In all seriousness: An open TL;DR-ish letter/list to the lurking media on this sub (HuffPost, Vox, Jezebel, NYT, various “progressive” outlets, etc.)…
104 2016-08-19 by TangerineReam
1: WE HATE ANTHONY CUMIA.
When you talk about this /r/, you seem to enjoy tying us to him. The majority of this sub HATES Anthony Cumia: His racism is tiresome and no longer cute, his fervent denial of accountability for actions committed on his part is so draining, that he cant be taken seriously anymore… he’s a raving cooze-beating hypocrite, there is VERY strong evidence to tie him to pedophillia (which I’m sure you would support him on), and HE THREATENED TO/ACTUALLY HAS SEMI-DOXXED PEOPLE ON THIS SUB LIVE ON HIS OWN SHOW. People with jobs and responsibilities. Way over the line, and almost completely unprovoked. We’re done with that fucking guy, and only worship the shadow of the show from the past. We want nothing to do with him or his downward spiral. He’s an uppity Tunisian that got his guns taken away. Ironically; that’s the last time that fucking guy made us laugh.
2: WE ARE MAD AT/DON’T LIKE JIM NORTON.
For a D-list slob; he’s a entitled cunt that shits on fans in public, and STOLE $60,000 from us when he came begging to fund a cartoon about one of his characters that we all love ONLY on the radio. He DID NOT provide us with the perks from the crowdfunding that he was obligated to, and it was only until we confronted him on Twitter and reddit that he conceded to providing said perks. THE SHOW AND PERKS WERE SUBPAR, CERTAINLY NOT WORTH THE $60,000 WE GAVE HIM. He barely has addressed ANY of it, and the ones that do GET BLOCKED on Twitter by him instantly. So fuck that guy. He doesn’t have enough class to point any of that stuff out, or take responsibility.
3: WE WERE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN GREG “OPIE” HUGHES CALLED FOR AN ATTACK ON AMY SCHUMER.
We hated Opie MORE than Anthony after the split, until he started dangling the idea of a Jim Norton/Sam Roberts show on his own network: OPIE RADIO. Knowing how temperamental and sensitive he is, we called a "cease-fire” on attacks, and started to come around to support him; because we love Jim’s aforementioned characters on the radio, and Sam is a good egg. Assumably; he saw the support coming back, and with that perceived heat he took a complete left-turn and launched into a whole near ONE-HOUR TIRADE ON AMY SCHUMER AND HER LACK OF LOYALTY (she had blown his show off again for the third time). Thinking we’d be on his side; HE YELLED ABOUT HOW SHE WOULDN’T HAVE A CAREER WITHOUT HIM, AND ISSUED AN ATTACK ON HER AMAZON PAGE OVER HER NEW BOOK. Naturally, we were uncomfortable about attacking someone close to the show that ALL OF US found very funny, respected, and were physically attracted to. So some of us tried to console him on social media/show call-ins, only to find that not only was he inconsolable; but that he HINTED that he MIGHT take the opportunity of a Jim and Sam show completely off the table if something wasn’t done about Amy. We relented, going on the attack on her Amazon page reluctantly. We feigned enthusiasm on this /r/ (as I’m sure you saw), because we know he frequents it, and we wanted to make sure he saw that we were “ALL IN”, as he would say. Hopefully, this isn’t all for naught, and we do get a Jim/Sam show. But again: OPIE IS TEMPERAMENTAL. Even TYPING this to you is a huge risk because of Opie; but we want you to know the truth.
We love Amy very much, and plan to apologize either way. We hate Ant's campaign of hate. Jim is funny, but not to be trusted. And the more Opie becomes unhinged, the more uncomfortable us fans get. Please help us at least set the record straight. Thank you.
“Peckas” - Chip Chipperson
78 comments
69 GRIZx 2016-08-19
I'd like to add that any of the ladies from Vox or Jezebel are invited to suck the grease out of my asshair.
12 TheScarletR 2016-08-19
Do the non-bloggers have this option as well? Wouldnt wanna be exclusionary now, fellas
2 Psych555 2016-08-19
You get a greasy asshair! You get a greasy asshair! Everybody gets GREASY ASSHAIRS!!!
1 DryTeeth 2016-08-19
Ohh...we all out of greasy ass hairs?
Ok, somebody run out & get some more.
I don't get that...
8 cottonsweatpants 2016-08-19
That's disgusting, have you seen them?
1 GRIZx 2016-08-19
I don't need to see them when my asshole is firmly pressed on their fat lady jowls.
6 dassabessdoe 2016-08-19
Jesus, I was reading this while drinking some water and started choking. I didn't see that coming.
3 TotallyNotObsi 2016-08-19
I just raw dogged a young hooker tonight. She was probably sex trafficked too. Didn't speak much English.
1 Wsallgood 2016-08-19
Russian? Eastern bloc?
2 TotallyNotObsi 2016-08-19
Korean
1 Wsallgood 2016-08-19
Meh.
2 Mike4151 2016-08-19
I wonder how shitty of a relationship it would be to be with one of these writers from any of those site.
2 blackirishlad 2016-08-19
If by shitty you mean painful and by relationship you mean torture, I'd say very.
1 Superbad415 2016-08-19
theyre begging to be dominated
27 ChippahhhTss 2016-08-19
Why do they always call us basement trolls? I do my trolling the living room and don't live with my parents. They make these generalizations about us like we are poor too.
Its not like we start posts about them, "30 sq ft apartment millennial dwellers..."
23 whydontUlovemeLyndsi 2016-08-19
My basement is the coolest part of my house on a hot august day. You chilly confused dykes simply lack a man to leech body heat from and thus you think basements are uncomfortable hostile environments. they are not; basements require less scrotum shifting to avoid the jungle rot and less fossil fuels must be expended in order to cool them (do you not care about the environment?). Normal heterosexual girls find a burly hate-filled lumberman to cuddle up with and provide warmth, they don't worry so much about empowered political comedy and basements, and they're the women who end up living till they're 114 years old; unlike you pigs who will die looking like impoverished Roseanne Barrs at 49.
9 bornrevolution 2016-08-19
Basements rule. I moved my bedroom into my finished basement at the beginning of summer because I fucking hate the sun but now I'm just gonna leave it down here because it rocks. Permanent 65 degrees is where it's at.
12 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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10 Muted_Post-Horn 2016-08-19
Nothing's better than trust fund millenial cunts living and blogging in Bethpage on daddy's dime trying to shame people for not having their own place. I thought classism was wrong?
8 Ant_Sucks 2016-08-19
It's kind of like how we call feminists fat, even though some of them are pale and emaciated
6 not_AIDS 2016-08-19
In the living room? Nigga, I got unlimited data on my phone. I'm worldwide!
4 danimalplanimal 2016-08-19
yeah! I'm trolling from work right now! and also from the third floor of my parents house thank you very much
1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
I've never gotten mad at that because I do live at home and never work
25 pickle_bucket_ 2016-08-19
The line about all of us being physically attracted to Amy is cringey as fuck and pretty aspergery
24 nikolam 2016-08-19
To be fair, the whole thing is cringey as fuck. Especially how he keeps referring to the sub as "we" and "us" as if we are some team in his dumb retard head. This-fucking weirdo probably thinks of the sub as Band of Brothers.
10 WiretapStudios 2016-08-19
The fact that you are both reading this post as anything other than satire to diffuse/confuse the casuals/civilians is both cringey and aspergery.
-2 RamonFrunkis 2016-08-19
What on God's great / bountiful, green / blue Earth are you on about, slashy? Misuse more grammar, fuck / tard.
3 WiretapStudios 2016-08-19
A swing and a miss. It's punctuation, not grammar, the slash takes the place of "or", you queeb. Also, I guess you missed the slash in OP's post title that I was referencing.
1 RamonFrunkis 2016-08-19
Well yeah, if you edit your comment, you look like less of an illiterate douche.
-4 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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1 RamonFrunkis 2016-08-19
"a illiterate douche" dat don't make no sense. Thank you for proving my point! =D
1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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0 Lasagna_Hat 2016-08-19
You sure got him good.
Ugh. Retard
0 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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0 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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24 zersch 2016-08-19
4: You are as insignificant as anyone you've ever written about, and no one could possibly give a hot shit what you pen about this who gives a fuck subreddit. You literally care more about this subreddit than anyone here does. Except maybe the posters who gallivant around like subreddit celebrities.
9 cottonsweatpants 2016-08-19
I don't know about you, but this sub is a pleasant escape from my long hours at Panera bread.
18 burgdel 2016-08-19
I hate to defend him Norton but perks are not supposed to be worth what you donate. Theyre just little bonuses for donating to a project you want to see come to fruition.
0 boofk 2016-08-19
But hasn't he pretty much said there isn't going to be a cartoon and the perks he gave weren't close to what he said they were gonna be. So he just made off with all the money.
3 burgdel 2016-08-19
I don't think he ever said there would be no cartoon. I don't think there will be, but I don't think he ever said that.
2 bornrevolution 2016-08-19
i don't know about the show but he said like a month ago that he is still planning on delivering all of the promised perks, and has spent like $15k on getting them made so far.
2 Hunter_Cumia 2016-08-19
he has 5 scripts tucked under his bed, so suck that hater
16 carribbeanjimmy 2016-08-19
Your manifesto is notdabessdo
6 bonniesretardsister 2016-08-19
I was hoping it was a suicide note.
9 Mud- 2016-08-19
One glaring omission is the staunch defender of responsible gun ownership LOST HIS FUCKING GUN IN A DRUNKEN TIRADE.
2 ChippusMaximus 2016-08-19
That was pretty funny.
9 Phantas_Magorical 2016-08-19
4: WOMEN ARE USELESS IN EVERY FORM
6 RacistPigeon 2016-08-19
Not true, they are good to shoot cum into, to use for boxing practice, and with all the extra fat, dead ones make great fertilizer. Other than that, you are accurate.
7 panjshirlion 2016-08-19
Slow down. I'll not have my name besmirched by implying that I gave money to that garbage project.
6 Arturo_Bandini_ 2016-08-19
Nobody is lurking this sub.
5 Binski13 2016-08-19
Anyone else feel like attaching their signature is like signing the "Hello Bill" of rights here?
~Binski13
5 PaulHarghis57 2016-08-19
People who title their posts "An Open Letter" should be put down in the street.
4 AntsCamera 2016-08-19
If those stupid fucking non shaving cunts make it through that Unabomber manifesto to the comment section they will see that we are worse than thier perceptions of us.
I can put up with niggers reading here, but fatso unfuckable bulldykes should be banned on sight. (from life)
4 VeritablyClean 2016-08-19
shut up faggot
4 crookedmile 2016-08-19
This is for the OP
3 ZigginZaggin 2016-08-19
I think we have a winner here. I think this is going to change their minds.
3 Aemon12 2016-08-19
These people don't care about getting the story right. I tweeted this post to Rachel Handler and she immediately blocked me.
Opie will get away with his campaign in attacking poor, sweet, innocent Amy Schumer.
1 TangerineReam 2016-08-19
I don't know why they won't hear us out on this /r/...
3 feelmikehawk 2016-08-19
Speak for yourself. I hate Jim and his characters.
2 Smokegreentrees 2016-08-19
What? Your phone cut out.
2 danimalplanimal 2016-08-19
so the perks did go out? ok...so be mad at him for how long it took, not for them being shitty perks. you had to know you weren't going to get anything cool for your money
1 Hunter_Cumia 2016-08-19
no he didnt send anything out
1 danimalplanimal 2016-08-19
ohhhhh wow....ok fuck him if he never sends that out
2 danimalplanimal 2016-08-19
I'm gonna have to stop you right there....the only thing that was every attractive about her was her legs, and those days are over...we all know this
2 3stepsbackward 2016-08-19
Don't forget to note that Opie stomped on a homeless man's cake.
1 ChippusMaximus 2016-08-19
Can they re-attack him 9 years later after doing it 7 years after the fact?
2 RacistPigeon 2016-08-19
In on board with most of this, except Sam is a bitch boy cunt, and I'm sick of Opie skating by with all the vicious attacks he has orchestrated over the years.
Oh, and it's cooze, not cous, dipshit.
2 maynardsabeast 2016-08-19
Chill with the "we" and chill with thinking that there's a major influx of people lurking here.
1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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1 goarlorde 2016-08-19
instead of taking a "hug risk" you should get a "Hug Box" you fucking aspie.
EDIT: The fag fixed his typo, ruining my joke.
-1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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2 YourOldPalHoward 2016-08-19
We aren't talking about your bit. Your bit flopped, and it only shows us that you're autistic af
1 whydontUlovemeLyndsi 2016-08-19
Anthony's show is not national unless you consider 1000 bearded men in a password locked al Qaeda-like internet chat room to be a nation.
1 opi3dope 2016-08-19
Its good that someone finally has the guts to stand up and say that Opie was wrong. I've been scared to say it. This is not a safe place.
1 bonniesretardsister 2016-08-19
I think I speak for your family when I say: strongly consider suicide.
1 michaeIcolestie 2016-08-19
I'm on board with everything except #1 & #2.
1 TankRizzo 2016-08-19
speak for yourself, peckerhead.
1 SociallyAwkwardRyan 2016-08-19
Jesus christ you guys are more self destructive than Ant, but let's be honest, this is funnier than Morning Jam ever would be.
1 Really_Big_Dummy 2016-08-19
I appreciate the effort you put into this to get it right.
1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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1 JoeKhurr 2016-08-19
As a wise man once said, speaking to scholars from a far land, "Peckahs".
1 cstack18 2016-08-19
Came for the peckas, was not disappointed.
1 nazicumfarts 2016-08-19
Me too.
1 ChippusMaximus 2016-08-19
I don't know how Opie keeps getting away with it tbh fam. Someone's gotta reign him in or settle his hash.
1 [deleted] 2016-08-19
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1 Marathon_Man_3k 2016-08-19
Don't speak for everyone
0 [deleted] 2016-08-19
[deleted]
-1 aidspiss 2016-08-19
EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE BLACK, YOU LISTENED TO QUEEN
YOU THOUGHT FREDDY WAS THE CUTEST GUY YOU'VE EVER SEEN
YOU WENT BACKSTAGE AND GOT FUCKED IN THE ASS
YOU TOOK A HIV TEST
EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY
EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY
EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY
EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY
YOU WENT TO DINNER, FREDDY WORE A LEASH
YOU ATE FRIED CHICKEN, FREDDY ATE QUICHE
NOW FREDDY'S DEAD AND HE'S IN HEAVEN
AT HIS WAKE YOU ATE WATER MELON
0 boofk 2016-08-19
But hasn't he pretty much said there isn't going to be a cartoon and the perks he gave weren't close to what he said they were gonna be. So he just made off with all the money.
3 WiretapStudios 2016-08-19
A swing and a miss. It's punctuation, not grammar, the slash takes the place of "or", you queeb. Also, I guess you missed the slash in OP's post title that I was referencing.
1 RamonFrunkis 2016-08-19
"a illiterate douche" dat don't make no sense. Thank you for proving my point! =D
0 Lasagna_Hat 2016-08-19
You sure got him good.
Ugh. Retard
1 Wsallgood 2016-08-19
Russian? Eastern bloc?