How do you ruin a Diaz appearance, the dude can tell stories for hours

ME: Just make it about you. Pretty easy

Been ruining radio since I was 18, I know what the fuck I'm doing, OK?

That's the bit.

Amazed when I tuned in for the first time in months and they barely gave the funniest stand up alive mic time. Callers got more respect. Fuck opie.

"funniest stand up alive mic time"

Im still waiting for my refund on those brain pills Joe.

It's amazing how many people get duped by all that Onnit snake oil Rogan hocks.

Well it's all scientifically backed to a very high standard. So not exactly snake oil

fuck off aubrey

Just because his shit won't turn everyone into a beautiful mind mixed with Arnold Schwarzenegger it's snake oil. O&A neckbeard logic

What does it do then

What it's double blind placebo peer reviewed research has proven that it does. Pretty fuckin simple. They post all their research to show they don't use methods that produce biased results. They also give you your money back if you say you don't like it. I fail to see the scam

I don't think he's the funniest alive but he's an absolute blast to go see live. I've seen him three times and he's absolutely destroyed the room each time. Attell, Bawbi, and Joey have been the three comics that made me close to pissing my pants from laughing so hard.

Bawbi made you laugh? Direct me to something funny he has ever said.

/r/joerogan2 is leaking. When did this start happening?

There is a very strong hate joe rogan movement lately

when people realized he tries to sell smart pills

why did it take so many people 3-4 years to figure it out, i bailed on that shit before episode 200

I love Alpha Brain. It's not aderol or anything, but it increases alertness for me. I like most of the products.

He stinks, and I don't like him.

joey cant go 5 min without a back in the days rant

Better than Opie not being able to go five minutes without talking reality television

And he often steers discussions to either pooping or dicks. He's stuck in the mind of an 11 year old.

Joey can creat hilarious radio just by asking him about ranch dressing and letting him talk.

Opie can't get out of his own way and let funny happen.

This was preceded by one of my favorite Joey Diaz quotes: "Just get high dawg" as he takes a hit and looks off in the distance after a long ass rant.

Oh man i wish joey had doesd opie or one of the stangels with one of those stars of death or something nuts like he always does to people and fucking ruins there day hahahaha

Lee Syatt steers a ship better than a 35 year radio vet.

Opie is really bad at radio.

Good thing it's Raquio

Yeah but he has the best swag in the biz.

you misspelled tits

He has the best swag in the tits.

Of course he didn't eat the edible that Esther gave him, his brain can't handle much more than a 2% grapefruit beer. He'd probably have a mental breakdown.

And remember when he didn't smoke with Soder at the Black Keys concert because he "had to wake up for work in the morning"? Unless he's scared of sleeping too well through the night, he's an idiot. Even if he freaked out it would make for a fantastic story, which none of these grandfathers have anymore.

Don't forget about the Live From Cleveland show about 3 years ago, after trumpeting on the air for MONTHS about how he's going to "start smoking weed again," Troy called him out on air for not smoking with him & the guys after the show when they were all hanging out. The Opester really cooled his jets after that one.

It's like "Guy..can't you just be yourself?" Why is he still trying to play up this "out of control shock jock" character. Nobody thinks you're a badass, sir. There's no shame in not drinking or smoking, who gives a shit.

It's depressing that he has no other personality to develop into. He can't ever be a dignified, competent broadcaster who can thrive on his own experience and professionalism. He's still trying to be that slacker stoner dude and it's really sad to see.

It's like "Guy..can't you just be yourself?" Why is he still trying to play up this "out of control shock jock" character. Nobody thinks you're a badass, sir. There's no shame in not drinking or smoking, who gives a shit.

That's the thing. I don't smoke at all, so I would have nothing against Opie for not smoking, but the fact that he CONSTANTLY brings up that "he should start smoking again" is fucking infuriating. He's a geriatric father, and he needs to accept that.

Hey now, that beer is 2.9%. Don't sell Brothaman short.

So so soooo many empties!

I'd he got high he'd freak out and have to face how hack he is and how everyone hates him and he has no friends.

if he took acid he'd probably kill himself

but that ain't gonna happen. The best you can hope for is that somebody else will do acid near Opie and in their introspection they'll realize that the world will be better off without him and kick Tits out a window.

I'd pay good money to see Opie get dosed.

I'd drop any amount on a gofundme campaign to deliver a moment of clarity to that pendulant buffoon.

Who needs clarity? I'm looking for 14 hours of sheer terror. Double if it involves him on the air.

Imagine the opster on acid, he would realize all the "hate" is true and like you said, kill him self.

dude i feel bad now that hes going to kill himself

Someone always says this whenever drugs and Opie are brought up, and I always say that it would just result in an even more obnoxious Opie trying to tell you about how we're all just part of this same vibration. He just doesn't have the intellect to process anything in a productive way, even a trip.

Opie has said he's a fan of the Jets, Bills, and Patriots. He loves all the teams in the same division. He picks his teams like a girl would.

He also takes "a peek" at the Eagles

Oh that's right, Philly Crew!

Dont forget Miami!

Lil' taste of the eagles. Just a lil' taste.

"Im also all in on the Dolphins because my mother in law likes them". Weirdest reason ever for liking a team.

that's his wife's reason so that's his reason too

When Lynsi first asked him "where are you with the 'fins?", he knew he'd put a ring on her finger.

Now she spends Sundays getting her hair and and nails done with the other wives married to 'candy kids'

lotta pant suits and double-knits

haha I never even thought of that what a moron. you have to hate the other teams in your division, that's how it works

He picks whoever is winning. Like an asshat.

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I can only imagine the look on rogans face while opie nigger lips the joint and doesn't even inhale the smallest hit. Then proceeds to act like he's high as fuck for the first 30 mins of the interview. Guys the worst

He must've been zooted

With the shit Rogan smokes, that's all you should do unless you have a deep tolerance

YEAH DUDE ROGANS GOT THAT SICK BLACKBERRY KUSH AK57 420EDITION

That Susquehanna shit

*Blackburie

i love when people think they know what weed strain they have and tell you all about it like it matters

Oh, all weed is exactly the same, I forgot.

I get its different, I used to libe in denver, smoked everyday for years. but it's like does it really matter? I'm going to smoke it no matter what. it's so annoying hearing someone drone on about that shit

Man I'd love to libe in Denver some day!

oof

Spoken like someone who truly doesn't smoke pot

Well, I'm quoting Rogan directly from his last podcast, so I guess he doesn't know shit either.

Nobody knows about weed but you there K-Dog.

every idiot pothead likes to brag about how good their shit is

I just came home from a friends gig at a bar, smoked a joint with him and a friend who later completely collapsed and threw up across a parking lot. We had to help him to a taxi and buy him water. This happened an few hours ago, and while me and my other friend where nearly tripping we held it together. Rogan's stuff is no different.

So you smoke, and you have tolerance. Exactly what I was talking about. Glad you understood what I was saying.

well I'm sure you guys don't smoke very often

We smoke a few times a week at most, which is not much, so it's not a tolerance issue. You just have to learn to handle it, which some people can't and they start throwing up. I never understood what's so unpleasant about it, I would choose getting high over getting drunk.

no definitely when I was a kid I've passed out after smoking, hit my head and shit. I've heard it could be a blood glucose issue or just a psych out panic attack ya know?

Probably most likely just your blood pressure dropping faster than you can anticipate. I always eat a substantial lunch before hand to avoid light headiness. Illegality of pot makes it difficult to teach people how to use it properly.

I think that's exactly what it was. Also combined with the anxiety\panic attacks I would have from getting too high. That fucks with your blood pressure too right?

Panicking causes your sympathetic nervous system to kick in, which increases your heart rate and the amount of blood pumped by the heart's chambers per pulse. Because you're taking in an active compound into your brain, the psyche tends to react to this sensation as if you've ingested some kind of toxic. It's a nasty circle and before you know it you've dived into deep water, and some people don't like that feeling.

Just trust yourself, nothing bad will happen.

You're all right frezno

Sometimes I'm a bad boy yah. Take care.

He used to do the same thing when Doug Stanhope would call in on mushrooms.

ME: Heh-heh-heh, so you're on shrooms man? What kind of crazy things are you thinkin'? heh-heh-heh

Doug: Uh, I dunno. Same stuff as ever.

ME: Hold on hold on, E-rock, get the talking hot dog LSD PSA, heh-heh-heh, this might freak you out Doug.

To be fair, that kind of shit does happen. Both times I did mushrooms were fucking insane. The first time me and my friends thought we were following a prophet to heaven and one guy was sitting in the corner pouring milk down his head and calling himself the milk warrior. The second time was hell on earth for me. I thought I had swallowed my tongue and I was laying in a hopsital bed watching myself in the past and trying to flag down cars to take my to the hospital. It might have been the worst night of my life.

The Milk Warrior rules.

You and your friends are horrible

Never have I seen anyone do more than get a little paranoid of public-interactions with people or go quiet in strange social settings. This is why you should generally be in a safe, comfortable environment until you have done them a few times and are capable of dealing with others (if you aren't able to immediately).

I think a lot of people have panic attacks because they take too much when it doesn't hit fast. Usually people just get all giddy, look at stuff, etc. Worst I've seen is people getting freaked out from dealing with strangers in public, because they don't realize they look normal externally for the most part, but internally they are way out of their comfort-zone in how they deal with people they don't like/know. Usually after a few hallucinogen experiences, most people either realize they can deal with this, don't like it and prefer nature/privacy, indoor safe place, or outright dislike the whole thing. But there's no dumping milk on your head and following prophets around.

when I did mushrooms I puked all over the floor and decided it would have a dough/clay consistency and I could just gather it into a ball and clean it up. so I sat there splashing around in my puke for a while until someone stopped me.

when I did acid it lasted for like 3 days and I spent those days trying to navigate airports in foreign countries :-(

"I said 'hey, this hot dog's talking to me.'"

The take away from yesterday's show is that a random caller, who called in to talk about Cuba, is actually better at radio than anyone in that studio.

I was astounded that he admitted being to scared to eat an edible. You just know he's never been high in his life.

U don't believe the stories of him doing massive amounts of blow in college?

One pity key bump from his frat bros and he thinks he's Tony Montana.

oh yea? Cumia was better huh?

Me: I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them...sniff

Cumia fucking sold coke while working construction. Really the king of white trash!

it was a scarface reference.. "frank was better huh"

Riiiiiight.... more likely meth.

Opie: I am down here on Pi Beta authority to purchase 1/4 gram of coke.

Frat bro: Opie you have no authority here. I hazed you into this fuckin fraternity, so shut the fuck up.

Me: Fuck Marci Turk and fuck the fucking Stangel brothers! Fuck them all! What they ever do for us? I buried those cockroaches!! burp

Marci on the phone: I told you a long time ago, you little monkey, not to fuck me.

...sniff

Check out the empties, man.

Yet he said that had "a taste" and smoked a little when he was on the Rogan show.

Just a baby hit

he pulled a Clinton and didn't inhale

he smoked weed for joe rogan's podcast

he was pretend high. nothing that came out of his mouth indicated he was actually high.

He took a "baby hit"

Opie's a man in his fifties who will list all of the units of alcohol he drank the night before.

"I had 2 shots of Jager, tequila, 4 bong hits man, beer, cheeseburger..."

He understands pot as well as he understands radio/humor/interacting with humans.

Opie probably didn't even rip bongs in high school.

I don't think Tits has ever been high. He's never done coke or smoked weed. Never had a shot of whiskey or smoked a cig. He's the guy shit faced after 2 beers then announces when he's on his 3rd. He'll fill his half empty cup just so he can pump the keg. Didn't a caller say Opie's frat was no longer a sober house? Wouldn't be surprised if he signed a sober pledge. Those marathon runners get fuckin' crazy after high school.

He's the world's least interesting man.

I used to work with a guy that went to Geneseo and was in the same frat as Opie (although he was there in the late 90's.). He said that marshmallow stuff never happened.

opie has said several times that he tried coke a couple times and was like mehh, dont see what all the fuss is about. Ive never met someone who tried coke and was indifferent about it

Probably ripped off with shitty coke

What the fuck is a sober frat house? Isn't the whole point of joining a frat and doing all that gay shit so that you can get shitfaced and fuck whores every night? What the fuck is the purpose of a sober frat? Expensive friendships?

Not sure. I giggle whenever a deck collapses on these people.

A bunch of friendless people getting together and being friends.

I doubt it. Opie fits the "joiner" personality type to a T. I find it hard to believe that he wouldn't do whatever drugs were necessary to fit in with whichever group he was begging for attention from. I don't think Opie was ever really into drugs, but he does seem like DARE's poster child for susceptibility to peer pressure.

I think he just became an old man extremely quickly.

He said he used to follow them around when they would go on tour. His whole life is made up

He did NOT say that did he? I'm surprised nobody has called him on that, you could call him out on the lie with 3 or less questions about Dead show culture.

Yea he did. He said how he didn't even go into some shows because he would just hang out in the parking lot. It starts in the beginning https://youtu.be/MJWOJs0BbgU

Wow. Lol. This is jogging my memory, I think I have heard this. They toured through t here all the time though, so it's entirely possible he went with some friends. Still doubtful he paid for a ticket and went in ever, but it does seem like something he'd do to seem cool.

I was thinking this exact same thing. Opie always picks the worst things to point out, or topic to emphasize in a conversation.

Opie stumbled on something and hit a homerun with Anthony. It was just good fortune...

He did Coke once in college,so ... Practically hunter s

What the fuck is the worst that could happen? Even if the ope-ster is that much of a fucking girl that pot would make him freak out, he's freak out for like 3 hours then go to sleep. On the other end, he could enjoy the fuck out of it and feel great for 3 hours, why not give it a fucking try?

The anxiety of drug induced self awareness and reflection could kill this man.

Yeah exactly what I'm saying. if he took lsd he'd probably be 6 feet under. damn someone should slip him one, how amazing would that be haha on air too

LSD and Donut day bruthaman bruthaman.

Sounds like a perfect Jocktober event. How much do we have to pool to get an intern to spike Opester's coffee?

If Opie's mother really was as mentally ill as he let across (She probably is completely made up for the bit!), it's understandable how he would have an aversion towards any sort of introspective experience. Fuck him though.

I've even grown suspect of his mom actually being as crazy as he makes her out to be. Have you ever had an argument with a crazy person, but afterwards they start acting like you're the one who is acting crazy?

I date a girl who does that shit to me constantly

I have a strong suspicion Lynsi doesn't let him.

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there was always that dweeb who was like "so you high? how high are you" waving his hand in front of your face

Haha, this line truly brings my piss to a boil. I don't expect everyone to be a pothead like me. But don't try to be "in" on it like you can relate to me about it, which is what that is all about. The person who does that is trying to become a part of your experience, like you can both be wacky dacky together. The last thing I want when I'm high is for some fuckwad to ask me asinine questions about how high I am or if I'm seeing the colors, man.

hater Harry loves the pats

"These fuckin Patriots, let me tell ya something about THESE guys..."

only knows tom Brady and gronk

If Joey didn't know Opie before he went on this show, he would have ripped him apart for being such a cunt.

now, fellas, the Opster is passionate about his 15 football teams he "takes a peek at". I mean you don't go in to NYC and start throwing the G-word around a group of rabid Jets fans.

Opie" " the giants! what are you fucking kidding me I hate the giants"

Joey: "or whatever you watch I dont know.

The Kardashians.

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It would be easier to answer how many times he didn't

Are you really surprised? Opie was a typical Long Island nerd, I doubt he's ever smoked bud at all the way he acts about it.

Nerds can read at a basic level. Opie can not. It's pretty crazy how successful he is. The people I've met with his personality work at pet stores or manage a shitty pizza joint. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Opie is such a faggot. Don't know how he ever got to be branded a "shock jock." He's such a square and a try-hard.

By lying incessantly about everything.

Opie is a faggot.

Was Jimmy not in studio?

I hope he eats it then freaks out and jumps off the roof of his building.

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Did you happen to catch his take on the Islanders during the sports discussion? Cause I've been wondering.

He couldn't name three people on that team.

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Holy shit this post. So true.

go enjoy some grape fruit beer thats about as much as you can wrap your head around.

Opie is fuckin cool!

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atleast ant was poppin xans and drunk all day

Fuck Opie.

Thats why he does the show once a year.

And they've had Benson in how many times???

Why do any of y'all still listen?

ironically, pot is exactly what Opie needs at this point of the game. a little perspective.

Some mushrooms couldn't hurt either.

we get it, you're a druggie

Its very strange to think a grown man is taking a psychoactive drug to get himself high before a big radio show. Was he so nervous and unable to control his emotions or thoughts that he needed to self medicate that much before going in ?

you sound like you've only indirectly even heard of weed

Or I sound like someone who grew up with weed, grew weed and was well involved in the weed 'world' for longer than you've been smoking weed. (and surely before you were born).

you sound mentally ill

No, and you dont think so either.

no i do

Hmm no, its just a childish retort because I hurt your feelings. You really think I sound like I know what I'm talking about.

you reporting & being disgusted by what you heard is totally opie.

I will say this, my girlfriend brought home some of that 3.4 percent alc. grapefruit juice he drinks, and its pretty good. Definitely the right beer for someone like me who wants to be seen drinking, likes sweet things and avoids hangovers like the plague.

But I did eat a 425 milligram dark chocolate with seasalt, and bring a bunch of rolled joints, cause I'm not fully Opie, but just enough that my cringes come from a deeply personal place.

someone like me who wants to be seen drinking

You trying to impress some 8th graders?

http://i.imgur.com/5NJKxld.gif

you should just make a bot at this point. is that always copied on your phone/cpu?

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but that ain't gonna happen. The best you can hope for is that somebody else will do acid near Opie and in their introspection they'll realize that the world will be better off without him and kick Tits out a window.

That Susquehanna shit

he was pretend high. nothing that came out of his mouth indicated he was actually high.

*Blackburie

i love when people think they know what weed strain they have and tell you all about it like it matters

Oh, all weed is exactly the same, I forgot.

Imagine the opster on acid, he would realize all the "hate" is true and like you said, kill him self.

Someone always says this whenever drugs and Opie are brought up, and I always say that it would just result in an even more obnoxious Opie trying to tell you about how we're all just part of this same vibration. He just doesn't have the intellect to process anything in a productive way, even a trip.

no i do