No Jim, you did get your steak cooked properly. You just didn't order it properly.

Did he actually bitch about that? All I saw was him complaining about the customer service.

Couldn't tell you. I don't listen, have never tweeted anything negative to him, yet he blocked me. I am only guessing based off of what others have posted on here.

Had my steaks cooked well done until I was 16, it's my single most embarrassing memory.

There is no way you were getting friction on all sides.

Nigga, I used to fuck the toilet seat. I would close the toilet seat on my dick and fuck it. I would also hit the G spot too.

Jesus dude. No dead toddlers where you grew up? some fucking people.

I never thought to microwave the vaseline, but I definitely did this. Also, tried a bristled vacuum attachment once. Not pleasant

Couch, a plastic bag, and a lot of oil. Never got me off, but i give myself an "A" for effort.

How the hell did you manage that? I've tried variations of the same method with limited success. Is it a girth issue?

That's a pretty thin cock sir. I couldn't fit in a cardboard toilet roll at 13.

By empty cardboard toilet roll, slathered with microwaved vaseline did you mean your little brother's asshole with vaseline in exchange for snacks he couldn't reach on top of the refrigerator?

I used a small pot of chocolate mousse, some chewed up tissue paper and the space between the cushions on the sofa.

I also had a wet dream where I was Derek from Am History X and came all over that same sofa and spent 2 hours scraping my cum off of it.

I used to jerk of with two fingers. Now that I'm grown I've moved up to three.

I'm sure your daughter appreciates the extra digit.

;)

In your ass?

I jerk off with my left hand even though I'm right handed. I have no idea why, I just started doing it that way from the get go.

Same situation with me. Just can't get it done with the right hand. I've always linked it to my guitar playing. Do you play at all?

Nah, no guitar playing, and I do everything else right handed.

When I was like 17 I got this huge plastic margarita cup that was like 3' tall, it was like the size of a Pelican's neck. This bar was giving them away. I cut the top off, and the skinny neck part was perfect size to fuck if you slathered some vaseline in there. Best part was you could blast inside it, and it would all just run down into the convenient reservoir at the bottom. And it wouldn't get pregnant.

I miss that thing like it was an ex :(

I wish I coulda been there to see it Detective.

That would have been $5. I was like Dirk Diggler at the end of Boogie Nights.

Fuck that was hot.

oh yeah

"Ipsa THIS, you pissy little bitch."

Party pooper.

oh you poor soul, you never found the joys of fucking a watermelon.

~White people are so scared, of black people~

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How did you microwave the Vaseline? In its original container?

Unnecessary Roughness

ps. why are you so angry, sir?

Do I seem angry to you?

My parents always said well done when i ordered i didnt know any better. Its kind of a safety thing with kids though

But yet they let you have a mouth full of cum. Very inconsistent parenting.

It was only from trusted sources though,dad,uncle, his boss etc. It's like drinking raw milk, if you own a cow and pasture it,there's little danger but so much benefits from enzymes and whatnot

Thanks, I'm sick to my stomach now. You've went too far.

How does that feel

I thought you were being a cunt and then I looked at his username

I'm generally a cunt only in real life but a sweet boy on the Internet.

The thing is steak is pretty hard to contaminate. Bacteria can only live on the surface, so as long as the outside couple millimeters is cooked it's perfectly fine. You can eat steak raw and usually be fine tbh, but that's gross.

Not sure why you're being doenvoted because this is completely true. Also why you're able to eat aged meat, and why steaks can be cooked rare and chicken or pork can't because with chicken bacteria can penetrate the surface easier.

Source: 10+ yrs in the food service industry. Now retired

I always get downvoted here. I don't care. A lot of hipster restaurants and sushi places serve raw beef. I didn't think this was a controversial fact.

My illegal immigrant parents still do.

You should vote for trump for that reason alone

as well it should be

No it's not. No one around you cared enough to notice and youve obviously done more embarassing things than that.

Here's a handy chart http://i.imgur.com/f9T93eY.jpg

Knowing Jimmy, though…

I wonder if they would even cook a steak well done at Peter Lugers. They probably would just throw your ass out on the street.

You guys forget that princess Jimmy is a special little fella and deserves only the best in this world. As an A list celebrity any deviation from perfect is a slap in the face.

Don't go to a nice restaurant on a Sunday and don't order well-done steaks. You'll get meat that's almost expired, since you won't be able to taste it anyway.

Better than what they deserve

I get medium well because i got ecoli once. 25 percent chance of death. I lived danger. My shit was black and red liquid that was a new smell altogether . 3 days

I wish it killed you.

Lazy joke

Lazier rebuttal

Do you know what sub you're in? I don't think that was a joke.

No, it wasn't a joke.

😽

Jim Norton like his steak the way he likes his asshole

Bloody as hell?

Starving

Left some cheesy noodles out for you, faggot.

"Medium rare, a aristocrat"

We used to cut the garlic with a razor blade....

I love mine rare

And juicy? Red? Hhhhhhhhot? Sizzling?

;)

Did he really order a steak well done??

Rib eye, medium rare with steak butter. Creamed spinach. Baked Idaho Russett potato with butter & salt. Cheesecake. Blowjob. Football.

Jim Florentine, everybody!

Why would you want to give a blowjob after eating all that food?

whaddays mean "all that food"? It's a regular meal. You have the steak, a side, a veggie & dessert. I didn't even mention the appetizer, soup or salad.

Why not?

LOL DUDE I'M SO MANLY RIGHT GUYS

medium rare, what a faggot

[deleted]

Trump eats well done steaks

https://munchies.vice.com/en/articles/donald-trump-is-being-trolled-at-rallies-for-ordering-well-done-steak

[deleted]

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Who the fuck eats a well done burger? That's just as bad. Well done is kitchen speak for dry.

I had a well-done burger yesterday. The char-broilness of it is delicious.

I wish his comedy act was rare, then we probably wouldn't have ever heard it

Rare is the only way to go. Eating a well-done steak is like Jim's career in comedy. Its got the consistency of a steamed sock, and the flavor never gets any better.

i never hated jimmy as much as i do now. who the fuck gets a steak well done he really is a fag

How did one vague tweet turn into all this detail?

it's a steak. so what?

Call me a faggot all you want, but i like a good medium well steak, leaning more toward the well side. Ive had straight medium which is ok, but not usually what i prefer. And ive had medium rare in bites before, wasnt a fan.

Faggot

Is this really where we're at? That they order the wrong kind of food? Either Roland told you to write this or were just out of shit to talk about.

haha, true. where are you drunk? in a weird time zone or just goin at it early?

Oh there are people doing this from Germany? Wow, thats pretty cool. I wish it was midnight here so I could be drunk. America sucks that we have to do all this waiting around.

I hear Ankara is really nice, you should go there. Please go there.

DIE INA CAR BOMB U CUNT

we are i want u 2 get to heaven buddy

💥

:)

scheiß egal

this sub is into more lazy humor than opie now.

So we're foodie faggots now? Wanting steak cooked well done is whatever. Ranting on twitter about it is what makes him a queer.

Who the fuck are you? You must put ketchup on your steak too. Get a fucking McRib and save the steak for someone who appreciates it.

It's actually star wars. Thanks for the kind words, Platoon does in fact make me more of a man.

I used to jerk of with two fingers. Now that I'm grown I've moved up to three.

I wonder if they would even cook a steak well done at Peter Lugers. They probably would just throw your ass out on the street.

When I was like 17 I got this huge plastic margarita cup that was like 3' tall, it was like the size of a Pelican's neck. This bar was giving them away. I cut the top off, and the skinny neck part was perfect size to fuck if you slathered some vaseline in there. Best part was you could blast inside it, and it would all just run down into the convenient reservoir at the bottom. And it wouldn't get pregnant.

I miss that thing like it was an ex :(

Faggot