The 1/12/15 show with Florentine might feature Opie at his all-time most idiotic

29  2015-01-13 by panjshirlion

It really deserves a text dissection a la the NDT interview. It was a never-ending font of embarrassing material. Here's just what I can think of off the top of my head:

Opie half-jokingly admitting that he wants to be just like Florentine, perhaps fooling you into thinking he's owning it. Later on, however, when Florentine mentions sharing a room with his brothers, Opie excitedly and creepily jumps in with, "we have the same fucking life, man."

He dedicated a solid fifteen minutes to expressing how stupefied he was that Florentine was 21 when he started jacking off, which is certainly odd but not the earth-shattering revelation Opie made it out to be. An hour or so later, Opie made a failed callback to Florentine's late blooming. Assuming that they must not have heard it, he then repeated it to the same reception.

After Kenny came in to give Opie a good-natured ribbing about his merchandise sales, Opie tried to own it but still came off as embarrassed. As Sam started to bring in some of the mugs and shirts and it seemed like discussion might actually provide some humor at Opie's expense, he took on a decidedly bitchy tone and insisted that Kenny had "ruined the show" after a great start.

Guys, there was so much fucking more. An abysmal Cosby-pills-Golden-Globes callback that he then had to explain over silence, an honest rant about how transsexuals are ugly and how he'd want to be pretty if he was to play one on television, a clumsy attempt to backpedal out of admitting to Florentine that he had sex with his wife on a bed of rose petals, a semi-ironic acknowledgment of the hackiness of rating favorite soups followed by an honest discussion of favorite soups. I'm telling you this episode is a goldmine for Opies' Follies.

49 comments

35  rubbishmyjunk 2015-01-13

had sex with his wife on a bed of rose petals

Christ, he's even a hack in real life.

14  galestry121 2015-01-13

It's worse than when Bam fucked her on a halfpipe of cracked black flag CD's and roaches

12  KennethFresno 2015-01-13

His reasoning was "women are easy to impress". That's more work than any non cuck has done to fuck someone he already should be fucking. And then deflecting his douchy choice on his wife like she had any say in the matter. She just knew cuck boy took the time to buy these and sprinkle them about. She felt sorry for him and anyway it was about time for the annual 5 minute fuck fest.

12  wifflebb 2015-01-13

Actually during the discussion he said specifically that he didn't leave a trail of petals because 'that's just hack.'

6  BlumpietheCropDuster 2015-01-13

Opie seems to do a lot of "hack" things but announcing it first makes it ok.

1  rottengymshorts 2015-01-13

I know this is hack but...

29  Tyronedindonuffin 2015-01-13

I listened until about 8 minutes and then I turned it off. I could take no more of the Boobster and the Worm.

Boobster: "Florentine, you shaved the beard mannnn, what the fuck? You were my beard brother. I'm gonna have to shave now because I wanna be just like you. How are ya?"

Florentine: "...I was gonna... yeah, I dunno, it's just...(sigh)"

(awkward pause)

17  michaelcolestie 2015-01-13

Oh god is this real or Opie non-fan fiction?

14  Tyronedindonuffin 2015-01-13

it's real, that exchange happens at about 7:50

3  iAmJacksR3venge 2015-01-13

Please read this in your head with opies chill laid back florentine voice

3  Tyronedindonuffin 2015-01-13

You forgot to add, "While Boobster is saying 'beautiful'."

24  [deleted] 2015-01-13

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1  rottengymshorts 2015-01-13

I want to support you but throw me fucking bone here

16  breadmoccasin 2015-01-13

Okay, take everything about how bad Opie is at radio and just put it aside for one brief second...

WHY, WHY DOES HE THINK PEOPLE WANT TO BUY HIS SHIT?

How fucking deluded is he to think anyone wants a WORDS HURT shirt or a fucking mug with a sunset picture on it? Jesus Christ even when the show was O&A and was GREAT I didn't wanna buy stupid "inside" shit. Anybody with a brain who DOES buy a thing is going to buy a shirt with the show name on it or something, not fucking gay inside shit that they have to awkwardly explain to people as they sip coffee out of their PUTTIN' UP NUMBERSSSSS mug.

The audience doesn't fucking exist. If he is that up his own ass then he is fucking stupid. Not deluded, not autistic, just as dumb as a bag of shit.

10  TroyMacClure 2015-01-13

Except people do buy it. The losers send him pictures on Twitter thanking him for letting them buy a mug or t-shirt.

Is it hack? Sure, but for me it would have been less so if it had been a show merch store. I found it odd that the "Opie Radio" store popped up with terms like "Slobbo", which was certainly a collective O&A line and not some Opie catch phrase. Was Ant getting a cut of the Opie Radio store's t-shirt sales? Probably not.

7  DeafandMutePenguin 2015-01-13

I hear what you're saying but also what you're not saying.

You want us to buy his stuff and get a pic of homeless people in it.

2  brettsd 2015-01-13

10 people buy crap and post it on Twitter. Is that really worth the time, costs and embarrassment of hocking crap? Bill O'Reilly has been hocking crap and writing bad books for over a decade but the guy must make a fortune doing it so good for him.

1  breadmoccasin 2015-01-13

Opie did invent Slobbo I think.

1  [deleted] 2015-01-13

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3  iAmJacksR3venge 2015-01-13

He has people that have framed a signed sudoku puzzle he did. Of course he thinks people will buy his shit, and some do.

He always seemed so proud that his was able to do a half ass radio show and a sudoku puzzle at the same time. Like he was some kind of genius.

1  breadmoccasin 2015-01-13

Yeah but it's like a handful. I've said this before, but the types of fans that Opie never understood why they liked the show, ie Stalker Patti and Lady Di, were what Opie's fans were.

3  [deleted] 2015-01-13

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3  breadmoccasin 2015-01-13

I COMPLETELY agree. That asterisk was so fucking douchey.

Some of the shit he sells he would probably tell you was douchey/cringey on purpose, and the gross thing about that is, it's a defense mechanism. Opie has been pulling this shit for years where he'll say something and if someone laughs, "it's funny" and he repeats the fuck out of it, and if it's not, "of course I was just trying to be cringey and shitty on purpose, of course, that's the bit you idiot, etc."

It's really gross and dishonest and he even does it with his dumb fucking shirts. The words hurt would have been a good shirt without the asterisk, I agree with you, but Opie is a cunt.

3  [deleted] 2015-01-13

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16  chippersonlyle 2015-01-13

Opie has a low IQ. Ant may have dropped out of high school, and I criticize Ant in many areas, but I will admit that based on the stuff I have heard him say in the past and questions he's asked that he has a high IQ. Ant could have easily done high school and a science degree from college.

8  GeauxTiger 2015-01-13

Opie has a low IQ.

this is really all that ever needs to be said. Opie is just dumb. literally and figuratively. he's simply a dumb person that stumbled into a radio career in some Forrest Gump like way, except now he's lost the talented part he was clinging to to get there.

1  [deleted] 2015-01-13

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3  jataylorlfc 2015-01-13

which areas?

12  jataylorlfc 2015-01-13

opie wants to snog florentine

11  dude_relaxe 2015-01-13

opie wants to be mounted from behind by florentine

Fixed that for ya

12  drunk8gods 2015-01-13

Round the Greggshells household, that's called being Bam'd.

3  dochattan 2015-01-13

Jesus christ, shit like this is why this fuckin' sub is the tits.

0  jimmybrite 2015-01-13

Snogging is alright but maybe he wants to marry him too.

All I know is that I want to avoid Florentine.

9  guccimanelaflare 2015-01-13

He also thought the German Chancellor was a man.

4  jataylorlfc 2015-01-13

everyday sexism :'(

1  [deleted] 2015-01-13

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8  Humble_is_great 2015-01-13

It's very hard to believe that siblings shared a room.

Earth shattering revelations

8  Icenug 2015-01-13

was he using his over the top "annoyed/sarcastic/douche chills guy" voice?

7  WhiskeynPeanutbutter 2015-01-13

Thanks gang, none of this is making me wish I'd not cancelled my sub back in July.

7  Icenug 2015-01-13

you forgot that he wants to stop saying "beautiful" like Florentine does and start saying "Wonderful" instead.

7  ONAFan2014 2015-01-13

How about we tweet some classic O&A moments to Opie. I think he's starting to forget what's making him still hang in there in radio. Let's start with this fine diddy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnhSZUTVWtc

Maybe he'll realize what a big mistake he made resigning.

And I'm sure Jim Florentine tries to put on a decent face before coming in, because even he has to embarrassed with coming in all the time. Opie is doing everything that Jim mocks on Comedy Metal Midgets.

6  cali_gunner 2015-01-13

"women are weak" and then a Holocaust level silence.

0  panjshirlion 2015-01-13

Oh my God, that's right! It was somewhere in the discussion of Cosby's wife staying with him. Someone timestamp it if you come across it.

2  cali_gunner 2015-01-13

I believe around 1 hour and 34 minutes.

6  panjshirlion 2015-01-13

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFLCpDmtPuw&feature=player_detailpage#t=4320 1:12:00 is where Opie really starts to sound like a bitch about having his merch made fun of: "WHY ARE YOU PUTTING... PEOPLE... ON THE SPOT?!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=pFLCpDmtPuw#t=7522 2:05:35 Opie lets on that he might have laid out rose petals but tries to quickly move on. Florentine calls him on it, and the Opester makes a brief effort to fib but cannot speak falsehoods in front of his idol.

5  CookieHaid 2015-01-13

"...right...right...right?...right...right...yeah...right...right...right, Jimmy?...right?...right...right...yeah...right Jim Florentine?...yeah...right..."

4  packitchofsositch 2015-01-13

The looking up to Florentine like a 10 year old stalking a superhero was the worst I've ever heard it.

"Do you EVER get embarrassed?"

"Yeah. That was embarrassing."

"No but you don't ever get embarrassed. You let a lot of stuff just ... go off you like that."

I know Oqie's dumber than shit and just as douchey, but it's still mindblowing that he buys into Florentine's "cool tough guy" act when it couldn't be more obvious that he's just scared someone might question his masculinity. Either way, the chills are paralyzingly frigid.

4  panjshirlion 2015-01-13

I forgot how psychotic that exchange was. I almost got a Haile Selassie vibe off Florentine there, like he was starting to get weirded out by having someone worship him.

3  CookieHaid 2015-01-13

"Bill Parcell" and a good Ralph Kramden:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFLCpDmtPuw&t=46m0s

3  dochattan 2015-01-13

I look forward to Opie uploading a video explaining his hatred of Dunkin Donuts from a Dunkin Donuts carpark.

3  swarrrm 2015-01-13

ME: the real fans love to hear me and flourentine riff, it's relatable to the listeners and management loves it. Nice try on the hate tho.

3  RIPAnthony23 2015-01-13

Is Opie getting worse or are we just becoming more perceptive?

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-6  retroracer 2015-01-13

Opie obviously sucks big black dicks, but sometimes you guys try way too hard.

2  ExactlyUnlikeTea 2015-01-13

This doesn't seem like it took that much effort honestly.

3  panjshirlion 2015-01-13

That's kind of what makes it so remarkable: these were just the douchey moments I could recall offhand.

12  KennethFresno 2015-01-13

His reasoning was "women are easy to impress". That's more work than any non cuck has done to fuck someone he already should be fucking. And then deflecting his douchy choice on his wife like she had any say in the matter. She just knew cuck boy took the time to buy these and sprinkle them about. She felt sorry for him and anyway it was about time for the annual 5 minute fuck fest.

12  wifflebb 2015-01-13

Actually during the discussion he said specifically that he didn't leave a trail of petals because 'that's just hack.'

14  galestry121 2015-01-13

It's worse than when Bam fucked her on a halfpipe of cracked black flag CD's and roaches

4  jataylorlfc 2015-01-13

everyday sexism :'(

1  [deleted] 2015-01-13

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