So you're a golfer? I actually used to be a caddy

*A caddy for the mob.

Now I said too much, I can't talk about it.........THEY TOOK CARE OF ME!!!

How long you been doing politics, Barry? I've been doing this shit since I was 18.

So you're a father, right? I am too, it's so ffffuckin hard!

I've noticed you play some b-ball, brotherman. I actually could have gone pro.

I considered reading your book "Dreams of my Father" but as a father myself, I don't have time. I had a father. He made our family a church.

I was all in with your '08 campaign. I yelled out your name constantly like an autist, and this guy I used to work with called you an N bomb.

"Whatta ya got on this caitlyn jenner thing"

"Hold on! Hold on! Vladimir from Moscow wants in BADLY!"

Raaaamoooonnnnskiii, get this black man off the phone.

Roooomanov, this Nigerian has AIDS!

Fuck me, I laughed out loud for the first time in a long time here. I wish I had socks to upvote you more.

"Seen any good documenTREES???"

Fuck I hate it when I realize I say things the same way as Opie.

Oooof that's a rough one Brothaman

BARRAAAAAAAAY!

Big name in the seventies. Everybody was Barry for a while there, right? Gotcher Bee Gees guy, gotcher black guy—

No offense.

...

AH MAN I just realized— His name was White!

Barry White—for a black guy!

DOON DOON DAT DOON DAT DOON DOON DAT DOON DAT

...

Gotcher Barry Manilow...

Vurry white.

Like Barry White but...

...

So we got a buncha new Barrys in the pipeline, y'think?

Is America bringin' Barry back?

Fuck. Too real.

We successfully synthesized Opie's entire personality months ago, we can host a show without him at this point

I want that to happen very badly.

SNIFFFFFFFFFF So Barrack how are you holding up against the flu?

They'd bond by greatly overestimating their basketball abilities, and Opie would end the interview by asking him if he wants to play one-on-one. Obama, ever the politician, would agree, but they'd never hear from him again. Opie would bring this story up daily for the rest of his career.

"Where you at on the Obama?"

ME: Obama killin' it for us in studio today. Vury good, sir. Vury good.

If he's ever shit on a beach.

ME: In the end we're just a stupid radio show, and you're the leader of the whole fuckin' world. The stress has got to be BRUTAL.

"I mean, so what is it liiike!? All of us nobodies sit around and wonder what being president would be like but I bet us dummies are totally wrong!"

"What's your stance on the ketchup issue?"

Opie: So what is the, um, the, err, oh god, what is it--, OH FFFUCK, the, err, you knoww . . . [sighs loudly] . . . fuck, ummm . . . [sighs again] . . . Sam, what am I--, ermm, what am I trying to say here?

Sam: What is the time?

Opie: YESSSSSSSS! Fuck! Hey, it's a little early for me.

Sam: It's 8:50.

Opie: Alright, we got an interview with the POTUS coming up in next ...the POTUS ...the POTUSSSSSS . . .   . . . [awkward silence in studio].

Jim: . . . Wanna take a break before he gets here?

Opie: Yeah, let's do it. Be back in 10.

[The sweeper comes in and the mics fade down]

Opie: ^{What does that actually stand for? POTUS?}

Upon hearing the drivel that this man spouts from his mouth, the President's PR team decide against the interview, meaning Opie doesn't get his viral video and Jim doesn't get to take a photo with him. The show descends into nothingness over the next few months and eventually ends up doing live reads for a penis enlarging spray.

Perfect!

"Hey, Obama?.."

"Yea?.."

"Is Kim Kardashian nice in person?"

"Yea.."

"Good."

ME: So Mr. President, I saw that picture of you smoking weed when you were younger? I've been thinking about dabbling a bit. Just a baby hit here and there, nothing big. SNIFF

So... how do fix "insert topical issue"

He'd tell him about his Obama dream and make it awkward as fuck

He would probably talk about basketball the whole fucking time

Dumb shit about twitter and if he could sign his sudoku.

"So Barry, when are we gonna legalize this whole weed thing?"

"Well actually-"

"HOLD ON HOLD ON lets go to the phones" ... "Snowaaaay!"

Ur twitter numbahs are lookin pretty niiiiice brotha, how'd you get so many followers?

Where ya at with da war ting.

Opie would make him feel guilty for future non-appearances, then start filming conspicuously before asking him about the birth certificate thing thinking that's a hot topic that will get him a viral video. THen he'd title the video in caps with words like denies and outrageous.

lol, definitely

Where you at with the whole gawd thing

We had a great time today on the show we'd love to have you back any time man. Aww who am i kidding, you're too big to ever come back. You'll say you'll be back and the forget us 5 minutes after you leave, just like all the other big stars that don't come around anymore. You know Tracey Morgan used to do our show until he blew up on 30 Rock?

ME: "I remember when you first got elected. We're the only ones who have been doing real fucking radio this entire time. OK, lady Di on the line. What's up worthless street scum?"

Jim: "What do you think about the culture of political correctness? It's been keeping my standup, my many chat shows and my ability to be cast in anything down. It's the PC culture, but I love comedians. They're the greatest people on earth. Nobody but comedians should say things cos we're honest. Hang on, VICE is on the line, oh, wrong number".

ME: I'm all in with Hoop Dreams, I've been watching it 10 minutes at a time on the toilet over the last 6 months.

POTUS is such a weird nickname. What does it mean and who gave it to you? I can totally relate. When I was in elementary school everyone had a nickname and I needed one too and it just stuck, even though I'm 65 years old now and have had countless opportunities to disassociate myself from it.

So how big is your cawk, Mr. President, are you black down there or white?

Cuz ya know, I used to play basketball and showered with blacks.

I was a great shooter, just never got the height.

"Did you know we were the only radio show on terrestrial and satellite radio simultaneously? ...

Back in 2007, I thought you were going to win. My cohost disagreed, but he's, uh, moved on. ...

Realistically, it was my support that put you over the top. We put up some big numbaaahs. "

His first and only question would be how far down the Presidential shaft Gregg should get his lips. The rest would be action and Norton jerking off over the whole scene.

awkward.

He'd talk about his Clinton photo.

Barry, I know you are on Twitter now...so am I, @OpieRadio if you want to follow me, but how do you deal with the trolls? I'm constantly dealing with people spewing nonsense, so I have to imagine you get a few yourself.

Great to have you on the show Barack Obama. Yes, we're on the air.

ME: "Since you can't stand more than twice, right Erock? Stupid fat erock. I've had to take a peek at some other politicians. What about Hilary?"

[deleted]

When you're done with the show, could you plug my Twitter? You're a big get for the OpieRadio channel. It's Hashtag OpieRadio and I can do a nice basketball trickshot. You like basketball too, riiiight? I can show you the YouTube video right now dude.

[deleted]

Are you a lizard?

Edit: Now I see it says what would Opie ask. Whoopsie daisy.

ME: Are you really black?

We both have kids, how many times have YOUUUU seen Frozen? I've seen it a GAZILLION times!

Can you shoot a quick youtube video with me and tweet it out? I'l retweet it on my account @opieradio.

ME: Come on Barry, give us an exclusive here. No one gives us an exclusive. Give us something. How big is your hog? you got a big baallllbagg?

WOW!! FUNNY!!! @opieradio EXCLUSIVE!!! OBAMA SAYS HE "WON'T" SHOW HIS "BALLBAG" ON-AIR!!! CRAZY!

This one is going VIRAL! i can FUCKIN feel it.

The OpieRadio FunnyMofos Daily is out! Stories via @barackobama

I have a little more faith. I'd like to think that he'd at least shut the fuck up, if he didn't have anything to say.

He's embarrassed himself with every big name they've had in there, there's no way he would let himself go unheard with the President.

I think it would be on Opie to produce if they had a guest like the President. I think Jimmy would be paralyzed in celebrity awe and just concerned with getting his photo.