Your mom is a real trooper for doing this.

tss..no she's in the Marine's you piece of shit.

She's going to laugh at you and ask if you really thought she was serious then tell all her friends

hahaha

She is very sexually attracted to me. We masturbate together on the phone/in texts. I bought her a vibrator, and she was very intrigued.

I had a friend who was dating a girl a few months and told her that she was his first.

She immediately broke up with him and started banging one of his friends I didn't know.

If it were me I would just tell guys to fake it till you make it.

You may cum before entering her if you're too excited, you may find it hard to get a rod at all. You may last forever because the physical exertion of humping is far different from sitting down relaxed and stroking yourself. You may be very desensitized from porn and find it strangely not as good as you thought.

I say bury it deep and breed that whore.

This is solid advice.

I can vouch for this guy.

Especially that part about it not being as good as you thought. The first girl I ever fucked (aged 19) was a rotten whoare and I remember thinking "that's it?". I immediately went off to her bathroom and masturbated to the still fresh memories of what had just happened. That orgasm was 100% better than the one I'd had 30 minutes earlier. Plus I came all over her towel which was completely unnecessary.

It gets better though, and I've heard that even women can sometimes have orgasms. Can anyone confirm this?

Women CAN have orgasms in the same way that when your dog needs to be put down you CAN strangle it to death. Very possible but its unreasonable to think anyone is going to put themselves through that to see the end results.

She records those phone calls and shows the texts to her friends and they laugh at you when they get drunk together out at the bar looking for real men.

"Show me the one where he's talking about how horny he is again!"

Definitely evacuate your bowels ahead of time. I think they make some product you can shove up your ass that helps that along.

Have him start with a finger or two at first. Please make sure that they trim their fingernails ahead of time!

After that and you're ready to go with full insertion, just spread those cheeks and push out as if you're shitting. once the tip is in you're pretty much all the way home.

Good Luck Bro!!

Sounds like the first 5 minutes of a Forensic Files episode.

This is going to be the same guy who catfished Cumia for an IPAD. You poor bastard.

I hope it let's her finally get over her ex, Manti Te'o.

This made me chuckle.

Obviously this is fake. Prove us wrong by secretly filming it while holding up a piece of paper that says danny from the show for verification. Then post it here.

Don't get so nervous about ejaculating too fast that you lose your erection before copulation even begins, not that I have dozens of experiences with that or anything.

Start slow. Don't rush the thing. Your first time is bound to be horrible. Take it slow so you last a little longer than expected.

Get that first bust out of the way. Its got to go - just get it out. Then my friend is when the weird fun can begin...

Wrap that rascal up.

it is going to be awful, awkward, embarrasing, but above all... disappointing. have fun!

Start slow, tenderly touching her breasts. Then work your way down and eat her out. Pay attention to the clitoris. Make sure she cums. Then ask for permission to insert your penis into her vagina and have her sign a consent form.

If you are too nervous and don't get it up / you have a hard time keeping it, then just tell her and take your time. That way, you get to fuck her properly in the end.

If you act like everything is fine and keep going on, you'll just embarrass everyone with your stupid nervous limp dick.

She's probably going to drug your Pedialyte and then rob you.

She might even sodomize you with something while you're out because, in your shame, you'll be less likely to go to the police.

She might also be one of those HIV+ people who gets off on infecting other people.

Good luck, bro.

Don't do it,ur gonna get aids and die

Cum, wait 20 min, try again

Whatever you do, wear a condom.

That said, lower your expectations. Your first time is fun for all sorts of reasons - being a stallion isn't one of them.

It's good that she knows you're a virgin. It takes some of the pressure to perform off of you .

Let me go next faggot

Listen to the Black Phillip show

Use lots of lube. You don't want your ass bleeding

If she says 'wrong hole', don't believe her and keep on truckin!

Don't wear a bag or she'll never respect you.

This sounds like big Jays Virgin story.

Either way, you don't need any advice man. Just do it. Don't loose your confidence /feel embarrassed even though you're going to. Better advice is don't dwell on it, try to move on. And more important than all DONT EVER SAY SORRY. NOT once! You'll be fine

When you finish, try to shoot it in her nostril. Left one is best but it's ok if you forget.

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if this shit is true here is my advice:

When fucking this chick and you're about to cum, just picture your grandmother in a casket, dead puppies , cats etc all that shit, really concentrate on it. If you still cum you are a psycho so go ahead and cumia her neck to death

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jerk off before so you don't make a total asshole of yourself

Be a good student and do whatever she says. If she doesn't like something you're doing, STOP IMMEDIATELY, even if it's making you feel good at the moment. She'll suggest something that she likes, and you will like it too, because as far as I can tell, it's RIDICULOUSLY EASY for a guy to orgasm.

Jerk him off as he fucks your ass, that's the polite thing to do.

How'd it go?

I hope this is for real, I suddenly hate myself less.

It's real! I'm having the best month of my life.

I'm not all that worried. It was on my mind and I wanted to see what you guys would say.

Well good for you sport! Everyone here is so supportive, great place to ask!

I wanted to laugh. Most peoples comments were clever, but yours was just hurtful, sir!

You should laugh, because which of us is truly hurt here? I'm sorry friend, I wish you the best of luck

Don't care, dick is getting wet tomorrow. I understand if you're jealous!

I made it out of my mommy's basement! You should be following my example.

You must be a looker because it's unlikely she likes you for your sense of humor.

how old are you pal?

kills yourself

Hey, that type of mean spirited talk is not what we do here.

You should laugh, because which of us is truly hurt here? I'm sorry friend, I wish you the best of luck