I work with this one stupid asshole that thinks we're best friends despite that fact that I clearly despise him and do my best to avoid him. He's this wigger faggot that thinks he's "hood" despite being from one of the whitest areas in the county. I just humor his shit so I don't get fired. I'm the Ant of my job.
He also does that Opie thing where someone tells him a story and instead of listening and commenting on it, he just waits for you to stop talking so he can tell his own story that's just like yours. I guess that's how social retards "connect" with people?
I work with this guy that I maintain a "friendship" with just to keep the boat from rocking. No matter what you say, he has to one-up your story with some bullshit story of his own. Usually I'll be saying something to someone else, and then he'll fucking crowbar his shit in to get a leg up on the conversation.
Doesn't matter about what the conversation is. Am I talking to someone about my love of espresso? He shows up and shoehorns in some shit about how he makes his own cold brew and then that turns into him rambling about making his own booze.
Talking with someone about their or my guitar? He fucking walks up and starts shoehorning in some shit about he only buys "the cheap shit" like Squiers because it's almost all the same, maaaan.
Talking about WEC or F1 with another racing fan? He gets up in there and has to talk about how he autocrosses his shitty mk4 GTI. And his roll cage. He's gotta mention his fucking roll cage on a daily basis. Everyone he's ever spoke to has heard about his shitty fucking piece of shit rollcage that I hope fails and pierces his sternum the moment he rolls over.
Talking politics with someone. Here comes dummy. "You're really going to vote? What's the point, maaan? It's all bullshit." Yeah, you have it all figured out and we're the nitwits, you fucking should-have-been-miscarried shitbag.
He has attempted, since I've known him, to have 5 catchphrases which were always met with silence.
Any time we're in a group and everyone else is on a roll, he'll throw out a total dud that will result in silence and the gradual fading of smiles from peoples' faces.
Considers himself a connoisseur of comedy, and wants to get into stand-up comedy himself. Sometimes after saying something he finds amusing (which is, again, met with silence by those listening), he'll take a pause before musing, "shit, that's good. That's going in my stand-up act."
Has recited his stand-up act for me three times even after I politely declined
Stares at you until you finish your thought before trying to one-up it with one of his stories.
Once confided in me that the way he has conversations is by having pre-prepared statements/routines/zingers and waiting for "the right time to let them fly"
Attempts to relate with working-class people despite his parents being worth over $15 million. Also, not relating so much as one-upping ("I once lasted on $10 for three days" was one instance)
I have been stuck on a team with an "Opie" for the last 2 years. He constantly fucks up and refuses to take responsibility, no self-awareness that people hate him, all his ideas are terrible and conveniently attaches himself to the good ones, constantly whining and backstabbing to the bosses to try to get ahead. Cute ending though, as of January I will be the new head of the division (his boss's boss) and as the fiscal year ends I will need to make some cuts in February....someone's getting a pink slip for Valentine's Day.
17 comments
7 takyon_deathyon 2015-12-19
I work with this one stupid asshole that thinks we're best friends despite that fact that I clearly despise him and do my best to avoid him. He's this wigger faggot that thinks he's "hood" despite being from one of the whitest areas in the county. I just humor his shit so I don't get fired. I'm the Ant of my job.
He also does that Opie thing where someone tells him a story and instead of listening and commenting on it, he just waits for you to stop talking so he can tell his own story that's just like yours. I guess that's how social retards "connect" with people?
9 Anticreativity 2015-12-19
This is embarrassing.
6 takyon_deathyon 2015-12-19
You're not wrong, friend
6 Papercut_My_Dickhole 2015-12-19
I stopped reading there and had visible douche chills.
1 lelnonnymoose 2015-12-19
He's the Bobo; only an autist would think that way
5 CCRed95 2015-12-19
Theres a guy doing contract work that laughs EXACTLY like chip. Its not even an actual laugh, he just goes "tsssuh" maybe 2-3 per minute
6 XiLingChi 2015-12-19
Make up a reason to call him Chip as a nickname.
5 myRrribz 2015-12-19
I want to hang out with that guy.
4 CCRed95 2015-12-19
Its fun for about 3 minutes and then you want him to die. He looks like a slightly skinnier version of Milton from Office Space
3 Seref15 2015-12-19
Good thread idea.
I work with this guy that I maintain a "friendship" with just to keep the boat from rocking. No matter what you say, he has to one-up your story with some bullshit story of his own. Usually I'll be saying something to someone else, and then he'll fucking crowbar his shit in to get a leg up on the conversation.
Doesn't matter about what the conversation is. Am I talking to someone about my love of espresso? He shows up and shoehorns in some shit about how he makes his own cold brew and then that turns into him rambling about making his own booze.
Talking with someone about their or my guitar? He fucking walks up and starts shoehorning in some shit about he only buys "the cheap shit" like Squiers because it's almost all the same, maaaan.
Talking about WEC or F1 with another racing fan? He gets up in there and has to talk about how he autocrosses his shitty mk4 GTI. And his roll cage. He's gotta mention his fucking roll cage on a daily basis. Everyone he's ever spoke to has heard about his shitty fucking piece of shit rollcage that I hope fails and pierces his sternum the moment he rolls over.
Talking politics with someone. Here comes dummy. "You're really going to vote? What's the point, maaan? It's all bullshit." Yeah, you have it all figured out and we're the nitwits, you fucking should-have-been-miscarried shitbag.
4 BigDummyIsSexy 2015-12-19
Are you this longwinded in person? That guy isn't trying to insinuate himself into your conversation. He's just trying to get you to shut the fuck up.
1 puchmopeds 2015-12-19
Haha. Unfortunately everyone knows this guy.....
3 RapedByNaggers 2015-12-19
Hah.. trick question.
Noone here works.
2 OpiesBreasts 2015-12-19
Good one.
2 SecondHeat 2015-12-19
2 awfulradio 2015-12-19
I have been stuck on a team with an "Opie" for the last 2 years. He constantly fucks up and refuses to take responsibility, no self-awareness that people hate him, all his ideas are terrible and conveniently attaches himself to the good ones, constantly whining and backstabbing to the bosses to try to get ahead. Cute ending though, as of January I will be the new head of the division (his boss's boss) and as the fiscal year ends I will need to make some cuts in February....someone's getting a pink slip for Valentine's Day.
2 michaeIcolestie 2015-12-19
Neurotic fuck will not drive me into his own Insanity