not going to blow you no matter how many cabs you drive.

That's not a vury good chip impression

Yes she will.

she's thanking a rapist and a racist

She used to talk about how Chuck Schumer didn't acknowledge her existence. Now he could use her for something hahah piggy.

Are they going to recall the book and retract Metzger ?

Mr. Quinn will be non too pleased with being mentioned after Norton, Bobby and Keith.

isn't honest