She really only has a couple of jokes that she just repeats.

Most of her joke is this set-up. She tells a story about being somewhere or with someone amazing (like a celebrity). And then she just self-deprecates herself in a "why am I here? I'm a regular person" type of way.

So it's like "I was at the Oscars you guys! The Oscars! They must've thought I was a janitor"

Or "I was sitting next to Selena Gomez you guys! Selena Gomez! my arm is the size of her entire body you guys"

"I got to make a movie you guys! A movie! & I starred in it! The movie studio was like 'can we get a skinny woman to star in this?"

Etc etc

Tss fawkin hilarious babe!

At least Aziz Ansari makes silly faces and does a crazy voice when he does that shtick.

At the very, very least.

The absolute worst for this is Donald Glover. He's basically just jerking off on stage the entire time, about how famous and talented he is.

The only exception I make for this is Kathy Griffin, because she takes being a celebrity-obsessed self-deprecating douche so far that it's sort of a weird meta-character and not as hate-able, in my opinion.

Donald Glover is a genuine douche. He's been known to pretend not to know people that he's been acquaintance's with from before he got famous. Pulls that "do i know you?" shit with people he's hung out with for years.

Does he still do comedy? I assumed he just rapped now.

I don't know, I saw him doing stand up on TV probably ~5 years ago and never forgot about it or forgave him for it. Whatever he's doing now, I hope he fails at it.

I'm sorry that he slighted you.

Like I said, I don't forgive him.

It doesn't bother me brotherman. I thought maybe you knew what he was up to.

#youguys

That is the biggest crutch in comedy, especially with women & alt dudes. They say "you guys" all the time. Listen for it

You can only pretend to be something for so long before you're exposed by trying too hard.

I remember a few years ago she was on JRE, O&A etc. she was actually quite funny and original. It seems like she is anxious to maintain her level of success, so plays it safe. Which is a shame.

Sorry, but she was never funny on O&A. She only talked about her pussy and sex.

She definitely took a weird sjw turn.

Damn son, calling /u/DaveNone out like that. FACE

You're still mad that davenone had a good upbringing with his father and yours was a deadbeat. So mad bitchboy. Davenone and shadowbannedkiethm own your head.

DaveNone's dad is dead, mine is on vacation on bourbon str in New Orleans sending me pics of the great time my parents are having; so he's got to be the mad one.

And well Adam, I mean shadowbannedkeithm, yeah his nightmare is about to begin.

Haha he had to explain where his retarded/ill dad is. Anonymous peoples words affect you so greatly, bitchboy. U mad.

Reality so much more pleasurable than your fictitious lives

Says the butthurt autist that spends his life obsessing over anonymous strangers, making plans days ahead of time for new accounts lol. U so mad.

Any chance you can give me a quick backstory on this shitdick? I must have missed something.

Oh there's not much to it, he's a "hater fighter" Cumia ballwasher, he sperged out a bunch of times because people found his weak points (ie: being called a bitchboy, autistic, mentioning his sick/retarded dad). A few guys got to him so bad and live in his head so much that he's gotta make "parody account" to turn 'public perception' about them, as if we all take as much stock into anonymous people as he does.

Oh yeah? Well my dad could beat up your dad.

If he's not worm food, then he's gotta better chance than /u/DaveNone s deadbeat rent dodging dad

Take your meds your butthurt is out of control bitch boy!

You're trying too hard, relax

U mad lol

Don't forget to water the plants and feed the cat otherwise there will be no tendies for you and you'll have to eat ramen while sobbing in the basement again.

U still mad lol what a butthurt bitch boy.

It's pretty bad when /r/comedy turns on you that place loves shit comedy

Opened tab. Saw links to SNL clips. Closed tab.

Are you suggesting that the current state of SNL isn't the pinnacle of comedy?

Racemic mixtures are for faggots. I like my compounds optically pure. Or at least majority R configuration. I would love to show you my fischer projection. Can I shine some polarized light on your peckah?

That pic is like a less funny version of that 4chan post that was floating around

Parallel thinking

Which one?

http://i.imgur.com/RODjQat.png

Gotta dumb it down for the /comedy crowd

"Rolled into a big, fat, blonde cunt." -Amazing.

She seems like she's on an accelerated Dane Cook wave, except Dane was actually capable of making a funny joke here and there. Schumes has never been funny, and I never understood the O&A fans that liked her in the first place. She's just as bad as Levy or Sherrod.

i think her old cd is alright, but the taxi finger story is just awful, its just trying to be shocking or something

You mean Jeselnik's CD?

The big difference is this. Dane got famous from stand-up & Amy got famous for her show. Amy was never a great stand-up, she was good enough to get her own show & that's what blew her up.

Her stand-up is without question mediocre. Even when all the "Comedy Cellar guys" were defending her it was a lot about how she's not that seasoned & only been doing it however long she has. But the media puts her name up there as one of the funniest comics. It's Bullshit.

As for Dane, maybe it was cuz I was in high school but I liked his early stuff. I think his Comedy Central 1/2hr was one of the best & I even remember laughing at his cd. But I think as he needed to generate more material his shit just began to suck. Also, all his movies are the worst movies of all time.

Dane made me laugh once because he did a cartwheel unexpectedly.

Employee of the Month is actually pretty watchable. That's about it though.

It's pg-13 & it's fine for teen boys/girls. But his R-rated comedies (which I feel like is made for people like me) were such garbage. He seemed to have this idea that if he mixed "dude comedy" with the sappiest rom-com shit it'll be something that both guys & girls want to see. Instead they were shit for both genders

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Dane was taken down a peg or two when the 'joke theif' label caught up to him, but the feminism-backed schum was able to roll through it because there were bigger fish to fry on the agenda than just making honest comedy.

She's playing a goddamn basketball arena in my city next week. Should really capture the energy and intimacy of the Cellar.

I'd like to hear Rogan wax-atmospheric about the 'feel' of the arena.

rogan was carpet bombing this club the other day, he was dropping double nuclear bomb on the audience, ppl was laughing so hard its like hes an army of drones dropping triple atomic bombz left and right

Isn't bombing a bad thing

That turn must've taken a few hours to get around her (because she's moderately overweight, you see).

moderately

She's a chubby cheeked lardplanet.

I will use lardplanet daily.

already deleted

fatty pig fatty

I got fingered by a hot dog vendor. I got coneyed.

I seen her make a list of "comics that can roast you" on my Facebook news feed and you'd think all the commentors were members of this reddit with the Schum trashing

Thankfully, she's starting to get trashings almost everywhere.

She should trash her ass on the threadmill or sumthin'

I'm sure her roast jokes are the very best that Kurt, her sister & Rachel Feinstein can write!

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I loffed.

wow. they love the worst hacks in the world on that sub... 1- they will come to her defense 2- then she will complain that she can stick up for herself 3- then complain that anyone says anything negative about her at all of a gendered nature

Damn son, calling /u/DaveNone out like that. FACE

I remember a few years ago she was on JRE, O&A etc. she was actually quite funny and original. It seems like she is anxious to maintain her level of success, so plays it safe. Which is a shame.