"Well, the way they pick TV shows is, they make one (dogshit YouTube) show. That show's called a ('Chip Chipperson') pilot. Then they show that one show to the people who pick shows, and on the strength of that one show they decide if they want to make more shows. Some get chosen and become television programs. Some don't, become nothing. (Jimmy) starred in one of the ones that became nothing." - Jules Winnfield
I'm guessing they forgot to put the lemon slice in his opener's tea. Now he's on a quest to make things right, one tweet at a time. It's like Deathwish, but with a complete faggot.
At my old job there was a server who was 50 years old. He could sit down 5 tables of 10 people each and remember each person, the meal they ordered, how they wanted it cooked, the drink they ordered, and any special substitute or extra thing they asked for.
He'd walk in the kitchen and you ask him what the people ordered and he could recite dozens of orders perfectly from memory and rarely ever fucked up. I was always pretty damn impressed by that.
More like Natalie Wood! Maybe Natalie Wood and Natalee Holloway are friends on the bottom of the ocean! Get it?! Hahahaha! Cunt clit fuck piss shit dick balls anus!
He probably knew the menu well enough from the experience of serving people. Norton should save his observational stuff for the stage instead of tweeting every insignificant thought like an annoying kike.
You can tell how big a person is by how big their problems are. Somebody who gets upset over something small usually has small ambitions. They think that they're going to live forever so they get upset of something happening right 'now'.
If they understood that they're going to die one day they wouldn't let little things get to them. They would realize that even though they don't like this moment, it's still a moment in their finite life so there isn't much point dwelling on all the negative aspects of it.
Children get upset over basically nothing since they're kids. No real ambitions or concepts of ageing/dying. Jimmy also gets upset over nothing. Again, no big ambitions and doesn't think far into the future. That's why his career has stagnated for so long and his animation project has barely gotten off the ground.
I wish Jim Norton would understand that the 20something middling-attractive comediennes he tries to fuck aren't impressed by the boring, stodgy old restaurants he takes them to.
Eh, if they are under 30, it's more like "who?" I've been out with a few people who were barely born when Kurt Cobain died, never mind when Dice's career died.
Says Mr. Norton as he notices his vapid female opener hasn't even looked up from her phone. He slumps his head to the left and down and contemplates his career. Not even bothering to address the solitary tear dripping out of his right eye.
It's these moments that linger now. As he gradually becomes an elderly and alone little rich man.
Poor Jimmy, he found his place on the show; he could be his acerbic self and abuse people and now that's all slipping away. That last call with Di after she joined the Navy again was disgustingly unfunny.
Nah, the guy has been making hundreds of thousands every year for years now. I'd imagine he's currently on about 300k+ for tits and the worm and he probably gets at least a grand whenever he performs ( unless it's a show testing new material which he may do for free ) his stand up and he's on tour now too.
That is rich; it's in the top 1% of earners in the country and if he's struggling on that kind of paycheck then he's overpaying the chicks with dicks.
I know a Twitter thing is to over-react to mundane things, but this one confounds me. I realized I never pay attention to whether a server writes my order or not. As long as it's right, who gives a shit. & if it's an Italian restaurant, don't forget the crushed red pepper
Who convinced these idiots that "server" is a better term than "waiter"? What is the fuckin logic behind it? Did some manager one day say "look I can't give you a raise but I can give you another job title" and the goddamn hoopleheads accepted it and then it spread throughout North America like a fuckin plague?
twitter really is the worst. is this what 'celebrities' (yeh I'm loose on that term on this one) do on there ?
Is he that alone he has to write these things online so all his legion of fuckbois make awful comments and 'jokes' pandering to his BS ? goddam. they all need to be murdered.
Other than breaking news or promotion, I've never gone to Twitter for anything because I really don't give a shit about any pseudo-celebrities thoughts on something or beefs.
What are you talking about? He tweeted exactly what I quoted. While he may not have outright written the word "nigger" it's obvious from the symbols he chose that he said nigger.
You're talking about the same guy who spent like 40min or whatever it was pouting about some police issue but wouldn't even give any description to what it was ala opie & his anthony "he did fucked up shit" speech.
EDIT: Oh yeah and recently wasn't he bitching about some fruit smoothie not being in his gym any more?
haha yes, the one he was stalking outside of bathrooms like a creep and was pissed dude wouldn't give him an autograph or photo in a NO PHOTOS ALLOWED event. He really thought he was above the rules in that lmao.
https://youtu.be/eMDaC_93Bzk?t=2m16s
This parallell thinking motherfucker! But seriously why do comics have to plumb the depths of who gives a shit get over yourselves for our amusement? Oh right because they gave up being people for money and anonymous approval.
Jimmy should really keep up on what other comedians are doing.
It would help to avoid all of these embarrassing "parallel thinking" moments.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SbHFIrIbvGo
Nah, the guy has been making hundreds of thousands every year for years now. I'd imagine he's currently on about 300k+ for tits and the worm and he probably gets at least a grand whenever he performs ( unless it's a show testing new material which he may do for free ) his stand up and he's on tour now too.
That is rich; it's in the top 1% of earners in the country and if he's struggling on that kind of paycheck then he's overpaying the chicks with dicks.
109 comments
59 chicken-named-mike 2016-02-22
Did Jimmy get fucking kicked in the head or something?
What is up with this dude lately?
32 Jackthejew 2016-02-22
Exactly. Roll back the tude Norton.
28 Joshua_Goodnaturedly 2016-02-22
Jim, you're a good guy, but you say odd shit to people, dude.
20 scottgreenstein 2016-02-22
His hormone therapy is kicking in
5 I_cum_cake_batter 2016-02-22
he's taking so many loads from trannies, that it caused him to get 2nd hand hormone therapy. his injections are with a thicker needle.
4 TakesTheWrongSideGuy 2016-02-22
He's says some strange shit sometimes
2 Jayteezz 2016-02-22
"Well, the way they pick TV shows is, they make one (dogshit YouTube) show. That show's called a ('Chip Chipperson') pilot. Then they show that one show to the people who pick shows, and on the strength of that one show they decide if they want to make more shows. Some get chosen and become television programs. Some don't, become nothing. (Jimmy) starred in one of the ones that became nothing." - Jules Winnfield
55 MicrowaveYourFork 2016-02-22
I'm guessing they forgot to put the lemon slice in his opener's tea. Now he's on a quest to make things right, one tweet at a time. It's like Deathwish, but with a complete faggot.
9 TriangleDimes 2016-02-22
That's extra hateable if you imagine him saying "I'll take care of it..."
9 takyon_deathyon 2016-02-22
"Don't worry sweetheart I'm tweeting as we speak"
37 kgt5003 2016-02-22
A waitress remembering an order is certainly more impressive than Norton's shitty cartoon was.
4 whydontUlovemeLyndsi 2016-02-22
I wish Jim would understand he isn't impressing anyone by animating his characters, just make the chip face stupid.
2 NGJimmy 2016-02-22
Do the bit!
1 TotallyNotObsi 2016-02-22
You know things are bad when Dice's new show seems funnier than any of Jim's TV attempts.
0 OpiesMobileGuy 2016-02-22
seems ? it is.
35 PeckaSucka 2016-02-22
At my old job there was a server who was 50 years old. He could sit down 5 tables of 10 people each and remember each person, the meal they ordered, how they wanted it cooked, the drink they ordered, and any special substitute or extra thing they asked for.
He'd walk in the kitchen and you ask him what the people ordered and he could recite dozens of orders perfectly from memory and rarely ever fucked up. I was always pretty damn impressed by that.
43 MicrowaveYourFork 2016-02-22
You think that's impressive? Jimmy can make jokes about things that happened 8 months ago!
17 Binski13 2016-02-22
8 months? Dude you're being generous. 8 years.
26 whydontUlovemeLyndsi 2016-02-22
"Took long enough! Who's cookin' the food in this joint, Terry Schiavo?"
7 breadmoccasin 2016-02-22
"They should call my side salad Natalee Holloway because it's been missing for..." ALRIGHT!
3 Dick_Kickass 2016-02-22
More like Natalie Wood! Maybe Natalie Wood and Natalee Holloway are friends on the bottom of the ocean! Get it?! Hahahaha! Cunt clit fuck piss shit dick balls anus!
I'm the king of comedy!
1 MicrowaveYourFork 2016-02-22
"Fatty Arbuckle's in the news again. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?"
3 April_Fawls 2016-02-22
Somebody order extra vegetables?
2 imcrapyall 2016-02-22
Insert Sandusky reference here.
1 MicrowaveYourFork 2016-02-22
Never insert Sandusky.
1 imcrapyall 2016-02-22
there's no cops around.
1 RearNakedGrope 2016-02-22
tss he musta ben prety hungry to eet that
13 SirWallaceII 2016-02-22
nothing compared to blowing your childhood buddy under your porch and naming your entire comedy routine after it
3 AngeloMacon 2016-02-22
*buddies
8 chicken-named-mike 2016-02-22
That is certainly a skill.
2 lelgimps 2016-02-22
He probably knew the menu well enough from the experience of serving people. Norton should save his observational stuff for the stage instead of tweeting every insignificant thought like an annoying kike.
-1 I_Hate_Knickers 2016-02-22
Was he that good at home too?
35 frrunkis 2016-02-22
Jimmy would be an absolute nightmare customer in any place of business he entered.
9 xyniphis 2016-02-22
Only since he hit the gym and started eating better and taking estrogen
7 Mod_Impersonator 2016-02-22
I know people who act like whiney entitled cunts like Jimmy and it's embarrassing going anywhere with them.
9 frrunkis 2016-02-22
You can tell how big a person is by how big their problems are. Somebody who gets upset over something small usually has small ambitions. They think that they're going to live forever so they get upset of something happening right 'now'.
If they understood that they're going to die one day they wouldn't let little things get to them. They would realize that even though they don't like this moment, it's still a moment in their finite life so there isn't much point dwelling on all the negative aspects of it.
Children get upset over basically nothing since they're kids. No real ambitions or concepts of ageing/dying. Jimmy also gets upset over nothing. Again, no big ambitions and doesn't think far into the future. That's why his career has stagnated for so long and his animation project has barely gotten off the ground.
He's the babyboy.
2 SirWallaceII 2016-02-22
if you had just said "frunkis" your post would be the yale translation. nicely stated.
1 nomorecompromise 2016-02-22
Frrunkis-Buddha
28 LouieBeanz 2016-02-22
I wish Jim Norton would understand that the 20something middling-attractive comediennes he tries to fuck aren't impressed by the boring, stodgy old restaurants he takes them to.
13 dankfranklin 2016-02-22
"First time I came here is when I was touring with Dice..."
19 mayomayomayomayomayo 2016-02-22
"Oh yeah I think my dad used to like him!"
3 WiretapStudios 2016-02-22
Eh, if they are under 30, it's more like "who?" I've been out with a few people who were barely born when Kurt Cobain died, never mind when Dice's career died.
1 JMueller2012 2016-02-22
Says Mr. Norton as he notices his vapid female opener hasn't even looked up from her phone. He slumps his head to the left and down and contemplates his career. Not even bothering to address the solitary tear dripping out of his right eye.
7 [deleted] 2016-02-22
[deleted]
21 McGowan9 2016-02-22
"Um, I'd like a chicken Caesar salad, hold the chicken, hold the dressing, hold the croutons."
"Ok, sir."
"Wait! You didn't write it down!"
"I got it Karen Carpenter, you want lettuce."
It's not a difficult order, James.
18 im_not 2016-02-22
We're two guys who think all servers should write the orders down and all politicians are corrupt!
15 zersch 2016-02-22
What a little diva bitch this he-she dong fondling lunatic has turned out to be.
13 JimmysLostFat 2016-02-22
I'd rub my balls all over his salad
12 whydontUlovemeLyndsi 2016-02-22
Because he'd order it that way
0 SirWallaceII 2016-02-22
one of nortons fav places he raves about down town is a joint where the tranny chef stirs the gospatcho soup with their stiff penis
11 truthie 2016-02-22
He's such a miserable baby boy.
2 I_Hate_Knickers 2016-02-22
It's these moments that linger now. As he gradually becomes an elderly and alone little rich man.
Poor Jimmy, he found his place on the show; he could be his acerbic self and abuse people and now that's all slipping away. That last call with Di after she joined the Navy again was disgustingly unfunny.
:'(
1 AngeloMacon 2016-02-22
Hopefully he finances his stupid cartoon after the indiegogo fails and blows through his savings.
0 Dick_Kickass 2016-02-22
I don't know how rich he actually is. I don't think he made all that much to begin with, and trannies can get expensive.
2 I_Hate_Knickers 2016-02-22
Nah, the guy has been making hundreds of thousands every year for years now. I'd imagine he's currently on about 300k+ for tits and the worm and he probably gets at least a grand whenever he performs ( unless it's a show testing new material which he may do for free ) his stand up and he's on tour now too.
That is rich; it's in the top 1% of earners in the country and if he's struggling on that kind of paycheck then he's overpaying the chicks with dicks.
1 SteakSauce66 2016-02-22
You can never overpay.
1 Dick_Kickass 2016-02-22
$300k isn't that much for NYC. It's definitely enough, but it's not really rich for this city.
11 SirWallaceII 2016-02-22
lol this guy really turned into an unfunny cunt, huh?
10 xxmikekxx 2016-02-22
I know a Twitter thing is to over-react to mundane things, but this one confounds me. I realized I never pay attention to whether a server writes my order or not. As long as it's right, who gives a shit. & if it's an Italian restaurant, don't forget the crushed red pepper
3 April_Fawls 2016-02-22
Agreed, He bitches about more inane shit than spoiled hollywood housewife.
1 [deleted] 2016-02-22
[removed]
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10 FaggotBannedKeith 2016-02-22
I wish rich c-list comedians would understand they're not impressing anyone when they don't pay for their own cartoons.
9 jonesy6969 2016-02-22
Fancy Jim norton
7 TheFatMosque 2016-02-22
Server Divaaaaa
8 Tom_Stall 2016-02-22
Who convinced these idiots that "server" is a better term than "waiter"? What is the fuckin logic behind it? Did some manager one day say "look I can't give you a raise but I can give you another job title" and the goddamn hoopleheads accepted it and then it spread throughout North America like a fuckin plague?
5 McGowan9 2016-02-22
I waited tables and worked in a bar at university. Who wouldn't rather be a "waiter" than a "server?" Server sounds like a fucking quasi slave.
3 TOPICALJOKELOL 2016-02-22
So you're bothered by accuracy?
2 BoardroomBimmy 2016-02-22
Or...like a virus. Spreading across America!
1 I_Hate_Knickers 2016-02-22
There's one in S America right now killing off the natives.
Hopefully...
0 WiretapStudios 2016-02-22
There is one in J Norton killing off the T cells
2 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
Carlin material right there
8 hautebird 2016-02-22
I like Jimmy hate weeks. Good start gang.
8 OpiesMobileGuy 2016-02-22
twitter really is the worst. is this what 'celebrities' (yeh I'm loose on that term on this one) do on there ? Is he that alone he has to write these things online so all his legion of fuckbois make awful comments and 'jokes' pandering to his BS ? goddam. they all need to be murdered.
2 WiretapStudios 2016-02-22
Other than breaking news or promotion, I've never gone to Twitter for anything because I really don't give a shit about any pseudo-celebrities thoughts on something or beefs.
1 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
I have a few Twitter accounts and the only reason I go there is to troll these faggit, they get offended very easily
7 chippersonlyle 2016-02-22
I guess baby boy is annoyed with the working class again. At least he didn't @ mention the servers boss this time.
2 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
@normmacdonald train your servers to write down the order instead of putting it in the computer jizzbag
5 [deleted] 2016-02-22
[deleted]
8 Binski13 2016-02-22
WAKE UP PEOPLE! THERE'S AN OBVIOUS VIOLENCE PROBLEM IN THE RAISIN COMMUNITY!
3 Noremac05 2016-02-22
I called her a fucking grape, cause that's what she was!
For those who don't remember Anthony tweeted, "I called her a fucking &$;;-:" cause that's what she WAS!"
1 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
If anyone wondering he didn't call her a fucking nigger
1 Noremac05 2016-02-22
What are you talking about? He tweeted exactly what I quoted. While he may not have outright written the word "nigger" it's obvious from the symbols he chose that he said nigger.
5 BoardroomBimmy 2016-02-22
Finally someone with the balls to stand up to these server ssssscumbags!
4 [deleted] 2016-02-22
[deleted]
4 Zenaesthetic 2016-02-22
Jimmy acts like a spoiled princess. For fuck's sake Jim, you lived with your parents til you were 30 working as a forklift operator.
2 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
No man he had it ruff, the fbi was onto him for something he did when he was 16
2 proto000 2016-02-22
chugged some jack n coke in a park, called a girl a whore and passed out in a playground ?
4 thebedshow 2016-02-22
A real man of the people! Definitely not a piece of shit who thinks he is better than non-entertainment people.
1 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
Yeah because nsa is paparazzi and people deserved it man
3 Noremac05 2016-02-22
Jim has said many times that he doesn't watch other comedians; so maybe he doesn't know this has been a hack joke since the 90's.
2 AngeloMacon 2016-02-22
Also explains why he doesn't know that his brand of humor went stale 15 years ago.
2 April_Fawls 2016-02-22
You're talking about the same guy who spent like 40min or whatever it was pouting about some police issue but wouldn't even give any description to what it was ala opie & his anthony "he did fucked up shit" speech.
EDIT: Oh yeah and recently wasn't he bitching about some fruit smoothie not being in his gym any more?
2 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
What about that time the baseball player didn't take a photograph with him?
3 April_Fawls 2016-02-22
haha yes, the one he was stalking outside of bathrooms like a creep and was pissed dude wouldn't give him an autograph or photo in a NO PHOTOS ALLOWED event. He really thought he was above the rules in that lmao.
2 TrackSuitVos 2016-02-22
I immediately thought of John and Jeff.
2 aprosbro 2016-02-22
https://youtu.be/eMDaC_93Bzk?t=2m16s This parallell thinking motherfucker! But seriously why do comics have to plumb the depths of who gives a shit get over yourselves for our amusement? Oh right because they gave up being people for money and anonymous approval.
2 nomorecompromise 2016-02-22
Do you guys think maybe Jim thinks he's better then everybody else?
1 check_checkerson 2016-02-22
He thinks he's better than Steve jobs at lease
2 DireWolf2121 2016-02-22
He should be struck with a pipe in an urban environment
2 MasterShake1171 2016-02-22
What an odd thing to say.
2 Joemck87 2016-02-22
The reply below it was funny: "I wish you hadn't wrote this tweet down."
1 TweetPoster 2016-02-22
@JimNorton:
[Mistake?] [Suggestion] [FAQ] [Code] [Issues]
1 cottonsweatpants 2016-02-22
I, for one can't wait for waiters to be replaced by computers.
1 April_Fawls 2016-02-22
Not before they replace those fuckers at the DMV! They need to be the first to get their asses completely replaced by machines.
1 [deleted] 2016-02-22
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1 [deleted] 2016-02-22
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1 [deleted] 2016-02-22
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1 insertclevereference 2016-02-22
Jimmy should really keep up on what other comedians are doing. It would help to avoid all of these embarrassing "parallel thinking" moments. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SbHFIrIbvGo
1 SirWallaceII 2016-02-22
a very jewish tweet
1 VladiRad 2016-02-22
Jim despises the working class.
1 JuiceBusters 2016-02-22
it reminds me that I blocked Jim Norton. must have been a long time ago.
1 CelticSabbath 2016-02-22
What the fuck is a server? Does he mean a waiter?
7 TheFatMosque 2016-02-22
Server Divaaaaa
9 xyniphis 2016-02-22
Only since he hit the gym and started eating better and taking estrogen
9 TriangleDimes 2016-02-22
That's extra hateable if you imagine him saying "I'll take care of it..."
7 Mod_Impersonator 2016-02-22
I know people who act like whiney entitled cunts like Jimmy and it's embarrassing going anywhere with them.
2 I_Hate_Knickers 2016-02-22
Nah, the guy has been making hundreds of thousands every year for years now. I'd imagine he's currently on about 300k+ for tits and the worm and he probably gets at least a grand whenever he performs ( unless it's a show testing new material which he may do for free ) his stand up and he's on tour now too.
That is rich; it's in the top 1% of earners in the country and if he's struggling on that kind of paycheck then he's overpaying the chicks with dicks.