We shouldn’t hate Opie. He’s a victim, not an assailant.
9 2015-03-22 by CecilP
I know it seems common place here to bash and defame this wallowed sap of a radio star, but we also have to look closely and carefully at how such a plump-breasted meanderer became the most detested man in the business.
I did some digging and spoke to one of my contacts over at Newsday, the leading paper of the Long Island area where Opie grew up, and found some quite startling news. For those who don’t know, Opie was raised by his father Frederick Hughes and mentally unstable mother in Centerport Long Island, an upscale part of the town with a median family income of $194,908 along with 6 other siblings. This may seem like a prosperous and even quite loving environment for a child of his Ilk to grow up and certainly makes us question his stories of cement bag lunches and menial labour in his backyard. That is until my colleague in the press uncovered an old story from September 15th 1971 detailing the tragic incident that forever scarred the Opester, what follows is the story ran on page 8 of the Wednesday 15th Semptember 1971 edition of Newsday.
Shock and horror befalls Centerport, LI as thirty one year old father of seven Frederick Wilford Hughes has been arrested for the kidnapping and rape of two African American teens following an investigation from Detective Lawrence Henderson of Centerport PD.
The two teens, whose names are to remain unpublished, were reported as missing on 2nd September after missing softball practice by their local coach and were last seen outside the local 7/11 with an unidentified white male. An anonymous tip off brought the police to search the address ’25 A’ in Centerport, stating that the teens appeared to be hogtied in the back of a green Chrysler Variant with their mouths covered. Police raided the house at dawn to find the two teens being sodomised whilst being forced to watch popular show ‘The Beverley Hillbillies’. Though this sadistic behaviour is surely enough to evoke disgust and outrage among any reasonable citizen, officers were shocked to find one of Frederick’s young sons, eight year old ‘Gregg Hughes’ watching from the corner of the room. Officers apprehended the suspect without a fight and brought him in for questioning promptly at central booking at Centerport PD.
Frederick Hughes is now awaiting trial and is facing 20 years to life imprisonment of kidnapping and sexual assault in the first degree. His children were released from police custody earlier Tuesday morning and will return to their mothers care. Young Gregg, who was witness to the crime asked investigators when ‘Brotherman’ will return, showing investigators that the biological children had contact with the victims and even shared a possible friendship.
Hughes is expected to be on tried on November 23rd, after an initial hearing, Police sources are confident that this will be an open and shut case with the defendant meeting the full ire of the Law.
The whole article made my blood churn and really begin to understand the psychology and angst hidden behind Opie’s personality and radio machismo. I finally understood the origin of ‘Brotherman’ and other African-American slang that he often used in his early career, along with his Jive talking impression of any Black male. It stems from this traumatic incident from his childhood when i pulled my fawkin’ peckah out and said “cum on it ain’t gonna suk itself babe” and then his mom said “oh Chippah its so big in my mouth i’m gonna gush like a broken dam or sumthin” tsss
Fin
30 comments
27 billisinthefridge 2015-03-22
There was a little too much effort in this one to be legit. There's a magical middle ground you need to hit to reel them in, then...BAM! Peckahs.
4 SayntJ 2015-03-22
ME: Please don't say BAM.
1 _sisyphus63_ 2015-03-22
I think op was going more for comedy than for an honest to goodness chiproll. He couldn't have seriously thought anyone would've been with him after the first sentence of the news article.
1 IbDotLoyingAwright 2015-03-22
I assumed it was because folk were simpler back then. I'm a dullard.
19 greygooser 2015-03-22
3/22/15. Remember that you did this.
13 E-rockComment 2015-03-22
You could see this one coming from a mile away, but your effort and commitment should be applauded OP. It was definitely one of the more elaborate and ingenious iterations of the classic 'gag'.
11 wifflebb 2015-03-22
Skipped right to the end. As Opie would say three years too late: FAAAAAAIL. EPIC FAIL.
EDIT: Went back and re-read. I would have known from the first line of the fake article.
5 IAmBecomeGay 2015-03-22
Nice try on the b8 tho.
6 maynardsabeast 2015-03-22
Omg this was embarrassing
4 EskimoEscrow 2015-03-22
BIG FUKIN PECKAHS
4 Rondog01 2015-03-22
Ugh, yuck.
3 snoopkhat 2015-03-22
started a new account for this....
3 Russ_T_Needles 2015-03-22
FUK YEAH
3 titsbuckley 2015-03-22
That fawkin article probly isn't even real.. You fawkin lying piece of gawbage!
3 [deleted] 2015-03-22
I love that Long Island is implied to be a town. 3 million-plus and growing, baby!
2 ExactlyUnlikeTea 2015-03-22
I could tell it was going to be Chip, yet finished it anyway. Not sure why I did.
2 btm29 2015-03-22
got about halfway through the second paragraph and immediately skipped right to the end
I've become a chiproll aficionado
2 RatherPleasent 2015-03-22
This post has a serious lack of "peckahs."
2 [deleted] 2015-03-22
here you go
a extra peckah on the house
2 IAmBecomeGay 2015-03-22
peckah on the house what is that like a rooster on the barn wakin everybody up or somethin
Homerun
2 strappingyoungladdie 2015-03-22
Boo.
1 birdmanisreal 2015-03-22
Jesus christ. Somebody call the cops I bet this psycho probably also has 57 gallon drums in his bedroom with dissolving bodies of young black men he raped and dismembered.
1 YouAintGotToLieCraig 2015-03-22
In all seriousness, some of his claims can actually be researched like this. Tax exemptions for churches should be public record somewhere, so the story about his Dad's fake church can be verified/debunked. Not that you slobs have the motivation or intellect to actually do it.
1 RealRockTV 2015-03-22
CecilP is a funny username and an even funnier username to post a big long bomb like this on.
1 rottenseed 2015-03-22
Immediately when I read "I did some digging and spoke to one of my contacts over at Newsday," I knew it was a Chiproll. None of us lowlife rejects have contacts with anybody other than that odd smelling ethnically ambiguous dude working the counter at the liquor store.
1 ucfgavin 2015-03-22
Immediately went to the last line...finally paid off
1 IbDotLoyingAwright 2015-03-22
I suspected a chiproll to begin with, my suspicions deepened when the raped boys weren't named, but Young Gregg was, and I became entirely sure at Brotherman. I'm ashamed it took me that long to be certain.
1 Moxson4 2015-03-22
I knew the story wasn't real since I never heard the black girls were tortured by having to listen to Opie trying to be funny. Of course if that were true, then the next line would read "after only 2 hours of Opie's comedy stylings, both girls committed suicide by climbing up on the roof and jumping head first into a thumb tack!
1 ratmeatburgers 2015-03-22
That was the most elaborate chiproll I've seen...congrats.
-1 opieanthonyjim 2015-03-22
Trying way too hard here. The best chip rolls are the ones that open up like the poster has inside show info. This one is too elaborate and "try hard". Plus Opie's dad it's dead so its a little messed up.
1 IbDotLoyingAwright 2015-03-22
I assumed it was because folk were simpler back then. I'm a dullard.