I'd like her to help me lift this couch into my van

Oh wait... was she a great big fat person?

Yes, she was a big girl, sir.

"Was she rrrrrrroomy?"

"Would ya?"

You about a size 14?

I wouldn't smash a co-worker or friend because of her looks. But, at the same time, I wouldn't run around talking about how attractive they are, if they clearly weren't.

Anthony always comments on Amy's looks. In reality, she is a Long Island 4, which means she's in negative numbers in NYC.

Iliza Shlesinger is a super attractive comic - if you can get past her completely obnoxious personality.

Natasha Leggero is also attractive in a cute sort of way.

Amy Schumer is a tire-fire.

nyc girls are overrated as shit too, a 10 in nyc is a 7 in LA and a 4 in miami...

No way dude. LA standards are artificial as fuck, women there are photogenic but not as fuckable in real life as NYC women. Never been to Miami but I don't doubt the girls there are amazing.

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maybe its because i have great game with latin girls, but its 100x easier to fuck a 10....

Look at this fuckin jabroni.

I wouldn't smash a co-worker or friend because of her looks. But, at the same time, I wouldn't run around talking about how attractive they are, if they clearly weren't. Anthony always comments on Amy's looks. In reality, she is a Long Island 4, which means she's in negative numbers in NYC.

This man. This man knows the women of NY.

Whats up homes.

"Homes"

I hate you

Of course she has a tramp stamp.

First thing I noticed was the tribal tramp stamp....must have been an 18th birthday thing.

2001 was a craaazy summer. LIMP BIZKIT

She has the tramp stamp of tramp stamps.

Is the tattoo an ace of spades?

It just looks like scribbles to me.

A tribal tramp stamp is just a heads up letting you know there is no way you can fuck her hard enough.

If you would dare. Looks like a fatter, naked Jim Norton with a cabbage patch kid's face.

Jimmy likes 'em Opie-shaped.

her tits are deflated mylar balloons filled with Bisquik

Kermit the Frog thinks Schumer's so swine

To be fair - Jimmy thinks Men in wigs & dresses are sexy too

I thought all of us are like that

Ha ha, she's built like your average O&A fan. Male fan that is.

HEY TAKE SOME ADVICE FROM US AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT, ALRIGHT?

This should have way more upvotes.

i'm the best commenter here. trust me, ive been doing this since i was 18, alright?

I don't know why I was downvoted for saying you should be upvoted. I thought it was a good pull and was celebrating your creative decision.

There is a real good clip of Patrice talking Anthony out of thinking she's hot. I don't know why I never bookmark these things

He basically said that Anthony would call Halle Berry a monkey but thinks Amy Schumer is hot.

Patrice talking Anthony out of thinking

Damn I'd love to hear that. Anyone got it?

She looks like a male version of Nick Swardson.

Her body looks better in clothes. That's all that needs to be said.

Fuck clothes, she needs a circus tent

So this is what the opposite of a boner feels like.

my boner has turned into an innie

I don't know why people have such an aversion to saying some female comedians look bad. Jimmy is insulted on his appearance constantly, all male comedians are. But if I say Maria Bamford looks fucked up, it's a gender double-standard or misogyny. Amy Schumer is a pumpkin-headed, chipmunk faced creep.

Fantastic points.

If they want to be in the game they've got to give up the "don't bust on my looks!" card.

Like that dumpster fire Lena Dunham. Some reporter just asked her why she was naked all the time on her show, and both her and that pc-dipshit Apatow jumped all over the dude's balls, screaming misogyny.

Meanwhile, if the male equivalent of Dunham was as naked on his show as often as she is on hers, he'd be ridiculed off the screen.

Meanwhile, if the male equivalent of Dunham was as naked on his show as often as she is on hers, he'd be ridiculed off the screen.

Exactly, Louis CK was naked once on Lucky Louie and they talked about it, but if he was naked constantly people would ask "so what's up with this? Is this something you like to do, and if so why?"

I hate that line of reasoning, when people say "you wouldn't ask a man that question!" Like on the red carpets when people ask about the dresses the women are wearing, this new thing is for women to get uptight and shout double-standard. But men just wear tuxedos or suits. They all are wearing an identical outfit, there's nothing to talk about. If one guy came in a big fur coat and draped in elegant lace, people would fucking bring it up.

There's no double-standard, there's one standard. You can break it or follow it but if you're doing something for attention then don't be so fucking shocked when people ask you about it. Lena Dunham is the worst because people are validating her self-righteous hand-wringing everytime she wants to blast us all with her haggard tits and we don't treat her like Rosa Parks.

and now these bitches have been trained to hit that "anything I do is "GIRL POWER!"" button, and they're hitting it every fucking time they face the slightest bit of resistance or criticism, even though it doesn't have anything to do with the matter at hand, and it's sickening.

and even with that insanely unfair advantage, that comedic "get out of jail free" card, Dunham still can't stop shooting her retarded self in her retarded foot. she admitted to kind of sexually molesting her sister, and she got in trouble with the jews for a horribly unfunny piece she wrote for the New Yorker. big dummy.

we're headed to a very bad place with all of this. the truly funny stuff is going to get pushed further down and off to the side while this lame, retarded, pseudo-feminist horseshit is going to eat up more and more of the comedy landscape.

she admitted to kind of sexually molesting her sister

No kind of about it, bro, she fingered that kid from the crib until 3rd grade. Fuckin sickening.

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Fat men are funny though. A big fat naked guy is instant humour. A fat chick spilling all over the shop is just depressing.

because a no-chin idiot like Jim can bag a Jennifer Carmody, but a "funny" fat chick is still doomed

That's what Hitchens was saying with "Why Women aren't Funny." The point was there were reasons for men being funny, like it would make them more likely to get women (in evolutionary terms, reproduce), but for women there wasn't the same natural motivation. The crazy thing was that the response to Hitchens was for a few of the most famous female comedians, including Tina Fey, to dress up as sexy as they can, do a photoshoot, and then respond like caddy women. Hitchens must have been laughing at what they proved in their response.

Nick Dipalo was right about her

What did he say?

To her face, nothing. But on the 12 angry men skit, he said she has the ass of a mom on disability.

Can confirm, my mother is on disability.

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Fuckin pro with that mouth, though.

It's what Jewish girls are known for.

haha

Fuck that court room skit. I object to the premise of it.

The only way a jury would ever find Schumer attractive is if it was the same jury OJ had.

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dummy, blacks love fat white chicks.

Or if they all wanted to be in a hit show...

She's been atrocious since day one. She's a four in real life. She's the girl who was chubby and ugly in high school but would give it up easily to get an inflated sense of sexual worth.

what gave it away? the story she told about getting a cabbie to finger her with her drunk friend?

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this made me soft

The walrus on the right who can't even jump for a picture

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/05/08/18/2877F71000000578-0-image-a-47_1431105292439.jpg

Her gut is way to big for a woman in her early thirties that isn't really that fat. Maybe there's some hormone/medical issue. Anyhow, I don't get why it matters if she's hot or not. There's plenty of hot vapid broads to ogle at. She;s a comic that recently transitioned into the spotlight as a actor/performer funny chick of the day type shtick

I respect her because during the whole Anthony's firing shitfest she was the only friend of the show comic that made it big who showed any public support.

goddamn nikki glaser is cute

She has the face of a garbage pail kid

If you mean a child that had its face beaten in with a garbage pail, then yes, you would be correct.

I think she's fine...but I am black-ish, so there's that.

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I think it's pretty obvious that they are just hypocritical liars when it comes to this sort of thing.

I remember a year ago they, were running down a Top 100 list of sexy women (FHM or Maxim) and the chick from Brooklyn 99 was on the list. Without thinking, Opie (or maybe Anthony) said "ewww no!" to her, before quickly covering it up once they realized "oops, Jim used to date her and she's kind of a friend".

That being said. I can 100% understand why they'd defend (lie about) any female friend of the show. And you know you'd do it too in their position. It's just not something do. You can trash the way a male friend looks...but not a girl. The fact that Amy's now huge (heehee) gives them even more incentive to not trash her.

If they'd say "ew no" to Chelsea Peretti, the thought of Amy Schumer should make them projectile vomit. Chelsea Peretti is an attractive woman and a better comic than Schumer. Schumer is a 4 or 5 and I say that as an absolute mess. I am one and I know one. Schumer's a 4 but she's getting rah-rahed and Girl Powered into a 7 and its sickening.

My point was...his initial reaction to Chelsea was his honest one....which he then tried to cover up once he realized what he did.
Also, Chelsea drops down to a 5 in profile

The Comedy Central star displayed her curvaceous figure in a bandeau bikini and color coordinated bottoms

lol

Curvacious = figure like a melting refrigerator

I used to be a size 6. Senator, she is no size 6.

Remember recently when they tried to defend her against a critic who said she wasn't attractive?

'Above all else....REAL!'

I'd do her.

As Patrice would say, "That's not the point."

So would I, bunch of queers here.

Pffft....I'd do her with the lights on.... she'd squeal for me. I'm all man.

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Yikes..

That's gotten be one of the biggest tramp stamps I've ever seen. Probably wasn't that big ten years ago. I thought members of the tribe couldn't get tats.

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Out of all the insults in this thread that is the most hurtful. Kudos.

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aMy shOemer is Vary sExy....

APPREL PHALLS!

She looks like a cabbage patch kid.

I'd bang her but I wouldn't call her after.

Amy's what we call a "practice girl."

She is very attractive when done up for award shows... But man waking up next to her must be startling.

No you wouldn't.

She IS hot and Greg Proops is straight.

Someone pointed out that when Jimmy does valley girl he sounds exactly like Greg Proops.

wow, he does

Is this sub filled with 45 year old menopausal gossipy women?

Seems to be. Pictures of them anyway.

Yes, this is the sub for opie and anthony fans.

Dad Bod

Huh....who knew she had a tramp stamp.

I've seen her dolled up in person and I think she's super cute. I like fat chicks though, and have really low standards. The fact I think she's legit funny might help up the attractive factor too. She's def not your classic beauty, but I'm attracted to her. I love her fucking hair.

You guys have to fucking remember that Jim is a 47 year old worm person who thinks he has a chance with her. His view of sexy is a little different than us younger, perhaps more attractive members of the audience. The idea that you have a chance with a girl, at least in my mind, puts guys (or at least me) into a kind of trance where looks don't matter as much... which is how I got stuck with a 5/10 for 4.5 years.

He's not lying on purpose; he's just really horny, wants his friend to feel better about herself, and is viewing beauty from a different perspective than us.

Jimmy's too adorable to be hypocritical on purpose.

He's also trying to be her opener and get more air-time on her show

I like Amy Shumer but she is not a size 6

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It's like a female Will Ferrell.

That's incredibly accurate.

That's not true. I'd fuck Will Ferrell.

No you wouldn't.

I didn't say he would fuck me.

He totally would though. As a close, personal friend of Mr. Ferrall he told me in confidence he would crawl over 50 good pussies for one man's asshole.

I think she looks like a grown up and stretched out cabbage patch kid.

That's not "bikini body" it's a before picture.

Since all you need to be a successful female comic is to be mildly attractive (bonus points for being a Jew), maybe some funny comic should find a babe to spew his material on-stage and split the fame and fortune.

Jay Mohr's last special was written by Nikki Cox...

Look how well that did.

Make up is legitimately some voodoo shit. I wouldn't have known it was her if I saw any of those photos in isolation.

http://abcnews.go.com/images/Entertainment/abc_ann_popcorn_johnadams_080311_mn.jpg

I'd love to see what you guys putting down Amy on here look like in real life.

Homo

What would be the purpose of posting our pics on a forum of dudes? A guy could be a legit 8 and still not be as impressive because his attractiveness is being compared to a woman on a forum of men.

He's just trying to get dick pics.

Tu quoque my friend, Tu quoque.

Bet you would.

This sub is officially national enquirer. Their is a post about who sam is dating too.. bunch of hens.

Sure she's looking sloppy in those pics. But she looks good when she is trying to. Gimme a break. Y'all niggas need to relax.

As attractive as she is funny.

but she's not ver..... oooooh

her tattoo is as good as that falling-down in front of kanye stunt

Isn't Amy young enough for tramp stamps to have been out of style by 5 years, when she was old enough to get one?

She has the body of a pear and the face of a pear.

a jewish pear, that should be punched in the pear

i don't listen to opieraqio but Jimmy was never the one saying she was hot on O&A. It was always Opie and Ant. I figured they were just playing it up for radio. I never understood it cuz there so many other female comedians that are hotter than her.

Amy Shumer in a bikini? If you've got the time we got the pics.

She's a fat, dirty little piggie. I'd still shove it in that crack connected to her back that she calls an ass though.

Oh, honey...

Jelly rolls

That's a beer gut and a tramp stamp, signs of a slovenly slut.

She looks like she ate everything.

She looks like a bloated corpse.

Jimmy's going to be very upset with you all.

yukhh

WTF happened to her?

http://cos.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/14/28/320x426/53a0444bb80ed_-_cos-amy-schumer-march2011-issue-lgn.jpg

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That's a professional photo shoot, those don't count.

She was photographed at the beach with no make up under the intense light of the sun. Seriously though, she's not movie star hot but I'd hit it and so would the rest of these haterz on reddit and twitter. Haterz.

I seriously think she's getting fat to increase her popularity.

I've seen her twice and she's the size of a school bus now.

I'd plug that

Fatty pig fatty

I think he means more her personality and when she's dressed up with makeup on.

She's likeable and gets dolled up pretty well.

Personality? Mingia de kakkity keekity personallle-ah.

Ant said recently on his show he thought he stood a chance with her a year or 2 ago but not anymore. Poor Ant .That bald spot round the back has really hit his confidence.

What a pig.

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That cab driver is ashamed. All the fellas down at the hub are probably fucking with him endlessly.

She was in much better shape in the pics ant posted a couple years ago at some beach house party or whatever the fuck it was. Maybe Jim said she was sexy back then?

if she gets a staring movie role they'll prep her up and make it be lost. shrug.

I'd still fuck her

Eh, they obviously oversell her sex appeal, but she cleans up alright, and she's thick. I get it.

She looks like Lady Di post 80's, but not quite yet with a weeping liver.

They tried to photoshop the image but the shop wasn't big enough Dvv.

I really appreciate the kind of girl that will suck your dick in an alley after five minutes of conversation at the bar.

Amy is that type of girl.

Those type of girls usually aren't pretty, and Amy is hotter than most of them.

Kate Upton is hotter than Amy Schumer, but Kate Upton won't do the thing that Amy will.

Jimmy knows this, and that's why he says she's hot. Because by that barometer, she is.

I think they all talk her up to kiss her ass because she is and probably will continue to be in a position to possibly help their careers going forward. Can't say how much her name may have helped her, but I doubt it hurt. She concocted an amalgamation of other lesser known female comic's acts as her own and was the chosen one to push it into the mainstream. Bonnie in the past kinda pointed this out but she mostly plays nice now, only pointing out the hipster publicity machine pushing Schumer as a comic genius and their tactic of saying something's wrong with you if you don't get her.

So sadly I don't think she is going anywhere anytime soon and everyone around her will only kiss her ass in the hopes she helps them. They will copout of this every time with either "good for a comic" (still not technically true), or "It's her vibe/personality"

She's not hot one bit. Maybe compared to Rich Vos, mainly because she's a woman. When Jim and Opie go on their rants about her being sexy and everyone wants to bang her and if you don't then you're gay...I would have to be severely drunk and impaired to even just say she was fuckable.

It's not even them saying it because she's famous, they've said it since she was opening for Jim and came in as a nobody.

For shame people. She isn't only average - she cleans up beautifully! All you haters aren't Hollywood 10's, so shut your traps! Amy is beautiful and better, she's smart. Maybe that's not something you have heard of, but she's a woman with above average intelligence and she's funny. WTF ya'll? Jealous much?

i wasn't getting much arousal out of this but then that tramp stamp totally squashed any chance for me to get a boner looking at those pictures.

I underestimated how fat she was. Holy shit. She's really gained more pounds.

has any female celebrity, aside from brazilians, ever looked good when they had their picture taken at the beach?

Exhibit A: Robin Wright and Naomi Watts at the beach

She gained a Sam Roberts.

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"the vagina dialogs" silverman is a hack, Amy is much better, Tina Fey outshines them both in writing

I disagree. I've seen her twice and she scarcely made me laugh. I still like her, but wow was she a million times less funny than I expected. I was pretty bummed.

She's hot for a comic, and besides she trashes her own looks all the time.

Then this should all roll off her chubby back, past her awful tramp stamp, and into the sludge of her "comedy".

I predict a fat farm getaway followed by a dramatic red carpet unveiling of her new body followed by a quick ballooning up again followed by never, ever, ever wearing a bikini again.

Gosh with a response like that you'll be out of open mic circuit in 5 years.

Her latest episode was basically this thread. An ensemble cast of actors debated whether she was hot enough for TV in the style of a 12 Angry Men parody. A bunch of liberal bloggers declared it to be some dark satire on the subject of standards of beauty and double standards for women, but it was just a funny sketch.

The ending was that they decided that she is hot enough for basic cable, if you're drunk and sit far enough away from the television. In a pinch, she will give you a reasonable chub.

He fucks trannys, this is sexy compared to that.

Penis or no penis Sarina Valentina makes Amy Schumer look like a pig.

Sarina's legitimately one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen, dick or no dick.

Pff, you guys gotta see Jane Marie then. (A friend told me) Prepare to fall in love.

Jane Marie isn't even close to the hotness of Sarina.

I wholly disagree. Better cock, too. (A friend told me.)

In close up pictures of Jane Marie's face you can still tell it's a guy.

That's every transexual except maybe Bailey Jay. Also, she does much less than this other broad. Jane Marie is fucking smokin.

Jeselnik must have low self-esteem

That or he hadn't quite broken out yet and was living in some shithole apartment in New York/L.A. with no money

Non-Daily Mail Mirror

^{Code on github.}

She's got a cute little face. You'd all hit it and you know it. Then you'd brag about it to your mothers.

Her Kewpie doll with Downs Syndrome face is the worst part of her.

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Her body would be pretty decent if she lost some weight. Does no one on this sub account for weight fluctuation? I don't find she stands out as super sexy or anything, but for a comic and if she's in good shape like she has been in the past, then she's totally passable.

Shes not even in the vicinity of fat.

Yeah, she's in the bulls-eye

ugh. at least she is funny.

She is? When did that happen.

She may be a 4 but if were judging on looks, Anthony Cumia is a 1.

But as the youngling gold-diggers would tell you, his money makes him a 9 or 10.

you're delusional if you think those dumb broken twats actually find monster-face Cumia attractive. he's being used.

I think you missed the part about gold-diggers and Ant's money in my sentence.

Penis or no penis Sarina Valentina makes Amy Schumer look like a pig.

That's what Hitchens was saying with "Why Women aren't Funny." The point was there were reasons for men being funny, like it would make them more likely to get women (in evolutionary terms, reproduce), but for women there wasn't the same natural motivation. The crazy thing was that the response to Hitchens was for a few of the most famous female comedians, including Tina Fey, to dress up as sexy as they can, do a photoshoot, and then respond like caddy women. Hitchens must have been laughing at what they proved in their response.

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That's a professional photo shoot, those don't count.

That's not true. I'd fuck Will Ferrell.

She was photographed at the beach with no make up under the intense light of the sun. Seriously though, she's not movie star hot but I'd hit it and so would the rest of these haterz on reddit and twitter. Haterz.

I seriously think she's getting fat to increase her popularity.

I've seen her twice and she's the size of a school bus now.