You can't refute Colin once he throws an IDGAC at you.

Kiss my grits tbh fam.

Holy shit you're right. How do these fucking pissbabies even function? This must be why the onion got rid of comments, every joke article there's at least 50 people like "I know this may be satire, BUT..."

Mudslides, earthquakes and twisters kill millions (thousands) of people every year.

How fucking stupid do you have to be to read "millions (thousands)" and not realize this isn't a serious article?

The comment section leads me to believe that a mass culling is entirely worth it. Those people are too dumb to be afforded the privilege of life.

Yea I think that is the real genius of it all, the responses.

I didn't even finish reading the title let alone the article before I skipped down to them.

It's like when he first started messing about with his Twitter and people were getting genuinely angry at him. It's glorious.

I know someone who's a huge Anthony fan who hates Colin now because of his Twitter feed. I'm shocked that he doesn't realize he is playing a character. I feel like if I told him, he still wouldn't believe me.

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Just the thought of the average Guardian reader getting pissy at CQ is enough to get me through my day.

Wow, that's a silly argument.

Planet's been here for 4500 million years and the author tries to argue that humans (which have been around for 125 thousand years) are the thing that gives the planet meaning.

Hubris, we've got a winner here. :)

I love that he doesnt play to anything but a target of trolls and irony lovers, he really is my Jesus

I love that he puts all of his sincere work into his actual material and treats the Internet/social media with the contempt it deserves.

You don't prefer Jim's pontificating, self-righteous articles with a couple ISIS jokes ham handedly shoehorned in?

Ultimately Jim is an idiot and Colin exposed him many times on O&A. I always thought Norton respected Colin but also resented him.

His articles are usually pretty on-point. Pontificating, sure, but still well conceived.

Are they?

http://time.com/3766915/trevor-noah-tweets-outrage/

I think so.

after reading the article once

ME: THANK YOU!!!!

immediately starts repeating CQs talking points as if he's been saying the same things all along

It's a little know fact that CQ got the idea to use a Q in his name from Oqie.

Brilliant. Did anyone else read that in heads with Colin's stammering muttering voice?

I read your comment in his stammering muttering voice. Weirdo.

But are they really natural occurrences? Sounds more like indulgent planetspeak for the insane outbursts of a maniac

"Indulgent planetspeak" is one of the funniest phrases ever put together.

this gem in the comments:

"Colin's takedown of the one-and-only is comparable to such masterpieces as Kant’s never published invective against Fichte - Critique of your Ugly Mama - for the perceived insult of appropriating and distorting his ideas. An act that will live neither in famy nor infamy. Under a psychoanalytic microscope, Colin's invective can even be construed as a sadomasochistic plea, a protestation that that that cannot kill you is a a worthless piece of junk. A state of madness that hurls Colin running naked down the street taunting nonexistent shadows with taunts of “Hey Nichomacus Hey Nichomacus”. All in all, perhaps all Colin is doing is serenading the planet singing songs of come on baby light my fire, begging her to play melan to his cholia. All in all, perhaps all Colin is doing is pleading with the Earth to be more like Mars. Fortunately this doesn't mean anything, even if it did it still wouldn't."

FUCK

ME: Colin's wierrrrrrrd... I think he's finally had it. Did you read his article about global warming? He's lost his MIND!

Sam: high pitch, treacherous cackle

Worm, after the "how do I explain this to him" momentary pause we've come to expect: "...yeah Col's great, it just shows how babyish people react, even when Col's clearly being outrageous suggesting we fight the earth. Some of the comments were great."

ME: I don't believe in global warming. Me and my brothers used to spray deodorant straight in the air! One can would last MAYBE a week. MAYBE. And this was the cheap shit, with all the chemicalzzZZzz. Can anyone even tell the difference? We should do a smell test, just as a throwaway bit! Get one of the interns to buy a bunch of deodorants and we'll get Erock to see if he can tell what's what.

You could probably get $20 from prepburger for that.

Wow, you've got the opster fucking down

Holy fuck is this pitch-perfect.

One of a kind!

His hatred of the planet met only by his love of the alcoholic pants-shitting friend of the show that inhabits it.

Colin fucking rules.

Holy shit is that fucking funny. CQ is a God amongst men.

I’ve experienced this planet’s harassment, from a slice of pizza getting soaked by a sudden rainstorm to a sunburn that left me unable to put on my shirt when I was a child. Living with this planet is like living with an alcoholic. It makes me wonder if the climate change is man-made or another mood swing by this ball of gas.

Am I that out of touch with reality or is there actually an entire population of Lady Di's who can't distinguish between irony and reality? He couldn't possibly lay it on any thicker.

The guardian comments section is a middle aged reddit

CQ is god.

I was hoping that fellow Brits would get Colin's humour...

Love Colin. Brilliant comedic mind. It's hard to understand why I can't make it through his one man shows.

I love Colin too, but he's a mush mouth. I'm used to it, but to the average person listening to him they probably think he's an idiot with the way he fumbles over his words to get to a point.

I've seen his "New York show" the past two Sundays. The second time he completely butchered his own show that he has been performing once or twice a day, every day, for months. Forgetting jokes, stepping on punchlines, getting things out of order. It was still great and he's my favorite living comedian, but he really can be a ya stutterin' prick, ya

"Well, 'ya know…"

Really? I was at the show two weeks ago and thought it was great. He tripped on one punchline, but that's a small price to pay to get an entire show in Colin's muttering delivery.

I judge by deeds not words.

I just want to hug Colin. He's a lyrical genius.

Best article sponsored by Ben And Jerry's that I've read today

Sponsored by: Ben & Jerry's

Sarcasm, fuck Colin is ahead of his time. What a fucking genius

The Guardian's British no? Colin done gone and got imself in'ernational exposure.

Good boy.

Just a thought: is it as obvious when I've been drinking and posting as I suspect it is?

An entire bo''le of the Goose is me fuel right now.

;)

Yep. And very liberal readership too. What a wonderful day this is.

Its a throwaway comment thats not brilliant to begin with drawn out into an article, not really funny or interesting without his voice

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the fact that the people on here are impressed by that piece of shit article is really telling

the article should be called "This title says everything you need to know about the article - so why even bother reading?"

Holy shit you're right. How do these fucking pissbabies even function? This must be why the onion got rid of comments, every joke article there's at least 50 people like "I know this may be satire, BUT..."

You can't refute Colin once he throws an IDGAC at you.

I love Colin too, but he's a mush mouth. I'm used to it, but to the average person listening to him they probably think he's an idiot with the way he fumbles over his words to get to a point.

The comment section leads me to believe that a mass culling is entirely worth it. Those people are too dumb to be afforded the privilege of life.

[deleted]

Yea I think that is the real genius of it all, the responses.

Mudslides, earthquakes and twisters kill millions (thousands) of people every year.

How fucking stupid do you have to be to read "millions (thousands)" and not realize this isn't a serious article?

It's like when he first started messing about with his Twitter and people were getting genuinely angry at him. It's glorious.