Fuck Florentine
110 2016-07-12 by GunnieGraves
I've never heard someone so upset just with things that are "manly".
"I'm a grown man, I don't put gel in my hair".
Yet you tell dick jokes for a living and wear heavy metal T-shirts. Every time he's on he has some judgmental thing to say about something that he doesn't consider to be what a man should do.
A grown man definitely shouldn't have a soul patch. Fucking douche
140 comments
89 im_not 2016-07-12
Maybe real men are the ones who don't give a shit what other men do with their hair.
21 I_Hate_Knickers 2016-07-12
Yeah and maybe real men are the ones who touch other men's hair.
-6 BMoneyCPA 2016-07-12
FTFY
23 CCRed95 2016-07-12
AHAH CUM
11 BMoneyCPA 2016-07-12
Can't all be winners. I stand by it.
2 [deleted] 2016-07-12
You gotta love this sub. Check out all the people shitting on you. They took your dumb joke and made me HOWL this morning.
2 GleepGlorpFloopdedoo 2016-07-12
/u/ant_the_repeater ?
5 havingmadfun 2016-07-12
Ooofff
2 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
Okay terrific
1 NortheastPhilly 2016-07-12
uh oh
21 Jake_91_420 2016-07-12
a real man is someone who has reached puberty and has the correct chromosomes and corresponding genitalia
7 AccidentalRenaissanc 2016-07-12
Oh literal Jake_91_420
-8 [deleted] 2016-07-12
he's not being literal, he's just implying that "a real man" is a made up category that varies throughout time and place, or even the person you ask.
"A real man can handle a big, 300 pound woman!"
"A real man isn't afraid to get involved with me and my two little children from two different dads."
"Stand up, and be counted, show the world that you're a man. Stand up, and be counted - go with the Ku Klux Klan!"
15 AccidentalRenaissanc 2016-07-12
We got Frankie from Chicago on the line, FRANKAYYY
2 Jake_91_420 2016-07-12
I was being literal
2 CertifiedBA 2016-07-12
You’re joking. But perhaps you’re right.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-12
[deleted]
20 YoBGS 2016-07-12
Clearly you, sir, have never seen the flowchart: http://i.imgur.com/BmqV58M.jpg
8 dassabessdoe 2016-07-12
Who's the pecka that sperged out on this shit? I'd like to suck his dick.
14 YoBGS 2016-07-12
...I made it, posted it on an alt a long time ago. Though, given the implications, I'm gonna say Mr Maloonigans made it.
4 dassabessdoe 2016-07-12
You act like I haven't sucked a canine's cock before. Fuckin amateur.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-12
[deleted]
0 aidspiss 2016-07-12
Ok, Troy.
-10 jarjarjelly 2016-07-12
holy fuck this cringe worthy comment has 50 upvotes?
is this sub full of insecure middle aged men who visit the salon?
fucking losers
51 Mr_Brightside23 2016-07-12
Grown men also don't get cucked by 22 yr old cops.
-30 MilliBotany 2016-07-12
I literally "laughed out loud" at that gem, Sir!
15 Tom_Stall 2016-07-12
Then what happened?
5 CCRed95 2016-07-12
one of opie's very few good bits
39 FloggingTheHorses 2016-07-12
He professes to love metal (fuck he presented a show dedicated to it), but has such a shallow, superficial level of knowledge of the genre, it doesn't make sense. He only likes Sabbath and dogshit nu-metal. How can you be a life-long fan of metal and think Five Finger Death Punch, Drowning Pool and Evanescence is the epitome of good music? He has no comedic intuition, in any situation, no real sense of humour or self-awareness, and his personality is akin to that of a Walking Dead extra. Endless monotonic, weak observations. Most of his podcast consists of listing a thing he doesn't like, saying "yuk" or "eugh", "stop it" followed by silence for 30 seconds.
And the "what makes a man" shit is really weird. The strangest part is that it's not even done in jest; he honestly believes that ketchup, hair gel, eating chocolate, or wearing a scarf is unacceptable.He is either gay or is legitimately semi-retarded.
6 lemskroob 2016-07-12
both Jims have a touch of autism i think, with how they obsess over the smallest things and ignore vast expanses of the human experience.
4 Jackatard 2016-07-12
That description of his podcast is fucking spot on. Awful Facebook Posts Part 42. We get it. You're above it all.
2 YoBGS 2016-07-12
By calling attention to all of this stuff isn't he just giving it the publicity it wanted to begin with, making sure it will never end?
1 imcrapyall 2016-07-12
He is also supporting a band that used to wear dresses because when I think "what makes a man horseshit hacky early 2000's metrosexual" bits, I think dresses.
26 drudrudrudru 2016-07-12
He also hates ketchup. Says grow ups shouldn't use ketchup. It's one thing to not like ketchup, I get that. But to make that leap saying only children use ketchup is ridiculous. He's almost a hipster when it comes to things he hates
11 SGFTI 2016-07-12
Ketchup is for children, use mustard while getting blown like a real man.
8 MilliBotany 2016-07-12
I certainly don't.
4 DamonTyler 2016-07-12
Sam Roberts?
3 regis69 2016-07-12
What the fuck does he put on fries?
3 Chris_Benoit_Daycare 2016-07-12
Semen.
3 imcrapyall 2016-07-12
Cop semen to be precise.
1 A_Real_OG_Readmore 2016-07-12
https://youtu.be/SDneLQ_hzjI
1 imcrapyall 2016-07-12
He has a ketchup bit and makes a living? Fuck everything in existence.
-3 brmlb 2016-07-12
the ketchup thing worked with me. I dont use it anymore.
3 MilliBotany 2016-07-12
You don't enjoy it on freshly grilled frankfurters?
9 SteakSauce66 2016-07-12
That's fucking abhorrent.
0 brmlb 2016-07-12
Not anymore.
1 panasonictooth 2016-07-12
Why not? Just mustard? You queeb!
24 Bibimbap4211 2016-07-12
He also infected Robin with cancer.
8 I_Hate_Knickers 2016-07-12
A nasty business.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-12
[deleted]
1 TakesTheWrongSideGuy 2016-07-12
Not necessarily a bad thing though but he still gets shit from me because it didn't kill her.
1 imthatsingleminded 2016-07-12
She fucked a guy with giant tumors for balls.
She knew what she was getting into.
16 xxmikekxx 2016-07-12
It's just the weirdest thing in the world that his music couldn't be more juvenile & embarrassing. Someone is a child for enjoying a donut but yet it's totally respectable for a 50year old to listen to "Puddle of Mudd"
14 Jarvismcjigglesteins 2016-07-12
CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAAAAAY, WHEN YOU SHOVED IT IN MY FAAAACE???? ;(
Florentine on 20 year old cops.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-12
JUST!
14 KyleR007 2016-07-12
Florentine is the worst.
Every line in his mind, is an amazing rant against the evils of modern pussy culture, and he's taking the world down a peg.
Meanwhile people listening to his show wonder why he spent 15 minutes rambling about how elf on a shelf is stupid, and why anyone would find it entertaining.
The best was hearing him rant about how anyone who wears a scarf is a pussy, and is wearing it for a fashion statement because your neck doesn't get cold enough during winter to justify wearing a scarf.
https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2134/2166482029_f6ecb88577_b.jpg
Here's a picture of him being a pussy making a fashion statement
12 ECDUB 2016-07-12
He looks dead serious in that photo too. No way a comedian was fucking around.
3 strappingyoungladdie 2016-07-12
Really? Looks kinda like he might have been goofing around to me...
3 imcrapyall 2016-07-12
tss yeah goofin around about not takin dicks up his asshole or sumthin
5 TheFatMosque 2016-07-12
he has almost exactly the same haircut in this photo that I did when I was a sophomore in high school...
4 desmondsdecker 2016-07-12
What, "none and tussled"? Such a sweet boy.
5 panjshirlion 2016-07-12
I'm kind of with him on scarfs.
3 Tom_Stall 2016-07-12
I used to be with him on that (I never heard him talk about it but I had the same feeling about scarfs). But I'm in Europe and live in a city farther north than Calgary, Canada. Walking down a wide open street in the middle of December, 5 minutes after having shaved, with the North wind blowing directly at me changed my mind. Also on other occasions having my lips start bleeding because it's so cold influenced my decision to buy a scarf.
Even after all that I still look at people with scarfs with a little bit of disgust.
0 MilliBotany 2016-07-12
Cold in December? What's that like?
3 JeremyACrosby 2016-07-12
I wonder if he would tell Randy Couture that's he's a pussy for wearing a scarf? http://www.mmaoddsbreaker.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/4900068.jpeg?f7f302
9 [deleted] 2016-07-12
'he's not tougher than my daddy' may as well be your argument you fag
2 dassabessdoe 2016-07-12
I loffed.
-1 JeremyACrosby 2016-07-12
what?
1 [deleted] 2016-07-12
[deleted]
1 JeremyACrosby 2016-07-12
Im pretty sure I was talking about Florentine, when did I give my personal opinion on this?
3 MilliBotany 2016-07-12
And they'd never slam him.
People would complain "How come Florentine never gets the beating
that Vos, Bob Kelly, Colin, etc. get?" Then they'd hem & haw,
throw a half-assed "insult" at Florentine once or twice,
then immediately go back to not slamming him.
If that was Vos or Bobby in that "Beach Burning" video, we'd never hear the end of it.
2 RamonFrunkis 2016-07-12
What the fucking actual fuck did I just watch? Is he Dee Snider's younger faggot brother?
1 morrock14 2016-07-12
Every regular on the show should be thoroughly bashed on this subreddit. Keep hammering them until SiriusXM stock is worthless. It will work, you'll see.
1 GunnieGraves 2016-07-12
He should be killed for everything he's doing in this photo.
1 Jake_91_420 2016-07-12
I'd love a game of blowjob roulette with that girl
1 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
Is he doing Blue Steel or ducklips?
1 [deleted] 2016-07-12
[deleted]
13 bonniesretardsister 2016-07-12
Anybody who fucked Robin Quivers and her ebony gunt doesn't get to have an opinion on anything.
12 JeremyACrosby 2016-07-12
he tells stories about how he would wear tight jeans to show off his ass but hair gel isn't manly enough for him?
9 throwawaymanthrows 2016-07-12
He does sort of give off an insecure, overcompensating vibe. I remember he went off about how only nerds play fantasy football or something. Don't get me wrong, it was hilarious shit. But still.
And not to mention the fact that Opie has been acting like he has a Jim Florentine voice for years now.
8 RacksDiciprine 2016-07-12
Legitimately looks like poop on his chin
7 Leofan7 2016-07-12
A little caterpillar covered in feces. A shitterpillar.
6 Jarvismcjigglesteins 2016-07-12
Frig off, Lahey.
4 WiretapStudios 2016-07-12
Shit barbers comin', Ran.
5 TheScarletR 2016-07-12
what a cartoonish nose
2 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
I thought he was Adam Sandler's buddy in all his movies for a long time then was shocked when I realized that guy is way more famous for being a nobody with a friend.
1 WiretapStudios 2016-07-12
Adams Sandlers friend is objectively more funny, and worth a lot more in the comedy world financially.
2 imcrapyall 2016-07-12
It's like leftover ball hair from blowing an armenian too hard. The only people I know that have soul patches are either "incredibly deep" or think they're too edgy for PG humor with their fart jokes.
6 Binski13 2016-07-12
It's just his hyperbolic hack shtick a grown man wouldn't worry what other grown men do.
5 JoeCumiaSr 2016-07-12
He's a faggot, just ignore him.
2 iWhereSchortSchorts 2016-07-12
Ironically this is what Joe Cumia Sr would say about his kids when he had guests over for dinner.
1 OpieArmy 2016-07-12
in what way is that ironic?
1 SGFTI 2016-07-12
In the way that people don't understand irony.
2 OpieArmy 2016-07-12
so its like 10000 spoons when all you need is a knife?
5 Lyle_D_Chipperson 2016-07-12
ME: My man FLOARRRANTEEN is on my SHORT-LIST of GUYS (Gravelly voice)
4 TheBeardedMarxist 2016-07-12
So people really still listen to this show?
6 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
When I'm on a long driving trip with the wife I will put on Florentine to hear her whining in a man's voice.
3 OpiesPendulousUdders 2016-07-12
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=quOI_djS8oc
2 MilliBotany 2016-07-12
I miss The Simpsons. When it was good.
3 EskimoEscrow 2016-07-12
I agree, but I have a feeling you put gel in your hair and that's why you're so mad.
-3 GunnieGraves 2016-07-12
I do at times, but that was just the thing that he said today. I've noticed it before and never commented on it. Anytime he's on he talks about things that aren't manly or are childish.
Taken from another users comment:
It's a regular thing. I keyed in on the hair gel because that's the one he said today. He's also mentioned eating donuts is childish. Obsessed with coming across as a big boy I guess.
1 HookerMouth82 2016-07-12
Hair gel, or cum?
3 Guybroman 2016-07-12
Whats the difference?
9 HookerMouth82 2016-07-12
I've never eaten hair gel.
4 aidspiss 2016-07-12
Vurry good
3 Mayonnaise_Monster 2016-07-12
He was molested as a child. His issues are numerous
3 6jesus6christ6 2016-07-12
All these comics are children. They are in their 50s and have the lifestyles of 21 year olds.
3 sanfrancisco69er 2016-07-12
Did he say something about pokemon go that finally pushed you over the edge?
3 AzraelApollyon 2016-07-12
Florentine is a text book example of the 'too cool for the room' douche bag that Anthony used to make fun of all the time. I used to think Florentine said shit like this because it was part of his shtick and he thought it was funny to be an obnoxious asshole, but now that I know it's not an act and he's completely serious, he's just a faggot now.
3 TakesTheWrongSideGuy 2016-07-12
He wears metal t-shirts he buys at fucking Target.
2 Amiigo7 2016-07-12
He doesn't like stuff. Everyone does something he hates.
2 Sigma1042 2016-07-12
sometimes I feel he's just trolling with some of his takes of minuscule things and he goes too far because they're so silly and without any merit
then I remember he's a fool and believe he's serious most of the time
2 eastriverdriveII 2016-07-12
Also, that metal show sucks.
3 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
1 eastriverdriveII 2016-07-12
Beauti-ful.
2 callmesnake13 2016-07-12
I'm just guessing here, but I think he's what happens when parents raise their kid by telling them to "act like a big boy" and "stop acting like a baby" every time they cry.
2 CowsAreCurious 2016-07-12
Him being a fan of KISS negates anything he says about being "manly".
2 AntsCamera 2016-07-12
Florentine is trying to hide the fact he is gay behind all his "manliness proclamations"
He ripped off Maddox, and made a career from it.
Too bad Maddox is not funny either. Next time rip off Stanhope or Pryor.
2 cardaderdention 2016-07-12
Why u gotta put down his soul patch man? - Every truck driver on this sub.
1 [deleted] 2016-07-12
[deleted]
0 [deleted] 2016-07-12
[removed]
1 NewOpieAndJimFan 2016-07-12
I actually like what he brings to the show.
1 bornrevolution 2016-07-12
His voice/cadence is like nails on a chalk board to me. Like Denis Leary but worse, if that's even possible.
1 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
The management is happy
1 nhlroyalty 2016-07-12
I used to listen to him and quite enjoy his ignorance... I think he does naturally have some funny prank ideas and ways to fuck with people on occasion. I often wonder how this guy ever hacked it as an actual comic though... I don't think I've ever heard him tell a joke actually.
1 theronskier1 2016-07-12
anyone that seriously was into that hair metal bullshit scene back in the day needs their mancard immediately revoked if hes gonna be like that. Hair Metal bands are some of the most feminine dudes on earth, even worse is to idolize those fuckers.
3 DassaBesso 2016-07-12
I hope anyone who says 'man-card' immediately finds blood in their piss.
1 Amiigo7 2016-07-12
He hates when people say "man card " so you better watch out.
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1 NotRye 2016-07-12
I used to love listening to Jim's podcast. But once he dismissed ketchup as being for children, he completely lost me. It's just too much of an arbitrary stance to take.
5 joomommyhappy 2016-07-12
You come out against a condiment, you immediately lose half your audience.
1 NJPoster 2016-07-12
Why are you listening to O&J?
1 GunnieGraves 2016-07-12
This is America, is it not?
1 NJPoster 2016-07-12
They suck
1 bobomobile 2016-07-12
He's a wasp-faced dago confused about his identity. A Roadie for rock bands. Every town.
Cumia never lest the Northeast dago homeland.
1 powers55 2016-07-12
i guess you are good at pokeyman?
1 Bandits82 2016-07-12
Right now real men have their peckas in a cunt or sumthin.
1 Unshavenhelga 2016-07-12
I've always shared this opinion. No wonder his wife stepped out.
1 Masterpoda 2016-07-12
I feel the same way about Nick DiPalo ranting that the whole world is getting "Pussified" because people wear pink for breast cancer or some shit.
1 pickledpancreas 2016-07-12
He's slightly less embarrassing than present-day "I can't listen to Dio when my wife is home because it scares my daughters" Breuer, although not by much. Another guy who is certain that music and fashion peaked when he was nineteen.
0 nomorecompromise 2016-07-12
Joaquin Phoenix with AIDS.
1 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
ON STEROIDS
0 ChippusMaximus 2016-07-12
WHY? Why do you have to talk shit when you can't even post a picture..................................................................... of yourself......... no your podcast player didn't die I was just letting that sink in..................... WHY?
-1 pinkie_pride 2016-07-12
I don't care, I like Florentine and I love tons of childish and utterly non manly crap that he would without a doubt shit on if it were ever brought to his attention. Stop catching feelings cause some dumb comic makes fun of things you like.
I actually find the fact that he's basically a grown teenager from 1985 who still calls out other people's interest as being childish to make it more amusing because of the irony, and it helps that I totally agree with his rantings against gym culture, soccer moms, cutesy sayings, and other cringey crap.
-3 SolomonKull 2016-07-12
You sound triggered. Did Jim rustle your jimmies, you hair gel using douchebag?
-11 Molly_Whop 2016-07-12
You wear gel and are offended. Jim Florentine is a "I hate everything" gimmick comedian, no doubt. But that doesn't change the fact that you take him seriously whenever he shits on something you do/like.
0 KingGirardeau 2016-07-12
OP is butthurt because he uses hair gel and it struck a cord with his insecurity. He was voted most likely to not take a joke in high school.
-6 BMoneyCPA 2016-07-12
FTFY