Anthony- Will move to Florida, NY is too expensive. Still a drunk, date strippers.

Opie-O&J cancelled. He'll start looking into "this podcast thing, sniff". Hosts at F.H. Riley's, Jimmy doesn't join.

Jim- Will propose to Kelsey Cook. Gets denied. Will host a podcast and travel around the country joking about the Kardashians. Will also teach comedy class to civilians at Comedy Cellar.

Bobby Kelly- will have his stomach stapled. Massive weight loss. Becomes the next Jason Statham.

Colin Quinn- Will become greatest stand up ever. Colin, Attell, and Norm Macdonald will create a Tough Crowd type show with just the 3 of them. Norton only has cameo on the show where they bring him out and make fun of him.

Joe Derosa- Bill Burr will take pity and get him gigs. Will become a tortured artist. Thinks he is the next Hicks and that people will only appreciate him after he is dead. Writes an awful memoir.

Bobo: Begins studying the stock market. Asks Colin Quinn for start-up capital. As a joke Colin Quinn gives Bobo $10,000. Bobo massively shorts fructose and has a 20,000% return. After a 20 minute meeting with Warren Buffet becomes the CEO of Berkshire Hathaway.

Amy Schumer- Will absolutely have massive weight gain. Amy and Jennifer Lawrence's movie will be hated by audiences but loved by critics who will call it "brave". She'll make a documentary about her meeting Syrian refugees and performing a stand-up show for them. "Because laughing is universal". Her stand-up has the opposite effect and her jokes about her vagina deeply offends the refugees. She is arrested and tried under Sharia Law. Sentenced to 20 years.

I hate that they're all still alive in your fantasy

What about me? Do I end up having sex with a lady?

Yes, but she will make you very sick.

You think that she'll only get 20 years for that?

They won't want to risk getting her blood on them or they won't get into heaven.

In 2026 Big Amy will be 44 metric tons

If you plan on still paying attention by then you should just do yourself a favor and kill yourself

Jim Norton: Dead by an auto-erotic asphyxiation mishap.

Anthony: Married to, and occassionally beating, Sue Lightning and living in Texas, crying about liberals, blacks and guns.

Opie: Opieradio has crumbled and fallen. He now sits at home in his big house, while his daughter texts with Anthony on her new iPad, reminiscing about the glory days.

Brother Joe: Shot to death via driveby gang shooting, with his husband, Fred from Brooklyn, crying over his dead body.

Amy Schumer: 500 pounds.

Kurt Metzger: Posting 500 posts in a row on the newest social media craze, lambasting us civilians.

The Stangels, Bob Kelly and Roland: Dead from heart failure.

Bobo: Starts a media empire and becomes more famous than Howard Stern, after the backing of /r/opieandanthony.

Sam: Still waiting for that big call from the WWE, while hosting a shitty wrestling podcast in his mom's basement, after Jess divorced him and left him for Katie Linendoll.

Danny: Murdered by his stalker.

Troy Quan: Riding a skateboard, realizing he got away with murder after pushing his girlfriend off a cliff.

Joe Derosa: Still without shoulders, fighting for his livelihood after going on an anti-Jew tirade on stage,

Colin Quinn: Host of the Tonight Show.

Dani Golightly: Doing speedballs behind a Long Island 7/11.

Panera Bread: After defeating The Cumias, they become the number 1 food chain in the world.

Patrice: Still dead.

Jesse Ventura: Standing over Jim Norton's grave, yelling "I won, Chris Kyle was a liar," while wearing a tinfoil hood.

Rich Vos: Live at McGuire's Comedy Club, May 6th to the 7th.

Bonnie's Retard Sister: Married to Bobo.

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Ant - Dead

Opie - Dead

Jim Norton - Dead

Bobby Kelly - 10 years dead

Colin Quinn - A-list movie star

Joe Derosa - Dead

Rich Vos - Performing, while dead, April 29 at the Joke Joint in St. Paul, Minnesota

Amy Schumer - Fat....and dead.

• CQ- Finally gets the recognition he deserved 15 years ago and is widely considered his generation's Carlin.
• Dice- 3 hit tv shows and has also lost Norton's phone number.
• Norton- Desperately tweeting trying to get his followers to help him get into an experimental AIDS medication trial while Ventura gets the last laugh by taunting him on Twitter saying he is a blind fool because there already is a cure the government is hiding. Eventually goes back to drinking and is ostracized for tweeting his life is more valuable than a civilian child who has AIDS so he deserves the program. Tweets baby boi for 4 hours then hangs himself with a dildo in his ass. You can guess the size and color.
• Bobby- Let his addiction to new technology and pizza bites get so bad that he is no longer a person but rather has turned himself into android using half tested technology and software. He currently tours the country as the You Know What Dude Bot 9000 as seen on the YKWD podcast.
• Amy- has been long cast aside by the SJW crowd after her O&A appearance where she said "Anthony doesn't need to bring his gun in the pool because those people can't swim" is eventually deemed insensitive by her audience despite it being a character act. She still has enough shekels to survive because Jew.
• Dipaolo- Goes on the current CC round table "discussion show" hosted by a genderless black trans queerperson who sexually identifies as a squirrel and has his opinion changed after a revelation in a heated debate with a pseudo liberal alt comic. Changes his party affiliation to Democrat. His wife suspects dementia but the house is a lot more quiet so she doesn't have him get it checked out.
• Opie- Brother Wease's funeral without Lynsi.
• Anthony- Ironically shot by a black guy because he didn't have his gun.
• Brother Joe- Makes a long speech at the funeral about FBI crime statistics. Amazingly throughout the speech he manages to only imply the word nigger but does not say it. Most of the angry speech he is made while glaring at his daughter's new "friend" Terrence.
• Derosa- Uses a guitar on stage, "ironically." Burr opens up every set by apologizing to the women Derosa just screamed cunt at for the last 10 minutes of his set because she didn't get it.
• Vos- Dies mysteriously in his sleep when Bonnie strangles him after he bought another Merschedes that won't start. The last thing she said from him is "how long and stupid is your midlife crisis?" The only real press his death gets is a tweet from Magooby's, #legend.
• Vos's website-still has the headline "A Regular on the Opie & Anthony Show."

because Jew.

Genuine belly laugh at this.

Opie will be Scorches co-host on PFG-TV.

After his third Oscar for best actor, Scorch runs for president on a "make America pfg again" platform. President Scorch and VP Sib lead the world into an age of peace and prosperity.

Der Fuhrer Donald Trump will be 2 years into his 3rd term & most of the genetic riffraff will have been cleaned up.

This I like!

After the 3rd nuclear war the Tranny Nexus will complete domination of the surface dwellers. The army of Japanese Fuckbots built to protect the marmalade fields will declare independence leaving us to our fate. The Emperor(ess) Sue Lightning will at the final hour be convinced to spare the lives of humanity by a decrepit Anthony coming to terms with his sexuality and melting the cold heart of the ladyboy.

Or i ssmoke too much weed

Big Amy is only 34 years old? I thought she was 40.

No.

They'll all be dead except for Joe DeRosa, who will be parroting whatever terrible trend is in style at the time.

Sadly, at least one of them will be dead. I can't say who.

in 2026 most of us will move on from this sub, and reddit will have become what dig is now.

RIP Rich Vos

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Anthony - Dead.

Opie - Retired.

Jim - Struggling to make a comeback.

Bobby - Dead.

Colin - Household name, successful comic and author.

Derosa - Reality tv writer.

Vos - Nothing changes.

Amy - Irrelevant and retired.

Tits: Breast cancer survivor