I just saw Bad Moms...so you don't have to
17 2016-07-31 by Mr702law
Just got back and am typing all this from memory.
I went into this movie thinking it was a women empowerment movie like Neighbors 2 and Ghostbusters. You know, where the women start acting like they think guys act and this shows they totally don't give a fuck?
The three "Bad Moms" are Mila Kunis, that older Jewish Broad who's in a lot of stuff and some blonde chick. I have to applaud them for not having a fat or black one. That's almost mandatory these days. Just three white chicks, with Mila Kunis being the hottest by far.
They are all moms in a school and meet one night in a bar after a PTA meeting that Mila Kunis has a mini meltdown because she's had it. The PTA is run by Christina Applegate who is a nazi PtA mom, calling emergency meetings daily and basically turning the PtA into Her own personal agenda. She has two lackeys, Jada Pinkett Smith and some Melissa Mccarthyish person.
They decide in this bar meeting that they are going to get wasted. The Jewish lady is a single mom and comes off as a typical loudmouth Jewish broad who tells it like it is. The blonde it turns out is a stay at home mom and used to being subservient to her husband. Oh I forgot, Mila Kunis works at some coffee company where she works her ass off harder than anyone but yet they have her on part time status because that's how bad women have it.
Mila Kunis just caught her husband having an online affair so she kicks him out. He wasn't having a physical affair, it was a personal webcam thing and the woman has a giant hairy bush which seemed to have no real relevance in the movie aside from a cheap laugh.
As far as cheap laughs, people in the theater were HOWLING throughout this movie. I've never seen anything like it actually. It pissed me off. I found myself laughing several times at how absurd everyone's laughing was.
Mila and the gang all abandon their motherly responsibilities and start partying it up, like dudes. One night they decide it's time for Mila Kunis to GET LAID. The gang goes through her closet to find some fuck me gear but alas her closet is just full of mom clothes. Yes, this is hte same Mila Kunis who is a 9 wearing sweat pants and a t shirt. They finally find some hidden black dress with spaghetti straps and convince her to wear it.
The next scene the gang is at a bar and poor old Mila just isn't good at picking up guys. She says all the wrong things and turns all the guys off. Some of her "inappropriate" comments are the things that really got the audience going. I wanted to pull my hair out because it's Mila Kunis, she could have said anything to these guys and they'd have sucked it up for the chance. Totally unrealistic.
Wouldn't you know it, the hot widower from school shows up and they begin to talk. Turns out he's always had a crush on Mila. It's at this point you know exactly what's happening the rest of the movie.
Christina Applegate of the PtA is pissed at Mila because she has openly condemned the PTA so she goes to the soccer coach and gets mila's daughter benched. Mila responds by running against Applegate for PTA president with a PTA election coincidentally like the next day?!?
Mila throws a get to know the candidate party but no one shows up cause Applegate threw a competing party. Turns out her party is a snoozer and after a few guests get a text pic showing Mila and the gang tipping back wine they all flock to her party. Within about five minutes a full blown rave is going on. Cars lining the road, the party spilling on the front lawn. Quite the spectacle. At the end Applegate and Jada show up and Jada tells Applegate that this bitch is gonna win. Not if Applebate can help it.
The next scene is Applegate slipping something into a student locker. Next thing you know is Mila's daughter has been caught with POT in her locker. Egads!! She swears her innocence and Mila believes her. But the damage is done. She's off the soccer team.
In one of the more emotional scenes of the movie, mila's daughter tells her what a horrible mom she is and how selfish she's been. And how her taking on Applegate (which was done to avenge the daughter) brought all this on and now her life is ruined. She says she wants to go live with her dad because even that dipshit is a better parent than her. Next thing you know both kids and the dog are going to her exe's house and she's left alone in the house in tears.
But the PTA speech and election is tonight. Mila can't go because everything is in shambles. They cut to the school and there's no Mila and Applegate proceeds with her speech and it looks like she will be unopposed. Oh, earlier Applegate told everyone about the drugs on the kid and how that reflects on Mila's parenting and that's not who we want running the PTA.
Scene cuts back to poor Mila and the rest of the gang shows up to give her a pep talk. They tell her what an amazing mom she is and how she needs to go kick Applegates ass!! She gets up and shows up at the meeting just as Applegate finishes.
Mila doesn't have a speech prepared and it starts out rough. But she eventually starts to go on about how she is a bad mom because she's trying to figure this mom thing out as she goes. Heads nod in agreement. She's doing her best and some days she just doesn't have a clue. More nods. And GODDAMNIT she's trying her best! Nods and murmurs. And then other moms stand up and start offering up their inadequacies. Everyone is agreeing. The theater is going nuts.
And of course she wins the election. Her family loves her again. Daughter back on the soccer team. Even Applegate turns out to be humble in her loss and she joins the group. And of course in the end Mila gets with the hot widower.
Two loose ends. I forgot to mention Mila got fired at some point because she had stopped showing up. At the end her boss calls her and offers her the job back because the company "is falling apart without her". She of course demands double pay and work at home two days a week. "Whatever you want".
The blonde chick goes off on her demanding husband and at the end he's completely emasculated and caring for he kids while she bosses him around. Keep in mind this entire transformation happened in about four days.
Edit: the Jewish lady's kid is about 26 and has a Donald trump hairdo. The End
61 comments
30 UnwarrantedArrogance 2016-07-31
So she catches her husband jerking off online with another woman so she feels justified to fuck some guy that she already liked? Yeah that's groundbreaking not typical woman shit at all
3 Mr702law 2016-07-31
Well he had apparently moved in with her???? Even though earlier they said she was 2000 miles away??
2 [deleted] 2016-07-31
What's with the question marks?
3 Mr702law 2016-07-31
Because it didn't make sense.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
But it makes you look like a teenage girl who uptalks? That's kinda annoying? You're trying to communicate uncertainty through question marks, I don't like it???
1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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25 ihaveaholeinmyass 2016-07-31
Tl;dr Mila kunis's bare ass
-15 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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7 numba13 2016-07-31
It isnt her.
2 lemskroob 2016-07-31
Why you gotta crush dreams?
-1 ihaveaholeinmyass 2016-07-31
eer yes it is dude.. I suppose the Jennifer Lawrence pics are fake too? Where's your source to prove its not her?
-5 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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6 ihaveaholeinmyass 2016-07-31
Don't try and lap my ass.. I still hate you but that picture is from the fappening from a few years ago (the big celebrity nude photo leak when loads of celeb iCloud accounts were hacked)
4 CountBubs 2016-07-31
That picture is 4 years old, and not Mila Kunis
https://www.reddit.com/r/nsfw/comments/15jskb/mila_kunis_is_tt_in_twitter_i_wonder_why/c7n93bs
-14 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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11 packitchofsositch 2016-07-31
Reading some of the reviews after having read a fuckton of the GB ones, you can spot the big new pattern and the underlying agenda and the strategy everyone is using to promote it. They'll say they either loved the movie or thought it was so-so, but invariably they always need to slam home how "UNBELIEVABLY BRILLIANTLY FUNNY AND TALENTED!!!" the (female) cast is. It's all that Schumer shit run rampant and everyone needs to make sure they get across the Very Important Fact that women = funny. If they thought it was so-so, there's about a 1% chance that you won't see the word 'potential' at some point, preceded by things like "mountains of" or "oodles of" or "overflowing with".
It also allows them to avoid having to discuss the actual agenda itself, kind of ironically. Meaning the fact of the movie implanting the agenda. 'Hey, it's a great cast, what else do you want out of movie critic-ing? I did my job so there ya go.'
2 Patmcpsu 2016-07-31
Whenever I read these reviews, all I hear is "Please let me keep my job, I have a mortgage!"
-6 whydontUlovemeLyndsi 2016-07-31
this must be how slave owners felt when everyone was pushing the whole niggers are equals thing
1 MaxKawalski 2016-07-31
Man!
7 Lyle_Chippers0n 2016-07-31
CTRL + F "Peckahs"
7 Joemomma101 2016-07-31
Dam bro. Spoiler Alert.
6 thrillated 2016-07-31
I really like this review, you should do more.
6 aftershave 2016-07-31
Thank you for your service.
PS. Mila Kunis without makeup
9 [deleted] 2016-07-31
most overrated broad on earth
3 ChurchOfBaldOpie 2016-07-31
100%. Something about her looks just repulses me. That voice + accent makes me want to slap the bitch.
Not trying to hate on whoever thinks she is hot, taste is completely subjective, but I feel she is just so overrated and relatively average IMHO
5 FaggotBannedKeith 2016-07-31
Like Arya and Hot Pie had a kid.
5 peckaface 2016-07-31
Any tits or snatch?
6 Mr702law 2016-07-31
NO!
2 TossyMcSalad 2016-07-31
BOOOO
1 DickPunchOpie 2016-07-31
I think it said "Full Frontal Nudity" on the R Rating in the trailer. With a movie like this though I figured that was put there to maybe try to land some guys in the seats but just end up being a comedic pecker.
2 Mr702law 2016-07-31
I just remembered that it did say that. It has to be this stupid hairy bush web cam girl. Totally misleading
5 SpaceOctagon 2016-07-31
This kind of writing and script is what passes for new, original comedy today. This movie sounds like it was written in the 80's but they just switched the genders. All the main characters get a happy ending, a speech at a high school that turns around everything for the main character, all the "bad guys" get their comeuppance, and everything is wrapped up in a neat little package. I guess Applegate is the equivalent of the prep boy asshole with the hot girlfriend who loses her and the showdown competition in the end to the main character. What shit.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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4 CoolerKing37 2016-07-31
According to the Bad Moms Wikipedia page, both Martha Stewart and Kesha (formerly known as Ke$ha) have cameos. Am I correct to assume that these cameos are not at all gratuitous but rather funny and relevant to the plot?
14 Mr702law 2016-07-31
Martha Stewart was in it and it was gratuitous to the women empowerment plot. She makes Jell-O shots with "a fuck load of vodka". It's the classic make her swear and do something un Martha stewardish.
I don't even know what Keisha looks like.
16 xyniphis 2016-07-31
Like a blonde bag of white trash
6 NortheastPhilly 2016-07-31
she looks like she smells
4 [deleted] 2016-07-31
gag me with a spewn
3 Anarchorenegade 2016-07-31
So you enjoyed it?
3 iWhereSchortSchorts 2016-07-31
I always thought Mila Kunis was a good actress. Plus you're right, she could wear clown makeup and balloon pants and still have guys flocking to her at a bar.
6 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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3 iWhereSchortSchorts 2016-07-31
Did you have a bad birthday once as a child? Cake flavored breath in your ear? His face paint wasn't the only red liquid in the equation...
3 AntsCamera 2016-07-31
Sounds like a real shit shitbiscuit, your chick drag you to this?
She make you put your balls in her purse or did you leave them home?
12 Mr702law 2016-07-31
Yes. But as a compromise I smoked weed before. And of course when I said my opinion about the movie she said I hate women.
13 AntsCamera 2016-07-31
You should kill her in her sleep. It's what I did when I was dragged to Trainwreck.
5 UnwarrantedArrogance 2016-07-31
Several years ago the girl I was talking to asked if I wanted to see the new twilight movie with her. Being assertive and showing her that I had balls I told her no, she should take a girl friend of hers. I knew she would respect me, at least subconsciously, for my honesty and the fact that I wouldn't let her subject me to some bullshit that I had zero interest in. I never fucked her again after that.
1 schwoogiejoe24 2016-07-31
Sounds like you dodged the proverbial bullet, friend.
2 ballpitpredator 2016-07-31
Like you don't before every movie.
2 Mr702law 2016-07-31
Good point. But knew it was a requirement to make this movie bearable. It didn't make me laugh at the movie, it made me laugh at everyone who was laughing at this nonsense.
0 [deleted] 2016-07-31
as a compromise? did you have to ask her first? "Please mom, can I smoke a little bit? Just a lil pinner? Just a taste?"
I know this word gets tossed around a lot but you are a fucking cuckold.
2 Mr702law 2016-07-31
I've been informed the blonde chick is Dax Sheppards wife.
2 Really_Big_Dummy 2016-07-31
Why would you knowingly subject yourself to that?
2 holodog 2016-07-31
I can't wait for the sequel where they all go with their (now older) kids to Spring Break, so they can show them how to really party... mom style.
2 TakeMeXenu 2016-07-31
Was it good??
2 TossyMcSalad 2016-07-31
Mila Kunis -- Jew
older jewish broad -- Jew
Kathryn Hahn -- Jew
Christina Applegate -- Jew
Jada Pinkett Smith -- Ethiopian Jew
Annie Mumolo -- Crypto-Jew
you connect the dots!
5 AntsCamera 2016-07-31
Say hello to the army surplus store owner from Falling Down for me.
3 Patmcpsu 2016-07-31
They're all bad moms because they don't keep the kitchen kosher.
1 TossyMcSalad 2016-07-31
and they serve leavened bread on passover.
2 Anarox 2016-07-31
Jesus Christ I could have watched the movie instead and jerked off to Mila Kunis like you are suppose to
2 scarletknight2 2016-07-31
Sounds like it would have been good or dare I say realistic if Mila Kunis' character was already fucking someone behind her unsuspecting husband...but oops thats not soccer mom material
1 FaggotBannedKeith 2016-07-31
There are interviews with the actresses and their real life mothers that play over the end credits. Kathryn Hahn's mom is just an exact physical copy of her daughter, same clown face, only older.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
I can barely tell the difference between this and the Neighbors synopsis posted a while back. If it wasn't for all the Mila Kunis mentions I'd think you'd copy pasted it.
1 aprosbro 2016-07-31
Sorry, I only read long posts.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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-6 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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4 Mr702law 2016-07-31
Hmm. Don't think I've ever heard of him.
-1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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-1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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3 Mr702law 2016-07-31
Parallel thinking dumbshit. Flush yourself down the urinal and save me the effort.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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1 [deleted] 2016-07-31
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1 TossyMcSalad 2016-07-31
and they serve leavened bread on passover.