We just lost a bagel specialist at store #438 because he upvoted a reddit post about some radio hasbeen. What's happening guys?!

"What thE HELLS GOIN ON AROUND HERE??"

Its all a part of the terrorists' plan to destroy our baked goods infrastructure.

Am I taking crazy pills!!!

I thought Ant was a bagel specialist.. if you know what I mean

No, I don't know what you mean.

Err, no? The implication's a little vague, if you ask me. Thanks for trying to ruin my day with your salty innuendo though.

Panini Engineer

And to think, OP was in line to get that promotion to Sandwich Architect. Damn you, Ant!!!!!

My condolences. We lost a damn good Governor of Gluten this morning at my branch. He took his life shortly after....

Same happened to our Croissant Connoisseur. He will be sorely missed.

Gentlemen, today we are all Panera bread brothers in arms. We cannot be stopped. We shall overcome.

Godspeed Panini Engineer.

And here I am doing contract work drafting sandwich prints in AutoCAD.

You're gonna have to use personal time to learn NX and Revit if you want to hang with the Panera team.

Reading this while actually using Autocad. Relevant!

Reading this comment while converting some CAD files for a 3D animation on a prototype electron microscope, for a business I own. Guess we're all losers here though.

Do you work at the Panera Food Lab or somethin'? Talk about a big wig.

At least he can take those skills and go in on his own as an Independant Sandwich Contractor.

You know I've always wanted to pretend to be a sandwich architect!

Who do you see in all the panini engineering labs? Old white men. There's a reason for that.

I'm a local talent buyer, tell me more about the panini's you've engineered

How important is the panini press?

Are you serious? I appreciate your enthusiasm to learn the trade, but if you knew ANYTHING about panini's, without a press, it's just a grilled cheese.

I'm Larry King, I don't need your goddamn trade, I need answers to my inane questions to fill air time!

OK sir, what most people don't know, is you have to "gut" the panini. Meaning once you slice the bread in half, you then scoop out some of the "meat" ( the whatever bread on the inside that isn't crust). In doing so you've created a nice pocket for all your fillings. This is EXTREMELY important, otherwise you end up with melted cheese all over your press, that you have to scrape of EVERY FUCKING TIME. Now, as an example, I'm going to use a recipe I learned before I was a Panera bread talent buyer, because the place i used to work at while honing my panini craft went out of business, and I don't want to break any Panera bread confidential laws. In the industry we call this recipe "the fireman" . First, some sliced turkey or fresh broiled checkin breast. Next some THINNLY sliced raw onions, topped with some jalapeño slices. Now heres the secret. You take your scooped out top half and stick a slab of cream cheese in there. " the icing on the cake" if you will. Now slam those two sides together and you have created a perfect sandwich called a fireman. But that not all. Like you previously mentioned what role does the press play in all of this? Let me tell you something sir, 90% of making a PANINI is the Press!!!!! As I mentioned, scooping out the "guts" creates a perfect pocket for the cheese to stay in without spilling all over. The press creates the perfect flat sandwich we all enjoy, pushing out any area pockets and leaving you with a perfectly contained brick of meat,cheese,and glory. Without the press, it's just a cold sandwich sir.

How important is the cheese?

Panera #202 here. Charming, California.

There's a rowdy crew of ne'erdowells circling our establishment on motorcycles. They're swinging chains in the air and screaming obscenities about "the hate"..

We paid our protection fees, so this is highly unusual.. if anybody has any male staff members who would be free to escort our female employees to their vehicles at the end of their shift it would be mucho appreciado! Lol thanks guys, kneading out!

351 here. We've been arming ourselves against these savages. Stay safe

Who the fuck do we contact about putting that lethal weapon in the side bar?

justin stangle

kneading out

brilliant

Fucking hilarious.

"All I did was ask Reddit if Anthony and Bartolo Colon had the same hairdresser"

Thank you so much for this.

Thank you for your service.

What certifications did you need for panini engineering? I'm still stuck as a burger technician at Ted's Big Burger Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics Institute

Ted's Big Burger Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics Institute, Emporium

I loved my Clam Chowder Tech (CCT) job. Now I'm sending applications for Subway. I won't forget this.

You'll get to be an artist though? No-one should have to turn there backs on their Panera breadrin though :'(

If you'd be willing to make the trip to store 385 in Hillsboro Oregon I can get you an interview. My boss is a huge scorch fan.

I'll see about getting your termination appealed with regional management.

I just got approved for the bagel slicer and was told to turn in my apron and sun visor, and nametag this morning when I arrived for my shift.

This is a sad day. Fuck you Anthony.

Does anyone know if Einstein Bros. Bagels is hiring? Can you hook me up?

Don't do it! Just nibble on a cobblestone and start looking for work at a local bagel shop. Sure it doesn't have the panache of Panera, but local shops still help fill a need.

This day will be henceforth known as "The Panera Tragedy"

You could of been a manager at a Cinnabon, at best in Nebraska

I make the Jack Sauce at Jack-in-the-Box. Well, I MADE the Jack Sauce. My lesbian manager fired me because I accused Anthony of fucking babies. I rue the day I crossed that drunk baby fucker.

All our engineering jobs are moving to India. Trumpy'll fix it.

I heard Ted's Panini Emporium is opening up in your area soon. Maybe they will hire you.

WE OFFER AN EXTENSIVE MENU OF TWO SANDWICHES! YOU CAN TREAT YOURSELF TO A PARSNIP AND MAYO OR AN "LT," WHICH IS LETTUCE AND TOMATO WITHOUT ANY OF THAT PESKY BACON. WE HAVEN'T SOLD MANY, GREGORY, BUT THE MENU PRICE FOR EACH IS SEVENTY-SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. IF WE CAN RING UP A COUPLE OF SALES I'LL BE RRRROOOOLLIN' IN THE DOUGH!

Don't get down, OP. Us Breadheads are in it together. I'd love to whisper hopeful affirmations your way but the broccoli cheddar is boiling. You understand. Best wishes from branch No. 854.

Stay strong brother! I hear Jimmy Johns are making their way in more counties. Maybe you'll find placement as a senior wrap consultant.

I don't get the Panera stuff :(

Not coo.

I gather that you've overdosed on South Park in the last days?

Tsss...yeah what are you an immortal doing all your gathering over there or sumpthin

I saw "panini engineer" and started HOWLING.

I love your username. It makes me giggle.

The Panera shit has been so fucking funny

You really need to get out more

You're right. Invite me out next time then.

You must confius me with your mommy

......BE MORE FUNNY!!!

I read that in Homer's voice. LOL HILARIOUS.

Tsss...yeah what are you an immortal doing all your gathering over there or sumpthin

Reading this comment while converting some CAD files for a 3D animation on a prototype electron microscope, for a business I own. Guess we're all losers here though.

You really need to get out more