Warning: Opie n' friends may cause drowsiness, confusion, depression, loss of vision, irritation, anxiety, extreme urges to be a hater, nausea, explosive lava diarhea, brain aneurism and/or impaired motor function. Don't drive or operate machinery while listening to Opie n' friends.

If you have thoughts of suicide or homicide, stop listening and call 911 right away.

Do not listen for more than 2 consecutive hours as prolonged exposure can cause brain damage which may be irreversible. If you experience laughter, chuckling, smiling, or any sort of happiness seek medical attention immediately because these are signs that something is very wrong with you.

If you have an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours, then put on sweatpants or basketball shorts and share your accomplishment with the world!

Ask your doctor if Opie n' friends is right for you.