How was everyones weekend?

0  2015-10-18 by JimmysLostFat

39 comments

Ate my girlfriends ass for the first time. Tremendous weekend.

Hey i also shared this relationship milestone this weekend. It was our 4th date.

We should eat each other's assholes in celebration.

I smell a shit smelling periscope

Suck and fuck brode

Saw Jim Jefferies for 3rd time at Borgata last night, best set of his I've seen so far, and also the longest. He went over 2 fucking hours and it was all pretty solid. A few drunk bitches tried to ruin it halfway through by yelling out but Jim put them in their place.

Smoked a bowl and road my bike around the block. Took my hands off the bars a few times, pretty confident.

The gay bar wasn't worth my time tbh ( hygiene issues ) but I found some solace afterwards in an extra large tub of chocolate chip ice cream and a scary movie on Netflix

;)

Wassat?

oh, so in other words, you're an introverted, ugly, fat, depressed faggot.

Yep, got it in one

;)

Is somebody projecting?? Poor little lib.

No stupid faggot, I'm in great shape, and I hope we meet some day so I can break your chicken neck with my hands.

Haha, no you aren't you lib. No person on earth who's ever had your beliefs or personality has ever been physically fit.

Just to show how retarded you are by one example, not that I need to prove anything about myself: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9197597/Strong-men-more-likely-to-vote-Conservative.html

And nothing says "I'm tough" like taking the word truth and turning it into a word a lisping faggot would say.

Hahaha, you are literally talking about how tough you are on the internet. Isn't there any embarrassing cliche that is too lame for you to try and build a personality out of?

And don't worry, you are proving exactly what you are very clearly. Unfortunately it's just the opposite of what you're trying to pretend you are. Poor little lib.

I think someone is projecting.

Ate a big bowl of pasta on Saturday and I have been shitting badly ever since.

whay kind of pasta did you have?

Ravioli. It hasn't sat well.

No one wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli

"but i did, and im ashamed of myself. the fourth and fifth i think i burned with a blowtorch and i just kept eating"

Chef Boyrdee's will do that to you

Seriously, guys, doesn't anyone here known how to clean about 2 cups of blood from a white crib lining? I need an answer quickly.

Set that and the baby on fire, take a lap rookie.

Sat around in my misery, posted on this sub and watched TV. Overall, a good 7/10 of a weekend.

Why don't you go fuck your mother

Nodded out last night and woke up to narloxone boogers this morning. Went to brunch then rinsed and repeated ... and you?

The old 'boogers and brunch within six words of each other' gag. Damn you. Got me again!

I spent it listening to old episodes of a defunct radio show and playing Punch Out when I should have spent it studying for my midterms and working on a story for my creative writing class. It was unproductive and not particularly fun.

[deleted]

Pretty fun but I ran out of pot so now I have to score more so bad

Ohh doesn't it fuckin suck?! I forgot to save some for the hangover. It's been a devil of a sunday.

[deleted]

The worst.

Quickly, does anyone know how to clean blood off a crib mattress?

Son I will introduce you to the art of subtlety. Replace crib mattress with refrigerator door magnet.

That doesn't even make sense. How would fucking and killing a baby make blood get on a refrigerator door magnet? That's just "lol so random."

No. It isn't. Refrigerators are indicative of home life and the concept of "putting food on the table." Also the concept of inside the house as opposed to what happens outside of it.

Don't get yanked out of your chain if I'm trying to teach you a thing or two about how to use subtlety to make a joke. We're on the same page.

But it doesn't bring up the image of fucking a baby to death and/or killing one. It's just domesticity in general. You could get blood on a refrigerator door magnet by cutting your finger while chopping up vegetables, there's nothing lurid about it.

True, but we all know the punchlines here already.

I smell a shit smelling periscope