Just imagining a world where Big Jim strolls home confidently.. with no need for a Kenny... and sits back on his nice couch that only has one picture of him and Ozzy (where Ozzy looks genuinely stoked to meet him) hanging over it... and lifting his ankle attached to a long shin up to cross it over his man-sized knee... and then Bleep-Bloop! What's this? "Ughh. Another fan girl hitting me up. I can't wait until my long-time wife, Bonnie McFarlane gets off work."
I imagine the less grandiose aspects of Big Jim's daily life like his car actually sinking a little bit as he sits down in it or his legs always hanging off the end of the bed when he sleeps. His huge stupid socks full of huge Big Jim loads scattered under his bedroom furniture.
Big Jim hears two DINGs on his phone, picks it up off of the coffee table and puts it back down again. For a moment he stared at it and pondered. Life can get to be so awkward, he's trying to get on with his future but his ex Jennifer keeps hitting him up trying to get something going again under the veil of a supposed "project" she's planning. She was so desperate to get this ill conceived idea off the ground that she decided to get a bunch of long time hanger on fans to donate to her so she could have a chance at getting Jim back. While he's already moved on far past the small blip in his life that he was with Jennifer, he still feels a tinge of sympathy for her, being so desperate and pathetic and shameless, on some level he fears what will happen if he was to reject her like he wants to, what she might do to herself. "Women" he mumbles to himself, exhaling loudly, popping off the cap on a bottle of Labbatts. He takes a long swig, leans back into the couch comfortably and points the remote at the TV as the familiar sounds of Sportscenter fill the room once again.
It's so damaging on an existential level. He would lean into it if people were making fun of his appearance and making him uglier. By making him handsome and confident he's confronted by what could have been.
uh oh: "If your face tends to turn red when you drink, that hot, flushed feeling could be the least of your problems. People who experience facial flushing from alcohol are more likely to have high blood pressure, finds a new study from Chungnam National University in South Korea."
I had to google stanhope's gf.....because from the stories, I assumed she had to be hot or there's no reason anyone should ever put up with her shit ever in a million years.
She's not remotely attractive .....I guess he's just emotionally intertwined.....or chemically codependent with her.
36 comments
45 [deleted] 2016-05-22
[deleted]
49 robobot 2016-05-22
Just imagining a world where Big Jim strolls home confidently.. with no need for a Kenny... and sits back on his nice couch that only has one picture of him and Ozzy (where Ozzy looks genuinely stoked to meet him) hanging over it... and lifting his ankle attached to a long shin up to cross it over his man-sized knee... and then Bleep-Bloop! What's this? "Ughh. Another fan girl hitting me up. I can't wait until my long-time wife, Bonnie McFarlane gets off work."
18 nomorecompromise 2016-05-22
I imagine the less grandiose aspects of Big Jim's daily life like his car actually sinking a little bit as he sits down in it or his legs always hanging off the end of the bed when he sleeps. His huge stupid socks full of huge Big Jim loads scattered under his bedroom furniture.
7 braunheiser 2016-05-22
Big Jim hears two DINGs on his phone, picks it up off of the coffee table and puts it back down again. For a moment he stared at it and pondered. Life can get to be so awkward, he's trying to get on with his future but his ex Jennifer keeps hitting him up trying to get something going again under the veil of a supposed "project" she's planning. She was so desperate to get this ill conceived idea off the ground that she decided to get a bunch of long time hanger on fans to donate to her so she could have a chance at getting Jim back. While he's already moved on far past the small blip in his life that he was with Jennifer, he still feels a tinge of sympathy for her, being so desperate and pathetic and shameless, on some level he fears what will happen if he was to reject her like he wants to, what she might do to herself. "Women" he mumbles to himself, exhaling loudly, popping off the cap on a bottle of Labbatts. He takes a long swig, leans back into the couch comfortably and points the remote at the TV as the familiar sounds of Sportscenter fill the room once again.
5 [deleted] 2016-05-22
[deleted]
3 rottenseed 2016-05-22
Don't forget he's sipping on a nice scotch
9 [deleted] 2016-05-22
[deleted]
3 blackirishlad 2016-05-22
I just know he hoards big him pictures obsessively and ponders what life could have been like
2 TriangleDimes 2016-05-22
It's so damaging on an existential level. He would lean into it if people were making fun of his appearance and making him uglier. By making him handsome and confident he's confronted by what could have been.
22 i_saw_nothing 2016-05-22
FAWK YEAH.
Big Jim Norton is a mountain of a man, and it's not gay to be inspired by him.
9 satsamsit 2016-05-22
It's gay not to!
19 hashtagjocktober 2016-05-22
BJN got a nigga ribs!
13 i_saw_nothing 2016-05-22
Would you go so far as to say
"...hurtin' today"?
10 Kloster 2016-05-22
Opie attempting to read these comments was enraging
1 robobot 2016-05-22
Which comments?
1 Kloster 2016-05-22
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYWn55bMKlc
1 robobot 2016-05-22
Oh right. I forgot about that. Yeesh.
14 panasonictooth 2016-05-22
Big Jim Norton is a man of the people.
12 Bick_Bickerson 2016-05-22
God damn this guy is funny as shit
9 ShetUp 2016-05-22
Fuck this account always makes me wheeze like a dying man.
3 [deleted] 2016-05-22
[deleted]
1 FaggotBannedKeith 2016-05-22
Artie?
7 Fat_People_Hydra 2016-05-22
nothing but net
5 scottgreenstein 2016-05-22
Norton has terrible posture and fashion sense.
6 deadfacecafe 2016-05-22
The Big & Tall has limited options.
1 [deleted] 2016-05-22
[deleted]
4 NashuaDan 2016-05-22
Nice work as always by BJN.
4 holodog 2016-05-22
With Doug's red booze face and weird suit he really looks like an Oompa Loompa here.
2 majestik6 2016-05-22
uh oh: "If your face tends to turn red when you drink, that hot, flushed feeling could be the least of your problems. People who experience facial flushing from alcohol are more likely to have high blood pressure, finds a new study from Chungnam National University in South Korea."
3 imcrapyall 2016-05-22
So does Big Jim Norton also get shit on by trannies or does he do the shitting?
3 majestik6 2016-05-22
Big Jim Norton is out of the closet, and doesn't need to fuck trannies so he can pretend that they're women and he's straight.
2 Boredghost77 2016-05-22
Just two half finished clones having a chat
2 JohnTravoltasHair 2016-05-22
This is so genius.
2 riff1060 2016-05-22
I love that they gave him an actual jaw-line in his profile pic.
1 [deleted] 2016-05-22
[removed]
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1 jackassinjapan 2016-05-22
You missed the opportunity to use Stanlet.
1 ucfgavin 2016-05-22
that is hilarious
1 dermotBlancmonge 2016-05-22
why can't I find the original
this might be real
-2 shaqfan99 2016-05-22
I had to google stanhope's gf.....because from the stories, I assumed she had to be hot or there's no reason anyone should ever put up with her shit ever in a million years.
She's not remotely attractive .....I guess he's just emotionally intertwined.....or chemically codependent with her.
0 majestik6 2016-05-22
They're in an 'open relationship.'
So he can basically fuck anyone he wants. Unless, you know, she gets pissed. Which is what caused the recent drama.
13 i_saw_nothing 2016-05-22
Would you go so far as to say
"...hurtin' today"?