Patton came on the show one time and basically told Jimmy to his face that all his peers find this hilarious and always ask each other when they see Kenny with Jimmy "what the fuck does Jim Norton of all people need a bodyguard for?"

Jim claims that its for when he's on the road Kenny counts seats so the club doesn't fuck him over on giving him a bonus or not and he pushes merch, I think it's also to get O&A fans to come to shows to see Kenny as well as Jimmy. Who knows. I honestly think it's an ego thing and Jim gets on his high horse about having security like he's fucking Dice in the 90's. Makes him feel more important and successful

Makes him feel more important and successful

this is all you needed to say.

Get away from me

I'M SCARED OF YOU I'M PROTECTING MYSELF

I'M SCARED!

Louis CK also brought up that other comedians have asked him about it mockingly.

Got a link to this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei7zbIS0EFw&feature=youtu.be&t=5747

Jimmy's reasoning was that he goes out into the crowds and they're animals, so he needs an ex-cop who's missing a chromosome to accompany him? You're not Tom Cruise you delusional goof, you're not even a popular comedian.

But it's because "pot smoking alternative comics" don't like Jimmy, that's why they think it's weird. To everyone else it's completely normal.

I'm totally speculating here, but I could see a big part of being someone to have his back in case he gets into a sticky or dangerous situation with a prostitute.

I remember hearing Artie Lange talk about how he would have assistants and/or bodyguards find and get him heroin. Maybe Jim had the same for his crazy sex addiction, plus I could see it being a bit lonely on the road anyways.

extra chromosome....extra

i love when jim weighs in "its also..." shutup jim.

No, all I remember was it was in 2013.

As you rightly pointed out, no other comedian does it so I have to believe Jim does it to feel big and important because apparently Patton and Chappelle figured out how to do all this shit without hiring a dumb lumbering ape to help.

Also, is Jimmy trying to act big and small at the same time? He has the money and prestige to afford this dolt but he still needs to count seats like he's some open micer who's gonna get hoodwinked by a sleazy Albanian club owner?

Link to the Patton clip, please

There is no way Kenny is a big enough draw to warrant Jim paying him + all his travel expenses. That is retarded. Kenny is probably worth .25 seats per weekend max.

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oh whatever it was just bitter unsuccessful jerks who said shit.. like Zach Galifianakis :/

I think jimmy probably enjoys the company, being on the road in random cities alone probably gets old and maybe also feels sorry for Kenny since the show was a big part of his firing. So besides having someone there for him its a way to keep kenny employed without an outright handout.

Wouldn't paying for Kenny negate his bonuses anyway? I dunno but it seems like a huge expense to maybe save money...

So the dudes he fucks cant just rob and/or kill him.

or if someone takes his glasses again he doesn't have to find a cop to get them back

Fo wasting his TIME

I can't see goddammit!!!

.....so I have them.

"If you wanted to try it all you had to do was ask!"

So he can wear the images of real men on his t shirt like Ali and some obscure UFC fighter. Jims about as intimidating as a shrimp cocktail.

Not even so. Every now and then a shrimp cocktail can really hurt your tummy.

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He's a tiny, scared little man. He probably thinks every comedy club owner would just refuse to pay him if he turned up alone. Plus he'd be too scared to do his angry radio guy act if he didn't know Kenny would be with him in public.

Some time in 2003 I was walking past the Comedy Cellar, coming from a bar thats almost right next door. I saw Jim and stopped, pointed at him and said "Hey, what's your name?"

I was a lot drunk and had almost never seen Norton except for on Tough Crowd. He was alone, and I watched him shrink into his jacket as he timidly said "Jim?".

He relaxed after he realized I was just a drunk kid (I was 22 then) and a fan, the sigh of relief out of him was quite audible over the noise of MacDougal St on a Friday night.

Wow. Now I just feel bad for him.

Jimmy would be the character in the movie that Judge Dredd or a Gay New Terminator would find in a sleazy hovel, quivering on the bed as the ladyboys flee the scene while they get information out of him. The guy the audience pities but also resents.

You mean like Norton's cameo in Cop Out?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnJl8M_7S0E

Talk about parallel thinking!

Because he is a small, scared, sweet boy...

Who happens to have AIDS.

His infection is more threatening than that retired donut chaser with his retarded Velcro shoes.

Does he understand that bodyguards can't protect T-cells?

Honestly if I had a guy who looked like Jerry Seinfeld with gigantism I'd drag his big 84 IQ ass all over the country for people to see.

He's 5' tall, weighs 45lbs and does a confrontational angry-guy act. He'd be terrified without his golem with him.

Jimmy is actually like 5'8. I met him after a comedy show and we were at eye level. I'm not the tallest guy but he's so wormy I always figured I was like half a foot taller than him. Our picture looks like I'm hanging out with a scrawny guy with HIV.

There's no way Norton is 5'8. I'm 6'0" and I made him look small. He's 5'6", tops.

I think I've heard him say he's 5'6 1/2" and rounds it up to 5'7".

I'm 5'8 and he was the same height as me. I'm not Joe Rogan. I don't feel like I have to lie about my height. If he's actually shorter than he had on lifts or big shoes and I didn't notice.

we were at eye level

Like I said, he's 5'.

It makes Jimmy feel like he's a bigger star if he has a bodyguard. It also makes him the laughing stock of the comedy community.

Well, that, and the fake alcoholism thing.

You don't understand. The guy drank a few wine coolers back when he was 17 and put some cat shit in a book or whatever and that's when he knew that he needed to turn his life around. Every day is a struggle. You don't know his pain.

How could we possibly know the burden of being addict to being a former addict?

He would pee on his friends water faucets, he was heading down a path of pure destruction.

It also makes him the laughing stock of the comedy community.

A reeeeaaal comic's comic.

Because he is scared of dealing with people, or having to do his own car rental/airline bookings alone.

Jimmy is still a child, who has enough money to fool people into social adequacy on his behalf.

Maybe one day he will be famous enough to actually need a handler.

Until then, he has Kenny to milk his pockets for no reason other than his fears, that just maybe he may meet someone who does not find him as funny as he finds himself.

You pretty much nailed it.

He is all of these things, with an advice show.

He is Dices former road guy and Jimmy imagines this gives him credibility.

Like US soccer teams signing fading euro stars.

The concept of dudes staying to meet, take photos, shake hands, and buy stuff from another douche bag who just finished making you laugh is foreign to me.

Shows over? I leave. Fuck are you doing hanging around waiting to buy some ugly shirt for $20?

right?

I do not understand the rationale of a grown ass man wanting to buy a comedian's t-shirt. Those are the same people whose daily attire consists of camo-cargo shorts, a coors-light t-shirt and NB 623's shoes.

Yuck! Fucking hate white trash scum

Hey everyone! I took a picture with someone who doesn't give two shits about me! Are you not impressed!!!!!

I'm confused, are you talking about jimmy or his fans?

Whichever fits the situation....

....so both.

FUCK YOU COORS LIGHT IS DELICIOUS

At the place I saw Vos they make everyone walk out through the adjacent room past Vos at his merch table. Super weird

Fawk yeah!

I think Kenny used to basically do the same thing for Dice, while Jimmy was opening for him. Kenny probably has a decent pension, and doesn't really have to do it if he doesn't like it. Also, I think he gets paid something by Sirius, because I remember them talking about how it wasn't enough for everything he does, so that might mean they are mostly covering it for Jimmy and Opie.

Edit: I don't think what he does is mostly security either. He's an OCD ex-cop, who can get everything sorted out, drives them everywhere, etc. Jimmy just has to get on stage, and Kenny handles everything else. Ant also decided to have an ex-cop as his producer, or whatever his title is.

This is the best answer in the whole damned thread. Leave it to the Hens to leave it totally unacknowledged.

It's merch and he's probably a lonely guy too. I saw Marc Maron a few years ago, and honestly it feels super awkward to give the guy you just saw on stage the $20 for a t-shirt. Having someone else there to hock the merch is a lot better.

you bought a Marc Maron t-shirt for $20?

Yes, I'm a fan, amazing right!

edit. You guys are ridiculous; I don't even know why I come to this sub anymore. Do any of you even like anyone? Any comedians you think are funny? Or are you a bunch of tools that just sit and pretend to hate everything. Go to hell.

Fag

you're mad about fucking downvotes you stupid fucking faggot pussy ass mother fucker

I'm not mad, it just shows how stupid you mother fuckers are.

you're stupid, stupid!

I like a lot of comedians. Marc Maron truly is an unfunny, hipster, limousine liberal, self important douche. He's discount Bill Maher without the balls to tackle Islam. And this doesn't come from him calling us unfuckable hate nerds, it's from Tough Crowd and his pretentious podcast. Also he was the only guest on Norm MacDonald live I couldn't sit through.

He was funny live.

Haha, you shouldn't have made that "why did I get downvoted, you guys are mean" edit dude. That never goes well for anyone.

I saw a few punk bands that did they same. It was fun to chat with them but they're trying to make a buck, too.

Blag Flag recently played here, at basically a BBQ restaurant. I couldn't bring myself to go, it just seemed too sad (and also not really the same band members I liked back then).

ugh, could you imagine DK and black flag live today? ew

Have you guys ever watched Henry Rollins do his spoken-word act? Holy fuck, talk about mock humility and self-importance.

I dunno man I completely agree with him here. Quite poignant. https://youtu.be/Fv4D0o41Aj8

i have and it hurt. one of the reasons i drifted away from punk. henry rollins' thoughts are horse shit!

I wouldn't even wipe up wet baby shit with a tee shirt of a comedian. Holy shit...

It was for his podcast, I'm a fan. I'm a dick right?

Yes, absolutely.

Doesnt he also still drive Opie to work?

Ugh what self important zilches.

Opie needs his Ronny the Limo Driver.

Honestly would any of you be afraid of fighting Ronny? He's a little old jew with a yippy mouth.

I would, but I'm a young-ish pussy Jew.

Ding ding ding

Kenny's so dumb he thinks jimmy's 'ladies' are actual ladies. "Good evening ma'am," tipping his hat to a 6 ft tranny

the one time i saw jim in falls church va right after the show big dumb kenny hustled jim out like he was a fucking beatle. the dumb look of fake fear on jims face pushing through the crowd of tens of people was especially hilarious. he did pose for pics at the end so cant kill him for that but he clearly wanted this event over with. didnt appear too personal, more robotic like.

Are you implying that he might not be too charismatic or personable?

Maybe he had a hot date with a man in a wig?

My buddy saw Jim in Vegas and after the show Kenny would yell at people to buy something or move along. We aren't sure if it was shtick or not. Regardless he signed my dvd of Monster Rain (which is proudly mounted above my toilet) and took pictures with my buddy and his wife.

Not a schtick. Kenny is a fuckin dink, and he sucks.

His rude jew mouth stopped my buddies and I from buying any of Jimmy's merch, and he doesn't have a comeback when you tell him to fuck himself.

He's no longer on the job so I encourage you to give him the verbal business in person without fear of getting jammed up by a guy with a badge.

Because he talks tough on the phone and internet, but is scared there will be repercussions in real life.

Exactly, we all don't have a Kenny to protect us when we shitpost so we use fake names to allow us that freedom.

HONESTLY: So he can feel like a bigger act than he actually is. Jimmy is so calculating, he prob loves imagining what people (especially girls) are thinking when they see a cool guy in sunglasses and sweats walking w a giant bodyguard "ooooh la la is he famous? he must be a celebrity?"

Master Blaster

Hmm... Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance. Let's see:

Kenny vs Blaster

BUST A DEAL; FACE THE WHEEL.

Bartertown is full of pigs after all.

Methane come-s from pig shit.

He is his wrangler to keep him away from the booze. You know, Jimmy is pretty severe alcoholic.

C'mon, that one week in the late 80's with the Bartles & Jaymes was fuckin' BAROOOOOTAL!

Part of it has to be to keep fans away without him being an asshole. Jim has done so much fanboy-ing & stalking for a pic that he'd be the biggest hypocrite if he treated fans like that himself

Someone has to clean up after Jimmy jerks off.

I went to see him live a couple years ago and Kenny couldn't make it so he had Sam with him. I imagine it serves a purpose for merch and stuff but also so he's not lonely.

Yeah I almost feel like Kenny is more like Jim's assistant than anything else. I wonder how much Kenny makes doing that.

Hes an important man. He needs an attaché.

He needs AIDS for being a douchbaaaaag, with a stricter security detail than Louie CK and Burr combined.

This fucking cockbag pays Kenny for no other reason than to feel like a fucking bigman.

Real comedians called, they want you to leave the scene. Spoiled fucking baby, I wonder how many people have shows and still manage to rot in obscurity.

People that work at SXM made fun of Opie and Anthony because Kenny used to guard them while they go to the bathroom.

Kenny was just making sure that Stern's hired goons Sal and Richard don't storm the bathroom to take care of Opie and Anthony once and for all.

Oh god knowing Sal and Richard they'd probably fuck them in the ass. But man can you imagine how hilarious it would have been to see both these powers use it for good and go fuck with people on the street constantly.

I wonder if Sal and Richard ever had a conversation with Tits and Zits or their staff.

Jim is 4'8. Remember when you were 11 and how nervous you would have been out late night in the big bad city that they call New York all by yourself without daddy? That's why.

cuz you never know when you might run into a weirdo that' zooted on some rum raisin ice cream

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Someone's gotta sling those ugly Jim Norton tour shirts and try and sell me the Lucky Louie DVD (with the extra episode included) I'll never see.

.

To complement his strange, doughy manlet form with a towering tiny faced monster and look adequately ridiculous standing next to each other

You never know when you'll become super famous, you can never be too careful

Kenny works super cheap and Norton is incapable of doing mundane everyday tasks. He's referenced this a couple times through the years

Kenny helps keep him on the sobriety straight and narrow.

All the way to imagination town.

I upvoted simply because of the master blaster reference

Jimmy knows that if a fan ever fucked with him he'd be defenseless. Also probably saved Jimmy from being robbed by hookers, while he's handcuffed to a radiator naked, more times than he can count.

And this guy really does have to have Kenny fly with him all over the country as well?

When I met him in Montreal I rode the elevator down with both of them and they both walked off into the sunset together.

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How bad is Kenny life that he is a servant to a unfunny bald radio hack and a failed comedian worm.

Almost as bad as Keith's.

True but at least Keith was a proper cop.

Johnny Fucking Carson in his prime didn't even use a bodyguard. Who the fuck does Jimmy think he is? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrWkhTJGrsA#t=02m40s

I just thought they were lovers.

He's a scared little guy despite how he acts on the radio. Both he and Opie have criticized Ant for having guns, yet they literally can't take a piss without Kenny.

I used to see Fred Norris from the Stern show frequently on the subway heading home after the show and is probably more well known than Jimmy.

Jimmy needs Kenny around in case one of his tranny's gets out of hand.

YOU hateable little baby boysss...go cry to moma...

Patton Oswalt must not be a member of this sub. Fuck, sometimes I feel like I need a bodyguard after socializing with you mongrels.

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He had some stalker issue. I'm pretty sure it fucking scared him. You see how a lot of the fans are kinda crazy, not hard to to imagine one going a little overboard or even going to the point of stalking him.

Lots of comedians, musicians, have road managers that go out with them. Take care of settlement with the promoter, and stuff like that.

Maybe it's just because Kenny does stuff that Jim doesn't want to deal with, Jim can afford it (he makes a lot more money than most club headliners, even if he isn't doing theaters), and Jim doesn't like traveling alone? It's not really any different than having a roadie.

So basically what you're saying is that Jimmy wants a boyfriend to take care of his chores and day-to-day, without all of the strings attached.

I get why comics think it's funny, but how is the idea of having an assistant so strange to you guys? Jimmy's rich, this is something he prioritized. There might be some sort of weird paranoid thing happening but a millionaire hiring someone to do menial shit for them is nothing shocking.

He's not that rich.

You don't need to be that rich. He's got enough money to do something like that. Some guys have boats, and Jimmy has a giant manservant.

This is true, but it's still completely unnecessary and silly. Not saying he can't afford it, just saying he's a dork for doing it

Something tells me Jim's bank account isn't huge but he makes enough money he can afford a washed up cop as an escort. He probably sees it as a cost of doing business.

Too much shit for me to read here but let's not forget that Jim has a volatile personality, an extremely offensive act, is a sexual deviate and frequents prostitutes. Kenny may have bailed him out in the past from a situation we are not aware of. I do have a recollection that there may have been an issue with a masseuse and her boyfriend coming to the show.

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He's affording it, and he enjoys it, and he's been doing it for a decade so who the fuck are any of us to criticize it or say he shouldn't have it? If I had the money and means to have a bodyguard/personal assistant with me at all times in my mediocre, middle class, average life I would do it

who the fuck are us? why we are anonymous people on the internet, sir. we have rights too.

How dare you come in here and say something reasonable.