every weekend in the 80s my boyfriend would drive me around in his car and give it to me in the ass

Yes, but what's your favorite line from the show?

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Bravo, sir

Yuck.

"nnn..KNOCK IT OFF SPADE"

I also loved Patrice's response. "Well when you put it that way Bobo...."

Hahah forgot about that one

And with that one line, David Spade was never seen again.

Which was written & handed to him in studio...

WE KNOW!!!!!!!!!

Edit - sorry, but all the comments on the David and bobo show compilation on yt are "you know it's Sam writing that" "it's travis passing him notes" we fuckin know and it's still fuckin hysterical

More likely said through the headphones. Patrice would see a note

THAT'S THE BIT

• ''We've got a purple suit to buy and a gigantic coffin'' Dave Attell about Patrice
• ''Bob Kelly should be whipping huskies on a sled'' CQ
• ''Bobby looks like a last minute gift at the Beijing airport'' CQ
• ''Go fuck your mother if you can find her'' Jim N. to Travis
• ''I never fucked my grandmother. I'm sorry'' Jim N.

it's hard to pick only one

The airport one is brilliant.

yeah man, good call, you really know when something is "brilliant".

Thanks, good call yourself for acknowledging my skills.

Attell is gold.

So is Anderson Silvaaah.

''I never fucked my grandmother. I'm sorry'' Jim N.

I dont remember this one, do you remember when that was?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eaks1bO6ntY

HOLY FUCK that is really funny

rare that i find good o&a i havent heard before. thank you

Never heard this one.. 👊🏾

Same day as the Attell one after Patrice died they talk about how all the jokes in the Charlie Sheen roast were about his diabetes because there was nothing else to get him on.

Autistic Kurt Metzger tries to tag on about how likable Patrice was by saying "yeah I wrote for his roast and it was so hard to make fun of Patrice because thats all you could get him on, either his diabetes or that he looks like a gorilla that's it-"

Bob Kelly and Anthony are just going "holy shit!" then Colin chimes in with "I think we just found the eulogy writer".

It's even harder to pick one seeing how you wrote the 6 quotes in paragraph form you asshole.

what, are we putting on airs?

I don't know what that means.

To act better than one really is; to pretend to be good or to be superior.

Oh dude, I was just kidding. I figured the sarcasm would be obvious, seeing what sub we're on.

wanna fuck ?

PM'd.

Can I get in on this? I been daydrinking.

"Jim Norton fits into any container you pour him in."

Norton is shaped like any container you pour him in

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Water Buffler

I wanted to congratulate lay-nyeahh

"CO-FUCKIN-CAINE"

Norton describing Lady Di's shits as 'Stew thrown through a fan'.

Another great Norton line at Lady Di during the internship:

Dr Steve was explaining that Di's illness throughout the week was probably due to malnourishment cause by alcoholism. Lady Di responds in 100% seriousness by saying "oh, no, no. I take vitamins Dr. Steve". To which Norton replies "listening to you say that is like hearing someone take a broom to Hiroshima."

...or her shits must look like the back of Kennedy's limousine.

https://youtu.be/Xt-2cexA8l0

Patrice in response to Sam's questionable DNA: "This is the milkman nigga!"

Ant: "You said that backwards."

https://youtu.be/g2rqeusPZ70?t=34m1s

34m 01s in.

Ants mind lol

"Shut up cunts.. It's bobo time"

"Life of pi, pretty short when it comes to e-rock"

"Erock has dairy-cow eyes"

Can we get a clip of that?

Optimus prime rib

Yourself, i hope

Jim looks like uncooked calamari

Ck's origin of nigger

Ck's origin of nigger

I was thinking this.

And then stupid faggot Opie hits the brakes by taking a call.

Yourself I hope was so fucking fast too

The fucking "Yourself, I hope" line and the subsequent analysis...I cherish it.

Dassabesso jus chillen and fucken

"you're cured"

I seem to always think of this one when this question comes up. So quick on Ant and when Jimmy can't stop laughing.

I miss the days when someone in the room was legitimately laughing at something.

You can hear Tits seething in silence that he's an unfunny sack of shit.

As usual...the only time he has ever laughed is when it's a "joke" he said. And of course repeated multiple times.

Sauce?

https://youtu.be/92dJFs0fgq8

"She's really going at it, slippin' and slappin' at it, sucking it like a gerbil at a water bottle."

Jimmy couldn't even get the line out properly and then it makes Ant laugh hysterically.

OH UNCLE PAUL!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R_hXR4tu3Ns

Two minutes onwards is great.

That line has been stuck in my head for 4 years now. Anytime I am reminded of Uncle Paul that is the segment that comes up.

The way he pronounced "wa'er bot'l" had me in tears.

Bob Kelly told Norton he looked like an unfinished clone. Everytime I see a picture of Jim, I think of that fucking line.

Fuck you Beluga Boy Kelly for imprinting that shit in my head.

It was during the spinning wheel of death show IIRC.

I like the one where Patrice asked Jim's masseuse if it was like checking old fruit.

What clip is this from? I haven't heard that one

I thought that line was about Bobby. It works for either, really

"Yourself I hope."

-Col

I was looking for this, do you have a link at all?

was going to write this but I knew it'd be posted already. so quick, so brutal

"I fought hard for Anthony"

Jim: "I was diagnosed with adorable boy syndrome"

Ant: "yeah, well you're cured"

AHBD. Adorable hugable boy disorder. You're thinking of ABS; which isn't a thing.

Anti-lock braking system is a thing.

The talent is not here anymore. - Vos.

"K-I-K-E 12 to K-I-K-E 1."

Where is this from?

"Your jokes are no good here, Mr. Voss."

IIRC it's a line from a caller in Rich Vos v.s. The Shining. It's also in one of the "Jim Norton Laugh Compilations" on youtube.

I think this has it in there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxtOcHvLSsI

By far the best caller line in the history of O&A.

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Colin describing Anthony as a Tunisian knife fighter. (And a corsican pimp)

When Patrice said that Intern David "was so Jewish he still had pyramid dust on his hands " is probably one of my favorites.

I remember the exact time and place when I heard that live. Fucking David was great.

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Purple suit

"You missed it Bobby, you big FAT PIG!"

Jay in Ohio

When Opie told Jim that he wasn't there for him when he was crying.

you called my flair?

Jim: Why do my headphones say STU on them?

Ant: They forgot to write P-I-D after it.

Also, Patrice said Sandy Kane looked like a melted Barbie doll.

I'll always remember that one and the stupid porn star Nikki Benz after who goes "I don't get it" in the most clueless voice ever.

Otto was dabessdo. All my favorite lines come from him:

This subs fav: "Jesus, is this what you guys do when Anthony isnt here"

When norton told the story of the large headed woman smacking Otto: " Fuck her. Hydrocephalus Head"

And of course "... And then she shoved hay in her twat and asshole"

"Nobodys hiring me, I need to shove hay in my mouth, cunt and asshole. Where's the dry cleaning bag? Room 206: More Hay!!Be a dear, Run down to the dry cleaner, get me some twist sticks."

My all time favorite Otto line was when they were talking about a retarded kid being voted out of his class he said the kid "wanted to know why the sandbox was closed on weekends."

Anthony after Patrice blows out the mic from yelling so loudly - "Don't worry ladies and gentlemen, those chains are made of tensile steel!"

"Lady Di. Not just a name, but a good idea."

Oh you like the show Lost? Are you a big fan? Do you watch it every week? Every day? When it's on? Lost? Do you watch it every week?

"Control the weather with my fist. Make a mud slide." -Ant

"I have a message. Lieutenant Colonel… Gregg Hughes plane… was shot down… over the Sea of Japan. It spun in …there were no survivors.”

That was one of the funniest lines ever.

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Do you happen to have a link to this one? I've been wanting to hear it again lately.

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Mongo the loid

"SHUT UP, you drunken pig! Sobriety's not for you! Get a rope, and a fuckin stool, and a REALLY solid beam, fatso!"

• Jimmy to Lady Di

Louis CK telling Patrice the origin of the word "nigger"

"Hey nice curly hair Anthony, whaddya fuck children!?" Ted the Roaster.

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"And above all else...real."

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Thank you for your service

"...and I'll be shooting something in April -"

"- yourself, I hope."

"It's like if a turtle in an Edsel showed up in your driveway and wanted to be let in" - Jimmy perfectly explaining why the ending to Independence Day made no sense.

While discussing the difficulties of raising a kid with down syndrome. "The only one it's easy on is the barber".

Ant's UFN line at 0:50

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVLP-qurBqU

I miss clever and subtle racist Ant.

The slow build up of silence into Jimmys laugh makes it great

knocked out his outfit.

Heebie Kikeburger

Which line exactly?

"knocked out his outfit"

Fair enough. Thought that was a hilarious segment, none of the individual lines really stood out though.

SPIN SPIN SPIN SPINNY SPIN SPIN

Tweet tweet tweety tweet tweet

This one is my favorite (1:42:20 timestamp). Patrice talking about how Jewish intern David is.

"He's just so Jewish, he still has pyramid brick dust on his fingers."

Remove your hat!

Homerun Cumia!

Fuck off spade

These niggas look like birds

Jimmy farting into the phone when talking about Heath Legger.

Big laugh guy

Jimmy shitting down the line to Bob Kelly

Colin saying how Jim will look back at himself in a UFC T-shirt and realise he was an ass of his times.

It hasn't happened yet, but its the sound of a gun hammer cocking, bang, then a pistol hitting the floor as it falls out of Anthonys cold lifeless hand while Seinfeld is playing on the TV

Read this palm you gypsy bitch

Holy shit that line still makes me laugh, hunt the wolfman like you suppose to is even greater.

That bit was so funny even with Opie almost ruining it with his awful tea leaves line

Make a pie, brawd

<after the "Connor picks some flowers / mama, these for yoooooo!" line in the Laci Peterson song>

"...hands her a fistful of seaweed"

I think it was a boquet of seaweed

Fuck you mother asshole

"I'm gonna go to the outhouse and snake out my meat gash" - Ant during an 8-track porn clip.

"They were fighting for dick space" Patrice O'Neal

"dave still has pyramid brick dust on his fingers" or when he referred to david's jizz as "landlord ink."

anything CQ has said.

"I just found out that in the third transformers movie they based a character on you [Virus.] Optimus Prime Rib" - Bobo Rickles

"O&A party rock!" - Master Po

Jim: I'm shooting something this weekend

CQ: Yourself I hope

Edit: I'm a retard

Joe DeRosa's livelihood.

Jim Jefferies: I want to eat your shit

Random slut: Oh that's nice

Jim Jefferies: I'm going to dig it out with a knife

Not word for word but close enough.

Jim talking about Bob Kelly standing on CQs balcony:

"It'd be like an elephant stepping onto a piece of tracing paper"

Red Coat Jimmy: "WHOOO'S BEEN SHITTING IN YOUR MOUTH HARRY!?"

Tell them about the discount harry!

Patrice saying Norton takes the shape of any container he's poured into. Bonus line comparing him to Gleep from the Herculoids.

"I should of had a physical, physical"

This was the one I was looking for. So cringey.

News story: teen girl dies because of texting and driving. Jim " her last text was ROAL, rolling on the asphalt laughing"

the well timed car crash and "SHAME, SHAME, SHAME --- SHAME ON YOU!" are probably the things I loved on top of everything else in the final analysis

Their hands look like guns.

"white people crazy" Sherrod

@2:50 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNHJjH5_sDA

Good ol' Erock. Always good for a punchline.

When Ant said "Olivia Newton Gone" during this clip. Don't remember when, sorry. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2S1d1fUUE0

Where's my gun?

Vos' comic631

And then she shoved hay in her twat and asshole.

RRRRAAAMONEEE! BRING ME A SPOILED FAMILY PHOTOGRAPH!

Spiral Viral: https://www.reddit.com/r/opieandanthony/comments/3rf413/opie_reveals_he_was_recruited_by_viral_spiral/?

Jim: "why do I have S-T-U on my headset instead of Jim? "

Ant: "they forgot the P-I-D"

http://youtu.be/fbnqOx8PPAs

This. Along with Jimmy saying "I'm shooting something in March..." And CQ zipping straight in with "yourself I hope!" Wasn't just the quickness but the glee in which he said it with.

"I'm just a fan of the era." Anthony.

Vos on the Norton roast making fun of Jimmy's puddle of aids/other liquid diseases, along with the clip of Young Jimmy they just got done playing:

"Wee wee wee 3 little piggies ...... how do I combine pigs with fluid"

Jim points at Patrice

"Give him a drink"

It wasn't just the quickness. It was the word choice. Four of them, all one syllable.

Go to break Chippah is one of my favorites. The clip has studio reactions also.

https://m.youtube.com/?hl=en&amp;gl=CA#/watch?v=t7bF9D1ZiN8

"E-Rock, comment?"

One-liners have to be either CQ's or Ant's, personally. Corsican Pimp and Tunisian Knife Fighter have already been mentioned, but here are some of my other favorites:

• "What's up with the Don Lemon?"

Jimmy: "Well, he's the godfather of all fruit."

(cue minute and half of Godfather references)

• Jimmy: I'm shooting something in (location).

CQ: Yourself, I hope.

• Jimmy: (discussing ADD/ADHD) Well, I got AHBD.

Ant: What's that?

Jimmy: ...Adorable Huggable Boy Disorder.

Ant: Awww...I see you're cured.

Jimmy: Yes. (before he realized what Ant said. Ant's always so lightning speed quick on the delivery when he's got a comeback in the chamber.)

• Making fun of Bobby's trip to Afganistan.

Anthony (laughing): Steven S. from Bayshore...Band of Blubbers

Anthony: Full Jacket, The Dirty Dozen Donuts.

Jimmy: What does Bob want? A-packa-chips Now.

dad brought home some pansies

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"WHO IS GONNA SIGN A CONTRACT TO SOMEONE ATTACHED TO ITS CATCHER"

-Jim on conjoined twins playing baseball acting like they were trying to make it to the major league

"We don't do fake radio bits"

"His mouth is a lovely receptacle for bleach scented substances." -Jimmy

"Some people would say... Colored people are faster than white people. They have an extra bone in their leg. It's called the negro bone. It allows them to run faster, jump higher and throw things further."

Norton reminds me of a spineless jellyfish. - CQ or Patrice, I can't 'member.

Ant yelling at Jordan for 10 minutes straight was a pretty good line.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbnqOx8PPAs&amp;list=LLDX_PCsrX-j5m4FAD8Wd92A&amp;index=167

Hello Australia...Is Corey there?

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Jim to Travis: "Go fuck your mother... If you can find her."

Its time to get an oversided coffin and a purple suit. (Im pretty sure i butchered it)

From the Happy Days clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlr-hNFGimo 47:22 mark Jimmy- "I gotta take a cheese dip shit"

Crinkle. Crinkle.

"And that's how you Executive Produce!"

"And that's how you executive produce"

For me, it was something Sam said. If I recall correctly, O&A were shitting on Erock as usual, with Sam chiming in as he tends to do during those segments. I think Erock responded to something the boys said with "What?" which prompted Sam to remark "he can't hear you, he's got cake in his ears."

I laughed really hard at that. So silly.

Because they forgot the P-I-D

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Attel

Enough huffing and hawing

Everybody loved patrice for free

Meanwhile his family has to buy a purple suit and giant Coffin

There's cum in my name.

Yeah and also in your mouth and asshole.

Needs the context but when they were looking to get breast milk so they could make ice cream from it:

Ant: Look, we are looking for a new mother where, through circumstances beyond anyone's control...the crib is now out by the curb.

Jim: I screamed, you screamed.

TED THE ROASTER: Anthony you have so many guns! What are you, the whole army or something?

I cant remember the exact lines but the bit that cracked me up the most was the story of Bawby fucking that retarded girl in the bus. Anyone able to track that down? Or hand me a moist bookmark?

This thread got me thinking then I came by these new videos of Sam going down memory lane.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aVYVYA-8c0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpZt4CD9JEM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMpX07TRRl0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5iD4gkVxzY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NJXuc59ZDg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gyZqQz4zNY

ICE CUUUUBBBB. Teeeeeeeeaaaaaaaa

They forgot the P I D

When the gang is watching a news piece on abortions and a rustic kids: "The only person it's easy on is the barber." ..." A number 2 please".

"It was the baby!"

-Francine when describing her abortion

When they were making fun of Regis Philbin's Christmas album and Ant adds a Robert Reed AIDS lyric: Ant: "Robert with your nose so runny; why'd you make a man your honey?" https://youtu.be/2xnwa3ipq_4?t=5m41s

Your Mom's Box

Slow down guys, you're posting way too much context with these punchlines!

Hahah forgot about that one

I also loved Patrice's response. "Well when you put it that way Bobo...."

was going to write this but I knew it'd be posted already. so quick, so brutal

Which was written & handed to him in studio...

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Bravo, sir

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I was looking for this, do you have a link at all?

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https://youtu.be/92dJFs0fgq8

And with that one line, David Spade was never seen again.