Let's do this again. I'll torture myself so you don't have to.

• Intro song playing - Debaser by the Pixies

• On today's show https://twitter.com/OpieandJimmy/status/631269419637972992

• Dick sucking joke right away by Jim

• Some talk about this http://www.si.com/nfl/2015/08/11/jets-geno-smith-broken-jaw-fight-ik-enemkpali

• Opie wants to know specifically when was the first time the Jets started having problems with quarterbacks. Who cares you specific-year-asking bitch?

• Again, Opie is loyal to a lot of teams. The first time they mention this, wow, who knew?

• Jim and his tweets

• Opie reading from the news. Went surprisingly well. He read two sentences.

• "Someone wants to talk about Ronda Rousey" - First caller of the day.

• Mayweather vs Ronda talk.

• Second caller - Jim Norton getting some love on the internet, made a list of top 20 comedians to see live. Dan Soder is not on the list.

• They go through the list. Jim at #19 http://thechive.com/2015/08/11/these-stand-up-comedians-are-worth-seeing-live-19-photos/

• Iliza Shlesinger instagram pic: https://instagram.com/p/53BLs8vTC8/

• Geno Smith talk again.

• Back and forth between Dan and Jim. The jews are laughing a lot.

• More famous sports fights.

• Sparky Lyle is a great name for a cock (Jim)

• Chips. Wassthat?

• Alan Bannister card.

• A jew tells a story.

• "The Allan Bannister thing was a bust."

• Still, sports talk. I know nothing about US sports, so I can't really give too much detail.

• They play a game from 93 https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=72&v=TrU8z4w8T-4

• Dan Soder tells a story about Bob Kelly and modems.

• Iliza responds https://twitter.com/iliza/status/631429188810092544

• Sports talk is over. Now, breastfeeding news. http://www.people.com/article/jessica-anne-colletti-pennsylvania-mom-breastfeeds-friend-son-sparks-debate

• @baldopieradio tries to engage the boys on twitter, without success https://twitter.com/BaldOpieRadio/status/631430695970156544

• "Are you a fan of public breastfeeding?" Opie to Dan. These are the kinds of questions that humanity needs an answer to.

• "When I have to creep, I'm goood..." Opie - YUCK

• Now Dan Soder and his girlfriend. They are DONE.

• "The end of the night conversations were like checking in with a probation officer." (Dan)

• We were fighting a lot.

• The breakup was like a process, like a lethal injection. It was done on skype.

• Hot tub parties.

• Opie brings it back to breastfeeding. What's with Opie and tits, we get it, you have two juicy ones.

• They were fighting in Boonaroo. She didn't want him to piss on the porta potty.

• Again Bob Kelly bashing.

• "Women hate porta potties" Opie.

• "Because we treat them like porta potties" Jim

• Pic of her in a hot tub with a hot dude.

• "At least you can jack off thinking of her fucking that guy" - Jim, always the supportive friend.

• Asshole hair.

• Plugs and 1st break next.

• Next, Pete Davidson, Tig Notaro, Katie Nolan

• Still doing voices

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 1st Break :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

• Playing now, Dr. Steve's medical minute. Something about fatty acids and hair loss. You're a saint Dr. Steve. FLUID.

• They are back. "I like big butts and I can't not lie."

• Someone's breath smells like dogshit.

• Opie checks his breath by sucking his index finger and then smells it.

• Opie wants to do a breath smelling bit. They will line up the staff and smell everyone's mouth. Shut up asshole, you're 55 years old, jeez.

• Dan and Jim immediately deflect, start talking about Sherrod.

• Someone got bummed up because Opie said they had bad smell.

• They're trying to line up three people to smell their breath. Roland, Adrian and Derek (an intern)

• I think it's Roland and he's bummed up.

• Caller on the line. "Jim, are you serious about supporting Donald Trump?"

• Jim defends Donald Trump.

• Eventually he will have to come up with policy (Opie about Trump). Now this is real political commentary.

• Opie gets frustrated with the caller. Then don't put callers on the air you fucking asshole.

• Opie is uncomfortable. The Jews are the ones that are trying to do the breath smelling bit. Where's a fucking oven when you need it.

• They will go through with this. Let's see how this goes. Roland is talking.

• Match game music.

• This is on periscope: https://www.periscope.tv/w/aJs0_jMwMjg4Nzl8NTk1MDQ4NjFgm02K6tZYrcJkrkL3GplQgUc9VrCsLIvYg62VvOWDhA==

• ERock will do the checking for bad breath bit. "I have a strong sense of smell and a weak stomach." (ERock)

• He's being blindfolded.

• He starts smelling. 1st guy smells like a lot of coffee.

• 2nd guy "HOLY FUCK". It's like you threw up and swallowed it again

• 3rd guy is disturbing, it could even be shit.

• 2nd round of smelling. Erock is getting sick. "Did you ever pick up after a dog? It's the same"

• Now the big reveal:

• Roland - Coffee breath

• Derek - Vomit mouth

• Adrian - Dogshit stomach

• Adrian is trying to explain his breath.

• Now they are trying to find a grand finale to this bit. ERock says he doesn't want body fluids on him.

• Opie comes up with the brilliant and original idea of tongue scrapings. This rivals with Patrice Oneal's best appearances.

• Lots of disgusting sounds. They are trying to pump it up for the rahhdio.

• Poor Erock, still fake gagging in 2015.

• Everyone wins a dollar from Jim Norton

• Plugs again and 2nd break next. Pete Davidson may have overslept but will be on in a few minutes.

:::::::::::::::::::: 2nd BREAK ::::::::::::::::::::::::

• Steven Singer read. I hate him.

• And they're back, Pete Davidson is in.

• Mike Bocchetti was having conversations with Pete's mom. They will talk about those now.

• Pete Davidson's mom is on twitter (I think it's this EDIT: it's her - https://twitter.com/joesmith1355)

• Mike and Pete's mom conversation.

• Mike thanks people a lot. https://twitter.com/mikebocchetti

• Opie will read the last three Mike Bocchetti tweets. He's thanking everyone.

• Jim says Pete's mom is the type of woman he needs.

• Back and forth between Dan and Jim

• Pete takes some medication, I didn't get what it was. It doesn't affect his erections.

• Pete found something on his PC, some characters he created.

• Opie wants to bring back the bit where they roast their past performances. Dan and Pete will try to bring their old stuff.

• Dan Soder old pics. Pete was trying to be black so bad when he was young.

• Jim thought he was Hip-Hop at 18. https://twitter.com/JimNorton/status/631454668250566656

• Some stories from the past.

• Dead dads. Pete's story was sadder. Ah ah

• Now a clusterfuck of a conversation. Nothing in particular.

• Bocchetti twitter again. He tweeted 6 times since Jim told him to stop thanking people. He didn't follow his advice.

• Jim wants to take a piss.

• 3rd break coming. Tig and Katie next.

• Jim does characters for SNL, Uncle Paul, Chip. Abruptly ends the bit.

:::::::::::::::::::::: 3rd BREAK :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

• Tig still not in.

• Jim bombs.

• They received some presents from scrub daddy or something. https://twitter.com/OpieandJimmy/status/631462859923324928

• Dead and comma dads.

• Pics are being taken.

• Tig Notaro is in.

• Disease talk right away.

• Dead mother, breakup then a cancer diagnosis. wow wee

• Tig Notaro https://twitter.com/OpieandJimmy/status/631461754220867589

• Opie says WOW in a low voice.

• Opie: How do you follow your "cancer set" as a performer?

• Not much to report. You'll have to listen if you're interested in her story.

• Plugs and 4th break next.

• Ex-cancer lesbo with cute cancer boy https://twitter.com/JimNorton/status/631469223219458049

:::::::::::::::::: 4th BREAK :::::::::::::::::::::

• Katie Nolan from Fox Sports in studio right now https://twitter.com/katienolan

• Scrub Daddy again.

• Opie starts interviewing Katie Nolan. "What year did you start your blog?" Again, this fucko needs to know the actual year for everything.

• Jim makes a Dick Cheney hunting joke.

• Katie Nolan talks about her job and stuff.

• Women from Boston.

• Jim describes how he bombs sexually with Philly girls.

• Katie doesn't have an accent (she's from Boston). Wow, riveting talk.

• Opie explains why he's a fan of a lot of teams. Christ, I can't do this anymore.

• Tom Brady talk and deflate-gate.

• Forced laughs, forced laughs everywhere.

• The fat Jew chimes in with a Katie Nolan tweet. Oh God, who cares? Fuck everyone.

• This is boring as fuck.

• Katie punched Jim on TV sometime ago.

• Pete Davidson asks a ridiculous question.

• Someone end this show already.

• Jim chimes in with a prostitution joke.

• Finally, Opie calls it a day.

• Opie: "We need more sports on this show". No you don't old man.

• Everyone still talking.

• Pete Davidson is apparently fucking the Scrub Daddy thing.

• Plugs for everyone.

• Jim Norton out tomorrow will fly to Seattle for shows this weekend.

• This lady won't shut up. Let the show end, miss.

• Katie Nolan loves Big Jay Oakerson. Opie keeps silent.

• THE END.

Tomorrow I won't be doing this for sure.