Jim Norton - hilarious riff artist on radio. amazing, unparalleled radio characters. unpredictable in a good way. horrible stand up comedian.

Anthony Cumia - quick wit. knowledgeable enough to expound on a variety of topics. hilariously upset with life. incredibly boring take on race relations. pretty tame for a gun nut but still a gun nut.

Ron Bennington - master of articulation. has ability to make anyone feel uncomfortable whenever he wants. never ever fake laughs / gives anyone an inch. incredible interviews. when actually called out (super rare) tends to deflect and get a little defensive.

Fez Watley - incredibly disastrous life / life style has created several radio gold moments. insane mental ticks / issues make him super unpredictable. can be hypnotized at any moment to become 90's Fez again. probably the most entertaining train wreck to ever be in entertainment with more longevity than your charlie sheens / lindsey lohans.

Chris Pepper Hicks Stanley - says legitimately stupid shit all the time yet has redeeming quality of being able to laugh off / actually enjoy the insults Ronnie sends his way. perfect centaur punching bag. believably stupid / angry fights with staff. on mondays he is nearly useless due to horrid weekend activities.

Sam Roberts - Fran Dresher's daughter. sneaky scum-like maneuverability. corporate weasel type. stirs shit / starts staff drama better than anyone would ever want / need. horrifically annoying laugh. sensitive. bad at radio. subtle nuggets of having balls when dealing with Opie. decently smart.

Erock Nagle - super punching bag meets "i'm about to fucking snap" meets another punching bag and a hearty bowl of tapioca pudding. very good rapport with listeners over the years. solid history of doing whatever it takes to make a good show / honor his mentors. the consumer. deserves more than just his own show. should be ahead of Sam.

Shelby Lynn - what a letdown. at first he almost seemed like a sort of new Fez. thought he was quirky and gay and weird. turned out he's just quirky and straight and closeted. lately he throws maybe 5 lines per show in and they're all weak because Ronnie has shut him down in the past. unfortunately he's a complete dud.

Rat - everyone's favorite spoiled autism child. seems to have foregone relationships to absorb knowledge about technology / pop culture. intelligent to a fault. a somewhat decent punching bag. open about his virginity which is rare at 23. aware enough to make self deprecating jokes. very very lucky he didn't enter the picture 10 years ago at the height of staff hazing.

Opie - constantly seeking fame. willing to remind you of past accomplishments at all times. most sensitive boy of all time. stutters like a bitch. literally never riffs or jokes with the dudes because he is so deathly afraid of bombing. laughs incredibly hard / points out whenever Jimmy or anyone else bombs. has been talking shit about radio shows for years followed by hiding behind Anthony. when under the fire of criticism he tends of writhe around like a worm. and of course: can't separate jokes from comments.