Amy Schumer to Glamour: I'm not plus-size

22  2016-04-05 by blrghh

98 comments

Yeeeeer a pig. Yeeeeer a big fat pig cunt.

LOL: Jimmy doing Louis CK?

Fuck i forgot about that, that was hilarious

DON'T LIE, WE ALL DID CRACK

b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-

-booey

Yerrr a crack smoking pig, Marion's a fatso.

No she's isn't, she lost weight!

My show is great.

You're a fat pig.

Yeeeeeer a fat crack smoker.

How can you try to be an icon for women with poor body image and then scream "Hey, I'm not some fatso like those other bitches."? She's done.

At least Adele has a somewhat pretty face.

That's what makes it so funny. She's always going on about body positivity but lies about her own size.

She is going to catch hell from tubbies for this.

Not to mention that women, who know fucking well from personal trauma, that she's not even close to a 6 or an 8 are going to grind her under their Steve Maddens.

I've started writing and decided not to post so many things about clothing sizes for the last hour bc I know youre all dudes and won't get it. but fuck her for real. I'm about 130 lbs and can't button a size 6 after a good meal or one too many beers.

I've had girlfriends cry about not fitting into an 8 and they had great bodies. The bitch is basically calling herself slender or athletic.

Maybe she's just a lot taller than we thought

same height as me allegedly, definitely exaggerated for publicity.

Bitch looks like a can of Crisco become self aware.

She probably won't. Her average housewife fan doesn't care if age lies. They do too.

"I can still catch a dick".... I didn't realize that was considered an epic feat for a woman.

said any girl ever...

She has to chase the black guys down now?

If she keeps eating theyll be chasing her fat ass down.

A halfway decent woman can offer her pussy on 5th avenue and there will be dudes jumping out of windows to get a taste.

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That's one of those lines Patrice would point out as being hypocritical, both with the sex therapist lady on O+A and on Elephant in the Room.

Adele also lost about 50 lbs. She looks pretty good. Amy got famous and let what little self control she had go. She is a pig.

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In February 2015, she shot back at a critic who accused her of being overweight by posing topless in her underwear.

This is the picture they linked to. As opposed to, say, this one.

I feel like it's wrong to focus on her dumpy body which can transition anywhere between fuckable while drunk all the way to nightmarish. Meanwhile her head is perpetually shaped liked an ugly dyke of a root vegetable and none of the glamour magazines are willing to address it.

Cabbage patch kid head.

her head is perpetually shaped liked an ugly dyke of a root vegetable

ded

The paddleboard is barely keeping her afloat. It looks like she is walking on water

Shes standing on top of the shoulders of the comics that have to carry her fat ass to keep her shitty tv show afloat.

Plus-size? This bitch is multiplication-size

Tsss

Home. Run.

Take us to break you fat fucking pig

Well she certainly ain't minus-size that's for sure tsss divide any numbah by her body and you'd get zero cuz she's shaped like a zero tssss tss fawkin nailed her

This just in: Fat chick denies being fat

There's no fucking way she's between an 8 and a 6. Sorry bout it, babe.

What is she average in comparison to a fucking whale or bus? If you're fucking fat accept it and move on. I understand you're trying to go against some absurd status quo we have in america but regardless you're still on a pedestal that people regard you as a leader. A fat leader that needs a reinforced pedestal but a leader nonetheless.

So why not be rational and talk about that in your act or specials and do something positive instead of releasing pics of you being roasted with an apple and "firing back" with such lame insults that make you come off as a 13 year old angst filled cunt. Also fucking newsflash nearly any woman who presents herself as clean can catch dick any time they want regardless of size. The only reason you're catching dick is because you have fame.

I mean even the Cumes who is in rehab right now has caught dick. Fucking catch some jokes and put it in your mouth instead of the all you can eat surf and turf for 15.99 at Red Lobster you self righteous self serving feminist that only caters to some stereotype of feminists and doesn't even know how to advance the status quo unless it's dripping in butter and was written by someone else, can't take any fucking criticism because now i'm too big in more ways than one, size king size bed wearing dress no talent having cunt.

Tell us how you really feel.

"advance the status quo"? que?

this reminds me of a rant paper i wrote in my freshman year of college about Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh.

Regular sizes end at 12 and the ability to fit into a size 12 ends at about 160 lbs. She's well into plus size territory

My dick is xxxxl size

Get it it's very big

No one gets it

HAHAHA IM TALKING ABOUT YOUR DICK SEE

No one gets it

His dick or the joke?

Punctuation. Use it, motherfucker.

She's at least full size

She a California King.

"California" implies taking four inches off the width of a king and adding it to the length. More for tall thin people who don't want to sleep diagonally.

Yeah but just saying "she a king" wouldn't have made sense.

She's a fat bitch.

She's totally right. We need to stop using that term unrealistically. Piggy is way too fat to make the "plus sized" cut.

I like how she takes offense to "plus size". Bitch, plus size is being generous.

I like that you felt the need to do a slightly shitter version of the guys joke back to him.

Schoomed 'em

Fawkin zooted.

I just saw this story encapsulated in a single paragraph that did not require me to click anything, so I'm happy to report the issue is apparently plus size is a "16" and Schumer oscillates between a 6 and an 8. In other news women should've let men format their clothing size definitions because jesu christo.

she fluctuates between a 6 and a 8? WTF? 6 and 8 in her dreams. She must have her assistants or her sister go and buy two of each outfit, one big girl size that she's going to wear and one semi normal size that they cut the tag out of and sew onto the jumbo sized outfit Amy walks around in.

I would like to think this is true.

She forgot the teen after the 6 and 8.

She's like exponential logarithmic size

does that mean fat?

I'm more upset that Glamour would say this Cabbage Patch Kid reject is beautiful: http://i.imgur.com/gHrIYi1.jpg

I would really like to see her fit those arms into a size medium blouse. jesus christ

I'd like to see her fit those arms into a fucking Walmart greeters vest good lord

I'd like to see her fit those arms into an industrial wood-chipper running at full whack

It really looks like she's doing Chip face in this too.

Yuck

Size 6?

It's the funniest joke she has written since she jumped up on her high horse.

They did an article on Bridget Everett as well?

“I think there’s nothing wrong with being plus size. Beautiful healthy women. Plus size is considered size 16 in America. I go between a size 6 and an 8."

Why feel the need to still lie? Embrace your size and go cry into a tub of ice cream as you fight off all the dick being thrown at you.

Yeah in Orca sizing. What a lying rich cunt.

That topless picture was like pre 9/11

Everyone to Amy: Yes you are.

Not sure who's the fattest, but Amy Schumer is the second least attractive out those women.

I'd like to throw her ass some of my plus-size dick.

I'd also like to have sex with her despite my dick not being very big.

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"Amy Schumer has absolutely nothing against plus size women" Stopped reading after that - was hoping this was the part when feminists start eating her like they do with everyone else who's on their side. Shit. Back to the drawing board

"I'm not fat, I'm big boned"

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How do you find Any Schumer's cunt?

Flip through the flaps until you smell shit, then flip back one.

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Correct. She's actually sized Pork-Pork McFlaps (PPMF)

Plus sized? No. water buffalerr? Yes.

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The Schumes is a role model to plus size women everywhere...so stunning and brave.

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I actually said "Oh Jesus!" out loud when I opened the 3rd pic of Amy.

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This fat tub of whale shit needs to realize she's the female Bobby Kelly. Eat up you fucking blob.

She was literally just on the Pirelli Calendar where they showed her drinking a coffee naked with her stomach rolling over itself. She was praised for being brave for being a "fat"/"overweight" woman posing for such a photo. She even jokes on her own television show about being fat and a whore. Now, however, she wants to buck that label of plus-size? Can she pick a fucking side and stick with it?

if she can convince the world she isn't a joke thief, than this project isn't even this hard anymore.

what's next though? she is not ugly?

She looks like Fabio.

Amy Schumer is a frequent shopper at Lane Bryant.

Comparing recent photos of Fatty Pig Fatty Schumer and Melissa McCarthy, Melissa is now the thin, pretty, funny one who doesn't steal jokes.

And Grizzly Adams had a beard.

Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

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Yeah, you're fat.

Groundbreaking news coverage CNN.

Hey humorcow... your either plus, minus or normal. Your not normal

" young girls seeking my body size" uhh no one seeks to be a fatso.

I'd like to see her fit those arms into an industrial wood-chipper running at full whack