A story about the harsh reality of depression.
187 2016-07-28 by 1073WAAF
A man goes to the doctor and explains to him that he is extremely depressed. He can't find a woman to love him, he has no children, he hates his job, no one in his life respects him, he can't sleep at night, his aging body is wasting away to nothing.
"I don't know what to do Doctor. I'm absolutely miserable and I just can't seem to shake it." The doctor confidently responds without skipping a beat, "The treatment for your ailment is simple my friend. You just need a good dose of laughter to cheer you up. Comedian Jim Norton is performing at the local theater this weekend. Go buy a ticket and enjoy the show. The ribald topical humor will undoubtedly lift your spirits."
The man sighed and looked down at the floor before opening his mouth to speak. "But Doctor...I am Jim Norton."
62 comments
49 Mr_Plakton 2016-07-28
10/10 Excellent Read.
40 no1raniuk 2016-07-28
Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
0 dirtyernie23 2016-07-28
Should I tip the waiter?
1 dwc151 2016-07-28
What are you, some kind of nigger? Of course you tip.
1 segasarnold 2016-07-28
Waiters are queers taking away jobs from women. Don't tip waiters dude.
1 dwc151 2016-07-28
I never considered that. You make a good point. Plus they'll never fuck you if you go over 25%.
38 TossyMcSalad 2016-07-28
He is the illness... and the cure!
6 [deleted] 2016-07-28
The giver and the receiver
6 qdpbog 2016-07-28
The top and the bottom.
3 boydave777 2016-07-28
like snake venom
3 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
23 goo-gobbler 2016-07-28
Then the doctor said 'Okay well fortunately there's an alternative. Take 1 dose of Rich Vos at the Governor's Comedy Club in Levittown NY Friday and Saturday starting August 5.'
1 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
21 cbanks420lol 2016-07-28
Is that a Watchmen reference? I hope Norton ends up like The Comedian.
40 BatKnuckles 2016-07-28
It's an Italian fable. Like Ant's monster cock.
14 Wsallgood 2016-07-28
And his ratings.
2 DaveNone 2016-07-28
I believe the monster cock. I think that's really why Opie hated him. He caught a glimpse of it at a urinal and it was the final straw. Anthony was funnier and better liked than him and then to top it all off he had a giant cock while Opie was unfunny, disliked and packing his 2 inch trouser trout.
8 knitro 2016-07-28
It's an optical illusion because he's 5 foot 2
13 AsinineBob 2016-07-28
or because he's sticking it into a toddler
-3 majestik6 2016-07-28
Oof
4 Really_Big_Dummy 2016-07-28
Who watches the watchmen? If by watchmen we mean any of the boys the answer is no one.
4 Jockel76 2016-07-28
Yes, Rorschach tells this little story, good movie.
7 TheFatMosque 2016-07-28
the sex scene in that movie was a fucking atrocity.
10 unprovoked_hate 2016-07-28
THAT'S THE BIT YOU DOPE
2 bradnasty 2016-07-28
One of my favorites. Very true to the comic, except the ending, which is whatever, but still a good ending
4 Binski13 2016-07-28
I liked the ending better in the movie
1 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
1 bradnasty 2016-07-28
You're not alone
7 HerpDerpen 2016-07-28
I would have liked to see the giant pussy monster from the comic book.
1 Binski13 2016-07-28
I think you get to see parts of it in the extended version
2 Knightscribe 2016-07-28
Bite your tongues, the botha ya.
1 breadmoccasin 2016-07-28
Movie was the worst thing that's ever happened and Zack Snyder should go hoarse begging for his life to deaf and uncaring ears.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
18 phlammo 2016-07-28
Nobody knows who Jim Norton is.
17 QuantumTabby 2016-07-28
What a twist! And a story more epic than Harry Potter.
5 DrunkMasterPo 2016-07-28
more epic than
Harry PotterHarry the Hater2 DamonTyler 2016-07-28
You could have left the first Harry
1 DrunkMasterPo 2016-07-28
I'm new at this "text" joke thing
1 DamonTyler 2016-07-28
Wouldn't expect a civilian like you to understand
10 nguneer 2016-07-28
And that is how you executive produce!
6 onemancrimespree 2016-07-28
:'(
Poor lil fellur
6 Isle_of_Dusty_Rhodes 2016-07-28
Wait, the doctor would have examined and diagnosed him without ever learning his name? Something about this is fishy.
6 Jackthejew 2016-07-28
Doctor starts writing "I'm going to prescribe you two shotgun shells applied orally"
4 Tesdant2016 2016-07-28
Won't read it but assume it involves sucking dong,bravisimo.
4 Joemomma101 2016-07-28
That was like an M. Night Shamalayn ending.
4 jarjarjelly 2016-07-28
Holy shit
4 Crxanadu2112 2016-07-28
mind blown
3 MonsteRain 2016-07-28
I was hoping for the moth joke but this was also nice.
2 ratmeatburgers 2016-07-28
Just watched that again yesterday...it might be the best joke ever told.
2 Nulltor 2016-07-28
Link please
3 ratmeatburgers 2016-07-28
moth joke
2 Nulltor 2016-07-28
Norm rules
1 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
3 Aemon12 2016-07-28
Awesome! I was feeling exactly like that man just now & this made me laugh really hard. Thanks!
3 booderdooders 2016-07-28
Still processing the twist at the end. By the time I got to it I was so invested in the story that I felt betrayed. I mean, I understand that you wanted to make a point, but to toy with our emotions like this. It's just not right.
2 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
2 RSC-Tuff 2016-07-28
You're always one relapse away from getting a solid 2-4 weeks of happiness!
1 aidspiss 2016-07-28
True.
2 DryTeeth 2016-07-28
Patient zero...with a zero T-cell count
2 ChippinKenny 2016-07-28
Who?
2 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-28
I thought the moral of the story was gonna be to have Jim Norton be your co host.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
1 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
1 georgie_best 2016-07-28
I know I'm the exception here, but that was shite
0 joekercom 2016-07-28
WATCHMEN
0 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
0 AntsCamera 2016-07-28
I call bullshit.
The only doctor who would give that advice is Kervorkian, and he is dead.
The only answer for Morton is fucking jumping off the roof of his fancy shmancy big baller building.
Make a big fucking mess on the street, finally make the front page of both NY papers.
Norton is a fucking loser.
-2 DaveNone 2016-07-28
You should hold a gun to your temple, pull the trigger and put a depression in your skull.
-10 [deleted] 2016-07-28
[deleted]
-13 Thomas_Daly 2016-07-28
I skipped right to the end expecting peckahs. Some sort of Vos roll with a Jim date. Not going to read it just here to call you a faggot.
5 TheFatMosque 2016-07-28
don't be angry because you're uncultured
3 IBison 2016-07-28
I did the same, then I read ""But Doctor...I am Jim Norton." and started rolling all over the floor.
5 TheFatMosque 2016-07-28
don't be angry because you're uncultured
3 IBison 2016-07-28
I did the same, then I read ""But Doctor...I am Jim Norton." and started rolling all over the floor.
1 DamonTyler 2016-07-28
Wouldn't expect a civilian like you to understand
2 Nulltor 2016-07-28
Link please